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 Two Scoops: July 23, 2007 columns
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Homeland insecurity
For the Week of July 23, 2007
They need to get some Homeland Security people at Pentonville. Since Jason's been in prison, Liz got in by pretending to be a cop using Lucky's badge.
They need to get some Homeland Security people at Pentonville. Since Jason's been in prison, Liz got in by pretending to be a cop using Lucky's badge. No one noticed she was not a guy. Carly got in by pretending to be Jason's "wife" Brenda, who is a 5 foot brunette to Carly's 5'8-sh blonde, Spinelli got in by wearing a suit 3 sizes too big for him, combing his hair to the side like Clark Kent and pretending to be a lawyer. Then, Liz came back again, this time NOT using a fake badge and no one said "Hey isn't that the cop that was here last week?" Spinelli hacked Sam into a visit, which was a BIG mistake. Apparently people can wander in and out of Pentonville at will. They have better security here at Movie Premieres. Jeff scored us tickets to a pre-screening of Hairspray last week, and we had to get patted down, our pockets and bags searched and have a metal detector wand run over us just to see a Musical.

If I were Jason, I would have turned Sam away at the door. "No thanks, Liar Lips Fibber Face, I have no use for you." But instead he let her sit down and spit out all her venom about she's the victim and how she was totally justified to let someone KIDNAP A BABY. What a selfish twit. Sam should get an "It's all about ME" tattoo. No matter what lies Jason told her, no matter how jealous she is of Liz, no matter what emotional torment she was dealing with, there is no forgivable explanation for letting a total stranger walk off with someone else's baby. When Jason told her he'd turn her in as an accomplice to the kidnapping, I screamed "Yeah!" She's a snake and we're going to see how low she can slither next week when Jason goes on trial and she decides to testify against him. Sam doesn't have a single friend in town, other than Maxie, and well, you know what they say about birds of a feather. Alexis is trying to support her, but you can tell she's disappointed in Sam, and with good reason.

Is Liz blameless? No, of course not - Lucky asked her point blank this week if she loved Jason and she lied right to his face and denied it. But her reasons weren't vindictive like Sam's have been. Liz is trying to protect her children, keep her marriage in tact, and do what's right for her family. She and Jason agreed to this arrangement. Is Jason's life dangerous? Yes, it is. People in his world get hurt. Sometimes they die. And kids aren't safe which is evidenced by Sonny's kids being kidnapped in the past by Faith. Liz's lies aren't the same as Sam's lies. Sam is mean spirited, too. She left Pentonville and immediately marched to the park to try to cause trouble for Lucky and Liz by being a big fat jealous hater and spewing out accusations and ugliness front of their kids no less. I want to pull her hair.

Kate's life is a web of lies, too - but her lies are all about her reputation. She lied about her background because she wanted to turn herself into someone else. She fears that if her past came out, her credibility would be blown and everything she has made of her life would fall apart. I don't necessarily agree with that logic, because personally when I hear about someone who came from nothing and turned their life into something in spite of their humble beginnings, I admire them all the more. I like Kate. I like that she made herself into a success without an inheritance or a family name- she did it all on her own. There is no shame in who you are and where you came from; there is only shame if you let your past define your future. (That was for you, Skillz.)

Kate forgot and did something very Bensonhurst this week, however. She got a headache and rifled through her boss's pockets while he was away and stole what she thought to be an aspirin, which was instead Viagra. Is it true that if a woman takes a Viagra she gets drunk and horny from it? Wow, to think of all the money guys wasted on buying me booze in college to achieve that same effect. She showed up at Sonny's and basically threw herself at him, and I didn't notice him pushing her away. That virile Sonny! However will he keep both Amelia and Kate satisfied at the same time? Maybe he'll have to steal pills from Kate's publisher, too.

Did the Costume Department take the day off this week? Maxie was wearing Christmas Ornaments in her ears and some outfit I think I saw on Twiggy in the Mod, Mod 60's. Mind you, I'm not complaining, I would totally wear Christmas Ornaments in my ears, just thought it an interesting fashion statement. Maxie and Coop got a scary visit from a disturbed old friend of Coop and Logan's from Iraq named Cody. If you've been watching Nightshift (btw, I was wrong, you CAN watch without SoapNet if your cable company doesn't carry it, you can download whole episodes online.) you will have a bit more info about our new mysterious stranger; he's hooked on drugs. Thus, I predict he's as unstable as we fear.

Logan doesn't know Cody is in town, but Cody is out for revenge. Logan is a little too preoccupied bleeding and making out with Lulu. May I confess without shame that these two are growing on me? I think Logan is actually falling for Lulu, bets with Maxie aside. I don't think it's a game for him anymore. And I think he hit the nail on the head with Lulu this week when he told her she's playing with Spinelli and Milo because they are both too shy to make a move on her, and that's she's afraid of him because it could actually lead somewhere. Oh, the implications of this are just too juicy. Can you imagine Luke's face if he finds out Lulu is dating Scott Baldwin's son? Yowza! That's a fireworks show I don't want to miss. But obviously Logan has been through some stuff in Iraq, and we don't know all the details yet - but Lulu brings out his humanity, his softness, and he didn't realize his heart had been turned off until someone came and flipped the switch to 'On'. This budding relationship is an awakening of sorts, for both of them.

Speaking of awakenings, Noah Drake has summoned his inner rock star to step into the shoes of rock star Eli Love for the night, with the help of the ever clever Anna Devane. I can only hope this whole storyline culminates in Rick Springfield actually getting to sing, because that would make the absurdity of it worthwhile. I like this goofball plotline a lot more than the Sam being forced to ballroom dance right after her Dancing With the Stars gig. I bought my first Rick Springfield song in 1972 (I was 11) which was Speak to the Sky, so he's been at this music thing for a long time. Any way GH can concoct a storyline to get him to sing is fine with me. I also like the angle of Noah and Anna bonding; although it disgusts Patrick and Robin it's about time Noah got something to do besides fight with his son at the Nurses' Station.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Carly and Sam have a catfight when she finds out Sam dumped Jason in jail? Will Diane ask Kate for advice on which shoes to wear with which suit to Jason's trial? Will Kristina like the private school Kate schmoozed her into? Will Alexis have to seduce Jerry to give Carly adequate time to sneak out of his hotel room? Will Ghost Alan show up at the Eli Love concert? Will Liz start slicking Baby Jake's hair back with Brill Crème to make him look like Daddy Jason? Will you ever know how giddy it made me that my darling readers came to my MySpace page and wrote such sweet things to me? Will anyone ever notice that all the pets in Port Charles have vanished into thin air?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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