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 Two Scoops: July 4, 2005 columns
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Paging Dr. House
For the Week of July 4, 2005
When Reese came to town to find the kidnapped Corinthos children, she was a Federal Agent who, after months of working closely with Sonny, was willing to give up her career him.
If you haven't watched a show called House, you should. It's about a doctor who's a surly jerk, but overcomes his lack of charm by the ability to diagnose people that other doctors can't. If I were sick, I'd want him to be my doctor even if he talked down to me and treated me like a worm, because at least I'd walk out of the hospital alive. GH seems to need him desperately. They told Maxie BJ's heart was being rejected, and she'd need a transplant, but POOF, suddenly, it's just fine. Georgie had her head all bandaged up last week, and after brain surgerywhen the bandages came off, her very shiny hair wasn't missing a strand! No head shaving necessary, it seems, and back to work at the pizza parlor the very next day! Alan rolled around in a wheelchair for months, with no visible physical therapy or not even a wiggling toe to let us hope he might recover, but as soon as John Durant lost the use of his legs, Alan was instantaneously up and out of the chair walking around again. Apparently Port Charles only has one handicapped parking space. Silly.

Even sillier is the transformation of Reese. When Reese came to town to find the kidnapped Corinthos children, she was a Federal Agent who, after months of working closely with Sonny, was willing to give up her career him. Okay, I can buy that. He's got those dimples and smoldering eyes, and well, how could being an FBI agent compare to his overall hotness? But now that she has morphed into Charlotte Roberts, Carly's long supposed dead friend who had plastic surgery who came to town with an agenda and a creepy box of yearbooks? Just plain dumb. So apparently before she was an FBI agent, she was a lawyer. And apparently after quitting the FBI so you can be a Mob Boss Bimbo, you can just start practicing law in any state without having to pass the bar exam? Didn't she come from Washington D.C.? Can she just start taking cases in New York after having been a "Kidnapping Specialist" who brought back many kids over the years?

If you were Bobbie and your life and career were on the line, would you hire a lawyer who hadn't practiced for years and never practiced at al before in your state? Or would you maybe call your old friend Scott Baldwin, or even Dara Jensen, or Justus Ward? Yeah, I know Scott is in hiding, but he'd come back to help Bobbie, I just know it. It couldn't be any stupider of a story than this one is, and besides I really miss Kin Shriner. But bottom line, the whole plot is so... Inigo Montoya, the lifetime of revenge thing - I mean I have girls who didn't like me in high school. In fact, no girls liked me in high school. But I seriously doubt any of them were still holding vendettas against me in their 30's

And poor Lorenzo finally gets Carly to marry him, and instead of ADORING him as she should after his endless years of patience, she's out stalking Sonny and Reese. Listen. When I write, I know hundreds of you are reading, but in reality I'm only writing for one person. Will THAT person think it's entertaining, or touching or funny? Will THAT person understand what I am trying to communicate? If THAT person quit reading, I don't think I'd want to write anymore because they are my true audience. Lorenzo is just like me. He does what he does for an audience of One and that One is Carly. Sadly, Carly doesn't return that devotion, she has an audience of One, too - but it's not Lorenzo, or even Sonny, she does everything for Carly. I am sad to say NuCarly still hasn't grown on me. They can lighten her hair, and soften her makeup and write some tender scenes for her so she isn't bellowing every line at the top of her lungs, but still - no spark. Nothing with Lorenzo, nothing with Jason, nothing with Sonny, nothing with Michael, nothing with Bobbie ...need I keep going? She doesn't have chemistry with anyone and that makes any storyline she's involved in hard to care about. If I don't believe or accept her as Carly, I can't believe Lorenzo or Sonny or anyone else believes she is Carly either. But, hey 4 of you like her now, according to my fan mail. Up from the other 3 in past weeks, one more reader chimed in and said she liked her. So her fan base is growing in leaps and bounds. Oh wait. 4 out of 10,000 isn't really all that many...

Another unbelievable thing - Jax and Courtney were married 3 weeks ago, and they are already so bored with each other they are hiring someone to have a baby for them? Wouldn't you think a newly married couple would be reveling in one another for a little while before a desperate need for a baby arose? Liz, a single Mom and a nursing student casually decides "Sure I liked being pregnant! I can juggle being a Mom, going to nursing school, working my internship at the hospital, my new live-in boyfriend, fixing up our crappy apartment and being artificially inseminated with Jax's sperm!" Okay, money DOES talk, so I can see where a influx of cash could be tempting, but you think she would have thought it about it for longer than 10 minutes. I like Liz though, and I'm sure this will be a great storyline all around, so in spite of my nit-picking, I think it will make for good viewing in the long run.

