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Juliet Mills
A week of great laughs
by Ekek
For the Week of May 5, 2008
Tabitha was back last week, and none too soon. It seems that evil is back in Harmony, and it's set to ruin Kay's wedding.


One thing Passions is known for, one thing it can consistently deliver on is great laughs and this week was a classic. The week starts with the Blue Meanie. Little Ethan has dyed Gwen blue! She's like Smurfette, completely blue with a mane of blond hair, running around the mansion hunting down Little Ethan. Really, she looked so ridiculous you had to laugh.

Then the center of attention was Julian in his hospital bed. It seems that the recently reattached Little Julian could suffer a fatal relapse if he wakes UP before the surgical site heals. Little Julian would burst and fall off and Julian would bleed to death. Shocking really, that Little Julian really does have control of Big Julian. Poor thing; little Julian used to be the official Big Julian, but I digress. The plan is for Julian to rest and not think titillating thoughts but Julian finds the very word erotic, so he tries for a nap. What great dreams this man has! First he's fishing off the side of his hospital bed and pulls in Rebecca dressed in half a mermaid's costume. Alas she cannot stay, too many men and too little time. Pop in Julian's assistants Esme and Eve to hold her down but suddenly the three women begin arguing over Julian and - oh-oh-Little Julian is awake. So Julian tries another dream. Dynasty: The Sequel. We see Esme dressed as Krystal Carrington in a cat-fight with none other than Alexis (Eve) and they are slugging it out over Little Julian - opps - Big Julian begins to reappear. The real Esme sees this from the hallway and proclaims "Shades of Bruce Willis: Julian is going to Die Hard."

What to do? Call Edna and Norma of course. That's right; the old hags are back and posing as candy strippers to get into Julian's room. Esme has hired them to entertain him and they do a strip tease guaranteed to shut down Julian's business forever. Edna even flung her diaper. Those old hips can really rock when she gets a firm grip on her walker. For the time being, I think Julian is safe.

Tabitha was back and none too soon. The show was caught up in the two triangles from hell and the viewers needed a break. It seems evil is back in Harmony and set to ruin Kay's wedding. The viewers got great laughs at the expense of NBC and that hit Soap that got cancelled to make room for the today show. The soap was created by a sick hack writer with too much time on his hands. Can you imagine? When friends ask me why I watch this show I point to the delightful humor and the talents of Juliet Mills. It is an hour of pure joy.


The Triangle from Hell turns Blue

I really cannot stand these triangles as I feel the unresolved, unending, hurtful schemes are what ruined the show. Still I find myself discussing them like most fans do. The argument probably perpetuated by who you think is right and who you think is wrong. I've come to think that they are all in the wrong. There really isn't another fair way to look at it, in my opinion.

This past week Theresa made another promise to God. No more schemes and lies. Where have I heard that promise before? Oh, right; on her lips. She's no more capable of decency than Marie Antoinette could give up luxury. Theresa wants what Theresa wants and woe it to anyone that gets in her way. She's been chasing Ethan Winthrop since day one of the show and nothing has changed accept that she's now a married woman who has zero hope of a divorce from the world's meanest man. Oh, and she's supposedly dead as well. Theresa is reduced to playing petty tricks like putting itching powder on bed linens. I do find it easier to watch than blatant sexual attacks, murder schemes, blackmail and dead babies. This chick really believes that all is fair in love and war. I guess she's never heard of the Geneva Convention.

Ethan Winthrop is the world's biggest cad. He lies in bed with his wife and tells her he loves her and only her until the day he dies, but he's looking at Theresa's picture when he says that. In fact all of these years could have been avoided if he had been honest with himself about what he really did want. A respectable wife he was devoted to or the mistress who would do anything to be with him. He spent 9 years fending her off and now that she's dead she is all that he can think about; that and adopting her only son.

Gwen Winthrop is Ethan's legal wife. She's been his sweetheart since boarding school and an arranged match for Ethan since the day she was born. Too bad she doesn't know when to put the past behind her. She clings to a man who pines for a harem, her and his mistress. She's watched this cad forgive the woman who killed her children and made her life a living hell since 1999. Doesn't she realize that if his own flesh and blood means so little to him that he isn't husband material? Instead Gwen has turned vicious and she blackmailed Theresa to keep her away from Ethan.

Once again I am hugely disappointed in Pilar. Pilar has been using Little Ethan to hammer away at Gwen. She swears she'll support Ethan's attempt to adopt the boy and thereby make sure she is always around and that Little Ethan's face will be a constant reminder of Theresa. So what does she expect? That a blackmailer will fall apart and turn herself in? Especially one who sees herself as defending her marriage? We are getting the response that we might typically expect. Little Ethan is going away to boarding school and if he doesn't watch his step he'll be in military school instead.

Things cease to be fun when a child is hurt and every adult in this group is hurting him. His own grandmother puts her lust for revenge before his welfare. Worse yet the boy's mother goes on posing as the nanny instead of protecting him properly. Where will she draw the line? Is her commitment to chasing Ethan really stronger than her maternal instincts? Who will step forward on Little Ethan's behalf after he dyed Gwen blue?

The triangle has descended to far into crime to be of any further entertainment value. Theresa lies, commits suicide, tries to murder, blackmails, tramps around, sells her body to Alistair and all the while proclaims her love. Ethan talks out of both sides of his mouth. Gwen sinks to Theresa's level and blackmails Theresa and Pilar and now wants Theresa's spawn ejected from the family. Theresa is presumed dead and Pilar wants Gwen to pay. I see nothing about love in this mess. I see lust, greed, anger and revenge.


As if we needed another Triangle

The last thing we needed was another triangle. But we've got another, because evil has come back to Harmony. Paloma and Noah were already struggling with the tensions and complications of the plots against them. Fancy's mind control device forced her to kiss Noah. But just as Luis instantly forgave Fancy, his sister Paloma couldn't forgive Noah. Paloma wants complete commitment or nothing. So now her ex-boyfriend Roberto is back and she finds herself kissing him for no reason. I wonder now if she'll believe Noah. She really doesn't deserve his faith in my view because she never gave it. But the purity of their love is one small thing to believe in. Isn't it?


What tops a Triangle? Three crazy women and one man.

This is probably the most bizarre of all the triangles. Fancy's been fighting her Aunt Sheridan for Luis' attention almost since they started dating but things got really nasty when Fancy's sister Pretty got involved. I've said that Pretty may be the real Crane heir and Sheridan said the same thing herself this week. There seems to be no limit to what Pretty will do to her sister and her aunt. This week Luis proposed to Fancy while Sheridan and Fancy snooped in the hallway. The scream of rage that Pretty let out were exactly the same as I've heard from Alistair when his plot is foiled. Call me naïve but there is something twisted about watching 3 family members chase down the same man. Count it four if you include Beth. What is it with the Lopez-Fitzgerald children sleeping their way through an entire family line? Theresa did it and now Luis has. There is a definite yuck factor to this triangle/quadrangle.


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