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 Two Scoops: December 11, 2006 columns
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The hand that rocks the cradle
For the Week of December 11, 2006
On the up side, Nikolas and Emily have reunited.
If you look like Rebecca De Mornay, there is a slight chance some dude will dump his wife and run off with the Nanny. If you are Nanny McFreakin' Crazy, it's just not as likely. Colleen has been fired, but is daydreaming of the day when she will claim baby Spencer as her own and put him in some Sears Catalog crib in Colorado. Or something like that. The thing that has never rung true about this whole plot is Helena has never been so wrong about someone before. It's hard to believe that Super Villain of the decades, Helena Cassadine, accidentally hired someone who was crazier and more lethal than herself. It's inconceivable, as they say in Princess Bride. (Imagine the lisp.) Poor Helena is strung up like a pig at a Hawaiian Luau, and pity for her that Nikolas only goes in two rooms in his giant mansion. Maybe Alfred will find Helena when he's dusting. But what about Colleen?

Don't let her plane ride fool you; we aren't rid of her yet. I have a theory…I can see the pieces falling together already. Nikolas has agreed to let Spencer play Baby Jesus in the Christmas pageant, and it's outside…Hmmm. Will you be surprised if Colleen gets herself cast as Mary or a camel or stuffs her shirt with hay and becomes the manger itself, or any other nativity role to gain access to the baby? Me neither. It should be fun to watch in spite of the predictability.

On the up side, Nikolas and Emily have reunited. Tyler Christopher and Natalia Livingston have always had a palatable chemistry together, and I am happy to see them interacting romantically again. Will it last this time? I heard some crazy rumor that Courtney may still be alive someplace, but it was just that, a rumor. Besides, even if she IS alive, after that high fever from the Monkey Virus, she would probably be even more brain damaged than Jason.

I change my mind about couples sometimes. I used to be firmly in the Georgie and Dillon Camp, but Georgie has been so whiny and annoying lately, and Dillon and Lulu are both dealing with such angst, I wouldn't mind seeing them together even though Lulu lied to get Dillon into bed in the first place. While Georgie is acting so superior, it wasn't that long ago when Dillon was begging Georgie to stop chasing after Diego, and she kept doing it, behind his back no less, so I don't think she really has much room to talk about Dillon worrying about Georgie when he thought she was kidnapped.

In fact, both Jones girls are so annoying I wish they would ship them both off to Texas to live with Fakelicia and Granny Mariah. Maybe Granny could make some fake maternity clothes for Maxie's fake baby. If someone doesn't find out soon that she's not really pregnant I am going to scream at the top of my lungs and frighten my neighbors.

The only person whinier and more annoying than Maxie this week was Robin. I am really tired of watching Robin and Patrick fight every single day. I love Patrick, and I love his scenes with Pete, with his Dad, with Epiphany, with just about anyone but when he and Robin fight, I just use that Tivo 3X fast forward and zip to the next scene. As to Survivor Guilt, well, trust me dear readers, I have personal experience with such things and it doesn't make you such a Beyotch.

Usually, I am picking on Sam for whining, but this week, she was actually kinda nice again, helping Alexis and Kristina, coming by with Jax and the kids in wigs to take away Kristina's angst about seeing her Mom with her hair loss - she had some sweet scenes. I have to give major kudos to Nancy Lee Grahn on her portrayal of a cancer victim. My own sister died of lung cancer last year, so it's been a bit hard to watch, but realistic. My sister kept working, getting up and going to work, even knowing she was dying, So I suppose I have a little insight into Alexis' insistence on defending Sam, it's her way of telling the cancer "You don't own me, I still control my life." Or at least some aspect of it. But Grahn is showing us every angle, her physical weariness, her emotional reactions to her physical appearance, her reluctance to let people treat her like an invalid - it's all being honestly and brilliantly acted out, and Ms. Grahn, if you see this - Thanks.

Lorenzo came clean with Skye and admitted he nearly killed Lulu, but Skye surprised him and instead of telling him she was through, she forged a deal with him - she and Lila Rae would move in with him if he would agree to keep Lulu free from harm. He agreed, and Skye moved in, much to Edwards's dismay.

On a side note, every time I see John Ingle, I just get happy inside, I am glad he's Edward again. I hope this year on the anniversary of Lila's death, they let us see all those old Lila and Edward flashbacks we were cheated out of when the wrong dude was Edward during Lila's memorial. Although, I can't go without mentioning the also sensational David Lewis whom I was delighted to see in Edward's shoes on those old episodes of Luke and Laura's adventures on Soapnet. I swear, if they had a Rerun Soap Channel, I would watch it all day.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Nanny McFreakin' Crazy get her eyebrows waxed so she doesn't end up in a "Separated at Birth" column with Spock? Will Helena freeze Colleen in her secret under the hospital cryogenic lab when she chews through her ropes? Will Lulu give parenting lectures to anymore hotel desk clerks? Will Elizabeth get a Triple A membership so she doesn't have to count on Lucky as she is so sure he's going back on pills? Will anyone buy a pretty barrette for the back of Laura's head for Christmas? Will Carly and Jax tie the knot in the Bahamas, or get drunk on coconut rum and go parasailing instead like I did when I was there?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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