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 Two Scoops: October 23, 2006 columns
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Hiring for dummies
For the Week of October 23, 2006
Do you think Prince Charles hired a Nanny for Prince Harry or Prince William WITHOUT CHECKING THEIR REFERENCES???
Nikolas Cassadine is a prince. Therefore, his son is also of Royal Blood. Do you think Prince Charles hired a Nanny for Prince Harry or Prince William WITHOUT CHECKING THEIR REFERENCES??? If local mob subcontractor Stan could do a quick background check and find out in a half hour that crazy freak Colleen murdered 3 of her last 5 bosses, why didn't Nikolas find that out before he hired her? And, better question, did Helena know she had hired a serial killer when she put Colleen on her payroll? I'm guessing not, as she wouldn't knowingly put Nikolas or Spencer in physical harm. Thus, one can only assume Helena is too old to be a good villain as good villains have to be wily and quick witted and clearly the poor thing has the beginnings of dementia.

I kept trying to figure out why she was spiking his hot tea... Quite frankly, kissing an unconscious zombie man doesn't sound very appealing to me. But now we have discovered that Colleen has darker plans than trying to kiss Nikolas while he snored… I wonder what happened to the last 3 chumps. I sure hope Emily isn't deterred by Nik's voice mail and takes the launch over to Wyndemere - although I think it would take Emily, Alfred the Butler, Cook, and possibly Sheba to match Nanny McFreak in a catfight.

Someone else I would like to see roughed up a bit is Maxie. I told you weeks ago my hunch was that she was lying about the pregnancy and I still believe that. Why else would she be so hesitant to get prenatal treatment and setting up an appointment with Dr. Lee? Because she is a Liar Lips Fibber Face and she doesn't want to be found out. If all goes as it should, Maxie won't be pregnant, Mac will ship her off to live with Felicia and Mariah, Liz's baby will be Lucky's. Imagine a November where Luke, Laura, Lulu, Lucky, Liz and Nikolas and Spencer all get to be One Big Happy Family - even if it only lasts for 2 weeks. Hey, who knows, maybe Leslie, Bobbie and Lucas will reappear, too.

That having been said, if Liz's baby turns out to be Jason's, I won't be opposed to that storyline either. I liked Jason and Liz together back in the day and I am invested in seeing Jason become a father. Rumors are out there that Jason may be looking to exit the mob, possibly joining Robert and Anna in some WSB sort of escapade, so who knows, if said rumors are true, perhaps Jason going straight points to him being a father and trying to clean up his act?

This week however, in the best scene in daytime in eons, Jason is far from going straight… When Ric cornered Jason in the parking garage and taunted him with the tale of how Sam threw herself at him (which let's face it, she kinda DID) Jason pounded the crap out of Ric, including repeatedly kicking him in the face, which was darned good TV. Ric has had that coming for SOOO long. I just hope Steve Burton had as much fun doing it as I had watching it. And mind you, I am a completely non violent sort; I have never hit anyone in my life. But when I see scoundrels on TV and movies get what's coming to them, it makes me happy - but it's more about justice than bloodlust.

And wanting Ric to come to justice is no slam to Rick Hearst - he's a fine actor and gives us an extremely layered performance as Ric Lansing that makes us feel sympathy for him even when he's behaving like a first class weasel. He has demons he can't shake. He does awful things, but in this case, he is doing awful things with good intentions. He has always had a soft spot for Liz (so do I, actually) and he wants her to be safe. As soon as Ric discovered (through his surveillance set up in Jason's penthouse) that Jason could be the father of Liz's baby, Ric decided to entrap Jason. He deliberately made Jason angry enough to wail on him so he could have him arrested for attempted murder. And let's acknowledge the fact that if Roc hadn't lured Sonny over there to witness the event, it would have been murder. Ric is only alive because Sonny stopped Jason from finishing the job. But in Ric's twisted mind, he did all that to keep Liz safe. I don't agree with his methods, and I don't agree with his opinion of Jason, but I can see his heart was in the right place, he was actually trying to protect her.

Funniest line of the week - when the Q's were standing in their living room trying to explain to Mac about their bad batch of condoms and Alice chimed in with a heartfelt "Thank God I'm on the pill!" I laughed so loud I bet my neighbors two doors down heard me. She is such a riot. I can't decide who's funnier, her or Epiphany, but I love them both. Next time some GH girls move in together to be roommates, I hope it's those two sassy girls.

Speaking of sassy girls, Lulu and her professor are arguing every time they meet, but at least he gave us a little insight as to why he's pushing her so hard - he had his own crisis in his youth and knows how easy it is to get lost in the past. Georgie kept filling up slat shakers while the two of the sparred and I thought to myself, "Man, the people in Port Charles must use a lot of salt" as that girl is constantly refilling the shakers. Doesn't Mike salt the chili while he's cooking it? Of course, I have a cousin who puts salt on his peanut butter sandwiches, so maybe he frequents Kelly's?

In other news of the bizarre, Liz lets the results of her highly sensitive, deep dark secret, "no one tell Lucky" paternity test blow away. Skye goes into labor right as Luke and Robert show up to rescue her, Jax and Carly get engaged and Carly is afraid to tell Lady Jane even though the two of them had a mutual admiration society going earlier this year. Alexis gets nausea from her chemo and pukes right at the instant Jax and Carly tell her about their impending nuptials. Sam found more things to whine about and a new push up bra to do it in. We had a real Mac sighting, where he actually got to speak whole sentences! Robin is butting into the middle of fights between Noah and Patrick…again…

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Luke and Robert have to untie Lorenzo as he's the only one who has delivered a baby before? Will Laura come out of her catatonic state and wonder why her kids all look so different except for Nikolas? Will Emily be able to warn Nikolas before Colleen sneaks him into the woods and finds Mary Bishops old cabin? Will Maxie buy a giant baby shaped pillow at Target to prolong her pregnancy farce? Will Lady Jane get Carly Australian Strippers for her bachelorette party?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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