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 Two Scoops: March 21, 2005 columns
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Send in the clowns
For the Week of March 21, 2005
Tamara Braun has made me yearn to commit a crime this week. I want to break in to Emmy Headquarters and just steal an Emmy and hand it to her. She's earned it.
Please ABC, I beg you; stop making me cry. Doesn't anything HAPPY ever happen in Port Charles anymore? And I need more than two teenagers losing their virginity... Between Michael's memorial service (yeah, sure I know he's alive, but Carly and Sonny and the rest of the family don't know he's alive...) Luke saying goodbye to Skye, and Lucky and Luke having a scene where they aren't screaming at each other, Sonny explaining to Kristina that Michael is in heaven - well, it's been a good week for the Kleenex company in my household. It is entirely possible that I'm just a big sap, of course.

Tamara Braun has made me yearn to commit a crime this week. I want to break in to Emmy Headquarters and just steal an Emmy and hand it to her. She's earned it. She deserves it. Lots of people have them that don't have half of her talent, so what harm would it to for me to just get one for her? I only hope that when she leaves General Hospital that someone in power actually recognizes her talent. That is one of the great mysteries of the universe to me - how talented people get passed over while less talented people achieve enormous success? Carly's scenes this week in the preparation of the Memorial service, with Jason, with Lorenzo, with Courtney, and - with everyone really - were all true and raw and nothing short of amazing.

Jason and Carly's friendship is one of the truest things on the show. I can say that with confidence because I have a couple of friendships like that. I have been blessed with that kind of loyalty and love in my life. I have heard people say "No one would put up with Carly." But they are wrong. Carly showed up on Jason's door dripping wet, and very pregnant. He let her in, no questions. She said "Help!" he said "Come in, you are welcome here." I know he would put up with her, because people put up with me when I am a mess and I put up with them when they are a mess and no matter how messy it gets you keep doing it because of the underlying love that is far greater than all the chaos they cause and vice versa. When Carly cries, Jason cries, both for his own pain and for hers. He feels her loss and takes her pain on himself, and she inspects everyone in his life and makes sure they are worthy of him and if they aren't she gets rid of them. They have each other's' backs and if you have one person in your life who is watching your back, the universe is smiling on you.

On the other hand, if you open your door and a psychotic *itch like Rachel is at your door, the universe hates you. This storyline is so hard for me to watch because I can't conceive of Courtney having SO many options and using NONE of them. Sonny, Jason, Jax, and even Steven himself could help Courtney with Rachel and yet she tells no one. I can't buy into the storyline, because I can't accept that Courtney suddenly became weak and stupid. This is a chick that we used to call Kung-Fu Barbie, as she could kick the behinds of various thugs single-handedly. However, I suppose I must concede she has done really dumb things before like stripping for Coleman to pay off AJ's debt, for instance, but being framed for murder is worse than stripping. Of course Rachel apparently found Faith's poison ring and dropped something in Jax's lemonade to make him collapse, so Courtney knows to be cautious, but Jason could drop Rachel in one shot and drop her in the swamp when he goes off to hunt for Michael.

And now, my mean comments of the week...Lucky and Liz need to have Emily committed, put her in a straight jacket and stick her in the room with Laura and have someone come in and brush her hair. Why? Simply so they can take the time she is supposed to be in the hospital and send the girl to acting class. Her over the top, out of control, "ripping up Lucky's card from Luke tantrum" was about as much as I can stand of her bad acting. In contrast, Robin Christopher's scenes where she was equally frantic as she fought for Luke's life were well acted and very moving. Maybe Skye can take little cousin Emily under her wing and give her some pointers. There are weeks when Natalia Livingston does a wonderful job - and weeks when she is so horrible I can't convince myself it's the same person. Does she have a twin who fills in for her some weeks? Anyway, I am begging Liz to hurry up and win back Lucky's heart so he can move in with her and Cameron and leave Emily in Wyndemere to rip things up out of view. I can't watch anymore.

So, AJ has Michael. I told you so! AJ is a world class weasel. Mind you, Carly, Jason and Sonny DID steal his son from him, so by all means; I know AJ has justification to be angry. HOWEVER, for him to tell Michael that Sonny and Carly don't want him anymore is cruel and horrible and makes me want to choke him. Maybe it hits too close to home as my best friend Betsy used to be married to a weasel such as AJ who lied to her kids about her, too, so I can't help but be peeved when I see AJ doing that to Michael. Sonny and Carly of course think Michael is dead, and want him desperately. I can hardly wait until Sonny finds out AJ was behind this - those two make very amusing sparring partners.

Right now, Sonny is busy with Reese, and trying to figure out whether she is sincere, or using his trust to take him down. And as she said about 11 times this week "That IS the burning question." John Durant is a jerk. I don't care if Carly's safety is his aim, he's still a jerk. He blackmails people into doing what he wants and that's just plain slimy. I know lots of secrets about lots of people and lots of people know secrets about me, and no matter HOW mad I was at them, or how much I hoped they would help me do something, I would never dangle their secrets over their head as leverage. Only scumball, slimebag, creepy jerks do such things.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Lucky bust Nikolas out of prison just to be free of his screeching wife Emily? Will slutty Bridget get pregnant again before Hope turns 1? Will Courtney bring Rosie home to give Rachel fleas? Will AJ find a way home for he and Michael before they run out of Hershey bars? Will Alexis and Ric decide teen-age in the woods car sex is THE way to go? Will Alan be nice to AJ when he finally comes home? Will Michael and AJ find some water on the island they're stranded on and wash the dirt off their faces?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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