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 Two Scoops: September 27, 2004 columns
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Michelle Stafford
A mother's love
by Nita
For the Week of September 27, 2004
Our columnist was on a short break this past week, but you can still enjoy an encore of one of our previous columns.
Although it probably wasn't meant to be funny, for me it was one giggle after another as I listened in astonishment to some of the words pouring from the mouths of our favorite GC citizens this week. In some cases, it made me wonder whether they'd swallowed an amnesia pill along with their orange juice.

Case in point: Phyllis. As she pointed the finger of blame at one time jailbird Kevin for corrupting her boy, I had to ask myself if this was the same woman who lied, stole, cheated, blackmailed, kidnapped and attempted murdered by motorcar, just to name a few of the many dirty deeds she's done? Do you suppose she inhaled too much of that incense Damon used to burn and lost selected sections of her memory? Faced with the prospect of police intervention, Daniel finished what he'd started with his come home phone call to Mommy and came clean about he and Kevin's part in the Lily plot. And then, how funny it was to listen to Phyllis, the mistress of manipulation and doer of dastardly deeds, rant and rage at Daniel for his bad choices. Oh the many lives she's affected, changed and ruined with weapons from her arsenal of underhanded actions. Now suddenly she's pretending to be Model Mom of the Millennium? Give me two breaks, because after everything this wicked woman has done unto others, one just won't do.

But once I'd finished scoffing at her "do as I now say, not as I've once done" words of contradiction, I quite enjoyed the tearful, tender moments of mother and son finally coming together. Although it was a bit hard to believe Alex could so easily be sent on his unsavory way with just the threat of a black, enraged Victor Newman cloud hanging malevolently over his bed-head, in the end that's just about what it came down to. Unlike the others who have been the recipient of the dreaded "Get out of town" directive, it appears Alex will be the first to take the muttered words seriously. Guess he'll be gathering up his girlie boys and moseying on off into the sunset. So, for all intents and purposes, looks like all the loose ends of this one have been neatly tied together. For Damon and Phyllis' heroic actions extracting Daniel from the mess he'd gotten himself into, Phyllis earned Daniel's eternal admiration and love and I'm guessing Damon will at least be granted polite tolerance. And Daniel's days of big, abandoned boy on a Swiss campus are officially over. As for his absentee Daddy, after listening to Chris tell Paul she wasn't missing Danny nearly as much as she probably should, it appears Rock-on Romalatti may have been written right off the Genoa City canvas. All that might be left is the singing of Ms. Burnett's old familiar song: "I'm so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems we just got started and before you know it, comes the time we have to say so long."

One final thing, however, remains to be done at the Renovated Tack House. The broken glass resulting from Alex's wild swings of his Louisville slugger. We've all heard it crunch. And if we hadn't, each person who stepped on it, commented about it. Is anyone ever going to sweep it up? Or has cleaning up after Phyllis and her boy been added to the endless list of Miguel's round the clock duties?

Things might have been tied up tidily for Phyllis and Daniel, but the tornado of turmoil whirling unchecked through Damon's life, won't be so easily tamed. Now that his demons have broken through the bars of their once locked lair, it's not likely they'll cooperatively crawl back inside. Poor dazed, Damon, eight years of swallowing his hatred and rage has all gone down the dribbling drain. By the way, Phyllis once again caused my eyebrows to rise in confusion in another of those do as I say, not as I did moments, when she begged Damon not to seek revenge. Is this the same Phyllis we've come to love or despise or like in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" has the real Phyllis been switched with an benign body double? Hasn't Revenge always been this woman's middle name? Oh, what a difference a son makes. For most of us fans, though, what's happened to Damon can only be considered a good thing, because we had long ago become weary of him being little more than a big, wind-up sex toy for selected Genoa City women to pant and paw over. Finally, he has been given something he can sink his acting chops into. So far, he's playing the part of a slowly unraveling man quite well and I'm looking forward to what happens next. But, if another fistfight is in his future, I hope it's done a bit differently. Because, I confess Damon's robotic look as he methodically went about the business of beating the beeswax out of Alex made me suddenly remember those old Rockem Sockem robots that moved stiffly across the ring, jolting their opponents with roundhouse blows.

