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Martha Madison
This one time, at Salem High...
by Tony
For the Week of December 17, 2007
Are Belle and Kate related? She seems to be turning a trick from Kate's book; she was handed a gift horse, but instead of trotting up the high road, she had it turned into glue.


Sometimes soaps make it easy to remember why we watch them. One of these reasons is the escape to a fantasy world filled with heroes and heels, passion and betrayal, and, of course, beautiful people doing all sorts of things we normally wouldn't do. The Salem High reunion was definitely one of these unbelievable moments! I mean, seriously, everyone still looked great and most of them had amazing jobs. That is proof enough to know it' an alternate universe.

Now, I'm not one to begrudge someone's happiness, but my friends and I would have been so bored at the reunion! The cocky, but hot jock didn't acquire a beer gut, the sexy, but mean girl didn't get into "trouble," and no one did time for knocking over a convenience store! Really, my old pals and I wouldn't have had anything to gossip about and have to resort to awkward mingling. Such a scary though!

However, the reunion was perfectly timed as I took my own stroll down memory lane this weekend with a good friend who was in from out of town. And, since I'm still feeling pretty nostalgic, I'm going to relive my senior year of high school and hand out some "superlatives" for the show last week. So grab your yearbook and a Zima and let's talk about Days, dude!

Most Likely To Continue To Succeed (The Alumni Who Got Out of Salem)

It's simple. Attend Salem U and you're likely to drop out. Get as far away from Salem as you can and you're a serious contender for a good life. All in all, it was a nice treat to see most of the "old gang" and the majority of them seem to be making a big splash in the world. Susan, Penny, and Kevin surely are! Then there's Cynthia and Jason - they're still tools. But that's life. Some people change (hello Chloe), some people stay the same (hiya Jason), and some people are just destined for greater things (hey, Kevin, Penny, and Susan). I'm also glad they mentioned Mimi, but was disappointed no one brought up Jan Spears. I could have totally seen Jason or Cynthia asking Shawn about what is was like being locked up in her cage! That would have been funny!

Random though - they should bring Kevin back on a recurring basis. Shawn D needs a male friend he can grab a beer with now and then. He also needs a pal he can trust around his wife!

Most Likely To Be Recognized (Philip)

I felt I had to address this issue as some people were wondering how everyone recognized Mr. Face Transplant at the reunion. Here're some ideas. One, he is Philip Kiriakis and could be very easily Googled. I'm sure his new smug mug is posted somewhere on the Titan website. Second, in all of the situations that I have seen so far he has said hello first. Therefore, we have some voice recognition going on. Third, and not to be disrespectful to people with limps, but he does have one and since he is a celebrated war hero, I'm sure a lot of them knew about his leg. Forth, it could have been a simple deduction - they identified everyone there and he was the odd man out. Finally, it could have been the name tag. Not sure.

Most Likely To Keep Us Guessing (Chloe)

I'm not going to lie - Chloe and Brady bored me to death, but I am a little curious as to why they got divorced and, more so, what brought out Ms Lane's bitter streak. And, as much as I'm enjoying the new attitude, Chloe may have been a smudge inappropriate with her little speech when Shawn and Belle won the "Sweetheart" award. Yet, to help us determine if we like her new tune, let's look at both sides of the album, Chloe Lane: Back With Baggage and Bitchiness.

Side A has been some good listening so far. I loved … no, I LOVED when she called Belle to the carpet! Mrs. Brady needed that slap in the face. Yes, Belle, it is THAT obvious and you should thank your lucky star that Shawn is a little too dense to realize you're hitting the sheets with the ex. And, I even believed Chloe's reasoning as to why she spilled the beans. She said she was doing it for Shawn because he's always been good to her. Allegiance is always an A+ in my book. Finally, I was glad she even went to the reunion despite some people wondering why she'd bother since the majority of her peers treated her so poorly. All that I'm saying is that if I was called "Ghoul Girl" blank years ago and look as good as she does now, I would be flaunting my newfound fabulousness just as much as Chloe was. Sure, some would rise above the pettiness, but, come on, how often do we get to serve some revenge while the plate is still kinda hot?

Now, side B is a little too screechy, bitter, and demanding for me at the moment. As mentioned, I enjoyed her loyalty to Shawn, but it was pretty much voided by her sarcastic praise of the happy couple on stage. That was a little "mean, mean, mean" as Susan Banks would say. Not just mean, vindictive. I can see attacking Belle in private and I agreed with Chloe that Belle shouldn't expect her friends to lie for her, but she was sort of smacking Shawn in the face just as hard by that little tirade. I'm sure she noticed everyone's eyebrows were curiously raised while they were all on stage slicing through the awkward pie.

