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 Two Scoops: September 15, 2008 columns
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Desperate not-wives
For the Week of September 15, 2008
Elizabeth just can't take a hint. She showed up and attempted to seduce Jason three times in the past week, but he kept refusing her advances.
Elizabeth just can't take a hint. She showed up and attempted to seduce Jason three times in the past week, but he kept refusing her advances. On the last attempt at seduction, Elizabeth at least got a kiss out of it. I suppose that was better than just out and out rejection. Jason is much better at keeping the vow they made to stay away from one another to keep Jake and Cam safe than Liz is. Liz knows Jason is dangerous, and that her life or her children's lives could be at risk if she were to get involved with him again, yet she seemed wholly unable to keep from stalking Jason all over town begging for a quickie. I think it's because Spinelli scared her with that lie about Jason bedding the Slavic Seductress, so Liz feels compelled to mark her territory.

She heard Jason detailing his most recent violent behavior as she hid while Jason net with the slimy Karpov. Afterward, Liz seemed unfazed and asked Jason if he thought she would be unable to handle hearing details of his criminal activities. Well, yes frankly, because long time viewers such as me know that Liz has been unable to accept the danger surrounding Jason since the first time they got together several years ago. But apparently she has evolved and doesn't care if her kids end up without a Mom because she just wants some Hot Blue Eyed Mob Bootie SOOO badly.

Kate, on the other hand, is not quite as enthralled with her mob lover. After the ugly discovery that Carly and Sonny had "We're so sad about our son being in a coma we had to do it in the back of a limo" grief sex, Kate proclaimed the wedding was off. But Sonny didn't take no for an answer and after a few soulful looks, dimple flashes, and apologies Kate nearly let herself kiss Sonny. Thankfully she was saved by Maxie and Spinelli's well timed intrusion. I don't want her to let him off the hook that easily. You see, people have choices. Even if you are really, really, sad about something and a roll in the back of a limo might bring some measure of comfort, you can choose whether or not to follow through. Since Carly and Sonny were both in supposedly committed relationships with other people, they should have taken a cue from Nancy Reagan and used the 'Just Say No' system.

Jax was also very distraught by the ugly infidelity revelation, and especially because Carly railed at him for weeks about kissing Kate on the same night she had limo sex with Sonny. Pot. Kettle. Black. Carly apologized profusely. Although Jax admitted he believed her regrets were sincere, it wasn't enough. Jax said he could not trust Carly anymore even though he loved her and believed she loved him. Jax said their marriage was over. Carly begged for a second chance, but Jax said no. He left their home and said it was for good, but came back about 20 minutes later. We don't know if he just forgot something or if he had a change of heart. When he arrived, the nanny informed him that Carly and Morgan had taken off someplace, and she didn't know where. If I know Carly it was probably to buy junk food.

Over at Shadybrook, Lulu and Laura either did or didn't have many heartwarming and meaningful conversations. They all ended abruptly whenever someone else came to visit Lulu. Either Laura was really rushing off to take a nap, or, Laura is just in Lulu's head and that is the way she is protecting her delusion. I just don't know.

I do find it quite bizarre that in this mental hospital there are never doctors or nurses around and patients can just go out into the garden and start yelling and sobbing about some murder they committed and no staff members ever intervene or try to calm them down. My Dad used to be a Chaplain in a children's psychiatric hospital and whenever any of the kids got even mildly agitated a staff member magically appeared to sit with them or give them something to help them calm down. I just find it very bizarre that Lulu is most likely sitting outside in the garden yelling things to herself and no one intervenes.

Of course the lack of concern at Shadybrook can't even compare to the kangaroo court going on at the Port Charles courthouse. Mind you, it's very funny and I laughed at Edward and Epiphany more than once, but still… Who would really put Edward Q on the jury when he made it abundantly clear he is biased against the defendant and is related by marriage to one of the main witnesses? No one. Who would put a mentally ill witness on the stand that is having hallucinations about a dead guy? No one. Who would allow the father of the murder victim lead the trial in his murder case? Are there any lawyers out there? Can someone in the know tell me if all this is even legal?