Well, for many attendees, wasn't that Harvest Dance a lot less fun than a barrel of cavorting monkeys?

John was having himself a good old time with the freshly smelling Gloria clinging tightly to his biceps. At least he was until Michael thrust himself into their cooing midst. By the way, how many drinks do you suppose it took to convince Michael marching over to introduce himself to John's tackily-dressed date was a good idea? Introductions over, John wasted no time making his low opinion of Michael known, judgmentally labeling him a lying, cheating snake. Which of course made me chuckle quite heartily considering that certain members of his family have engaged in some of the very things he laid at Michael's door. I guess John must have been looking in the other direction during many of his offspring's objectionable antics. For instance, when it comes to Ashley and her sperm-capade, one couldn't stoop much lower; her scales were literally scraping the Genoa City dirt on that one. Of course, doting Daddy's STILL in the dark about his beauty's little laboratory leap outside the tasteful lines. And did he think Jack was acting honorably when he used his sheet skills in an attempt to trick Diane into admitting her participation in the frame Phyllis plot? And what of son and son-in-law's long ago attempt to snatch the Newman company rug out from under Victor's out of town feet. Oh well, in this topsy turvy town, when it comes to seeing what's really going on, I guess it all depends on how dark a pair of rose colored glasses you choose to slip over your sun-blinded eyes. John certainly has a rude awakening coming when reality knocks those lenses from his squinting eyes and shows him what Gloria really is.

One thing I will say about our favorite city, for families with children, this is the only place to party. Even the Collonade Room has an on-site playroom. As if people who can afford to dine there wouldn't also be able to afford live-in hired help. But, back to the story. The Carltons obviously felt bringing Abby to a mostly adults dinner dance was the perfect way to spend an evening. Thank goodness Diane just happened to be dining elsewhere in the Collonade and decided to pop her head into the private room to see what she hadn't been invited to, or else Abby would have been the only urchin in the ointment.

Now, I'm slipping on my armor because as soon as I express my next opinion, I'm probably going to be hit multiple times with acidic emails, but I have to call them like I feel them. Before I ease out on this creaking limb let me first admit I find Abby quite adorable. It's no wonder Victor, Brad and Ashley all look upon her childish countenance with mushy looks of love. BUT cute or not, she's beginning to tread on my tender nerves. I can easily picture her as one day being as annoying as her pouty face mother. Although young, Miss Carlton is already proficient in winding the men in her life around her tiny fingers. Every time I see her now, I can hear the old folks saying children should be seen and not heard. But not in Genoa City. Children are not only seen, but are asked their opinion on important matters and their decisions are final. Paint Victor with the poor parent brush for allowing Abby to choose whether she wants a 15 minute horse ride with Miguel, reins in hand, plodding resignedly beside her, thinking distractedly of all the duties he still has to finish before nightfall or stuffing herself with hot dogs and soda hoping Uncle Jack will catch her a souvenir foul ball. Unfortunately for Miguel, horse riding at the ranch won out. Abby's decision might not have been what Jack wanted to hear, but it was musical words to Diane's ears because now she gets to sit in the available seat at the game right next to father and son.

The dance wasn't much fun for Brad, who practically gnawed his lower lip raw, holding back his parental veto to a Victor-Abby outing, perhaps because he knew it would be immediately overruled by his bossy bride. But the cat that held his tongue must have suddenly let go because seconds later Brad nearly toppled the table's centerpiece chasing after Nikki to blame her for not throwing a roadblock in the riding plans. Nikki was so right - Abby is not her child and I don't blame her for removing her hands from the tot tug of war rope. In my opinion, it's way past time for both Nikki and Brad to chug down two chill pills with a bottle of water and sit their insecure selves down somewhere. When the newness has worn off the Abby toy, Victor will undoubtedly put it back on the shelf so he can chase after some other trinket.

