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 Two Scoops: April 13, 2009 columns
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Feast or famine
For the Week of April 13, 2009
Poor Lulu. Do you recall when half the men in town for lining up to have a date with her?
Poor Lulu. Do you recall when half the men in town for lining up to have a date with her? Dillon Q., Milo. Spinelli, and Logan chased her around town for months hoping for just a taste of sweet Lulu nectar. But now, Logan's dead, Milo's gone MIA, Dillon's teaching school in Llanview, PA and Spinelli has moved on to Maxie. What a blow to a hot girls' ego.

Maxie is suddenly the girl everyone wants to date. Johnny, Matt, and Spinelli are all salivating over her even though she isn't very nice to any of them. Must be something in the Port Charles water, they like their women bitchy.

I have been tough on Lulu's character as of late, but I my heart broke for her when Johnny unceremoniously dumped her on Friday's show. Julie Marie Berman shines when given the chance to emote. She rips her chest open and bears her heart to the camera. That's what getting your heart broken looks like. That's what getting dumped feels like. She gave it to us raw and real and thus, it was hard to watch. I flinched a couple of times watching her fall apart. I said OUCH, out loud as Johnny and Maxie said terrible things to her, twisting the knife in her heart time after time. Those were some brutal scenes.

The worst part is it's for no reason. Call me a romantic fool, but I believe Lulu loves Johnny enough to forgive him and to understand his role in Michael's shooting if only he trusted her enough to tell her the truth. I know his motivation is to try to protect her, but I don't think he had to crush her to accomplish that.

Then again, Johnny and Maxie are clearly in self destruct mode. They are attracted to one another and it appears they are going to give into it in a moment of pain and weakness. But it can't go anywhere. Why? Because the reason Johnny dumped Lulu is the same reason he can't be with Maxie. Or anyone. He won't want Maxie caught in the crossfire over Michael's shooting either. Worst of all, my poor dear Spinelli saw them kissing and his little nerdy heart was broken and I just *hate* that.

Claudia is hoping that getting knocked up with that potent Sonny sperm will save her life. She's hoping one night with a pin prick in a condom will put Sonny's child in her wom and keep her sorry butt from being shot. Since this is Soap reality, it probably will save her life.

Ric has ratted Claudia out, and has Jerry's DVD to back up his story. Unfortunately, this may be Ric's last stand. As you have probably heard by now; he's been taken off contract. So, in all their wisdom The Powers That Be elected to end Rick Heart's contract while he's right in the middle of a huge storyline… I am sure they will keep him around long enough for this to play out, and then send him off into the night in a totally unbelievable scenario. Hearst is a great actor and the scenes we waited for all these years, where Sonny and Ric make peace with their past and forgive one another most likely won't ever come.

Megan Ward has also been taken off contract, but in truth, Kate hasn't had much to do lately. When Kate first arrived, I hated her. When I found out she was a girl from Benson Hurst and we met "Connie Falconeri" I loved her. The part of the character that was small town girl form Sonny's old neighborhood was sweet. The fact that Connie had a dream and did what she had to do to make it come true was empowering and inspirational. But we didn't see much of Connie.

Mostly we saw Kate, the ruthless fashion Queen with no heart or scruples. When Sonny finally discovers that Kate knew Claudia was responsible for Michael's shooting and said nothing, she will be dead to him. This also means, the death of Crimson, and Maxie and Lulu working together. Since they detest one another now, it's just as well.

If they plan to let Kate fade off into the distance, why not take her cousin Olivia with her? It seems clear there are no firm plans to bring Sonny's long lost son Dante to town, and Jax can find a new secretary. Hey, *I* would like to apply to be Jax's secretary. What a cake job.

Olivia came to town to attend Kate and Sonny's wedding but never went home. She never even went back to Benson Hurst and officially moved to Port Charles or packed her bags. Somewhere in Benson Hurst they picture of Olivia on flyers in the Val-Pak mailer asking "Have You Seen Me?" Sonny's long lost son was just another plot line hinted at but never realized.

Daytime is in trouble. GH lost 2 core characters this week with more to follow. If you read the lead story on this website, the word "bloodbath" appears. There will be more cuts. We will lose more characters we love. But thankfully we haven't lost our whole show yet. I feel so sad for Guiding Light fans. My Mom is 82 and said she remembers listening to The Guiding Light on the radio with her Grandma as a kid. And now, this piece of Americana that's been part of our fabric for 70 years? *Poof.* Stuff like that breaks my heart.

Now that Claudia is lady of the manor and trying to be all pregnant and maternal, is there any hope she will get an extreme makeover and update her wardrobe? For Pete's sake, let the woman evolve a little. She can't wear skin tight black jeans and spandex tank tops when she's knocked up. I don't think they have a Morticia Adams Maternity Shoppe, so she might have to toss a little color into her outfits, too.

