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 Two Scoops: May 31, 2010 columns
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The songbird is singing like she knows the score
For the Week of May 31, 2010
Our resident Port Charles songbird, one Brook Lynn Ashton has fluttered back to Port Charles and basically landed in Dante's lap per Carly's request.
If you know where this week's title is from without Googling it, I love you double.

Our resident Port Charles songbird, one Brook Lynn Ashton has fluttered back to Port Charles and basically landed in Dante's lap per Carly's request. And Lulu seems just FINE with it… Curious. Seriously ladies, if one of your boyfriend's old neighbors showed up at your place and basically sat so close to him that she was straddling his thighs, wouldn't you be a little uncomfortable?


Not Lulu, she didn't even seem to notice. She is so secure in the love Dante has for her, she would never even consider the possibility that another woman could sway him. Wake up, Lulu, haven't you seen Sandra Bullock and Elin Woods? If they got cheated on, there's no hope for the rest of us!


Brook Lynn has matured since last we saw her, and she's developed an edge. Frankly, as long as they keep her singing on the show, I'll be happy. Adrienne Leon has a phenomenal set of pipes. But one thing troubled me -- she's very thin. Not that I dislike thin people, I hope to become one someday myself. But because she was supposedly let go from her last role for gaining weight, I fear she caved to The Man. I guess if you're an actress in Hollywood, you have to mold your body into what the casting directors want or you don't work. Still, she looks like she starved herself since I last saw her on Y&R, and it just made me sad.


Carly's plan for Brook has already been set in motion and, unlike many of Carly's wild schemes, this one has the potential to actually work. I have to give the writers credit -- the obvious soap path for this story to take was for Brook to be the one to tell Dante about Lulu's abortion. But the writers avoided that cliché entirely! They had Lulu actually confess her own secret like a grown-up in a committed relationship would do! Way to go writers!


It was, in fact, a magical scene. Like Lulu, we weren't so sure a strict Catholic boy like Dante would be able to accept Lulu's decision to have an abortion in her past. We all cringed a little when we realized she was actually going to confess. But when she divulged her dark secret, Dante was…tender and understanding. It melted all of our hearts. It's the thing we hope for in life, that someone can know us, good and bad, and still love us. Yes, I am speaking for the audience as a whole because I heard from so many of you about it; I feel we all agree on at least this one point.


That having been said, Carly is determined for revenge, so she'll find another way to get it. At least Brook Lynn knows why Carly is out for revenge now so my hope is that she will do the honorable thing and back out of the deal. But since she needs Carly's cash, she'll probably do something crazy like slip Dante the date rape drug to get him into bed. But I hope not; one rape on GH this month is plenty.


Readers, was it just me or were you also disgusted by the implication that Michael was raped in Pentonville? This isn't a gritty prison drama where we need to know "how things REALLY are!" -- it's a soap. That crossed the line in my mind. We could have gotten the idea that Michael was being mistreated in prison without that particular image in our minds.


Uncle Jason arrived to stand guard just a little late to spare Michael that horrible fate. Did you notice that the guard who made a beeline for Michael to threaten him did NOT make the same threat to Jason? Odd, since it was likely Jason who killed his family instead of poor little whimpering Michael.


My real problem with Pentonville is this…why is it so damned dark in there? Is New York State trying to save money with low watt bulbs or something? Every scene in the prison is so darkly lit it makes my head hurt to watch it.


I hope they light it better for the big prison wedding so Sam and Jason can get their conjugal visits. No, that's not a fact, just a hunch I have -- as soon as Sam said, "I applied for conjugal visits, but they said no because we weren't married." I tweeted, "I smell a prison wedding!"


I felt sorry for Jason. Not just because he couldn't get laid, but because he got conflicting instructions from the authority figures in his life. Sonny wants him to find out who hurt Michael and "send a message." The prison warden informed Jason in no uncertain terms that if he punched anyone or caused a ruckus, he'd be in solitary confinement and Michael would be alone.


So in a flash of genius, Jason decided to teach Michael how to fight, and all I can say is…Mr. Miyagi he is not. I think if Michael gets attacked, the only move he knows is to knee someone in the groin. If that doesn't work, he's out of luck.


When Jason first arrived at Pentonville, Michael was rocking like little redheaded Dylan Cash Michael rocked after Carly was kidnapped. I wonder if it was on purpose to make us forget this is Michael 3.0? Mind you, I like Chad Duell, and I think he's doing a really wonderful job with the material he's been given.


It's like Bizarro world in Port Charles right now. First, Michael, who had rage issues after he awoke from his coma, is now quiet and mousy. On the other hand, Nikolas, who has always had the gentle soul of a poet, has turned into a serious… (she fishes for a G-rated word instead of the R-rated word she is thinking in her brain…and comes up empty) ass.


Nikolas has become someone totally foreign to us. All the years he's been on the show, he's had strength, but he was never cruel and malicious. He fought Helena at every turn, and suddenly he's actually siding with her. I guess sleeping with Elizabeth makes men go mad.


I was delighted, however, when Nikolas reminded Elizabeth that not long ago, she was a total Ho' for him. I don't blame him, she seems so angry that he impregnated her (or at least she THINKS he did), as if she didn't sleep with him 50 times.


Port Charles is becoming a town of stalkers. Nikolas was checking up on Liz, Patrick was eavesdropping on Lisa, Brook Lynn was spying on Dante and Lulu -- it's all so creepy.


Not only has Nikolas changed character, Patrick has, too. From playboy bachelor to happily married to…suddenly acting like a jealous freak when one of his old girlfriends decides to date? It's so out of left field. From the time Patrick arrived on staff, we were told he was a womanizer who went from babe to babe and never got serious about anyone before Robin. So why is he lurking in the locker room eavesdropping on Lisa and Steven and throwing temper tantrums over the two of them dating? When he was whining about losing a motorcycle patient, I wanted to go and crash a motorcycle with someone else on it just so he'd shut up.


Thankfully, Luke is still Luke, but he's in big trouble with Tracy because it took him a few days to find her in Helena's creepy dungeon. Tracy had some great lines while she chewed Luke out, the funniest of which was when Luke asked her what Helena wanted with Tracy, and Tracy replied, "Helena is YOUR specialty. I'm just telling you what the bitch said." I almost spit out my iced tea on that one. They don't know what Helena wants yet -- but I'm sure she'll tell them soon enough, that's the sort of villain she is.


As evil as she is, isn't Helena a delicious character to watch? I told Jeff I'd like to be that much of a bitch for Just One Day. Say every snarky thing that came into my head without consequence. Oh, it's good to be a crazy murderous queen.


In other news of the bizarre, Maxie has decided to lure Spinelli out of his doldrums by making him jealous by dating Matt. Matt had no idea and was actually working it trying to make Maxie see they had potential. How horrible to discover you're just being used in some sick game to make another person jealous. Will he give her another chance when she begs him to forgive her, and will Spinelli even notice? That is yet to be determined. Spinelli is strung out on orange soda and BBQ chips and moping in Stone Cold's abode.


Soap fans, on a non-GH note, how do you feel about the news that SoapNet is leaving the airwaves? Will it affect your soap viewing? Are there shows you won't be able to watch if it's gone? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.


What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lucky offer Claire sperm and end up with two biological kids? Or…Will Claire get pregnant by Sonny when she accidentally succumbs to his charms although she swore she never would? Will Shirley have a big run on jewelry in her hospital room? Will Ethan get dragged into Sonny and Johnny's mob war by his greasy ponytail? Will Olivia realize that Johnny was just about to hit on Brook Lynn when she walked in? Will prison guard Magilla Gorilla try to take on Jason?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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