Okay, enough already with the terrified Kay and her sidekick, Esther. Even though I admit it is funny to watch Esther hovering anxiously in the background like a guard dog as if she expects Arthur to reach out and strangle Kay right in the middle of the dance floor before all the horrified guests. How hard can it be to verify or disprove Harrison's harrowing tale of murder in Seattle high society? After all he said it was in all the Seattle papers. A quick Google search ought to be able to ferret out what information exists. Even Paul, who can hardly find the doorknob after it's popped him in the posterior should be able to find that out. At least Kay would know for herself what allegedly happened. Or perhaps, the scribes are intentionally trying to make the whole situation laughable and ridiculous. If so, it's working.

So what did Lauren mean by that "man with no past" remark to Brad? Could many of us be miles off the mark in guessing Bobby as the elusive Casein brother? What if the brother is Brad? My memory is a little murky - did Nikki tell Brad exactly what she'd been fretting about when she first regained her childhood memories? Even if she did, it would be no surprise that it rang no alarm bells in Brad's head since he would have been under five at the time and might not even remember he had a big brother.

Playing merrily along with Brittany's pretense that he was Fred and Anita's soon to be son-in-law, J.T. was probably one of the few guests who had a grand time at the gala. After gazing at their daughter's engagement sparkler, the Hodges didn't seem to be overly impressed with its size or clarity. In fact they did everything but kick each other under the chair to keep the other from laughing out loud. But had they known the man who'd actually given it to her was not a 20-something boy working for part time minimal wages, but a man almost as old as they were, they wouldn't have felt like laughing at all.

Laughing was definitely not what Bobby felt like doing when he arrived at the dance just in time to see J.T. and Brittany "climbing into each other's skins." For the moment, Brittany has convinced him now is not the time to be the bearer of bad tidings, but Bobby made it clear he wasn't prepared to wait much longer. Brit better start acting like a grown up instead of Daddy's spoiled little princess if she wants to keep Marsino dangling on her line.

Now that Paul and Lauren have mutually agreed to be friends and no longer lovers, the pathway to Lauren's passion is now all Michael's and Paul is free to resume his pursuit of Christine. Though I might be in the miniscule minority, I actually don't mind Chris and Paul together. It at least keeps them from making the love lives of any innocent partner miserable as they secretly pine for one another. Of course, Paul having left the playing field doesn't make a home run certain for Michael. He still has to help his brother remove his head from the clouds of fantasy. Because unless Kevin's therapy is well underway by the time he discovers his brother's love for Lauren, he's sure to go ballistic. And every second they keep the secret from him is bound to make an already bad situation much worse.

When I heard that Sharon would be giving us a preview of her stripper moves during the week, I fully expected to cackle uncontrollably at her no talent expense. But I admit the little she did didn't look half bad. At least it wasn't at fast forward speed. A full strip tease will tell the tale, though. But one thing is certain. Rhythm-less or not, I bet all would agree Ms. Newman certainly has the physical form to pull it off. Sharon might have the face of an angel, but the heart that beats in her ample chest belongs to a harlot. Just my opinion, but Sharon becomes more unlikable by the day. The ungrateful wench should still be trotting after Nikki begging to do something, anything to repay her for all her help with Cameron. Instead, she trotted straight to Victor and spilled everything she knew about Nikki's recent nocturnal activities. I couldn't help but notice she made sure she kept her jealous trap shut about her own sudden fascination with the ins and outs of stripping.

