It's not my fault
For the Week of March 13, 2006

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If there were a drinking game where you downed your beer every time Alexis said "It's not my fault.", you could be totally tanked by the end of one episode of GH. It's not her fault that Sam's baby died, it's not her fault that Sam's brother died, it's not her fault whacko Manny is walking the streets, it's not her fault the doctors chose her to get the antidote, and so on and so forth. And she's right, none of those things are her fault, but she does seem to be around every time something truly dreadful happens to Sam. And now my new favorite character, Stan, the "I can find out any info in one day and have groovy hair, but no last name" has dug up the documents that point to Sam as the baby Alexis gave birth to lo those many years ago. This only justifies Sam's paranoia that says Alexis is out to ruin her life; since it turns out she started ruining her life the moment she was born.

Sam came to town as a clever con woman trying to win the Dead Man's hand away from Jax (one of the lamest plotlines ever, IMHO) but she was bright and sassy and not to be toyed with. Somewhere in the bouncing between Jax and Sonny and Jason, her backbone melted and she mostly just cries these days. She cries about anything and everything and I can hgardly remember what her teeth look like because she never smiles. Does she even have teeth? Who knows these days… Boy, what I would do for just one day of Sassy fun Sam.

Meow, I had a deliciously catty time watching the fur fly between Robin and Carly. I confess I would have enjoyed it even more if Carly had slapped Robin right in her self righteous face, but alas, the men pulled them apart. Pity. Girls, seriously - if you were out to dinner with a dude like Patrick, would you have even noticed anyone else in the restaurant? The fact that Robin spent her whole date with Patrick glaring at Carly over his shoulder is a red flag to Patrick to RUN FOR HIS LIFE. She's too bitter and he's too cute to have to deal with her.

Baby John is growing in leaps and bounds and pretty soon the slimy doll will outgrow his fake incubator and they will have to come up with a real baby or a more believable doll. Won't it be interesting when a baby who supposedly was created by blonde blue eyed Courtney and blonde blue eyed Jax ends up with brown hair and brown eyes like a Cassadine? What, will Jax get the kid contacts and highlights? Probably.

Emily and Sonny have a big ick factor for me. They don't have any visible chemistry and every scene appears painful and forced. Think about Sonny and Brenda. Think about Sonny and Carly. In both of those pairings, there was magic and passion and something tangible in every scene. Hold that up against a Sonny and Emily scene. Is it even in the same general ballpark? No. It's Little League vs. the World Series. No, worse, it's Tee Ball vs. the World Series. I'm just not buying their whole romance. I know it was Maurice Benard's wife's idea - and okay, you humored her and let her see what it looked like, but - just cut your losses and admit it didn't work and move on. Let Emily go back to Nik and give Sonny a whole new woman. Or better yet, let him get out of the mob and go into the Priesthood. Father Corinthos. Something. Anything. Just not Sonny and Emily.

Georgie's gay friend Guy drops into town, and another gay bashing... Really? You know, maybe I am living in a bubble in my big city with an active gay community - but I have many friends who are gay and they never get beat up when they go out. I know it happens, but in Port Charles, all TWO of their gay community got beat up by a gay basher. So who is this creep? He just prowls around at Jake's looking for some dude who appears well groomed, assumes he is gay and then lures him away and slugs him? No reason - he just does that for kicks? He never has friends who ask him to go bowling or to a movie so he gets bored at home alone and goes out and beats up gay men? I applaud GH for having Lucas come out on the show, but if they are trying to do a Public Service, they have failed, every gay guy in America will be terrified about coming out in case the guy at the pool table in their local bar is Frank.

Of course, if you're thinking about hitting up Sonny for cash, you should be terrified, too. Our gentle mobster Sonny went wild this week and had Janine on all fours crawling around his house picking up dollar bills like she was on some bad game show where you only have 30 seconds to pick up a million dollars in 1's. This whole stupid scene was contrived so Emily could witness Sonny's "dark side." And Sonny got to say his standard line "I was hoping you'd never have to see that." But all of his women see it, because he never does anything to change it or to find some better ways to deal with rage. If it's chemical, he could go to a doctor and get pills. If it's not, he could use a brief stint in Anger Management. My Pastor has a great saying about this "People don't LOSE their temper, they USE their temper." And to illustrate, he says "If a cop pulls you over to give you a ticket, do you punch him in the face, even if you're REALLY mad?" and no - of course you don't. Sonny never punches a cop, which proves he is capable of controlling his temper, but uses it to intimidate the likes of Janine, or to blow off steam when he's alone even though other outlets may be… healthier. Sonny, go see Gail Baldwin, or Lanie, or whichever GH shrink has the first open appointment.

Skye is with child and she and Lorenzo may be co-parenting a kid? Who says Sonny is the only one with potent sperm? Skye was supposed to be infertile! This is a delightful turn of events; I love the two of them together. They both deserve love and happiness and Skye has wanted a kid since she was playing Mommy to baby Kristina back when Ned was pretending to be the father. With Diego on the loose and with Lulu trying to match make her Dad and Skye, I am sure they will hit a few bumps in the road, but it's going to be an interesting journey to behold.

Funniest scene of the week - Max "cutting in" on Jax and Carly dancing - did he really think Carly was going to cut him any slack? Not a chance. Max has actually been getting lines lately. Good for him! I hope it pays much better than just standing outside the door nodding.

Nikolas after an extensive battle got a gift from Jax the chance to scatter Courtney's ashes. When Carly pointed out to Jax that he had Courtney's baby, and that Nikolas had nothing, Jax relented his control over the ashes as his guilty conscience kicked in about lying about baby John's paternity. Eventually the truth will come out at which time Helena should buzz by and steal the baby or something else dastardly. I don't see happiness anywhere in Nikolas' future. But I wish it for him. I have a soft spot in my heart for his character because he's so kind but always seems so isolated and lonely and - that gets to me.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Max end up on Dancing With the Stars? Will Patrick kiss Robin again to make her shut up? Will Sam start picking out a Mother's Day gift for Alexis? Will Guy be an Obi Wan Kenobi figure to Lucas? Will Skye get morning sickness and puke on Tracy's satin blazer? Will Dillon and Georgie end up homeless when Mike kicks them out for forgetting to show up at work like with all their other jobs? Will Carly go to clean out Courtney's apartment and find a dead dog Carcass on the floor where Rosie has starved to death? Will Jax have satin diaper service flown in from Paris for baby John's delicate bottom?

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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