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Loves me like a rock
For the Week of November 8, 2004
Finally, the word is out...Sonny is Kristina's father.
"Oh, my mama loves, she loves me She get down on her knees and hug me Oh she loves me like a rock She rocks me like the rock of ages, and loves me She love me, love me, love me, love me" - Paul Simon Finally, the word is out...Sonny is Kristina's father. But he wasn't a bone marrow match, nor was Morgan. Last shot, stem cells in the umbilical cord of Sam's baby. Boy, would I hate to be Alexis right now. Her love for Kristina prompted her to bully Sam, which prompted Sam, (whose love for her own baby prompted her to initially decline Alexis's request to induce labor) to collapse with contractions, which prompted Jason to want to kill Alexis. In the Life's Rule Book "Don't piss off a hit man." would have to be WAY up there. Carly is in trouble too, for keeping Alexis' secret, although Jason and Sonny lied to Carly about the paternity of Sam's baby for quite awhile, for the SAME EXACT REASON. They were trying to keep Sonny's family together for Michael and Morgan's sake. But when Carly made the same choice- Sonny can't live with her. I love Sonny, but his hypocrisy bothers me. Hey, Sonny talks to God more than the Pope, I think, so maybe God will open his eyes and heart to his own sins so he doesn't spend so much time judging Carly for hers...

(Beware of Spoiler here) Sam's baby, as you have probably heard, will pay the ultimate price to save Kristina. She's not going to make it, and quite frankly, that irks me. I don't want Sam's baby to die. I like the way impending motherhood softened Sam, and I want to see Jason read travel books to a new baby who hopefully will grow up to be less horrifyingly bratty than Michael Corinthos.

Michael needs spanked. No, seriously. He needs spanked. You see, I grew up back in the day when the teachers didn't get sued when they spanked you. In fact, if *I* got spanked in school, my parents didn't march up to the school office saying "How dare you touch my baby!" instead, I got another spanking at home for misbehaving in school! This may sound barbaric to some of my younger readers, but hey, no one came to school with guns and shot other kids back then, so maybe that discipline and spanking thing worked. For all the "time-outs" Michael has had, he should have learned a lesson about his bad behavior by now if that strategy worked- but, he hasn't. He needs his butt whooped. If I had ever marched down the stairs with a suitcase trying to kick my Mom out of the house and calling her names, my Dad (you know, the one I just lost, whom I ADORED?) would have whacked my bottom and grounded me for a year. (Okay, truthfully, my Dad only spanked me once. It was when I broke my next door neighbor Larry's arm. Hey, I TOLD him to get off my swing set and he didn't listen, I mean, if he would have gotten off I would NOT have had to push him off and break his arm.)

The Corinthos family could not pay me enough to do Leticia's job. Where do you FIND a nanny like that - who Is willing to dodge gunfire, fly to remote locations on a moment's notice with someone else's 'bratty-loudmouth-runs away all the time-kid'? Did you see the look on her face after the big free for all fight, when Carly says to her "Have fun at the park!" and Leticia turns back to her and rolls her eyes like "Yeah, right, like THAT is going to happen." Very funny.

Also very funny, Emily thinking that she can persuade Connor, who had a knife to her throat just two days ago, not to seek revenge on the guy who killed his wife. Mmm Hmm. You keep hoping for that one Em. I love her compassion, and her belief that she can redeem Connor, and truthfully. I would do the EXACT same thing. (Diagnosis: Severely co-dependent with a Savior complex to boot) but Connor seems pretty hell bent on revenge and turning in Nik for Helena's murder, and in that horrible fake thug accent. Note to Tyler: You are an AMAZING actor in your own voice, Tyler, but hook up with Meryl Streep's dialect coach before you do your next role with an accent. Please?

Jax and Courtney don't need a coach, after months of waiting they FINALLY did it. And I liked watching. Did you? Of course, Diego came strolling in while they were naked in bed together in the living room, because Courtney with her millions can't afford a place with an actual bedroom with a door? And because she got so caught up in getting laid that she forgot she had a foster child and didn't notice he was out all night. From what I see in the papers and episodes of Judging Amy, that's about par for the course.

Faith has been sprung from the slammer by Luke, Skye and Justus, but at the last minute Justus bails on Faith and sends her out into life on the run alone. First, Justus is in charge of Lila's loot now, and second, with Ric and Alexis married, there has to be SOME lawyer in town to defend Jason when he shoots someone. But, don't be too sad to see Faith go, she will be back soon enough, and causing more trouble than you can imagine.

Speaking of trouble - Dillon has stumbled onto Laura Spencer in the Q attic, and he made a beeline to tell Luke. Trouble being that psycho Heather was at the Haunted Star when Dillon came sliding into the room like Kramer to blurt out the news, fresh from trying to strangle Tracy. Dare we hope for a Genie Francis sighting? Well, I foolishly hope for it, but I hope to win the lottery too, and it looks like about the same odds. Luke needs Heather to cough up the loot to pay Lorenzo (By the way, how does Lorenzo own the Haunted Star? Did I miss something?)

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lucas vanish again now that Brook Lynn is hot to Diego instead? Will Emily accidentally sleep with Connor while thinking he is Nik and get pregnant? Will Carly's seduction of Sonny end up in her being pregnant too? Will Jason sleep with Sam so she can get pregnant again, too? Will GH have to open a new nursery to hold all of the Mob Babies? Will anyone ever feed Laura or take her to the potty? Will Alexis regret marrying Ric in jeans and a sweater and no makeup when it comes time to slide a wedding photo in their Christmas cards? Will Brook Lynn be so mad at Ned for lying about being Kristina's Dad that she goes on a "Silent Strike" and refuses to speak? (Please, please, please...) Will social services remove Diego from Courtney's place and give him to a real family where people have closable doors on the room where they are having sex?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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