Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you haul ass instead of honeymoon? Did your teacher tell you to play nice on the grown-up playground? Did you give your relationship a nice Hawaiian punch? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!
Well, grab me by the macadamia nuts, Scoopers! We head toward Super Tuesday -- and kick off November sweeps -- with the lather-rinse-repeat story of Zende resisting Nicole's surrogacy taking up the bulk of our airtime. Bill certainly caused an upset in Brooke's polls, and it was politics as usual as Liam and Steffy ran for Best Couple -- again. Time for me to vote my conscience on these storylines. Let's Scoop about 'em!
NICE DAY FOR A BLACK WEDDING
Has Bill learned nothing from Wyatt? Dollah's Number Two son got married on April Fool's Day yet wonders why his marriage to Steffy didn't work out. Bill gave Brooke's wedding arranging a run for its money and planned to walk her down the aisle on Halloween. Bet now he's wishing Brooke had dug out the Aspen bear suit she wore for him four Halloweens ago, because he got tricked when he was ready to be treated!
"I got a rock!" At least that was Bill's Charlie Brown reaction upon finding his bride delayed by Ridge, who wanted Brooke to be his running mate instead. Brooke declared she loved Bill, not her "unforgettable destiny" Ridge, and marched him in front of game show host Wink Martindale to seal her love connection. But before you could say "Tic Tac D'OH!" (see what I did there?), Bill deemed the ceremony tainted. It was off!
Finally, Bill's acting like Bill again. His gargantuan ego certainly would induce him to call off a wedding visited by his rival. I don't think Brooke was using Bill for the shares, but I don't think she really loves him, either. Besides, the Brill relationship is practically nonexistent. All they can do is flash back to 2014's failed Abu Dhabi wedding! They don't actually date or spend time together; they just attempt marriages.
Bill was a textbook womanizer, and he cheated on Katie twice. Does Brooke really think he won't do it to her? I about went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when Bill growled how inappropriate Brooke was for not sending Ridge away. I mean, he's right, but the man who set up a hook-up hideaway in his office has no room to talk. Ironic, given how Bill hated Hope, that now Bill wants a do-over wedding the way Hope once did with Liam!
No, after Bill wronging Katie over and over, it's nice to see karma taking a bite out of his ass. I'm not crying for Brooke, either. I don't know if I'm ready for a nuBridge with Thorsten Kaye's Ridge, but Brooke's "relationship" with Bill was likewise tainted right from the start. It'll be interesting to see if Bill rustles up another ceremony. But, dude, next time pick Arbor Day. Something with less negative symbolism than Halloween!
FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO (HALLOWEEN) PARTY
If there had been an election for best costume at Forrester's annual Halloween party that's only gone on two years, "Beauregard" Charlie and no-longer-lemon-but-Georgia-peach Pam would have won. These two have been an item since Thanksgiving 2013. How much fun would a Pam/Charlie wedding be, given their flair for pageantry? Though Thomas' rippling steampunk look wins my hormones' popular vote.
That aside, what was the point of even having a Halloween party on the show? At least last year, it served to put Thomas into a triangle with Ivy and Wyatt. This year, it only served Zende drink after drink. Of course, he (and we) had just gotten some unfortunate news, but since when does the intern/shutterbug knock 'em back? Speaking of back, that's what we should track to before continuing:
A TURKEY BASTER IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING
Zende wanted Nicole to put the vamp in vampire, preselecting her Mrs. Dracula costume. Nicole wanted to be a nurse, albeit not a naughty one; this is all representative of the sudden conflict in their basic personality types they're supposed to be having. Contrived much? Nevertheless, they were in agreement that Nicole would tell Maya she wasn't going to be her Easy-Bake Oven a second time.
I've already bemoaned how B&B botched the first surrogacy story by not having Nicole fall for Rick and/or sue for custody of her baby, so I'll move on from that. But really -- aren't there other stories to tell for Rick and Maya? One could argue Rick is trying to make up for losing two children with Amber, but that motivation never comes up. And as Nicole started to consider being Auntie Mommy again, I started to lose respect for her.
Nicole cited her sisterly bond with Maya and her wanting Lizzie to have that experience as her rationale when she up and told Maya she'd go for round two of surrogacy. Let's fact-check Nicole's statements, shall we? To begin with, she'd just told Maya she was scratching herself off Maya's ballot. But digging deeper, what sisterly bond was Nicole talking about?
Seriously: up until two years ago, Nicole thought she had a brother that ran away when she was nine, and only later did she suspect Myron might have undergone a transition to female. The first thing Nicole did when she came to L.A. was try to blackmail Maya with this information. Sure, the sisters Avant are close now, but Nicole, honey, don't try to act like y'all are Beyoncé and Solange Knowles or something.
So, Nicole dropped the baby bomb on the Dracced-out Zende, who raged, "It's not your job to have babies for them!" True as that may be, Nicole stonily informed her boo it had already been decided, and Zende walked. I don't blame him this time. Somehow, when we started this infinite loop last year, I was much more Team Nicole, but she's just being a twit now. Maternal urges aside, Nicole renting out her uterus again defies logic.
