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 Two Scoops: May 11, 2009 columns
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Drew Tyler Bell
Here we go 'round in circles
For the Week of May 11, 2009
Why don't all of the Forrester exes just shack up together in some commune and draw names each night to see who will wind up with who? It would spare them all a lot of heartache.
Let me see if I can get this straight: Owen is sleeping with Jackie, but he's also dating Bridget, but Bridget is still hung up on Nick who still has feelings for Bridget but is engaged to Katie. Katie spoke to her sister Brooke about her concerns about Nick, and Brooke went to intervene on Katie's behalf to tell Nick to stay away from Bridget, but it appeared there were still some sparks between Nick and Brooke, too. Since Brooke and Ridge aren't really married and Ridge's ex-wife Taylor is hanging around like a vulture waiting for the spoils of Ridge's failed marriage, Brooke might be on the market again soon.

Is anyone else dizzy? I mean seriously, why don't all the Forrester exes just shack up together in some commune and draw names each night to see who will wind up with who? It would spare them all a lot of heartache. And us.

The only relationship I am actually rooting for right now is Rick and Steffy, and that's just because I want to see Ridge's head explode. I don't really care if Ridge is with Brooke or Taylor. I don't really see what either of them sees in him. Sure, he has chiseled features and all, but he's kind of an ass most of the time. I like Brooke with Nick, I like Bridget with Owen, and I'd like to see Jackie with Brad Carlton or whatever the name of Don Diamont's new character will be. I would like to see Donna dump Eric when he develops an allergy to Viagra. I want to see Aunt Pam hook up with Clarke and become a crazed Fatal Attraction type stalker, I would like Massimo to come back to town and hook up with Stephanie to make Eric's head explode. Katie can have Thorne; he's been lonely enough to fall for anyone.

This has basically become a show of bed hoppers; it's like an extended episode of Love, American Style from the 70's but with fewer sideburns and leisure suits. If Cher shows up at Forrester, run.

The most ridiculous plot this week, was Ridge and Taylor insisting that Thomas be hired at Forrester after he torched Rick's house and blew up his car just a few weeks ago. What sort of therapy did Thomas get? Is there some "Speed Psycho" therapy that cures you in 3 short sessions?

Why Rick doesn't march into Eric's office and tell him what Thomas did? Rick promised to keep quiet about Thomas's evil deeds in exchange for Ridge's acceptance of Rick's relationship to Steffy. Since Steffy dumped Rick, he has no obligation to keep his mouth shut. If I were Rick, I would take out a billboard or change my Facebook status to "Rick Forrester is still alive even though Thomas tried to kill him. Twice."

Just think, if Thomas gets hired, they will have two murderous psychos working there. If you are like me and don't really believe Aunt Pam is cured, that is. There have been too many times lately where Pam has mentioned how nice it would be if Rick was really dead, so forgive me for putting two and two together and coming up with Pam going bonkers again and trying to kill Rick.

Taylor apparently has a split personality. Just months ago she was engaged to Rick herself and thought he was a dazzling human being. As I recall, he helped her regain custody of her son, until she got tired of hearing the brat cry and gave him up again… Taylor is the one who dumped Rick, so he didn't really do anything horrible to her, he was in fact, very supportive and kind to Taylor.

Sure, I can understand that her feelings for him changed the night Phoebe died, but I think if you ever really loved someone, you always do in some way. How can she look at this man that she nearly married who helped her with a drinking problem and a custody case as if he's the devil now? Doesn't compute to me.

Taylor is pretty unlikable lately in my humble opinion. Her character's only goal these days is to stir up trouble. The fact that Taylor knew Ridge and Brooke's marriage wasn't valid and didn't tell Ridge immediately would have infuriated him in the past, but something tells me both Taylor and Stephanie will get a free pass this time.

The woman Taylor once was, a reasonable and intelligent doctor has vanished and was replaced by some manipulative screaming harpy. She and Ridge kind of deserve each other. If they get together, they can enjoy hot nights talking about what a foolish tramp Brooke is and worrying about Thomas and Steffy's future. On the other hand, Brooke can enjoy her life without having to live up to the Forrester's ridiculous standards. Maybe she can steal Nick back away from Katie, or Bridget, or whoever has him at the moment. It's just all so complicated.

I was happy to see Marcus get a little air time this week, but I thought about all the teens who only watch B&B in the summer. If they show Marcus and Steffy reunited making out in the beach cabana, last summer's viewers will say "What the heck, this is the same exact thing that happened last summer." Maybe that's the point of all this, they want to save money by laying the writers off for the summer and are just planning to recycle old plots.

The character who has been most compelling for me this week is Jackie. Her mournful talks to Owen about losing your inner light with each heartbreak made me sad, because let's face it, she's right. I am rooting for Jackie to get a real love interest, not a bed buddy, but someone who looks at her and appreciates her for the intelligent, vibrant woman that she is.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Thomas get promoted to co-President with Rick after working for 4 days? Will anyone fall off the roof of Forrester this summer? Will Madame X design an outfit for herself that will WOW both Owen and Nick? Will Brooke drag Ridge by the collar back to city hall to fill out the marriage license before Taylor gets her hooks in him? Will Owen have to borrow Viagra from Eric to keep up with both Jackie and Bridget?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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