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 Two Scoops: October 17, 2005 columns
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Don Diamont
What child is this?
by Nita
For the Week of October 17, 2005
So Abby's not enthused about Daddy dating her sister, huh? Well, wait 'til she's old enough to find out what Mommy was up to nine months before her birth.
Okay, I know it's a terrible thought to utter aloud, but I can't be the only fan who finds Abby more like a child who could have crawled from one of those pods from the movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" than one who was a product of mingled eggs and swimmers swirled together in a test tube.

So Abby's not enthused about Daddy dating her sister, huh? Well, wait 'til she's old enough to find out what Mommy was up to nine months before her birth. Yes, Little Miss Precocious has already figured out big sis isn't eager to ingratiate herself with her little half-sis. And clearly, it doesn't set at all well with her. Which doesn't surprise me. Because I've noticed the odd little pod child doesn't seem to warm to anyone not regularly watering her little pod roots with constant and effusive praise. Nikki, who disguises her ambivalence toward Ashley's tubal creation much better than her daughter, is only slightly more tolerated by Abby. Which isn't hard since Victoria doesn't seem willing to even pretend a liking she doesn't feel, not even to position herself closer to Bradley's bed. I thought it rather funny that when prompted by Brad to bid her adieus for the evening, Abby completely ignored Victoria, yet made a point of saying so long to Nick. Though he hasn't welcomed her any more warmly than Victoria.

Abby isn't the only blonde obstacle that could prevent Brad and Victoria from putting their dark heads together on one pillow. We already know that Sharon won't be waiting in line to cheer them on, but now there is a third baleful blonde chiming in with her nay vote. The woman who took distasteful to an all time low level by stealing a man's sperm and sending it swishing toward her empty center has the nerve to turn up her supercilious snout at her separated spouse's pursuit of her seed's half-sister. If that isn't like the burnt pot making fun of the skillet's scorched gravy! Though she claims to no longer have any amorous designs on Brad, like the greedy dog who buried a bone he couldn't eat then objected when some other mutt dug it up, for hypocritical Ashley, Victoria is one Newman she'd rather not have in Brad or Abby's life. Though how she thinks she can claim the Victor Daddy for her stolen daughter, yet cut out the Daddy's created in love daughter is beyond my comprehension. As usual, all must be Ashley's way or no way at all. And it doesn't look like Brad is leaning toward letting it be Ashley's.

So, since Brad made it crystal clear he had no intention of stretching out on the ground to allow Ashley to stomp back and forth across him, Ashley made noises about legally altering their handshake joint custody arrangement. But perhaps Ashley should be careful about flinging lawyer threats in Brad's direction. Because should her part in the drug planting plot come to light, the only lawyer she'll be writing checks to is a criminal defense one. And the only visits with Abby she could wind up with would be across a visiting room table under the watchful eye of a prison guard. I must admit that though Ashley is far from my favorite fictional person, I think it long past time she reclaimed her daughter. I know Ashley has had multiple mental meltdowns and hasn't been the most scrupulous scarecrow scaring crows away in the field, she is, when all is said and done, the decanter in which Abby came to completion. Brad is only adopted Papa on paper and should never have been allowed to call the custody shots. Besides, the record recording his past behavior is certainly not smudge-free.

Not all the heads shaking against a Brad and Victoria pairing are blonde. Jack, the interfering sprat's manipulative mitts are also on the stick stirring the concoction in the simmering pot. While Jack has been known to have his moments of caring compassion, this does not appear to be one of them. In my opinion, Jack is mostly a cad who doesn't hesitate to use anyone and everyone within his reach to destroy something someone else is building. But using his niece is really scraping up the grungy stuff at the bottom of the barrel. How in the world did nice, fair-minded John manage to spawn such belly to the ground creatures like Jack and Ashley? While I don't fully buy Ashley's claim that a Brad and Victoria link up could forever scar little Abby's sensibilities beyond repair, how dastardly that Jack would purposely pit Abby against Victoria to get to Brad.

And not being one to put all his hen's eggs in one wicker basket, Jack didn't stop there. No, he carried his burlap bag to Victoria and showed her Brad's magic still married beans inside. Which prompted Victoria to decide it wasn't in her best interests to continue consorting with a still married man. Although what Victoria should have been thinking was, "Could this be the comes around that allegedly goes around first?" Because there was a time when she was the still married though separated spouse and Ashley was the woman involved with Victoria's then husband, Cole. Sometimes payback really can be that bad five letter B word.

