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 Two Scoops: February 2, 2009 columns
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Another one bites the dust
For the Week of February 2, 2009
How many beloved residents of Port Chuckles have hit the pavement now? The list includes Monica, Elizabeth, Trevor, Matt, Leyla, Claudia, Kate and some expendable dudes we don't know.
How many beloved residents of Port Chuckles have hit the pavement now? The list includes Monica, Elizabeth, Trevor, Matt, Leyla, Claudia, Kate and some expendable dudes we don't know. You knew they were goners, right? It's like when Captain Kirk took unfamiliar team members to explore a new planet on Star Trek. You always knew they weren't going to be beamed back up.

I know at least one of these folks will die, and possibly more. I know some of you don't like spoilers so I won't tell you which one is biting the dust, but if you can't see it coming, you haven't watched enough Daytime TV. Here's a hint. Someone we haven't seen or heard from in months suddenly pops up. The rest I will leave to your very capable minds.

My astute reader Donna made a keen observation "They should make Jason the honorary police commissioner. Nothing against Mac, but when it comes to responding quickly and decisively to emergencies and rescuing people, Jason is always the man for the job." And from that premise, I ask the obvious questions… Why are the only people responding to the crisis Patrick, who is a surgeon and Jason who is a mob boss? No cops, no firefighters, no FBI guys in Hazmat suits- just two civilians who were unfortunate enough to be in the building at the wrong time.

In the boardroom where the fundraiser was commencing, Claudia managed to find a stray roll of duct tape and some plastic lying around in the middle of a charity event. After the crisis ends, some hospital maintenance guy should get a medal of honor for leaving the duct tape in the board room and saving the lives of a bunch of rich, ruthless mobsters.

I have a bone to pick with the writers. Robin used to be a heroine on GH. Back in the day when Stone was dying of AIDS, she was a strong and brave young woman who handled the greatest of obstacles with grace and pluck. We loved Robin. But for quite awhile now, the writers have gone to great lengths to make her very unlikable.

First, she trounced around the hallways of GH begging for sperm. Then she did that horrible online diary ripping up Patrick in front of the world for… actually trying to do the right thing by her and his baby. Then she refused his proposal multiple times and publicly humiliated him when most women who were pregnant would be overjoyed if their baby's dad wanted to be involved in raising their child.

Now, she has post partum depression, and is neglecting her baby because…the baby cries when she picks her up? C'mon. Robin saw Carly go through post partum depression; she knows what it looks like. Why is she so unwilling to get help? Robin is a doctor. It's not as if she doesn't realize there is a problem. The people who love her keep telling her they notice that something is wrong, and even on her own she has questioned Jason and Carly about the condition. So if there is any chance that is what she's experiencing, the Robin of old would get her butt in the car and head to a doctor to check it out. How can we root for Robin if we want to choke her? I am not Tom Cruise-ing it here ladies. I realize post partum depression is a real and serious condition. But I also know the history of this character and it's unlike Robin to bury her head in the sand and refuse to seek a solution for the problem.

Nikolas is feeling guilty because he left Nerdine in the conference room alone to chase after Emily's doppelganger. Alas, he only caught up to someone who looked nothing like Emily but had on a beret. Being in Southern California, I am not in the habit of wearing winter hats, but they sure look cute on all those Port Charles girls, and apparently can make you look like Natalia Livingston from a distance. I am excited to get to know Rebecca. From all accounts she is going to be the polar opposite of Emily and it will be fun to see Natalia stretch herself and become someone new. I hope she is as successful with the transition as Sarah J. Brown has been.

Sometimes I find myself rooting for Claudia and then I get mad at me, because Claudia is clearly a horrible woman. And yet, Sarah J. Brown is such a phenomenal actor that she brings a vulnerability/wounded bird quality to the evil Miss Zacharra that makes me kind of like her in spite of myself. Imagine having an evil bastard like Anthony Zacharra as a Dad- really, how could Claudia have become anything other than what she is? Self preservation drives her, yet we can see that she really wants to connect with someone. She is a cynic with a dash of hope mixed in and it intrigues me.

