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 Two Scoops: September 25, 2006 columns
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Never ending story…
For the Week of September 25, 2006
Okay, already. I'm saying 'UNCLE'. I get it. Lucky can't stop taking pills.
Okay, already. I'm saying "UNCLE". I get it. Lucky can't stop taking pills. Wow, look at him go! He just keeps taking them! He can't stop. He's in denial about his addiction. Every time he is alone, he pops a pill. Hey readers guess what - did you hear the news? Lucky is hooked on pills! I bet he will take pills tomorrow, too. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'm bored.

Writer's, you have solidly established that Lucky is addicted to his painkillers. I realize that in real life this scenario could drag on for years, but I don't have that kind of patience. I broke the law on the way to church this morning by passing a car over a double yellow line because I couldn't stand driving behind them even though I only live 7 minutes away from church and wasn't going to be late if I had followed patiently behind Annoying Slow Car. I hate waiting. I have a short attention span. I am seriously bored with Lucky's pill popping. If this keeps up much longer I may to develop my own addiction to painkillers…

I think the writers should be working out more important plotlines concerning Lucky, like how they will explain to Laura when she is finally revived from her catatonic state by Robin's magic pill therapy that her son Lucky is 33 years old. Since she and Luke will be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, it may be strike her as odd to have a child who is 8 years older than that. It could jar her right back into her vegetative state. Not to mention the fact that in real life Genie Francis is only 10 years older than Greg Vaughn…However, they may not have to worry about this as I have heard a rumor that Lucky will be sent to drug rehab and reemerge as Jonathan Jackson…Those rumors are unconfirmed at present, but I sure hope they are true. While I have grown to like Greg Vaughn, I love Jonathan Jackson and it would be a huge gift to fans to have the whole original Spencer family together again, even if only briefly. Even Foster! I wonder how long those dogs live anyway?

If TPTB had to come up with a lot of extra loot to get Genie Francis back, and need to cut someone, I vote they get rid of Maxie. I'd be totally fine with that. Maxie, idiot that she is, decided the best way to win Lucky back was to stage a fake suicide attempt. Do you suppose she thought that would be a big turn on for the drug addled Lucky? Has that ploy worked on guys before? Sadly for Maxie, Lucky was unmoved. Maxie nearly died for her trouble. As any sane person who had had a heart transplant would have known better than to pop a handful of pills, we can clearly assume Maxie isn't just a Skanky Ho - she is an INSANE Skanky Ho. She does appear to finally understand now that Lucky was just using her for pills, as she is on the warpath and picked up the phone to call her Police Commissioner Daddy Mac. I assume she's about to let Mac know about Lucky's addiction. I bet he's not going to hear the "Oh! You're that HERO cop!" line many more times…

Did you ever wonder how Georgie and Maxie could possibly be related? Georgie is so sweet and thoughtful she even showed up at the abortion clinic to give Lulu a lift home. Luke would have come, but at Lulu's request, he was spending time with the back of Laura's head. Robin tracked him down to give him the news that a friend of hers may have a miracle drug that would bring Laura 'back to life, back to reality…' At first he rejected the idea entirely, but after seeing Lulu's anguish and realizing how much she needed a Mom, Luke reconsidered Robin's offer.

But that won't do Lulu any good today, she had her first night of fitful and nightmare drenched sleep. I doubt it will be her last. She had a horrifying dream of a crying baby which she couldn't find and for which she was searching frantically. Then, we were treated to a moment lifted right from the Star Wars trilogy… You know the scene, the one where Luke Skywalker looks under Darth Vadar's helmet and finds his own face? Lulu saw the back of Laura's head sitting in the institution in her robe rocking in her chair and then turned around to realize it wasn't Laura, but her own face in that rocker. All the scenes in this storyline were wonderful - Luke and Lulu, Dillon and Georgie, Tracy and Lulu, everyone in every scene acted the heck out of those scenes. I hope Emmy nominations reflect that. But this isn't the end of those scenes. The sad truth of Lulu's choice to abort her baby is she will never be the same. We will have more tortured and emotional scenes, as I predict that fateful choice will haunt her for more than just one night.

Carly is about to be haunted too, or maybe stalked is a better word. Sonny has a habit of trying to control the people in his life. The positive changes he has made with his Bi-Polar medication notwithstanding, his control issues haven't changed. Carly had an evening planned with Jax and Sonny ordered poor lovesick Max to tamper with Jax's car so that he wouldn't be able to make it to her. Poor Max went back to Sonny's and got hammered so he could wallow in self pity about his unrequited love for Carly.

Speaking of unrequited love, the colorless Colleen one big pulsating vain of desire for Nikolas; he, of course, sees her as a member of his staff and nothing more. She's nearly as pathetic as Maxie in her foolish attempts to get Nik to notice her. What was the point of the whole pager fiasco? So what if Emily's pager didn't go off? What did she think would happen? If Monica fired Emily and she lost her job at the hospital, so what? She's still an heiress and if Grandpa wouldn't cough up any money for her, she could easily move back in with Nikolas who would be delighted to care for her financially.

Colleen also fabricated a story about a fake brother and a pretend intervention as if her knowing someone who was an addict would make Nik fall in love with her… Colleen is the Wile E Coyote of love. Her schemes have ACME written all over them. On an interesting note, last week one reader wrote me a hate letter and accused me of being a racist for calling Colleen "pasty" and said I must hate all white people. Ummm….Newsflash, I am white. But there IS a Wal-Mart in my town and sunless tanners and bronzers are easily had for less than 5 bucks. I am after all, from San Diego where everyone is tan year round, so I suppose her ultra pale skin shone out to me like a sailor recognizes the beacon from a lighthouse in fog. But to reaffirm, I have nothing against really white skin, mine looked like that when I lived in Ohio. Trust me, I have many flaws, but being a racist isn't one of them.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Ric and Sonny argue again over who will raise Kristina every day until Alexis emerges from her coma? Will Diego and Lorenzo have a warm family reunion even though Diego hasn't mentioned where he has been all summer? Will Sam ever stop lurking around spying on Liz's conversations with Jason so she can finally spit it out that she is pregnant? Will anyone ever realize that with Skye out of town, Luke out of town and Faith dead, someone should hire a replacement to run The Haunted Star? Will the flood at Carly's house prompt her and the boys to move in with Jax? Will Dillon decide to adopt Rosie to fill up his parental urges?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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