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 Two Scoops: February 7, 2005 columns
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Blabbermouths unite!
For the Week of February 7, 2005
Faith could never keep quiet this long. Never. I have seen Faith with a gun to her head being threatened to stop talking or die, and she keeps talking.
Faith could never keep quiet this long. Never. I have seen Faith with a gun to her head being threatened to stop talking or die, and she keeps talking. Either Faith has been stricken mute, or the writer's think we have forgotten who Faith IS. Really, she hasn't even POISONED anyone yet? How can that be? Faith would be TALKING. She can't help herself! Mind you this is an observation and not a criticism as I talk too much, too - thus I recognize the inability of an "Expressor" type to remain silent. Faith says nothing when her thug-sistant tells her the daily updates from the Corinthos' compound, she doesn't talk to Kristina, and she doesn't even gloat when she realizes Sam is being blamed for her crime. She must be sedated.

Faith was alert enough to pull off the kidnapping, and now Kristina is quietly playing in someone else's house ignoring a whole new set of people. I am not sure she even realizes that she isn't home which is why it's so funny when Alexis is screaming "She's probably scared to death!" and we see her sitting there quietly playing as if she were in her own room. HA! Alexis's hysteria is understandable, but grating. If I were Sonny, I would gag her and lock her in the surveillance van with Stan just to get her out of my face. Sonny is already crazed enough on his own, taking a sledgehammer to his new house to bust holes in the wall to destroy the surveillance cameras he found, instead of say, just unplugging them. And Ned, who seems to have forgotten he was only pretending to be Kristina's Dad is running around Sonny's house threatening to call the cops. I really can't believe Sonny hasn't attacked Ned yet, knowing he was a member of the whole "Let's lie to Sonny about Kristina" posse. Pause for a moment and think about this: Did you ever think you'd live to see the day where Carly is the most rational person in the room?

Everyone is convinced that Sam took Kristina, but Sam is so tiny I doubt she could even lift Kristina long enough to scale down a ladder, not to mention the fact that she was leaving on a bus out of town without Kristina, do they really think Sam left Kristina in a bus locker? (If she did, they'd never know as Kristina would just sit in there staring at the locker walls until she suffocated, never thinking to cry.) Sorry. I resisted for a whole week...the twin girls who play Kristina are precious, beautiful, and angelic. But someone should be coaching them "It's okay honey; you can talk to Maurice when he talks to you." Or "Here, let Mommy show you how to listen to a seashell." Okay, enough. I will stop mentioning Kristina altogether when she isn't the focal point of the Big Storyline. But she is, thus she draws my attention. I'm observant, I can't help it.

Courtney and Jax are engaged, she has a diamond so large she's going to get carpal tunnel from waving with the hand it is on. And boohoo, their parents don't approve of their engagement. So what? They aren't 16 after all. Put Lady Jane in a home, or steal her green card and get her deported, or hook her up with Edward. (Who has been noticeably absent lately, btw- maybe he went on a trip with Maxie, Lucas, and Rosie.) As to Mike, well, just send him to Atlantic City with a pile of cash until the wedding is over. The upside of this storyline for me is the reappearance of Billy Warlock and his rendition of that snarling scoundrel AJ Quartermaine. I have to admit I was wrong way back when... I loved Sean Kanaan, and when he left the role of AJ, I was peeved that Warlock was hired, as he was physically the polar opposite of Kanaan. But he grew on me, and I was genuinely delighted to see his smirk emerge last week. Apparently AJ and Courtney's divorce was never final; meaning her marriage to Jason was never really a marriage at all, and that she can't marry Jax. In the age of computers, I am pretty sure they won't grant you a new marriage license until you provide proof of divorce from your last marriage, but this is Soap reality, so the rules of normalcy do not apply.

Speaking of normalcy, Emily is about an inch from sharing a room with Laura at Shadybrook. Emily has gotten downright squirrelly, even so fas as to attack poor benign Steven. Elizabeth tries to intervene, but is met with resistance. Liz keeps trying to reason with Emily about the health issues involved in rape, but Emily is still wholly unwilling to admit the rape even happened, so I'm sure we can all see it coming? When Em winds up pregnant as I predict she will, we will have to endure the whole DNA "Is the baby "Nik's Conjugal Visit Baby" or Conner's Rape Baby?" thing. It's good to see Elizabeth with a storyline a little deeper than shuffling paper's at the Nurse's station - her bedside scenes with Lucky have been wonderfully tender, and her persistence to help Emily has left us as frustrated as she is Rebecca Herbst has the rare ability to actually make us feel what Elizabeth is feeling. I make no secret that I am not a fan of recasts... I keep thinking about how rich this storyline would be if we still had Amber Tamblyn as Emily and Jonathan Jackson as Lucky - but then I would have been without Joan of Arcadia and Tuck Everlasting and that would suck, too.

One thing that didn't suck; LUKE. Tony Geary is the main reason I have kept tuning in all these years. When he wasn't around, I didn't watch as much. (I even tried to get into Bill Eckert) It's as if my 25 year devotion to this show is merely about me trying to get a glimpse of Tony every day. That's all there is to it, really. I think he's wonderful. You know those kooky daydreams you have but don't tell anyone about unless you're like me and are unable to keep things pent up inside your head? In all of my daydreams where someone buys a screenplay I have written, I always tell "Imaginary Guy Who Wants to Buy My Script" - "You can have it on one condition, you have to cast Tony Geary in the lead." I guess I just want the rest of the world who doesn't watch General Hospital to see what the man can do. I just want the world to "get" him. It's co-dependent and stalker-ish I know, but hey I don't pick through his trash or follow him to the dry cleaners or anything, I just want him to get that One Big Role and win an Oscar and be worshipped in the manner he deserves. He played it low key this week, and Luke is a broken man, as now, Laura, his soul mate, and Lucky, his beloved son are both gone - here, but not here, alive, but not alive, in some sickening purgatory of in between that Luke can't wrap his mind around. Will he trust Tony Jones and pull the plug, or will he fight for Lucky's life? To me, it seems the fight has gone out of Luke. If Helena came waltzing in, I don't even think he'd toss around any witty banter before he killed her. Lucky, of course, is not going to die, or remain comatose, as he and Liz are set to be married in the near future. But grab your Kleenex and get ready to ride out the storm in between.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Rosie come back to Courtney's now that she has all the annoying Foster kids out of her house? Will Lady Jane and Mike bond and have Old People Sex? Will Carly stop acting like Responsible Soccer Mom and go back to being impulsive and slutty and sleep with Lorenzo already? Will AJ be welcomed back into the Q household, or will Alice thump him with her Scrubbing Bubbles can for missing Lila's funeral? Will Nikolas have a "Redemption" experience in solitary confinement and dump rich spoiled crazy Emily to bring peace to the warring Cassadine/Spencer Gangs? Will anyone but Jason ever believe Sam is capable of telling the truth sometimes?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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