I was also a little put off by her eagerness to rekindle things with Philip. Sure, we all know that is eventually going to happen, but she was already basking in the afterglow while he was off getting her the "top shelf martini" she demanded. Something tells me part of her enthusiasm has to do with revenge, but for what I'm just not entirely sure. This girl definitely has an underhanded reason for being back in town. Therefore, my album review is going to be continued until I listen to a few more tracks.

Most Likely To Be Dethroned (Belle and Shawn)

Are Belle and Kate related? I'm just checking because she seems to be turning a trick from Kate's book - I.E. she was handed a gift horse, but instead of trotting up the high road, she had it turned into glue. Yes, it was so nice that when Shawn confronted her about Philip, Belle looked at him with apologetic eyes, sniffled a few times then told him the - wait, no, she lied again. Good grief!

We all know the truth can't come out that easily, but just a little progress would be nice. At least Chloe bought Shawn a clue for Christmas and turned him onto his wife's naughty side. I don't think any of us respond well to ultimatums, but he was definitely justified when he said there wasn't room in their marriage for Philip. Ya think?

All in all, I thought Shawn handled it well considering his knack for temper tantrums. He even tried to act rationally by saying he was tired of fighting, lets get some sleep, and talk in the morning. Sound advice for a hot head. Two points for Shawn D.

Then there's Belle. She either needs to learn how to cover her dirty little tracks better, or, I don't know, tell her husband the truth and face the consequences! If she ever wants to exchange her princess tiara for the queen's crown she needs to learn to face the music even if it's hard to dance to.

Most Likely To Be Disowned (Hope)

Oh Fancy Face! I know your heart is in the right place, but your mouth has taken a detour through Skid Rid a lot lately. She really made matters worse while attempting to make them better. She should have known Philip wasn't going to apologize and extend an olive branch. The guy has nothing to lose and that's when people are the most dangerous. However, if I was Hope I would have smacked his new face so hard Kyle Brandt would've re-emerged. He was so rude to her! Whatever happened to respecting your elders?

Now, I don't blame Hope for confronting him in a last ditch effort to help, but what Philip said is true - Shawn will be furious with her for hiding the affair. The fact is, I think she's more concerned about Shawn being hurt then him being mad at her, which is honorable, but Little Boy Brady and rational thinking go together about as well as a church window and a motorcycle. Like Belle, she needs to bite the bullet and face Shawn's wrath.

Most Likely To Get Knocked Up In The Backseat Of A Car (Kayla)

Although it was odd timing to hop into the Blues Mobile for a reminiscent romp, Steve and Kayla's scenes were fun this week. Ok, once we got past hearing her reasons why he would be a good father for the umpteenth time, the scenes were fun this week. I mean, sheesh, that horse is dead, stop beating it! He is and will continue to be a good daddy, now move on to the steaming up the windows part and pray that you're not interrupted by your nosey sister-in-law, whoops!

Mostly Likely To Cause Awkward Moments During The Holidays (Hope)

Since Bo has a motorcycle, I'll chalk Hope's inability to recognize backseat twister to being naοve. Let me point this out - when a car is parked but rocking, when the windows are steamed up, and when you can hear moaning from inside … don't knock, don't open the door, and if you do, don't linger in the doorway! Oh, I can only imagine the blushing faces over the holidays when someone like Caroline asks Hope if she's seen what Steve gave Kayla. Yep, she did.

Most Likely To Form A Stupid Plan (Kate)

In my humble opinion Kate is a great character. She's bitchy, conniving, and, at times, simply evil. Every soap needs a good, old fashion villainess, but some of her schemes are just d-u-m-b. Her latest, however, won her the stupidity trophy.

Hmm, I have an idea - let's tamper with the breaks of Steve's car … which is parked outside of the Brady Pub … whose proprietors have two children that are top cops in Salem who stop in a lot … and blame it on the DiMeras. That should work!

Rrriiiggghhhttt. Not such a good one and, thankfully, Lucas agreed. But, of course, "Mama" took the liberties. Let's just say, this one is already blowing up in her face!

Loophole One: The Brady Bunch knows the DiMeras wouldn't hire someone who did such a sloppy job! Well, ok, on one hand Stefano's assassins never do seem to get things done correctly - how many attacks has Roman alone survived? But, on the other hand, they do send in the "best" inept men to the job.

Loophole Two: I highly doubt that Kayla and Kate swap recipes and share girly talk while getting their nails done too often. SO, that should raise a little suspicion since she called right before their car was tampered with. One plus one equals … hmm, let me scratch my head on this one. Oh! Two! That's right!

Loophole Three: Steve isn't dumb. Granted, I've seen some pretty feminine looking men, BUT I think once he starts piecing the clues together all signs will point to Kate. After all, she just called them out of the blue and she has a lot to gain by the Vendetta switch being turned on again. She'll not only win over Lucas, but perhaps preoccupy the coppers thus cashing in on her get out jail semi-free card a little longer. At this point she needs to change her name and get back on the fishing boat!

