The new district attorney reminds me of Batman, for some reason. Maybe it's his facial features… the squinted yet strong eyes, the faint facial hair, and the ample lips. Add those physical characteristics to the somewhat halting way he speaks, and you get Batman - or maybe another superhero of your choice. He also seems to be on a quest for what really happened the night Stuart was murdered (for those of you who still care whodunit), unlike Henry North, who just wanted to see all the Madisons of the world behind bars. Now, if I can just stop thinking about The Jeffersons when I hear someone call him "Mr. Willis," I'll be set.
And since I am now in a Batman state of mine, I'll sprinkle my little Batman character names for our Pine Valley friends throughout the column. Just look for the names in brackets.
Speaking of Madison [Poison Ivy], I absolutely loved Wednesday's episode when Madison invited herself to sit down at Randi's table at the Yacht Club. The tension between the two women was palpable. "I understand you're the woman that killed my husband," Madison said calmly, yet cattily in her Kentucky Derby-meets-funeral outfit. Madison then fired off another round, asking Randi [I want to call her Catwoman, but it's hard when Lee Meriwether - an original Catwoman - is part of the cast] if the baby she was carrying was Henry's. That was followed up by a funny moment - perhaps unintentionally - when Frankie showed up mid-conversation, looked at Madison with a crooked glare, and asked, "Who are you?"
I've read and heard elsewhere some rather pointed remarks about Denise Vasi (Randi Morgan) and her acting skills. I dunno, I think she's been doing great work over the past few weeks. I mean, All My Children probably isn't going to be mistaken for Lawrence of Arabia or On the Waterfront. I have no idea why those two movies came to mind. I'm sure there's some sort of word association analysis that will prove I'm crazy. But back to the column. Sure, I would liked to have seen Randi freak out a little more when Henry was offed, but Randi has led a very "interesting" life, so her reaction might not be exactly what we'd expect.
Someone must be reading this column. For weeks we've wondered why the writers dropped the ball on the "Alexander Cambias [The Riddler, since his murders had little clues] didn't kill Dixie" plot. Now, after days and days and days of not even mentioning her name, suddenly someone remembered that Tad had been investigating new leads on Dixie's murder. It seemed fitting that it was Dixie's son, JR, who brought it up. Interestingly, he still believes that his dad, Adam, killed Dixie. I doubt we'll get the real story any time soon, but it was nice that at least the writers acknowledged our questions.
Scott [Robin] doesn't want Stuart to be forgotten. I think he already has. We haven't seen anyone visit Stuart's grave. The murder investigation is all about Kendall [damsel in distress, Vicki Vail] and Annie - or Erica wanting to pin the murder on Annie. The show barely gives Stuart a second thought. Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant.
I do like that the writers had substance abusers JR [The Drinker] and Erica [The Zinger] sit down for small talk at ConFusion. "Don'tcha miss it?" JR asked Erica, motioning to their alcohol behind the bar. This "hangover nostalgia," as Erica referred to it, didn't further any storyline, but it was a real conversation. Not everything that is said on a soap opera needs to be some clandestine story plot. Real people do real things. They have pets. They go to the bathroom. They catch colds that aren't the beginning of brain tumors. I think if there were more personal interactions and reasons to care about the characters, more people would tune in to the soaps. And since I tune in every day, I wonder if the writers remember that Erica's first addiction was with pain killers. She was never really an alcoholic. I believe she just avoids alcohol because it could set back her recovery.
There was one line that, for whatever reason, annoyed me more than all others. During their post-Mr. Willis lovefest, Annie [Two Face, sometimes she's crazy and sometimes she's not] questioned if Adam [I'm torn between the Mad-Hatter and The Joker] was being honest to her. He said that he hadn't lied, but then later admitted that he had been dishonest with her about one thing. "The canapés… they were dreadful! Ewwww," Adam chuckled, his face frowned up. Adam and Annie's relationship is so unnatural that it almost makes my eyes bleed. Okay, that's just me being dramatic. I just don't get it. Are we to believe that Adam is having a crisis and wants the first mentally unstable piece of tail that he can find? Is Annie sane enough to know that Adam's not playing with a full deck and to play him for her freedom and his loot? I may need more than JR's "spiced up" club soda if the writers don't explain what's going on here soon.
How about that baby twist? It's nice to know that Jake somehow managed to find a woman to take care of Amanda's baby until things calm down. So many viewers believed that Jake had given little Trevor to Liza -- but surprise! I am assuming that there will be a happy ending, since Chrishell Stause is leaving AMC at the end of the year. Jake's idea to have Amanda check in with her baby via webcam made me chuckle. Amanda misses her baby more than anything else in the world and he expects her to just chill out back back at Tad's place and pop in occasionally to watch YouTube videos of the infant. Something's going to go wrong. Bet on it. What are the chances that the woman taking care of little Trevor will go nutso and kidnap the baby? She looked innocent enough, but appearances can be deceiving... just look at Emma Lavery.
So what is going on with Emma? I love that she has become a little troublemaker! She sneaks around, she eavesdrops on Ryan's [The Black Widower, since all his wives seem to die] conversations, she lies… it's wonderful! There were a few interesting nuggets tossed into the mix last week. Suddenly, Emma remembers seeing Kendall pull the trigger on Stuart. You have to believe that she's covering for someone or repeating a story that she's been told to tell. However, you need to take into consideration that Henry contacted a psychologist to find out if a child could have the same mental illness as their parent. Part of me wonders if that's who the One Life to Live writers contacted when they wanted to give Jessica her mother's multiple identities. That's a totally different Two Scoops, so I'll focus on just Pine Valley. I'd thought that Emma was the one who pulled the trigger, but now that it seems to be getting more "obvious," I'm wondering if that's really the case. If Emma really did do the deed, I'd rather see the guilt set up and revelation come in the course of one episode. At this rate, there will be no surprise whatsoever.
And finally, some grumbles: If a real life person had removed their ankle monitor the way that Annie had, the cops would be all over the place. I mean, that's what I am guessing. I haven't had much experience with the monitoring devices. Second, Henry North [Mr. Freeze] talking to Emma without a parent's consent can't be legal. At the very least, he wouldn't have been able to use the evidence in court.
Now, this column is closed. I have to go up to the roof and light up the Willis Signal to alert the new DA that there's potentially a pint-size killer on the loose.
Feel free to send over your superhero and supervillain names for AMC characters - I'd love to get a chuckle from your ideas! And thanks to those who wrote in about last week's column. I'm glad you enjoyed it.