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 Two Scoops: June 30, 2008 columns
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Why all my close friends are men
For the Week of June 30, 2008
I wanted to throttle Robin Scorpio this week. She's the exact sort of woman I would never, ever be friends with.
= I wanted to throttle Robin Scorpio this week. She's the exact sort of woman I would never, ever be friends with. I'm more of a "watch a baseball game in a sports bar with a bunch of guys" kind of girl, versus a "sit around and bash your boyfriend for wanting to visit you" sort of girl. Robin pleaded with Patrick to father her child. He declined the offer and told her he didn't want to be a dad. But Robin got pregnant accidentally. Patrick CHANGED HIS MIND. People do that. People grow and change and make new decisions as circumstances arise. In the reality of her pregnancy, Patrick came around. But Robin is being catty, biting and throwing his words back at him. She's determined to exclude him from his child's life. When Patrick suggested they were on equal ground, Robin said "We are NOT on equal ground, *I* am the one carrying this child." Well Robin, unless you're a hermaphrodite, you didn't impregnate yourself.

Okay, writer's I get it. Robin is hormonal and unreasonable. But what I don't get at all is why ABC has a groundbreaking storyline in its fingertips and is doing NOTHING with it. Robin is HIV positive. Before this storyline was being bandied about, I didn't know that HIV positive women could carry a child without passing the virus on to the baby. I bet a lot of other people didn't know that either. Why not run with this storyline with Robin and explore every angle of that rather than the endless idle banter about whether or not she deems Patrick worthy to be part of their baby's life?

I'd much rather be informed about an HIV pregnancy and watch Robin and Patrick navigate it together than watch them spar for days on end. The people in Robin's life are doing all they can to emasculate Patrick. Patrick has been arrested this week by Robin's overbearing Uncle, and chased out of Robin's apartment by his Secret Agent almost mother-in-law. Don't get me wrong, I admire assertive women, but give me Diane and Alexis any day over the self righteous bossy shrew Robin has become.

Speaking of Diane and Alexis, I think they may be my favorite super couple right now. Yeah, yeah, that's a title normally reserved for romantic liaisons, but on GH these days, the two Must See couples are Alexis and Diane, and Jason and Spinelli. Am I wrong? As a viewer, would you rather see Kate and Sonny in another boring conversation at the magazine offices or Diane and Alexis tossing back a couple of martini's and dishing about life?

I want you all to pay me $3.99 a minute as I predicted in Tamilu's Psychic Hotline that Carly would end up pregnant and not know who the Daddy was. What I did NOT see coming was that she was going to pawn the child off on poor Jason again. You know, the same Jason who gave up his own son to keep him safe? Now Carly is asking him to lie and say they slept together to throw Sonny off the scent. But Sonny's magic sperm is world renowned and we all know it only takes one dip in the Sonny pool to end up pregnant.

As for me, I am firmly rooting for this round of "Who's My Baby's Daddy to go to Jasper Jax, the nicest pretend man around. Sadly, now that Sonny told Jax he should have a paternity test if Carly is pregnant, even if the baby is his, he probably won't be able to be happy about it knowing Carly cheated on him. Again. I would like to reiterate I do not understand why two people, even Carly and Sonny, would have Limo Sex after putting their permanently comatose child in an institution. There is simply nothing sexy about that, and I can only imagine it was Wine of the Month day in the writer's room when they cooked up that scenario.

Maybe they should hold fertility sessions at Nikolas' new clinic. Let me see if I have the timing down right… Two weeks ago Nik looks at some bedraggled warehouse building and daydreamed about having a clinic to honor Emily. Last week, the Blowhard Mayor came busting in and told Nikolas he would never let the clinic open. On Friday, Nik glided in beaming and proclaimed the clinic was open. Is this like "The Power of Positive Thinking"? Is he just pretending the clinic is open thinking his good wishes will make it so? Has his brain tumor grown back and he *thinks* the clinic is open, but really it's just still a ratty storefront? It's hard to tell with Nik - when he hallucinated Emily, we saw her, too, so maybe he's tricked us again with a clinic mirage.

All we are certain is that a new Doctor named Matt Hunter is in town, which we know as they repeated his name about 11 times. Nikolas is paying for his fellowship, and Doc Hunter appears to have an arrogant manner. But, we haven't really had a gentle or humble Doc at GH since Tony Jones and Alan Q both died.

Jason, Spinelli and Claudia were quarantined in Jason's penthouse this week under the threat of the mystery Asian Pizza Guy ailment which makes you babble. Spinelli caught it and babbled incoherently, and almost accidentally revealed that Jason was Jake's dad in front of Claudia. He covered and said he was talking about the fact that Sonny may decide to take back the mob from Jason forcing Jason to kill him.

Claudia remains a mystery to me. Can anyone help me out? Who is she actually hot for? I have seen her coming on to Nikolas, Jason. Sonny, Ric, Spinelli, Logan, and in certain moments, possibly her own brother Johnny… I think the writer's haven't actually decided yet and thus keep bouncing her around from dude to dude.

Here's my wish list. I want Brenda to come back and steal Sonny from Kate. I want Carly to stay with Jax. I want Maxie to steal Johnny away from Lulu and I want Lulu to have to crawl back to Spinelli. I want Alexis to have a fling with Mac and try dating a man she can introduce to her kids. I want Lucky and Liz to reunite since Jason kills people for a living, and I want Jason to get back together with Sam since she was his only girlfriend who can deal with the guns. But that's today, this list changes daily.

I don't need to worry about Logan anymore as the rumor is he's going to really, really regret popping Johnny in the face, as Anthony Zacharra won't take lightly to someone messing with his son. Logan hasn't gotten a decent line for months, and now they are finally drawing him into the story just to kill him off. Add this to our list of wasted storylines: Logan is Scott Baldwin's son, and that never went anywhere. And, do you recall that Logan had some deep dark solider secret from his time in Iraq? Guess that one will continue to keep us up nights as no one is ever going to tell us what happened.

Hey, I know, let's play a game. Everyone send me your guess and we can write our own ending to that hanging story. I'll play first… I think Logan and Coop were involved a unit that tortured Iraqi civilians under their commanders orders. I fear poor Logan should have reenlisted; he may have had better odds in the Army that with Crazy Anthony and company.

Speaking of crazy people, Jerry Jax went positively batty when Alexis told him that Anthony had threatened her kids. I saw serious reminders that under that handsome face and pretty accent lay the sadistic Mr. Craig. But when he was scary on Alexis' behalf, I confess it was a little sexy. I'm so ashamed of myself. :

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will more people tell Lulu she's going to end up in Shadybrook with her Mom? Will Kate's giant mob wedding layout tank Crimson? Will anyone ever find and feed Maxie's dog? Will Claudia make the Jackals' day and finally offer him a sponge bath? Will we ever know why it only took Lucky and Sam 12 minutes to get TO Mexico, but 3 days to get back? Will Sonny sign a pre-nup that spells out Kate that can't have anymore Sonnybucks Soy Lattes if she leaves him?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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