Many of you have written me to say you think Jodie is Michaels' imaginary friend, as she vanishes anytime an adult appears. Now we have seen her Mom, but you still aren't convinced she's real either. To be quite honest, I don't know. The original plan was for Jodie to end up being a long lost child of a major character. Since some of you don't like spoilers, I won't tell you whose child she is supposed to be, just in case we actually get there someday. But the writers change their minds so often it's hard to say. Reese was originally going to help Jason and Sonny get out of the mob after Michael was kidnapped and we had those powerful and amazing scenes where Sonny realized what his lifestyle cost his son. The original plan was for Sonny to want to get out of the business, and Reese was going to help. But now that they have turned Reese into someone else - who knows where that storyline will go, if anywhere. To me, this is akin to channel flipping. This drives me nuts. I tell my husband almost daily that I hate watching TV with him, as we will be watching something, and just as I get drawn into the storyline of a movie and begin to get interested - CLICK - another channel is on with another story and the process repeats ad infinitum. GH's writing staff does that so often it makes my head spin. Sonny's kids are kidnapped. It's Faith. No, its Durant and some fake priest. No, it's AJ. They can't decide what to do and just keep 'flipping channels' as though we aren't watching. Reese is a Federal Agent who finds missing children. Wait! No! Let's make her Carly's old high school chum instead! Maxie needs a heart transplant and doesn't want to give up B.J.'s heart. Wait! No! Let's make that go away, too as it's not working. Mind you, there is the flip side; when a storyline isn't working and they keep going with it, like say "The Dead Man's Hand" fiasco.

To balance things out, here's what I love right now- Big Alice and Luke. You gotta love a guy like Luke who can actually flirt with a chick like Big Alice. When she came out with her "Wrestling Mask" on, I almost spit my drink out. I love it when they let that woman have an actual part in a storyline, she's so funny - I missed Reginald when he left, but Alice was a fine choice to replace him. This whole Coleman/Skye/Luke/Tracy/Alice storyline is providing some much needed comic relief to a show bogged down in so much confusion. I enjoy all the players, and just silly stuff like Coleman calling Luke "Duke" made me laugh out loud. One down side, now that Carly has been married off to Lorenzo, we don't get the great sultry Skye/Lorenzo scenes anymore, which is a shame as those two actually had chemistry.

I also like the burgeoning friendship of Nikolas and Courtney, their random meeting on top of the hospital roof as they both needed to escape the things they are dealing with, and the safety of opening up to a veritable stranger with things you can't talk to anyone else about. We all have public faces that are often sunnier than our private ones. We don't always allow our sorrows and longings to show in public. I can see the two of them becoming great friends. Courtney's sad because her husband paid another woman to get pregnant with his child as she can't carry a baby, but she has to pretend she's delirious about it. Nikolas is sad because his wife is going through the motions with him since he got out of prison as he's a look-alike for the man who raped her and she can't look at him without seeing Connor, and he has to be understanding to Emily even though it's tearing him up inside. They both need someone to confide in before they explode, and have found one another, by chance, or fate, or the hand of God knowing they can't stay sane without an understanding soul in their lives.

Also, news flash; I made myself watch NuMaxie at your urging, and you're right, I don't hate her anymore. But I still feel so disloyal to Robyn Richards. I still hate NuFelicia, and NuCarly, but at least I finally like 1 of the 3 new recasts. NuCarly is actually a good actress. Her skill level is fine. She just isn't a good match for the character. It's like on Bewitched when they changed Darren's - it was an easy transition, they looked alike and had similar mannerisms and it wasn't jarring. But if Darren # 1 had left and they had tried to recast him with say...Burt Reynolds or Bill Cosby or Merv Griffin - it's not that those guys aren't talented, it's just that it would be hard for us to buy them as Darren Stevens. OTOH, new Felicia is just...pretty. That's all I can say about her right now, she's pretty, but even so, not nearly as pretty as Kristina Wagner. Back to NuMaxie - boy for a Police Chief's daughter, she sure can get herself in trouble. She always believes the Wanted Men. She was helping Zander for awhile, too, you ay recall, and now Jesse. I like him, so I hope he actually is a good cop being framed, but I wouldn't mind if he had shot Durant as Durant's a jerk.

I also am enjoying Jason's flashbacks and Michael's therapy. Since Jason Quartermaine hit his head on that tree and became Jason Morgan, he hasn't thought about his past or looked back at it once, I hope they will actually go somewhere with this and not drop it just when it's getting interesting. Imagine if now, after all these years of working for the mob, he started remembering things from his past, he began remembering his family, or his life as a medical student before he became a hit man? Wouldn't it be rich and wonderful to see a man try to fit those two lives together and try to make peace with himself? Every now and then he has flashes, like the day he had to give Nikolas a tracheotomy with a Bic pen and didn't know how he knew how to do it. I love that.

Right now, of course, Jason's only having flashbacks of his therapy with Dr. Thomas and the post accident therapy, and he doesn't like what he sees. Dr. Thomas is still an enigma to me - sure, he is working for Alan, but is he genuinely trying to help Michael, too? I think so, but when I see him with files on Sam and Jason, I get suspicious again. Is he into Sam, or is he trying to work her? I just can't decide. I can usually spot a worm a mile away, but the good Dr. has me a little snowed, I suppose.

I also loved the moment when Ric and Alexis were fighting and the baby kicked and we had that one tender moment when she put his hand on her belly. Let's have those two make up already, Geez. Of course, I know what's coming next but can't divulge the spoilers here. Let's just say a storyline with the magnitude of the Hotel Fire is just around the corner!

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Courtney and Rosie take in Seeing Eye puppies to train when Liz ends up pregnant and Courtney's jealous? Will Emily realize she has on too much green eye shadow and take a cotton ball to it? Will Reese decide to go after the girl in the high school cafeteria who popped a ketchup packet on her new sweater instead of Carly? Will Rick Springfield make a guest appearance as Noah Drake and sing "Jesse's Girl" to Maxie? Will someone poke Durant in the a** with a pin and make him hop up out of his wheelchair? Will Lucky be Unlucky in love again once Liz is pregnant with Jax's baby?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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