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 Two Scoops: June 23, 2008 columns
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Van Hansis
Noah's a bad boyfriend
For the Week of June 23, 2008
Can someone please explain why Luke is putting up with Noah? He's been so rude and cold toward his supposed boyfriend that Luke should have kicked him to the curb weeks ago.
Cue the Phil Collins.

What a brilliant idea to have '80s night at the local bar. Katie's Madonna costume was absolute perfection, right down to her thick, bushy eyebrows and fingerless lace gloves. And Brad's Miami Vice outfit never looked so good. Who says real men can't wear pink? I loved the costumes, the music, the whole idea. It's just too bad that the rest of the town couldn't have been on in the fun.

The first rule of a good party is that the WHOLE town attends the function. (See General Hospital for plenty of examples.) This '80s theme had so much potential. Just imagine Henry donning a Hawaiian shirt, short shorts, and a mustache and getting his Magnum P.I. on, or Holden and Jack coming as Bo and Luke Duke, or Dallas and Jack as Crocket and Tubbs. Tom and Margo could have gone as J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing and Bob and Kim as Ronald and Nancy Reagan. The ideas are endless.


Some of the best episodes of any soap involve shoving everyone in the same room. I wish ATWT would do it more often. There is so much tension among the denizens of Oakdale, that any episode involving the majority of the cast would be a hit - of Phil Collins proportions.

Meanwhile:
--Holden needs to forget the farm. Any man who can hot-wire a car that quickly has missed his calling. Clearly, he should be in the repo business.

--I always knew Sofie was ready for a straight jacket, but I didn't see attempted murder coming. Wow! And all Barbara ever did was be kind to her. Meg and Paul, watch your backs. This girl is 100 percent psycho. Why else would she keep sleeping with that loser Cole over and over again?

--Henry got $625,000 from Gray Gerrard's estate. That Bonnie must be a better lawyer than I ever imagined.

--Can someone please explain to me why Luke is putting up with Noah? He's been so rude and cold toward his supposed "boyfriend" that Luke should have kicked him to the curb weeks ago. Someone needs to send Luke a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You." Pronto.

--Hello, "Eddie" the farm hand! He had a brief scene with Lily, but I wouldn't mind seeing more of him. Lily does have a thing for guys in flannel, if I recall. When she finds out her husband is lusting for her best friend, who knows where she'll end up. (Eddie, you've been warned.)

--Is this ATWT or the WWF? I couldn't help but chuckle as Chris and Aaron brawled when Chris yelled, "Get out of my way, farm boy!" Hilarious.

--Kudos to the ATWT writers for once again tapping into the Stewart/Hughes family feud. When Susan and Kim threw down, it was one of the highlights of the week. "You have raised yourself a bully and a liar," Susan spat to her rival. "You have two daughters who are so desperately insecure they'll do or say anything to get some attention." Ouch. The folks at Al's Diner got dinner and a show that day.

--Did Parker steal that breath spray move from Henry? LOL Too cute.

--Kim reminded me of the Queen Mother this week fighting to keep her family's good name, when she lectured Chris in a calm, cold demeanor with this line: "You are a Hughes. It's time you start acting like it." Good for her for finally calling Chris out on his behavior.

--Do Katie and Brad dress up in retro '80s clothes often? They produced those vintage outfits in about two minutes, so I guess I'm to assume they keep their '80s costumes in the closet. Oh wait, this is the show that can make the commute between Illinois and New York in less than 10 minutes, so I guess we should just take it that they found a costume store and put together their looks in just a few minutes.

--If Yo's bar is booking singers like Cyndi Lauper, then Carly had better get cracking. I fear Metro will be out of business before Christmas.

--Parker and Liberty alone in her bedroom equals trouble. Jack, Janet, I hope you notice what's going on and soon.

--Janet looked smoking hot in her blue dress. But I have to agree with Two Scoops reader Mary that there is no way she could have squeezed into petite Katie's dress a few week's ago. There is no way those two are anywhere near the same size.

