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 Two Scoops: September 5, 2011 columns
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For the Week of September 5, 2011
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Two Scoops is a weekly opinion column about all things All My Children. Check in every week to see if you agree or disagree with what our columnists have to say!
In the interest of full disclosure, I did plan to call this week's Two Scoops column "Erica Kane: Trash Picker." Then I got my hands on an advance copy of Susan Lucci's updated memoir, All My Life, and I decided that I needed to go another route. You can get more on the juicy memoir update by clicking here after you're done reading this week's column.


There were quite a few Erica moments to talk about, though, for the week. Everyone has a lot of tasks to juggle on a daily basis. Work, marriage, dating, kids, paying the bills, feeding the dog/cat/fish/rabbit, cleaning the house, finding time to sleep… there's a lot going on. But I have to say that I was so disappointed that Erica seemed too busy with her own life to take more than a heartbeat to talk to Bianca about Bianca's newfound relationship with Marissa.


Yes, there eventually was a sit-down on the couch, but that initial faux excited hug at Krystal's was the pits. I would have at least liked someone to say something like, "Marissa? Marissa Babe's sister, Marissa? Doesn't she like boys?" Well, whatever the case. I did find some solace in the subsequent Kane women discussion where Erica expressed that she wished Marissa's mother was someone other than Krystal.


I am still completely out of the loop on this Mike Roy goose chase. So I am guessing that we're supposed to believe that Mike suffered an off-screen, unmentioned heart attack and died. Erica never mentioned this because… the previous two writing teams had no idea that any AMC characters existed before 1995? Okay, Erica loved Mike Roy. I loved a game called Fabulous Fred back in the 1980s, but I wouldn't dig through a trash can at the hospital to find it. There is not enough Purell in the world to have me poke through the cesspool of germs that must live in a random hospital trash can. Yes, this is coming from the guy who was going to be a doctor. Don't judge!


I am not trying to discount Erica's feelings for Mike by comparing it to how she feels for Jackson. But at some point I think Erica needs to stop looking backwards and to focus on what she has right now -- and this very minute. She risks losing it forever if she keeps fooling around. She has two letters to go on -- M.R. And Erica is flying cross-country to an undisclosed Orpheus clinic to find Mike Roy?


Boy will she be surprised when she walks into the room and finds Meg Ryan, gasping, "Is this the final episode of As the World Turns?" Sorry, Meg. That was so last year.


I did get chills when Rip Van Zachle warned Erica to stay out of the Orpheus debacle because he was "on it." So I guess that would be a clear indication that Zach is playing David -- and that something wicked this way is about to come. The chills went berserk when, at the airport, Zach warned Erica that if she were away from Pine Valley for too long she'd "miss all the fun."


I don't know about you, but my idea of fun is banging the hell out of a Brian Frons piñata. Is that how All My Children will end its run? Will Agnes Eckhardt suffer a loss of reality and start running around yelling, "Dong dong the Frons is gone?" I really have no idea how All My Children will end -- and the cast and crew have been told that they'll be strapped to a chair and forced to watch nonstop episodes of the show that shall not be named if they do blab about the finale.


Agnes Nixon has already ruled out any sort of natural disaster. That doesn't rule out a crazy person doing something horrific. Maybe David will gather everyone together in one room and release some of his Orpheus juice into the ventilation system. They might all fall into a coma or something. It'd be a totally different kind of stiff than his last mass-medicating.


I am beginning to feel less sympathy for David than I used. I do find it heartening that his Orpheus project was spurred on by the loss of his father and infant daughter. However, if he wants to keep his business secret, he really needs to stop leaving his office unsecured. A stack of confidential papers sky-high on his desk, and David tells Erica that he'll trust her to see her way out? It seems that David either wants to be stopped or he wants everyone interfering in his business. I refused to believe that it's the third option: he's completely incompetent.


Was I the only one that was surprised to see that Erica knew how to operate the multipurpose printer/scanner in David's office? Just another quick revisit to the trash picking. That would have made for a perfect product placement for a hand sanitizer. Not only could the company's logo have been on the dispenser, but Erica could easily have rattled off a quick line praising how well the product works. "Thank goodness for the GermZap!" Any company would pay big money to have Erica Kane give their product a thumbs-up.


Cara and Tad's emotional farewell moved me. If Dixie had not returned from the pseudodead, I would have been a Tad and Cara backer. I like their unlikely love story. I'm not opposed to a "happy ending" route for Tad and Dixie because All My Children is/was ending its run. Yeah, yeah. I know that some of you aren't glad that Dixie has re-resurrected. For right now, in this space and time, I'm content to let things wrap up the way they are. When AMC moves to its still-unnamed home under Prospect Park, they can bring Cara back into the mix, or continue to have Cara test out new bedroom Heimlich positions.


I don't quite get that quickie green card, though. All it took was a call from Agnes to make it happen? If that's even remotely possible, that's somewhat scary to me. What else can be done with just a few phone calls? I'm pleased to say not the Dankies. Those are all the power of the people. Sorry, Agnes -- I still love you!


This is the part of the column where readers will undoubtedly judge me. So get ready to wag your fingers and "tsk tsk" me.


I don't think Maya should have been given her baby back. First of all, I don't think she's old enough to have the proper priorities -- and she's already given the baby up once before. I am not saying that it was right for Jesse to try to pass off abandoned baby #1 as his own. He just lucked out that it wasn't a little Asian baby that had been plopped into Brot's squad car. Anyway, I didn't feel any warm swelling of emotions for Maya. It wasn't so much, "Oh, I'm so happy that she got her baby back." It was more like, "This evil chick is taking away Angie and Jesse's happiness." I will say, though, that Chili's had clever product placement in the show. Every time Maya was on-screen, all she said was, "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back..." Okay, so maybe I'm just being mean.


Debbi Morgan was simply amazing. She absolutely broke my heart. I know that many of the actors of All My Children and One Life to Live have given the "we're actors -- shows get canceled" line since the Black Thursday announcement in April. I don't assume to know "where" Debbi Morgan goes when she is involved in these heavy, emotional scenes. To a casual viewer, though, it looked to me that she tapped into some of what she was feeling about the end decision to unplug AMC. Again, I could be wrong.


Wherever she went, Debbi was stellar. I've seen the comments already that she deserves an Emmy nomination. There isn't even a question about whether or not she deserves one. Debbi needs to start building a shelf or something for the Emmy because it's hers -- even if I have to steal one and give it to her. You guys will take up a collection for my bail, right? I guess if I do get caught, it will give me plenty of time to perfect those All My Children finger puppets.


I'll be back here next week with another Two Scoops look at the action in Pine Valley. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts -- not only on this column -- but also how you think All My Children will "end" when it signs off of ABC on September 23. Something has to happen to keep everyone wanting more until the show debuts under Prospect Park. Maybe while I'm stealing Emmys, I can try to swipe a script or two!

dan

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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