Ric foolishly trusted Claudia with the inside info on the evil deeds of her father, which he may or may not live to regret. Claudia was poised to tell Sonny that it was her Dad who shot Kate, right before she collapsed. And Kate was poised to tell Sonny it was Claudia who was responsible for Michael's shooting right before she collapsed. Wow, writers. How many times are you going to use that one this week? Anthony made me howl this week with his twisted description of paralysis which seemingly made the walls close in on Trevor, as well as his maniacal laugh at the thought of all the arch enemies being trapped together when they met their joint demise.

So, the My Name is Earl dude swallowed the glass spheres. Agent Rayner, the self proclaimed sheriff of GH, demanded that Patrick remove them. Patrick did, but apparently My Name is Earl had some spicy enchiladas for lunch because his stomach acid nearly ate through the glass and Patrick feared they would soon release the deadly toxin. Then some mysterious person who just happened to have a hazmat suit handy snuck into the OR with the stomach acid compromised spheres. Who is it? I dunno, but I hope he finds some more people about to expose a giant secret to unleash the poison on. It's like the old Friday the 13th kind of movies - as soon as some frisky young camper exposed her breasts, she was done for. Jason hated horny campers, and apparently the toxin hate secret tellers.

Agent Rayner asked Spinelli to do some more illegal hacking and shut down the hospital ventilation system, and Spinelli complied. I, on the other hand, would have made Agent Rayner sign an affidavit offering me total immunity and fax it over before I touched one finger to the keyboard. But Spinelli is nicer than me. I don't hate Winnifred as much as I did the first week she appeared - in fact I would go so far as to say she and Spinelli might actually be a love match down the line. And since it's clear the writers and heading towards a Maxie/Johnny hook up, Spinelli will need a new object for his affection anyway.

Has Johnny finally tired of Lulu's shrieking harpy personality, or has he just realized that he is never going to be content mopping floors at GH? At any rate, he and fellow loose cannon Maxie are holed up in a garage together after their auto accident, and it's mighty cold in that garage, and Maxie never really thinks before she sleeps with a guy so…I'm just saying, stranger things have happened.

I was always kind of smitten with Jax in that "I realize men like that don't really exist, but wow Jax is amazing!" way. He whisked his women off on his private jet to Paris for breakfast just for kicks, and was constantly finding ways to wow the ladies in his life. But as of late, he's very undependable and selfish. Right after he looked Carly in the eye, and swore that Carly was more important than his business, he left a message for someone to tell her he had to fly to China to close a deal. Didn't even have the decency to call her himself or leave a note on her desk. He knew this fundraiser meant something to Carly, but he bailed on her again. No wonder she keeps sleeping with her ex.

One of the happier surprised in Port Charles this week was the arrival of a hot Aussie thief and all around scoundrel named Ethan at the Haunted Star. I don't know who he is where he came from, who he is related to- I just want him to stay because he's pretty and has a sexy accent. Yes, I am that shallow.

Lastly, a personal note. When I mentioned my Mother's breast cancer and her mastectomy, I got letters and prayers and stories from so many of you. Love and support from a bunch of people who have never met me and only know me as a woman who watches the same soap opera you do. But you treated me like a close friend or a member of your family and felt my pain and worry as it it were your own. Thank you for that. I am so touched by your loving and compassionate hearts. Mom's surgery went well, and we are praying now for good results from her final lab tests. I pray they got all the cancer.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will anyone in Port Charles consider buying snow tires or tire chains so they stop sliding off the road every day? Will Rebecca use her Emily aura to swindle money from the Q family? Will Sam get buy a heater for her Jacuzzi to get the water hot enough to produce steam when she is outside hot tubbing in January in a blizzard? Will Tracy ever pick a hair color and style and stick to it for a week? Will Kate get a designer hospital gown so she doesn't damage Crimson's image?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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