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 Two Scoops: June 20, 2011 columns
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Lauren Koslow
Oops upside your head
by Tony
For the Week of June 20, 2011
After ripping into Jennifer and Dr. Dan in a history-laden bitchfest last week, Kate met with her newest minion, Quinn. Twist! They're working together.
I'm shocked. I mean utterly shocked. We made it through an entire week without some kind of major casting news. That's probably for the best because we have a lot of on-screen shockers to talk about. For a week that was slow at times, there were beatings, twists, and turns galore. So, let's channel our inner Brady and take a swing at this week's Two Scoops!


E.J. and BRADY
I had to break out my Abacus, graphing paper, and call Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network, but I think I have some news to report. If my calculations are correct, E.J. will be shot within the next six months. It seems like a pattern. That is, shooting, beating, shooting, and now a beating again. I just hope E.J. has one heck of an HMO.

Anyway, Brady beat the living daylights out of E.J. I'll be honest, the older I get -- yet oddly retain my youthful appearance -- the more I hate gratuitous violence. And that fight was rather nasty, especially when E.J. spit out that huge, bloody loogie. It reminded me of the grisly way Joe Pesci's character, Nicky Santoro, met his fate in Casino. Guess who's not eating strawberry filled jelly doughnuts for a while. Spoiler alert: it's me.

Because of my squeamishness, I had to refer to the Soap Handbook. Chapter 16, Addendum 48, states, "In retaliation for an ex-fiancée's untimely death, especially if the ex-fiancé is the least annoying member of an amazingly annoying family, a sloshed soap stud is allowed to pummel an adversary, but only if the adversary ran a drug cartel, and employed a hunky, yet dumb junky who ran down said ex-fiancée." It's amazing how specific that handbook can be at times. I'm not sure if I agree with all of that, but it makes for a compelling argument.

I did like, however, that a large part of the cast is playing into the fold. That is, I liked seeing Adrienne. Other than that, Brady's involvement is the worst kept secret since Belle's affair with Philip, which appeared in the Brady Family Newsletter under the section, "Shh! Don't Tell Shawn-D, But…" It will be interesting to see this play out, you know, until the new writers make E.J. and Brady besties and they share a hearty belly laugh over things.

It should be mentioned, there was also a footnote in the handbook which relayed, "Said sloshed soap stud may not seek revenge if he and said fiancée broke up and reconciled more than ten times within a given month." Whoops! That may rule out Brady and Arianna, but I'll have to check.

Regardless, the deed is done. Nicole is nursing Brady's wounds (Hey! Hey!), and E.J.'s unconscious. Elvis J's only salvation is the sound of Taylor's voice. Was I the only one waiting for Dr. Dan, Carly, Melanie, and Jennifer to start singing "Welcome Christmas" as a narrator shared with us that E.J.'s small heart grew three sizes that day?


MELANIE
On one side of the coin, I can praise Melanie. She stood up to -- and for -- Brady. For that, I applaud her. She called out his stubborn behind by declaring, "I'm helping you! You jackass!" I was impressed that during the commotion, she was thinking, not only about her friend, but about the big picture, that being the DiMera vs. Kiriakis feud erupting again. Way to keep a level(-ish) head, Mel!

On the flipside, I kind of wanted to shake Melanie and say, "Help the damn man already!" I'm not sure if it was my impatience or what, but it seemed like the best thing super nurse Mel could do was shove a scarf under E.J.'s head while constantly leaving his side to plead with Dario to help. I don't blame Dario for being reluctant, since the guy Mel wanted him to save was the guy who employed the guy who killed his sister. Of course, I'm sure E.J. loved being so close to a scarf and that probably tempted him to hold on while Mel and Dario negotiated.

Now, to backtrack, I've learned most of my medical training from watching Grey's Anatomy. But I'm pretty sure Mel wasn't acting as quickly as she could have. Based on Grey's, I'm pretty sure she was supposed to apply constant pressure, immediately call for help from a doctor -- not a crush, unless said crush is a doctor -- and give dejected looks while pondering how ironic it is that the patient's predicament is relatable to what's going on in her own life. Mel didn't do any of that. And she wants to be a nurse practitioner!? Pshaw! Methinks Maxine needs to teach her a thing or two.


DR. DAN and JENNIFER
Before Dr. Dad was paged by Melanie, he and Jennifer "made love." I'll repeat my previous sentiments: I like this couple. I'm happy that Matthew Ashford is returning, but I'm a little nervous that Jennifer and all her awesome new strength and independence will go south when he apologizes yet again for ditching his family. Stay strong, Jen! In the meantime, I'm going to join Dr. Dan and Jennifer in afterglow and enjoy their summer romance while I can.


JENNIFER and KATE
Jennifer vs. Kate was all shades of awesome! I was proud that Jennifer stood up for herself, and I was also proud that the writers used so much history in their battle. Names like Lucas, Bill, and Laura being flung around made the entire argument credible.

Not to mention, Jennifer calling Kate disgusting was just wowing. I was all, "You go, girl!" And Jennifer didn't back down! If that's not a sign she can stand on her own two feet, I don't know what is. Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Sporty Spice would all be so proud of her "Girl power!"


KATE
After ripping into Jennifer and Dr. Dan in the history-laden bitchfest, Kate met with her newest minion, Quinn. Twist! They're working together. I like this. I really like this. If Kate wanted a way to mess with several of her enemies all at once, this is the way to do it.

