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 Two Scoops: October 22, 2007 columns
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A little ditty about Max and Diane
For the Week of October 22, 2007
When Max the Bodyguard and Diane the Mob lawyer were sitting in the bar grousing about how selfish and unappreciative Sonny and Carly were, I saw it coming.
When Max the Bodyguard and Diane the Mob lawyer were sitting in the bar grousing about how selfish and unappreciative Sonny and Carly were, I saw it coming. I thought "Mmm hmm. These two are going to hook up!" What fun! What I did NOT see coming, was Max bolting from the room yelling "I can't cheat on Mrs. C" which left me laughing until my sides hurt. Rethink this Max. You've got a live one on the hook. I'm rooting for poor sweet Max to finally get a woman.

So, what do you think about Liz's new place? Not too shabby, ay? I am still trying to determine if Liz's new place is Brenda's old cottage redecorated. Thoughts? Back when Liz and Lucky were first married, they could only afford a small apartment with just a sofa bed in the living room, and some closet size bedroom for Cam's crib. That was with both of their salaries. But now with just one salary, Liz can afford a huge place on her own? I suppose that when they were living in Luke and Laura's old house, it was free, as Luke most likely paid it off while he was making big bucks at The Haunted Star or Luke's Place. Or maybe Leslie paid it off while she was raising Lulu all those years… But Liz is paying for this new place solo, correct? Did I miss the day when Emily paid for it?

I was pleased to see Emily carrying in the laundry basket full of random crap. I *knew* Liz would pack in it. I bet when Lucky went over to talk about the Emergency Guardianship and walked into her new house, he mentally accused Jason of paying for it. I think Lucky went to Liz with good intentions, but Alexis and Diane burst in and made the situation much worse than it needed to be. Lucky and Liz initially parted somewhat amicably with a verbal agreement that Lucky could have unlimited visitation, but it's quickly becoming a war zone.

Speaking of war zones, Robin must have known that asking Jax for sperm while he's married to her arch enemy Carly wasn't a great idea, but she did it anyway. Can you imagine asking someone else's' husband for sperm? Me neither. I think she should hit up Jerry. After all, he owes Robin for having shot her for his amusement. Since he and Jax are brothers, the gene pool would be the same. Actually, I am more intrigued by the idea of Lucky being Robin's donor, as he actually wants a child, and doesn't really have one even though he thinks he does…

Even more pathetic than Robin wandering around town asking guys she barely knows (like Dr. Leo) for sperm samples, is Patrick playing Veronica Mars. He's been sleuthing his way into finding out who Robin will ask next and heading her off at the pass. In the meantime, Leyla, who supposedly has broken things off with Patrick, is still hot on his heels. One day this week, he stepped off the elevator and Leyla was RIGHT THERE as if she'd been stalking the door all morning. I swear, someday he will stop too fast and she will have to pry her head out of his behind.

Readers, you all know that in general, I like the character of Carly. I've even liked 3 of her 4 different incarnations. But right now? Not so much. All she does lately is shriek every line at the top of her lungs. I got a letter from one reader who told me that every time Carly comes on screen, her 2 year old starts crying as Carly always yells and she scares her child. I know exactly how she feels… Nikolas has a letter opener to Carly's throat and Max busts in and saves her, and she screams at him… Huh? Didn't she just scream at Logan last week for not protecting her and her kids? So, you get screamed at if you DO guard her and you get screamed at if you DO NOT guard her. And Sonny got yelled at for putting a guard on her in the first place, even though he begged her to stay on the island with the boys but she came back anyway, knowing how dangerous the situation with Zacchara was. Robin also got an earful for asking Jax to be a sperm donor, and Jax got yelled at just for LISTENING to Robin's request for his sperm. Jax told Carly he would like to father a child with her, which makes her yell some more because she doesn't trust his timing. Hey writers - tone it down a little. Carly's constant screaming yelling is giving us all a headache.

Logan probably has a headache right now, too from banging his head against a wall because no one will listen to him about Lulu being in trouble. Everyone keeps telling him "She just doesn't want to see you." But Logan's instincts are dead on. Lulu is holed up with Johnny Zacchara and he's pulled a gun yet again. Lulu somehow manages to talk him down before he shoots anyone. Unfortunately, her friendship with Johnny got her kidnapped by his "handlers" who cart her back to Herman Munsters' house where the Zacchara's obviously sublet from Herman and Lily.

Anthony Zacchara is apparently like the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz. He hides behind giant doors which mere mortals cannot penetrate. Sonny was warned by about 11 people not to go to see him, stopping just shy of 'Sonny Beware' in skywriting. No flying monkeys either. (Those things STILL give me nightmares!) Sonny, however, has a gi-normous ego and did not heed warnings of impending doom. Trevor Lansing has been saying for weeks "Anthony doesn't meet with anyone." But as soon as Johnny said Anthony's goons "Take him to see my Dad." he got right in. I guess that was a horse of a different color.

Side note - I just Googled the Munsters to make sure I was spelling it right, and I wanted to let you all know Butch Patrick, a.k.a Eddie Munster, is renting himself out for YOUR Halloween party. That freaky little ghoul is in his 50's now. I can't imagine how he could possibly pull off those shorts with the knee socks anymore. If you book him, make sure and tell him I sent you, maybe I'll get a commission.

Back on topic. Emily is worried that Nikolas is spending his energy planning a "Black and White" ball while he's having black outs. Apparently she just doesn't understand the royal mind set. If I were a wealthy prince (of no country) and losing my mind to the point of stabbing people and not remembering, I am fairly certain that my highest priority would be to plan a ball, too. Those commoners don't understand decorum at all.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will everyone apologize to Logan when they realize Lulu really WAS in trouble? Will Luke start talking to Ghost Alan to renew his bond with Tracy after such along absence? What's Black and White and Red all over? (Nikolas's ball after he accidentally stabs someone but won't remember.) Will Michael and Morgan come out of hiding long enough to have a funeral for poor Leticia? Will Kate and her darling haircut start a new magazine with Epiphany's stolen idea and give Alexis someone else to sue? Will they ever reveal what magically cured Alexis of lung cancer so other people can give it a whirl? Will I get over the crushing blow of the Cleveland Indians losing game 7?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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