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 Two Scoops: July 12, 2010 columns
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Red roses for a blue lady
For the Week of July 12, 2010
Women are generally over the moon when they get roses, especially if they get multiple dozens of roses. But when you find out the person sending you roses is a serial killer, it kind of dampens your enthusiasm.
Women are generally over the moon when they get roses, especially if they get multiple dozens of roses. But when you find out the person sending you roses is a serial killer, it kind of dampens your enthusiasm. Although, I did debate the topic with my Twitter followers: "Is it better to get NO roses or roses from a serial killer?" -- feel free to email me your responses. I know it's pathetic, but I'd go with roses.


Franco is creepy weird and yet… oddly intriguing and devastatingly handsome. He reminds me of Caesar Faison in the old days. I knew Faison was insane but I found myself smitten with him anyway. Man, I would be so thrilled if Franco ended up being related to Faison and they teamed up for a Super Villain Creep Fest in that scary Scooby Doo-looking ghost mansion.


Readers, I can't deny it, I'm gullible. When Franco showed up and apologized to Carly about Josslyn, I actually thought he seemed sincere. (Although, taunting her about Michael's prison rape was pretty twisted.) And, when Franco tried to make nice with Maxie with a room full of roses, I kind of believed him. In fact, if I were Maxie, I probably would have slept with him again.


But later when I saw him debating whom he was going to kill next and holding their photos, I realized I really should never trust my instincts about men. All I can say is CO77X.


Questions -- what's up with all the dried leaves in Franco's house? I mean, no matter how long a house has been closed up, unless a tree is growing in the foyer, there's no reason for a yard's worth of leaves to be inside the joint. Maybe spider webs, but not piles of crunchy leaves -- maybe the agent guy will bring a rake or a leaf blower the next time he visits.


Also, I'm not quite sure what his fascination is with the damned wind-up cymbal-bashing monkeys. He has them in multiple sizes. Does he get crazier with each kill? Apparently so. Franco's Mom is crazy too, or -- maybe just crazy like a fox. I love my kids and I'd do almost anything to protect them, but if I knew they were serial killers I wouldn't cover for them. Is she covering for him willingly or is she mental and doesn't understand who and what he has become?


Kristina has been emotionally over the top these days, but let's face it -- she's not wrong about her father, is she? In fact, Kristina is the only one who sees Sonny for what he is -- a criminal and a liar. Sonny has convincingly lied to nearly everyone town and sworn he has nothing to do with the car bomb in Johnny's car. Of course, that's a big fat stinking LIE! Had Johnny gone to his car five minutes sooner, he'd be dead. Sonny even lied to Olivia when she made him swear on Dante's life! Brutal!


Kristina started to give Sonny lip and leave again but he gave her the "I'm your Dad and you'll do as I say" thing that… ALL of our Dads have pulled and, for once, she actually backed down and did as he asked. I guess nearly getting blown up in a car bomb knocked the "sassy brat" out of her.


Sonny never learns from his mistakes or experiences. After Lily was accidentally blown up in a car bomb, you'd think Sonny would never have even considered such a plan. But, his ginormous ego got the best of him again and he was certain he could pull it off. Sometimes when I criticize Sonny's character, I get letters from avid Sonny fans attempting to defend him. Sorry, I'm not backing down. Normal fathers don't plant car bombs to get their daughter to stop dating inappropriate guys.


On top of that, in a moment of true Soapy-ness: When you have a huge secret, you have to tell it with the door open when the one person you'd least want to hear it is outside said open door. So, as Sonny openly discussed his role in the car bomb meant to kill Johnny -- Michael overhead.


Despite all his earlier promises about keeping his kids out of his business and keeping them safe, Sonny has roped Michael into lying for him again, completely disregarding everything Michael has been through and instead putting his kid in a bad spot to cover his own ass. Oh Michael, why can't you be less loyal to Sonny and send him to Pentonville for us? When Sonny told Michael he "wasn't used to lying" I laughed so hard, my neighbors heard me through the walls. Of course you're used to lying, Sonny! You lie all day every day to mostly everyone!


Claire Walsh suspects Sonny is behind the car bomb and thinks she will be the one to seduce Sonny and trip him up in his lies. However, anyone who has watched GH any length of time knows that Sonny's dimples will get the best of Claire and she'll be writhing around naked in his bed in no time flat. I only hope she's infertile so she doesn't get impregnated with the Magic Sonny Sperm. All we need is one more of Sonny's kids roaming around the world as a target.


Writers -- seriously -- you need to give Sonny a genuine moment of self-awareness. Maybe even an authentic determination to change. Sonny needs to have an epiphany where he realizes he needs to change his behavior. No real person could stay this stupid and selfish for this long. When Michael got shot in the head and was put into a coma, I had a glimmer of hope that was where the writers were heading with Sonny -- but it only lasted about four seconds and Sonny was back running the mob again. I don't want to lose Maurice Benard or Sonny's character; I just want him to evolve.


One character who has realized he needs to change his behavior is the intellectually superior but socially challenged Damian Spinelli. After witnessing Maxie's ridiculous scheme to kiss Matt in front of Spinelli to make him jealous -- Spinelli didn't react as Maxie had planned. Instead of running in to claim his woman, Spinelli split. Good for him. Spinelli is so kind that he gets walked on and abused by everyone -- I want to see him finally realize he is worthy of being loved and respected and to demand that from Maxie or whoever he ends up with.


On the other hand, Patrick has gone backwards on the human growth scale, unless of course the only way to celebrate a successful brain surgery is to bang your ex-girlfriend while your wife is in Africa doing charity work.


Obviously, that indiscretion was a big mistake. Lisa is clearly going to use their one night of passion to torment Patrick at every turn. In fact, I predict she's going to go full-on bat-sh*t crazy. We all know Robin will find out about Patrick's betrayal, we just don't know how long it will take. Maybe Robin will retaliate by banging Steven Weber, and Lisa will be left without a bed buddy.


I think the reason Elizabeth has been so bitchy lately is because she needs a bed buddy, too. Sexual frustration plus pregnancy hormones could make a woman crazy. Now that Liz and Nikolas are on the path to repairing their damaged friendship, she might get laid, and not a moment too soon.


Seeing Maxie kiss Lucky was just the incentive Elizabeth needed to run to Nik and asked him to be her birth coach. Of course she was already softening to him when he paid for Shirley's brain surgery, so the kiss just pushed her over the line. And BOY did it push her!


When Elizabeth started throwing accusations at Lucky about Maxie, my jaw literally dropped. She was oblivious to her own hypocrisy. But that's why we need Maxie to tell it like it is: "You have three babies with three different fathers." Touché Maxie! Elizabeth really won't be able to take the high moral ground for a very long time.


What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will TPTB stop teasing me with the opening chords of "Mad World" and just give me my Adam Lambert already? Will a wanted serial killer/world famous artist continue to move about town freely, wandering into Crimson and the Metro Court without detection? Will Lisa boil a bunny in Robin and Patrick's kitchen? Will O.J. try to tell the cops he finally found the "real killer" and it's the Lopez Brothers? Will Jax and Skye and Carly and Steven just decide to play Wife Swap and have an orgy on the floor of the Metro Court dining room? Will Olivia's breakup with Johnny last one or two weeks this time? Will Shirley charge some plane tickets to her estranged children to Nikolas' account?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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