And finally, even with Jack's warning words clamoring loudly in her ears that when it comes to business, Elliott's proven to be a love 'em, then loot 'em kind of fellow, Jill remained blinded by lust for her charming CEO. Apparently she feels a man with his expertise in making love couldn't possibly have larceny in his heart. By the way, just exactly how does a crook make love? With one hand stroking his woman and the other rummaging through her dresser drawers? Elliott was positive their passionate night of love would have had Jill eating daintily from his manicured hands, but when he unexpectedly began spouting words of lasting love, issuing what closely resembled an ultimatum if she agree to rush headlong toward the altar, a suspicious Jill balked and immediately called his bluff. Elliott was forced to back down, but it was clear he realized the seduction and hoodwinking of Jill just might take longer than he thought.

Rumors: The biggest rumor on everyone's lips this week is the tragedy that is supposed to befall Abby. Something to do with a horse, perhaps? Oh dear, if the rumors prove to be true, we'll definitely need to have the Puffs at the ready.

* * * * *

Okay Viewers, you can take it from here:

Mary - "It seems to me that characters on the soaps do not have common sense. Arthur appears back in Kay's life after decades of being gone and she takes him back. If someone reappeared in my life I would feel we have a lot of catching up to do. And I would not take up where we left off until I knew what he had been up to all those years and had a sense of who he is now. She really doesn't know this man or she wouldn't have doubts. And commenting on another character, I find Kevin's obsession disturbing. I thought he was redeemable, but I'm beginning to believe he is not in touch with reality. He sees what he wants to see. And Lauren really needs to tell Kevin there is no way she could be interested in him. He may not believe it, but she needs to try. He needs a reality check."

Wanda - "Monday's episode has to the worst one I have ever seen of Y&R. What were the writers thinking when they wrote all of the inane and scripted stuff that was said at the Harvest Dance? What were the two kids, Kyle and Abby, doing there anyway? I know no one goes to work in GC but don't the children go to school either? That stuff about Jack taking them to a Cubs game was so dumb. The season is over for the Cubs. Why would he make a big deal of taking them to a game this late in the season? That stuff with Arthur and Kay is getting ridiculous too. Why doesn't someone simply check out the stepson's story? Ah ha!! Another BIG job for the investigative firm of Williams and Hellstrom. Right? They should let Brit do it though. She is better than both of them at "detecting." She sure solved the case at Fenmore's in a flash."

Joanne - "I'd really love David Tom to come but not as Billy Abbott. I'd like him to take on another role and for both he and Mac to get together. I always loved the chemistry between those two. As for Victoria, if she actually came back, I think it's time for her to find someone, get married (without the person dying) settle down and have kids. She needs some permanent happiness. I think they need to get rid of this Brittany and Bobby storyline. I think there's more chemistry between Nikki and Bobby. She needs to finally get rid of Victor and move on. I think Victor and Ashley should get together after all they are both pathetic and deserve each other."

Chris - "I am with you on the way Nikki looked when she went to the club. Who did her hair? She looked like something from that old movie "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane" with that hair and dress. I am sure she has more class than that. And Neil needs a good smack. He always holds his head up so high it is a wonder his blood doesn't go to his feet. Never bend Neil, you might look human. I am also tired of Ashley and Brad. Let's move on people. If the place I took my baby had drug dealings in it, we would be gone in a second. That poor child. Yep, I can see Sharon as a stripper, and of course her dumb, dumb husband will be right behind her, so proud. This couple should be titled dumb and dumber. She has children to take care of, and if she gets bored, she can also go horse back riding."

Sharla - "I only have one question. Why has Victor blindly accepted Abby as his daughter when he demanded a paternity test with Kyle? If, in fact, the sperm donation came from the same vial, isn't it possible that Abby is Jack's daughter? Wouldn't that be interesting? I only hope the writers will put some kind of blood test in Abby's future so we can all know for sure. I don't like the way Victor blindly accepts whatever bunk Ashley chooses to lay on him as the gospel truth. It's time to find out the real truth and I am betting on Jack being a double daddy/uncle."