CATCHING THE HAT THROWN INTO THE RING
While Thomas, Caroline, Pam, Charlie, and a gaggle of extras indulged in Forrester's pointless partygoing, vampire Zende chugged back test tubes and goblets of varying proofs to the point that Sasha, in her slammin' vampira ensemble, heard alarm bells. See, Sasha matching Zende's taste in costumes was supposed to show how in sync they are, as opposed to Zencole. Can we just cut back to Thomas' steampunk steaminess?
"I've been patient and understanding through all of this!" Zende whined as he revealed Nicole's surrogate-elect status to Sasha. Vampire, please! You pissed and moaned all through Nicole's first pregnancy and chucked her for Sasha until the very last second when you showed up for Lizzie's birth, also in costume. I felt for Zende in Round One, but now we can say it: he's a pig. Because he wanted to suck more than Sasha's blood!
I can't tell if Sasha has matured or not. I would have said yes after she pushed Zende's marauding lips away, but then she planted one on Zende and got pushed away herself. Huh? Just as I agreed with Zende that he and Nicole should have been making decisions together, Zende decided to pick up votes in Hawaii and had Sasha join him on the campaign trail, because, you know, that's how real Forrester men act.
Remember last Christmas when Sasha was all butt-hurt that she couldn't go to Hawaii with the Avants? Now Zende wanted to take her to the islands, and it never came up that this would make up for Sasha not getting to go before. And Zende totally pimped Wyatt's style: Wyatt already took Hope to Hawaii after she'd had a falling-out with Liam. Maybe it makes sense -- Zende's turning into Liam with this waffle housing.
That turbulence you felt on the Forrester jet wasn't weather but pockets of contrivance we couldn't fly around. Zende told Sasha it was over with Nicole, while Nicole told Rick that Zende had merely walked out of their discussion. Holy misunderstandings, Batman! That would be fine if we hadn't seen these kinds of silly mixed signals many times before. At least Zende didn't hit his head in the airplane lavatory.
Zende may have even more reason to be Sulky McSulk: did y'all pick up on the heightened connection between Nicole and Rick? The sharpshooting ex-CEO got all tender and teary telling Nicole that Zende would never find another woman like her! I have never felt that Maya truly paid for her conniving misdeeds, and pushing for Nicole to pop out Forrester-Avant babies is too much. Wouldn't Ricole be a fun comeuppance?
SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE
Meanwhile, as Los Angelenos flipped their calendars to November, the recovering Eric was able to get himself downstairs and tickle a few ivories, albeit not with enough control to avoid sour notes. Isn't it a great touch that Eric can't play piano or put sentences together at full capacity yet? John McCook is bringing such wonderful subtlety to that. Usually B&B faves and unfaves bounce back from illnesses overnight.
Then, perhaps inspired by a certain recent FBI official, Wyatt dropped by to influence family politics and tell Eric all about Ridge's plan to marry Brooke off to Bill so Ridge could buy Bill's 12.5% share in Forrester from her and take over the company. Eric was outraged because he felt he couldn't trust his family. I was outraged because I don't recall Wyatt ever coming upon this information!
I've backwarded and forwarded through DVRs, read recaps, asked other viewers. Nowhere do I find a scene where Wyatt was told, nor where Wyatt overheard, word one about Ridge's plan to absorb Bill's stock. Please correct me if I'm wrong, Scoopers, because it's driving me crazy. All Wyatt heard when Bill walked out of the Brill wedding was that Ridge tried to change Brooke's mind. There was no mention of the shares.
Yet Wyatt ran to Eric as if he'd just become privy to this bombshell! B&B misses little details all the time, but one this big is pretty unusual. Was there a deleted scene or something that didn't get corrected when something else got cut out of a scene? Quinn wasn't wrong when she surmised Ridge didn't know what he was doing, as evidenced by Ridge wanting the stock one minute and Brooke the next. Thanks, R.J.
Eric called Ridge and Steffy over for a calling out, risking a second hemorrhage by blasting Ridge for his takeover attempt. Well, at least that silly marry-for-stock arc is over with. But I still can't fathom Eric trusting Quinn and Wyatt over Ridge and Steffy. Eric should really be able to see that Ridge is trying to protect him, albeit using extreme measures. Instead, Eric told Ridge to get on board with the new world order.
And what should emerge from the divisiveness that's all too familiar to us lately? News of an upcoming fashion show! Remember those? You'd think Forrester stopped turning out dresses, the way no one actually works. Ridge has apparently been preparing the showstopper, despite Quinn being in charge. Ridge and Quinn had an interesting chat where they actually seemed to chuckle. With no one looming behind the other!
The final nail might have missed Dracula's coffin, but Wyatt siding with Eric's I-don't-trust-you press conference sure turned Steffy off of Wyatt for good. It's just as well, because there was never anything to invest in with Statt, anyway. Steffy was clearly still in love with the missing-then-found Liam, and Wyatt had his head in the sand about it the whole time. Not exactly the couple of the year, eh?