Most Likely To Raise Suspicion (Lucas)

What a frigging idiot! After nearly being caught with a gun, he shipped it to himself like it was the most brilliant idea in the world. Packages never get lost in the mail (or stolen)! Oh, right, he is Kate's son. It makes sense now. Here's another equation in case you ever need to know how to dispose of evidence: a river plus a heavy gun equals sinking which is easily rounded to smart thinking. Ah, there we go!

It's fairly obvious that the guiltier they are trying to make him look, the more innocent he will be. I'm still guessing its Will who took the shot. That would be the only reason Lucas is so reluctant to be caught with the gun because it was probably fired, just not by him, and he wants to protect Will as well as keep himself in the clear to be there for Ali. That is understandable, but his freaking out is not doing a lot for his image at the moment. When under police observation, calm, cool and collective might be the way he wants to play the cards unless he wants to be dealing them for a cellmate named Bubba.

Most Likely To Come Clean (Billie)

Whereas I think it's great, and refreshing, that Bo is using his stellar detective skills lately, as I've said before, he really needs to chill out sometimes. Sure, some of his loved ones are suspects in an attempted murder and that would be hard, but a former sister-in-law or, I don't know, someone he was married to and has a daughter with, aren't exactly sleazy cons with no consciences that he has to brow beat. I think if he would've approached Billie with a little more compassion, she would have opened up a lot sooner.

Now, I really don't have an issue with her squealing on Lucas. Sure, it kind of sucks, but she is actually doing what he and Kate are too stupid to do - she is working with the cops instead of irritating them. As a rule of them, it's always good to swim in the direction of a riptide so it's no wonder Kate and Lucas are coming up with such lame strategies lately as they're probably tired from fighting the current.

Most Likely To Fake Paralysis (E.J.)

E.J. can walk! I didn't, I repeat, I did not see this one coming! Ok, maybe I did. Perhaps most of you did too. Actually, I think the guy who sells me my morning bagel saw it coming and I'm sure he only caught a glimpse of Days while channel surfing. The only shock is that E.J pulled out the "I can walk card" a lot sooner then I expected. Of course, no one knows this - yet!

The odd part is, the few sympathy points he was slowly starting to score with me lately were definitely taken away this week. We all know Sami does have feelings for him, yet instead of being a patient patient he had to get all eager to win her over and in the process he simply ticked her off - like she wouldn't figure of the baby monitor scam? That is Sami Brady 101, folks!

Elvis J needs to treat Sami like a stray dog (not that she is a dog, but work with me here). He needs to let her slowly get comfortable around him and, sooner or later, she'll let him pet her. However, the more he lunges at her, the more she's going to bark and, as bad as that may be, her bite is a hell of a lot worse! When she finds out he's faking, he may be paralyzed for real! Not to mention what she'll do to Lucas when she discovers he's been hiding a gun from her! Awe, it will be cute to see E.J. and Lucas in matching hospital gowns!

Extra Scoops

Hot and Not

Hot: Hogan Sheffer must have sent his writing team digging in the Salem scrapbooks. Steve and Kayla mentioned Shenanigans. Lucas brought up his hardships while dealing with Franco Kelly's murder. The Salem High gang talked about the Puerto Rico trip. And, Steve reminisced about Marcus Hunter. Those were some great nods to the good old days!

Not: Were all of the drawn out flashbacks really necessary? I mean some of them happened days before, yet the writers felt it was essential to show them again. Viewers aren't stupid and they do remember things. Please, if the writers are going to toss them in at least make sure there is feathered hair and shoulder pads because I'm much more eager to relive the golden days of Bo and Hope, Steve and Kayla, or Marlena and John then see what happened a week ago in long, painstaking detail. Wait, I think I should repeat this section in case all of the readers didn't read it the first time.

Line of the Week

"Well, look. You're cooking with Mama now. You wanna bake this cake then we gotta crack some eggs," Kate to Lucas while trying to convince him to go along with her latest scheme.

The Milk Carton:

Miss some of your favorite Days characters? Yah, me too! This section highlights a person (or persons) who needs the Salem P.D. to put out an A.P.B. for.

Is it just me or does everyone smell burnt Nick? He has been simmering on the backburner for so long now that he's starting to scorch. Please, Sheffer, take our favorite "dork" out of the pan throw him back into the fire - he's much more interesting then a dead Ford or repetitious love triangle dialog.

Parting Thoughts ….

Well folks, that's Days' Two Scoops for the week of December 10th. As my next article will be a joint venture with Laurisa as we reveal the "Best Of" 2007 on December 31st, I'd like to end my last solo column of the year with my sincere gratitude to all of you who have been logging on to read my ramblings! Your support and kind feedback has been much appreciated - "That's a fact."

Best wishes for a safe, happy holiday season!
Tony


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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