However, I'm not entirely sure if Kate knows she's messing with Vivian in this case. What is apparent, she's going after Chloe -- big time. Is she going too far? Perhaps. And is she just a big, over-accessorized drama queen with a mean blue streak? Sure. But she's fun to watch.

It was also interesting to see Quinn give attitude right back to Kate. Not many do that and survive her wrath. It's a shame he's not going to be around Salem longer. He has a lot of potential.


CHLOE LOLA
There's something about this storyline that makes me uncomfortable. The Chlomeister is a hot mess, but she's our hot mess, and I don't like this Rob guy touching her. Then again, Chloe not only showed off some boobs, but brains, too. She drugged the guy's drink! I cheered. I was happy our little unhappy hooker seems to have the upper hand in round one. Let's hope she stocked up on knockout pills because I don't think she can ask ex-bestie Carly for a favor these days. Not that Carly would share anyway.


TAYLOR
Speaking of whores, Taylor found out that "Rafe" killed Fay. For a week with some slow points, it had its moments of "Oh, snap!" This was one of them. However, as much as I loved the cliffhanger, I kind of hate Taylor and just shrugged. And if I didn't dislike her already, she went and wasted the lovely milkshake Caroline and Theo prepared for her. Poo on you, Taylor! Oh, and sorry about your mom.


BO, HOPE, SAMI, RAFE, and FAFE
Bo and Hope teaming up again may just be awesome enough to balance out any of Safe's shortcomings. I loved seeing Fancy Face back in action. She got to be smart and sassy, and she wasn't even strung-out on sleeping pills. I think -- just think -- Bo deputizing Hope might not sit too well with Abe, but I could be wrong. I guess if they take down the DiMeras, all will be forgiven. Then again, Abe seems to be a bit prickly these days.

The scenes at the mansion were just wicked. The reenactment was stellar. I especially loved when Roman…oh, wait. He wasn't there. Nevertheless, I like the action here.

I also like that the Brady/Hernandi are using their brains to outsmart the DiMeras. Granted, they're working "outside" the law a bit, but, really, the Bradys have been crossing the right/wrong line for years now. *Cough Caroline and Stephanie's DNA swap!* For them to bend the rules now to beat the DiMeras is nothing overly shocking. This summer interim period may turn out interesting after all. Hmm!


LOOSE ENDS
So, Chad is going to be working in the DiMera "shipping industry" doing "creative writing." Hmm, something tells me his happy-go-lucky hipster days are drawing to a close. I loved his scenes with Stefano and Kate; they have fun chemistry. However I'm not sure if turning to the dark side will be a good look for Chad. Look what happened to Anakin Skywalker. Think before you use the force for evil, Young Chad!

Okay. I think I would rather watch Will and Gabi obsessively talk about Rafe and Sami rather than listen to them yack about their relationship. When Will asked, "Now what?" as Gabi blabbered on, I felt his pain. Come to think of it, I think "can we talk about our relationship" was featured on How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.


EXTRA SCOOPS

HOT:
I may be a glutton for punishment, but I love Nicole and Brady. I want them together. I do. I really do. And I will chain myself to Brady's ornate headboard in protest until it happens. I mean, really, when she wished her "Sweet Prince" a goodnight, my frigid heart melted a bit. Let's hope the new and improved writers take note that Eric and Arianne have more chemistry than a high school science fair. More, please!

NOT:
Victor and Maggie's relationship is normally daytime "Must See TV." However, Maggie's constant morality lessons followed by Victor pushing her away are starting to get on my nerves. I want more from this pair. I expect more from this pair, especially since their nickname is "Magic," because right now it's more like "Frustration."

LINE OF THE WEEK:
Stefano (to Taylor): "Well, there's been nothing but trouble since you darkened our doorstep. Broken china. A dead woman in my foyer."

I agree, Stefano! And, of course, there's nothing more tragic than a broken vase or two. Way to tell the woman who just lost her mom!

Honorable Mention:
Kate (to Quinn): "Wait. You have to be kidding me. Really? I'm offending the sensibilities of a pimp!?"

RANDOMNESS…
Bren Foster is officially a blue Polo Shirt's best friend.

Valerie Wildman needs to be in a horror movie. She has a victim's scream and the spooky looks of a vengeful ghost all in one.

Okay, seriously, Taylor has an accessory fetish. She was obsessed with a scarf all spring and now she's on to cameos this summer. What's in store for the fall, a plaid turtleneck dickie?

I want to start a support group for the folks in Salem who think it's healthy to talk about Rafe and Sami all the time. It's not, by the way.

Brady, Mel, and Dario are super lucky no one strolled along the pier during the five hours E.J. lay there bleeding. Usually that place is like Grand Central.

A vodka and grapefruit juice for Lola? How about one for Tony and Laurisa, too!?

PARTING THOUGHTS…
So, friends and DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of June 20th. Be sure to check out all the latest Emmy coverage on soapcentral.com! Also, be sure to stop by Laurisa's blog and mine for Emmy coverage, DAYS Two Scoops style. With that, I'll leave you with some sound advice from Stefano, "My personal philosophy is, if they cannot put you in jail for it, then it's not illegal." And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading!
Tony


Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness
Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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