Indeed, Wyatt is much more likable now that he's putting his foot down with his soon-to-be ex-wife. Not that Steffy noticed -- she hired what Liam termed a "mobile tattoo removal" service and got Wyatt's inked wedding ring zapped off her left hand right there in Forrester's CEO office. That's novel, I guess; everybody else just has sex in that room.
This ritual was apparently important enough to carry over two episodes, starting with a cinematic introduction of Liam and Steffy kissing punctuated by anthemic music. Well, I'm Mike, and I do not support this message. I can't ship Steam's reunion because I feel like they've run out of steam. Come on; they're all blissful now, but couples never last on this show. In three months, they'll be broken up again.
Besides, do you really want Steffy with a guy who wore the same shirt from two weeks ago and puts file folders in a briefcase upside down? Or Wyatt with a girl who's still speaking in the American accent she adopted to snare his brother? Yeah, Wyatt walked in on Ivy literally bending over backwards, which in Soapspeak means they're going to get back together. Don't do it, Ivy! Like Liam rebounding with you wasn't bad enough?
The only good thing to come out of it is that Ivy finally -- FINALLY -- apologized for doing Wyatt dirty last year, even if she didn't specifically mention frenching Thomas or nearly marrying Wyatt while declaring her love to Liam. I don't want to see Wivy together again either. Like Steam, there's nothing to root for. Love Ashleigh Brewer, but Ivy is ruined. Can we trade her out for her long-missing half-sister Jessica instead?
Knowing that Zende had traipsed off to Hawaii with Sasha, Nicole made an unprecedented same-day appointment with Dr. March and Rick's swimmers. In fact, she seemed even more determined to do this, faced with Zende's itinerary. Get the feeling she's being even more stubborn about it as retaliation? This is why I can't support Nicole here. She's acting as much a fool as Zende is, and she isn't even drunk.
Yep, Zende woke up in Hawaii, hungover and unaware he'd even flown there. You know, so far only Sasha is showing any sense in this tomfoolery, refusing to take a second trip on Zende's Rebound Express. She wasn't gonna kiss him. But then she did! She wanted to support Zencole. Then she dissed her sis and deemed herself the better candidate! Talk about flip-flopping on the issues!
Zende did his own flip-flopping, raging he wouldn't go through Nicole carrying Rick's baby again then questioning whether he was even good enough for Nicole. But he and Sasha kept up on the new baby's place in Nicole's polls thanks to Maya posting every detail online. Maya, as a Forrester-by-marriage, is a public figure. Why would she make such private matters available to the entire world?
At the hospital, Nicole announced she wasn't going to be like Mama Avant and let a man decide what was and wasn't right for her. A big "go on, girl" to that one, but it begs the question: where are Julius and Vivienne in all this? Like Papa J would stand for his youngest girl getting big as a house for Maya again. Nicole was ready for Rick's dose of Stove Top stuffing until she called a halt to dinner. The kitchen was closed!
I admit, Nicole changing her mind about the surrogacy was a twist I didn't expect; at least it's not a straight rehash of the original story. Maya and Rick were amazingly understanding and implored Nicole to call Zende. Wouldn't you know, Zende's phone was in airplane mode because he was, well, on an airplane, flying back to L.A. That's also a clever little twist.
Nicole got Zende's voicemail. Was her change of mind the first thing she relayed? No, she didn't mention it at all, only saying she had so much to tell him, so hurry and call back. ARRRGGGHH! That's one of those lame Leffy/Lope kinds of misunderstandings. Nicole didn't have to be so cryptic. You'd have the same outcome: Zende, not getting the news, finally casts his ballot for Sasha. They looked ready to inaugurate, anyway!
Vote your conscience by offering up your own exit poll in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!
• "Liam and Steffy = same recycled storyline over and over again. Same with Ridge and Brooke. I love the show, but...we need fresh, exciting writing." -- Nikkie
• "As to [Quinn's] misdeeds, neither Bill nor the Forresters have a clean record themselves, with Rick shooting his mother's partner [Grant Chambers] and also shooting at Ridge and Caroline, or Steffy whacking her cousin across the head causing her death...I like the Eric/Quinn relationship and I like that Eric has shown that he's still got it!" -- Trudi
• "I LOVED all the Steffy and Liam scenes. Wyatt is delusional if he thinks that he is going to get Steffy back...I think that Wyatt is a sniveling weasel looking to cause trouble just like his mother...and Quinn and Eric are annoying." -- "Soap Opera Queen"
Points to Ponder has been preempted by this special election-themed column, but it should be back in two weeks at its regular time, as will my next column. By then, the U.S. election will be over, but our fictional fashionistas of L.A. will likely continue campaigning, polling, and voting for some time to come. Thank you for letting me make another of my soapy speeches! Follow me on Twitter and come like my book on Facebook. Of course, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!
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