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 Two Scoops: October 18, 2010 columns
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Does that make me crazy? Possibly.
For the Week of
How the frack did Lisa get sprung from Shadybrook already?
No, this isn't a tribute to Gnarls Barkley, although I do love that song. It's a nod to our resident lunatic of the week, Dr. Lisa Niles.


How the frack did Lisa get sprung from Shadybrook already? C'mon readers, was this the Jump the Shark moment for GH? (Oh wait; they jumped the shark back when Casey the Alien beamed himself to Port Charles.)


Less than two weeks ago, Lisa was holding a gun on Patrick and Robin, confessing her sins and crimes. But on last week's GH, the hospital staff seemed oblivious of that and were still questioning whether or not Lisa really stalked Robin…Didn't Robin and Patrick tell anyone about their ordeal? Wouldn't they have at least told Matt? Doesn't the fact that Lisa got committed lend any credence to Robin's story?


I don't claim to be the world's best writer, but at least I remember what I wrote the week before and try to move the story forward from that point. This rewind from two weeks ago where people weren't sure if Lisa or Robin was the crazy one was seemingly resolved when Lisa got carted off in the back of a police cruiser to the mental institution.


I think we all suspected that Lisa would be back eventually, but I didn't think it would be in ten days. That's ridiculous. Think of all the people who've passed through the hallowed halls of Shadybrook over the years. Were any of their previous patients released before the ink was dry on their admission papers? Um, no. We didn't even get to see if Lisa got Laura's old room and if their rocking chair and hairbrush were still there. Did she get the catatonic window view? Did she have any visitors? Does Lainey still work there? We don't know.


Sure, I'm joking about this, but it actually kind of irks me. Lisa knowingly left Robin in the well to die -- that alone should land her a stint in jail or at least a trip to Judge Carroll's courtroom. But it appears to be another instance of zero consequences for your crimes on GH.


At the risk of repeating myself, two weeks ago Lisa was holding a gun on Robin and Patrick. Now she is back at the hospital and wimpy Chief of Staff Steven Weber says "his hands are tied." Grandpa Hardy is probably rolling over in his grave.


No, your hands are not tied, Steven. If a person in your employment had a mental breakdown and committed a crime two weeks ago involving a firearm, it seems you could reasonably pitch the case to the hospital board that she might endanger the patients. But hey, that's just me.


But Lisa is more interesting viewing than Robin, anyway, so I guess I should just shut up and enjoy the ride. But I can't because when the writers treat me like I'm stupid, I ask myself why I keep watching their show. I want them to write a show whose scripts are written for a smart audience. Where's Claire Labine when you need her?


Let's segue to an entirely new rant! Brenda and Dante… Really? Brenda already has Jason, Jax, Spinelli, and Sonny circling in her orbit; did they really need to throw Dante into the mix, too? And even worse, did they need to plaster Dante's hair down with Brylcreem to prove to us this was a bygone era? Yuck!


What is their secret? Were they lovers? Do they have a love child someplace? Was the Balkan after Brenda years ago?


Side note: I predict the Balkan is Jerry Jax (a.k.a. Mr. Craig), but my husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, thinks it's Franco.


I just don't know why we needed one more obstacle to keep Sonny and Brenda apart. They've already kept them apart the entire time that Vanessa Marcil has been back on the canvas -- so can we expect that there will be no resolution to this until November Sweeps? Maybe they'll spot us a Thanksgiving kiss and then string us along again for two more months until January Sweeps.


At least Lucky (a.k.a. Ronan) is getting some romance. That Siobhan is one hot-blooded lassie. I like her. I am glad Lucky is getting a storyline that's not recycled and is giving him the chance to stretch his boundaries as a character. I like that the Spencer side is emerging and he's off on an adventure instead of pushing papers and folding socks. Jonathan Jackson is one of the best actors GH has, so it behooves them to give him a chance to flex his acting muscles.


Does anyone remember those scenes he did when he found out Liz was sleeping with Nikolas? I do because I Tivo'd them and never erased them and watch them from time to time to remind myself what GH is capable of on mediocre weeks.


Lucky's latest undercover assignment is to track down Brenda. That should be interesting when he has to go to Port Charles and try his new Irish brogue out on his family and lifelong friends. Methinks none of them will be fooled. They'll think it's his Halloween costume. Or Jake and Cam will run to him and yell "Daddy!" at an inopportune moment.


I'm sad to admit that I'm disappointed in Luke's return after he took off the priest collar and headed back to port Chuckles. It seems like a lazy rehash of the last few months before Luke went on his summer break, with the endless cycle of bickering with Tracy. Really, how can the writers not write something decent for LUKE?


Readers, you're a chatty bunch, which frankly I love about you. Every day you e-mail and tweet me amazing storyline ideas, and I have a few of my own. I think we should pitch ABC a reality show where longtime fans of any given soap get to take over the writing on said soap for six months and see if we can improve the ratings. If we do, we get to keep the job. Who's with me?


I think it's clear how much I love this ridiculous show. You don't watch a show for 30 years, five times a week, if you don't adore it. So on weeks like this when I am compelled to rant, I hate it. GH -- I'm ROOTING for you. I love to watch when the show moves me, surprises me, challenges me, teaches me, and most of all entertains me. In the past five days, I was sporadically entertained, but not consistently, and never once riveted. Please, I'm begging you; let me write about how wonderful you are again next week.


The closest I came to shedding a tear this week was when Maxie was trying to warn Spinelli about crushin' too hard on Brenda. Maxie cautioned Spinelli that Brenda was merely using him because he worshipped at her feet and ran her errands. Maxie rudely pointed out that someone like Brenda would never be interested in a geek like Spinelli and would only hurt him. Spinelli correctly pointed out that the person who had hurt him was Maxie, and if she was really concerned about his emotional well-being, she wouldn't have tossed him aside for Matt.


That scene got to me because I haven't really gotten over the end of Maxie and Spinelli myself yet. I wanted to think that a romance between the glamorous (but self-centered) fashionista and a nerdy computer hacker could work. Their love blossomed organically and was so honest and genuine; I rooted for them to succeed. But they didn't. In the end, Maxie needed a little more excitement than the Jackal could provide, and that's always troubled me. What about you, readers? Would you choose someone who loved you absolutely or someone who didn't bore you? And the thing with Maxie is she'll tire of Matt soon, too. She's got romance A.D.D.


Now back to my whining…Here's a few things I am tired of… 1) I don't want to hear Claire threaten to send Michael back to Pentonville anymore, 2) I don't want to hear Carly shrieking about her hatred for Brenda in a shrill voice anymore, and 3) I don't want to hear anyone use the phrase "a woman scorned" anymore.


Oh, one more thing that caught me off-guard this week -- Nikolas and Brook Lynn are growing on me. When Elizabeth got back to town this week, I was glad to see her, but maybe she and fellow cheater Patrick can have a fling and leave Nikolas alone to explore some sexual healing with Brook, who has encouraged the grieving prince to finally get over Emily. She kinda owes him. He is paying her to be his professional escort after all. Ah, the life of a prince with no real kingdom to reign over…


What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Diane make it past Spinelli to get an audience with her fashion icon Brenda Barrett? Will Dante have to climb out on the roof to avoid being detected in Brenda's regrettably pink room? Will Johnny reconsider Carly's offer once he sees Brenda in person? Will Michael ask Sam for an emergency backup hooker? Will Sonny ever invite me to the island? I would so take the dress and gamble.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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