Lulu got on the stand and confessed to Logan's murder, but no one believed her. That happened to me once, too. I worked at this cruddy telemarketing office in college selling magazine subscriptions. I came in one day and turned off the lights which made the whole office turn pitch black. I flipped them back on and the boss was under her desk trembling in fear. She yelled out and asked who did it. No one answered. I sure as heck didn't confess. She yelled my best friend Betsy's name and accused her. "I know it was you Betsy! Get in my office right now." I could not let Betsy take the rap for my crime, so I said, "No, it was me, I did it." She said "Get back on the phone Tammy and stop trying to cover for your stupid friend." Betsy was pulled into the office, scolded harshly, and treated to a story about why our boss was afraid of the dark and how traumatized she was when the lights went out. Man, after that Betsy made me buy her quarter beers at the student center for a month.

Lulu pleaded with the court and jury to believe her confession as a horrified Johnny looked on. However, Ric managed to twist her words in such a way that she seemed highly confused and was pulled off the stand for a quick trip back to Shadybrook.

Enter Claudia. After Claudia's car accident with Sonny, she managed to get to court and get herself back on the witness stand. She fibbed her way through a very compelling testimony complete with tears and sniffles. Her whack job dad beamed with pride about what a delightfully good liar his baby girl truly was. Claudia concocted a story that sounded credible enough that she caused some reasonable doubt. And, since Claudia could care less about whether or not the whole town thinks she is a slut, lying about sleeping with Logan for inside info wasn't difficult. Although when she saw Jonnie after court ended for the day, she was still crying, so perhaps the tears were real.

Maxie, her usual cavalier attitude notwithstanding, was not happy about having to detail a list of very private sins publicly. She was particularly anguished about having to confess in front of Spinelli whose opinion she actually values. After a pep talk from Jason, she told the truth, without volunteering any extraneous information. It was odd to see Maxie actually embarrassed, because she normally could care less about what anyone thought of her- but her character actually has evolved and developed a little bit of conscience. I didn't think I would ever be able to like her after the Lucky/drug pushing season of her life, but I find myself really enjoying the person she is becoming. She still has an edge, but it's balanced with enough softness that I can't just write her off as a one dimensional unlikable character anymore.

Robin needs to ask Sonny if she can share some of his bi-polar meds as I am fairly certain she is afflicted. She was adamant about not wanting to marry Patrick and insistent that he back off, she wanted to be a single mom, she was happy with her choice, period the end. So, Patrick finally hears her, and backs off, and the instant that he does, she became downright depressed that he wasn't begging her to marry him anymore. Make up your mind Robin. I pity their baby; it's going to be so messed up.

Jerry Jax is messed up, too - but hey, since the day we met his alter ego Mr. Craig, we knew that was the case. Every other day we think he might actually being reformed, but then he does something truly evil again like setting off a fire bomb in the clinic with Matt Hunter inside. Nadine, freshly sprung from jail after her goofy contempt of court charge arrived in time to find Matt, but was unable to drag him out before a beam of the building fell down and trapped her in the fire.

Also, I want to offer special thanks to our dear Liz who filled in for me last week while I was out of town. Isn't she wonderful dear readers???

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Nikolas visit Laura and wonder why she isn't in her favorite rocker? Will Edward end up in Nadine's old cell when Juror # 2 pushes the Marcia Clark-esque judge a bit too far? Will Claudia and Sonny still have scars from their car wreck on Monday, or will they have experienced miraculous healings over the weekend? Will Nikolas arrive in time to drag Nadine and Matt out before the Emily Memorial Clinic collapses on their heads? Will anyone ever ask what happened to Spencer? Will Kate and Jax have limo sex to make it an even playing field? Will Robin trick Patrick into proposing again so she can reject him one more time? Will Elizabeth go to the Adult Superstore and pick herself up a device so she can stop dogging after Jason for a one-night stand?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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