Claudia's clothes are the least of her worries right now. She is busted and she knows it. There is no talking her way out of this. It's sad, because I liked that Claudia and Sonny were finally starting to connect, but that's over. It's going to be ugly at the mansion. Sonny will be throwing things at the wall and drinking too much liquor. He might keep Claudia alive if she's pregnant, but he won't like it.

Michael had better wake up soon before his whole extended family lands in prison or Shadybrooke from ripping Claudia into pieces. Unless of course she gets the golden ticket and gets knocked up.

Speaking of being knocked up, Carly and Jax might have a little Peanut on the way. (Yes, I know that's the name of Ingo Rademacher's son.) Carly is having dizzy spells and Olivia mentioned that when she was pregnant, she got dizzy a lot. Carly got a gleam in her eye and called Dr. Lee. I was amazed that Dr. Lee was able to take both Carly and Claudia at the last minute. You'd think with both GH and Mercy Hospital patients being directed to one place, there would be some sort of a wait. But, no.

I hope Carly is pregnant. Please, let at least one couple on GH be happy. That's the worst part of GH right now, there is no joy. There is no one we can rejoice with; it's all heartache, gloom and sorrow. What happened to "Love in the Afternoon"? If Carly is pregnant and Michael wakes up, we can at least have two reasons to celebrate with Carly and that will be delightful.

Carly's cousin Lulu made a beeline to Ethan's place after urging from Tracy. She showed up with a deck of cards offering a rematch, but Ethan was none too happy to see her. He yanked her inside his apartment and demanded to know how he had found her. Ethan is going to end up being Luke's son. But wait, they are probably just leading us in that direction purposely so they can pull the rug out from us later.

I don't know who Ethan is talking to one the phone, but I suppose it could be Holly. Rumor has it she will appear in Port Charles in the near future. Maybe Ethan is Luke's son, but he could just as easily be Robert's son.

Perhaps Holly wants Luke to think Ethan is his son because he's married to Tracy Q. Holly is, after all, a con woman who might want to try and secure some of the Quartermaine fortune for herself by way of back child support. No idea, but they are taking way too long to get there. I think they are trying to drag things out to May Sweeps. Hopefully by May someone will still be watching to get the big payoffs.

If Lulu throws herself at Ethan and he doesn't sleep with her, that will be a good indicator that she's his half sister. The two of them kind of have some chemistry, so we'll see how this plays out. Hopefully Lulu won't get pregnant with her half brothers' baby and have to have another abortion.

Tracy has hired "Spinelli P.I." to dig up dirt on Ethan. The big reveal that Bernie was once a P.I. and could use his license to open a P.I. business for Sam and Spinelli was just plain dumb. If they need to cut a useless character, they could get rid of Kelly Monaco. Sam has been dead weight for a really long time now. Of course, when Bernie offered to help them with their P.I. business, Sam jumped up and down with her giant tatas, so that could explain everything. By the way, the actor who plays Bernie was on Party Down last week, kind of fun to see him outside of General Mobspital.

Speaking of which, General Hospital will reopen its doors next week. So, they have rebuilt the entire hospital in less time than Jason and Sonny can rebuild Sonnybucks? Or perhaps those two have given up trying to pretend like they just sell coffee? At any rate, it will be interesting to see if GH looks exactly the same, or if it's a whole new set.

Once GH reopens, I hope Patrick has Robin committed and forces her medication on her. I know GH is doing Public Service Announcements and educating the public on Post Partum Depression. That's a valuable thing to do and addresses a real problem. But they have been educating us for months now. OKAY, WE GET IT. Move along, please.

I got a letter from one of my dear readers this week that said it used to be that she rewound if she missed two words of GH and now she spend the whole hour fast forwarding because she doesn't care if she misses most of the show. I feel her pain. On Friday, I saw a glimmer of real drama and it was electrifying to watch.

But on Monday's show with Robin floating in the harbor? Frankly I am to the point now where I wouldn't have cared if Robin made it or didn't. I just don't care about her character at all anymore.

As to Nikolas and Rebecca? Is she Emily? What was she muttering that Nikolas "could never find out" while she was under anesthesia? Who knows? But Helena is on her way to town, so my suspicions are raised. Obviously, I love the chemistry between Natalia and Tyler. I loved it when it was Nikolas and Emily. But I am not sure who Rebecca is or what she's up to yet. Like Tracy, I am a little suspicious. If she's some evil pawn of Helena's tricking Nikolas, I will be very unhappy.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Claudia find maternity pants made of black leather? Will Carly find maternity clothes with koalas and kangaroos on them? Will Robin try to drown herself in the pool at the Metro Court? Will Spinelli try to hook up with Sam after seeing Maximista's tongue down Johnny's throat? Will Ethan sleep with Lulu even though he knows she might be his half sister? Will Sonny kill Ric and Kate with one bullet? Will Tracy finds out what Ethan is up to before the Haunted Star is bankrupt?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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