V - "I too could not believe Brittany's "strip tease." That was the most hilarious show I've seen. Who on earth wrote that script and had poor Brit doing a backwards roll!? I have never known a stripper to do gymnastics during a performance. That was truly a pathetic attempt to show the audience how desired Brittany is. She looked like she was doing aerobics and gymnastics in one. That was one very poorly choreographed dance scene. And I have to add, why on earth is Sharon now so interested in being a stripper? Although nothing has been said that she'll become one, it's only a matter of time before she does. The girl is rich and has two kids and a husband to take care of. What on earth would she need to be a stripper for? The money? The attention? I think not. But this is Sharon we're talking about. She may be having some feelings of being inadequate now that there isn't a psycho hovering over her."

Marie-Claire - "I'm writing about Michael and Lauren. I think he has great chemistry with Lauren. Lauren and Michael should end up together and I know a lot of people think like me. Then, I think we'll see problems with Kevin and Michael who is attracted to Lauren. Lauren needs a real man in her life and I think Michael is this man. I'm sorry but perhaps Heather Tom had chemistry but Victoria had only a kiss with him. Lauren and Michael have lived through more things together. Tracey Bregman has great chemistry with Christian Leblanc."

Sandi - "I do blame Neil for most of this, but Dru went "head over heels" for Devon. But Neil going grocery shopping after confessing Devon's most fears was a little much. This is the way people handle things in GC, they go shopping, whether it is for groceries, clothes, hair or coffee shop. As I have said over and over again, what good are the Security Guards at the Newman Ranch, if all the bad guys get past them? I think Victor ought to pay attention to his Security and not worry so much about the beloved Ashley and the Rec Center. Of course, that was a 'given' with Sharon drooling over the stripping at Marilyn's; her next career move I would guess and Nick said he "would support her 100%." And the old school friend of Nick's, that too is a given that he and Sharon will romp in the sheets, hay, grass, you name it with her. Sharon sure has turned on Nikki since she got cleared of the Cameron thing."

Faith - "I agree with you about Brittany's dancing....it is hilarious! It doesn't look like exotic dancing to me. My 19 year old boys think Brittany is hot....but they thought the dance was stupid! I agree, it doesn't look very seductive and I can't understand why the regulars would even be into Brittany's dancing!! It seems like nobody in Genoa City can dance like Brittany! What a joke. Maybe Nikki should teach her! I remember Nikki was better in her stripping days. My boys suggested that Y&R should hire some choreographers to teach the "dancers" how to dance. About the storyline with Arthur and Kay; I don't find it very believable that he was so sweet and patient and now he is so anxious to get married. You would think he would have talked Kay into marrying him when she was still drinking if he wanted her money. Why would he wait until she is sober? That doesn't make sense. I am tired of Phyllis fawning over Damon. She needs to focus on her son, he should be her priority. I don't like Damon and Phyllis together and I don't like Brittany and Bobby together either. I can't wait for that relationship to fall apart."

Julie in Colorado - "I watched today 9/21/04 and could not believe what the writers did! First- Victor asking an innocent child to decide between a pony and a baseball game! It infuriated me! Why would he put a little baby girl in the position of deciding? Jack took it in stride. (Jeez, Ol' Smilin' Jack just kept smiling, bless his heart). Second - Sharon, please, you're BORED? With the little dance she did yesterday in front of the mirror and the conversation she had with Brittany today...... I can see where this might be leading. Talk about a pathetic housewife. Spend some time with your TEENAGED daughter and try to make a good example. Bet me Sharon will try the stage herself. ICK! Third- Gloria, your days of beauty are over, no matter how much lip gloss you put on! Cut those bangs! Fourth - The Kevin, Lauren and Michael game, I implore you writers to give it a rest! Let Big Brother Mikey be happy and not so tortured. Give the guy a REAL life with SOMEONE! Fifth and final- Please let Phyllis realize and understand her "darling" son is nothing but a rotten manipulating BRAT! He almost got himself and his mother KILLED. Thank GOD Damon happened to show up."

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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