--Paul Ryan should be shirtless more often. I forgot he was hiding all that. No wonder Meg can't seem to get over him and Sofie is literally "mad" for him.

--Carly and Holden make me want to say the F word --- "forbidden." It's true that Holden hasn't been this exciting in a long time, but this relationship is wrong on so many levels. First and foremost, Holden is still married! Hello? And by all accounts, he was trying to work things out with Lily. He's now turned into a complete liar, a shocking move for saintly Holden. Carly's behavior rarely surprises me, so I won't dwell on the fact that she's lusting for her best friend's husband. I know a lot of you are writing me that you think they have great chemistry and that Lily and Holden need to move on, but I can't get on board yet with this duo. They have too much family history, and there's already enough of an "eww" factor with the Katie/Jack/Brad relationship.

--Jack with a mullet? Please, someone, give us a photo. I'm begging here. Also, a special shout out to Michael Park for his brilliant dance moves. I was howling all the way through his routine, until he moonwalked out of Yo's.

--I was hoping we'd actually get to see Brad singing Jessie's Girl. What can I say, I've always had a thing for Rick Springfield.


Best Lines of the Week:
(Meg tells Paul that she'll pick up a movie for them while she's out, but Paul has other ideas on how he wants to spend the evening.)
Paul: "A movie? You really want to watch a movie?"
Meg: "Well, I didn't say we'd finish it."


(Henry mixes drinks behind Carly's bar and offers to become partners with her at Club Metro.)
Henry: "With my mixology and your curveology, we're an unbeatable combo."
Carly: "Curveology, did you just say that?"
Henry: "Hey, I'm not just talking about your shimmy and my shake here."


(Henry gets a huge settlement check from his evil former enemy.)
Vienna: "This is dirty money."
Henry: "I don't mind being 'filthy' rich."

Reader Spotlight:
(From Two Scoops reader Cristina.)
"I'm not so sure about Meg being a character killer, but the writers REALLY need to put an end to this whole Meg/Paul thing. Anyone else getting sick of it? I thought it was great to see her potentially moving on to Mike. He finally gets over Katie, and I had hoped Meg would finally get over Paul, and then voila! They hook up. New story, new drama, yet no, the writers decided to extend this painful string."

(From Two Scoops reader Dawn.)
" I disagree with your assessment of Chris and his alleged sexual harassment of Ali. He helped Ali study and encouraged the director to keep her in the program, but at no time did I hear him tell Ali that she had to sleep with him or else. Then he simply told the director to make her decision based on Ali's performance which was below par. Granted he should never have gotten involved, but I didn't see Ali turning down his help or encouragement which she obviously needed. Ali was a tease with Chris and it's only human that he was frustrated, but poor judgment is all he's guilty of, not sexual harassment."

(From Two Scoops reader Sue.)
"Your nod to Cass Winthrop made my day. I came to ATWT when AW folded, following Jake and Cass when he made his all too brief stints. I wish he would return and team up with Bonnie professionally. These days we can only hear his sexy voice on Mercedes Benz commercials!"


(From Two Scoops reader Mary.)
"Hi Jennifer, I finally realized what I miss about ATWT - the glamour. I know that slashed budgets mean fewer sets and clothes from Banana Republic instead of a top designer but couldn't there be a happy medium? Remember Bob and Kim's living room (she was so ticked when he had his affair with Susan that she completely redecorated!) and bedroom? And, Lisa and Barbara's fabulous penthouses? Now we get the kitchen at the Snyder farm, Carly's living room and kitchen (great kitchen!) and the living room at Fairwinds which apparently consists of a sofa and a bar. Remember the balls and weddings where we had the entire cast? At the recent weddings, we're lucky to see the bride and groom. Soaps are not about reality (ya think?) but a fantasy for all of us who can only wish that we had jobs, romance, homes and clothes like THAT! I miss seeing Emily and Brock looking fantastic while tango-ing across the room - now I have to see her sprawled across her desk with Casey... I REALLY miss the old days! "

That's all for now Scoopers! See ya next time.
Jennifer Biller


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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