Jack's venom is by no means limited to Brad and Victoria. Though he used most of it against them, he still had enough left over to poison Neil's morning. He'd already sent Phyllis out on a surreptitious mission to plant seeds of discontent in Neil's corporate demeanor, then just for extra measure tipped off a Genoa City rag reporter to question Neil about Brad's rapid ascent up the Newman corporate ladder. By the way, did Jack also give him Neil's cell phone number or in Genoa City, unlike anywhere else in the land, does Directory's Assistance give those out? What's next, Jack? Pics of Sharon and Brad in a compromising position delivered anonymously to Nick? He should be careful, though, because history has shown his tricks usually end up buying him nothing but additional trouble.

It remains to be seen what Neil will do next. As he said, his team player loyalty hasn't brought him any special awards, and Victoria's preoccupation with Brad is leaving her deaf to any views contrary to his. So she brushed off as casually as one would knock lint off a dark suit the lack of research which resulted in Newman's inability to use the Seasons name across the product line. Neil's warning of possible production problems at the newly purchased plant was also given scant scrutiny. By the way, if this is the same plant whose employees are slated to undergo J.T.'s background check, production is only going to be one of its potential problems. He's been so busy supervising Brittany and romancing Mac in hopes we fans will one day begin to adore them together, will there even be anyone at the plant to shuffle the Nature and Seasons stock. I can't speak for any of you, but I would love to see the more experienced Neil proven right about his reservations about rushing to market with untried products.

When it comes to business in Genoa City, it's a wonder anything ever gets done. Because even though it was a work day (I know it was because the two remaining high school kids who still attend classes occasionally had to go. Even though Devon went late and Daniel left early), no one ever actually made it to work. Brad, Vikki, Dru and Neil all enjoyed a long, leisurely breakfast, complete with special table visits and assorted phone calls. Then while Vikki, Brad and Neil eventually wound up in the workout room, Dru followed Devon to Yolanda's then inexplicably returned home. With Nick still on son sabbatical and Sharon taking a one day break from her relentless stalking of Brad, that left no one in charge at the Newman headquarters.

And things were no better at Jabot either. Jill was still at the Mansion playing concerned Godmommy to Mrs. Marsino's blanket-encased log baby. Ashley and Jack spent most of their morning scowling at Brad and Victoria when they weren't making impromptu table visits. And when Phyllis finished playing company recruiter, she popped in to Crimson Lights for some Mommy time with Daniel (does his recent recollection of Lily mean they're getting close to a Lily recast?) then headed off for some manly bonding with the bachelor boys.

And what a lively bachelor party it was! So well-attended too. Yes, the invitees left me scratching my head in slight confusion. When did Nick bestow his benign absolution on Michael's once hated head? And what about Phyllis? When did she stop treating Kevin like something stinky she stepped in and accidentally dragged into the house? Where was Daniel? Last I knew, he at least liked Michael. And since liking the barrister obviously wasn't a prerequisite for presence, where was Paul? But, unusual guest list aside, all seemed to have a high old time. Everywhere you turned, a heretofore nonsmoking partygoer was blowing smuggled Canadian cigar smoke in your face. Why, I was positively reeking by the end of the party. Seriously, though, it was an unusual assortment, who, in my opinion were gathered together for a couple of main purposes. One, to get Michael out of the house long enough for Sheila to make her murder attempt. And two, to sow the first seeds of possible companionability (is that even a word?) in the soil between Nick and Phyllis. Sometimes my memory is akin to an elephant's and I haven't forgotten the long ago scribe promise that both the young Newmans were going to turn to others for comfort. Obviously, Sharon wants Brad to be her warm and fuzzy blanket; could Phyllis be destined to be Nick's?

When it comes to destiny, Tom's may not be very hard to predict. Only real criminals' crimes actually go unpaid in Genoa City. See Phyllis', Kevin's and Diane's (I still say she set that pool house fire) unpaid crime receipts for examples. So the chances of Tom's charges sticking for the set up drug manufacturing and delivery are probably none to none. Michael and Ashley's plan undoubtedly falls under the heading of those that seem foolproof in theory only. For knowing he was set up, who else would Tom look toward as the culprit but the stepson who despises him? And since it's doubtful Genoa City law enforcement is going to make history by actually sending a citizen to prison for a crime he didn't commit, Tom will eventually get out, especially with Star Defense Attorney, Christine Blair Romallatti Williams temporarily on his side. And his temper is not likely to improve during the time it takes him to wiggle out of the trap Michael set for him. And Michael isn't expected to be the only target for Tom's terrible ire. For their disobedience and disrespect, both Gloria and Kevin's likeness will also probably be posted prominently on his most wanted board. I'm sure he knows better than to bother seeking any revenge against Sheila.

Life at the Chancellor Mansion continued to center around all things Marsino again this week. After the airport kidnap attempt was foiled by Jill's forethought to replace Brittany's baby doll with a different baby doll, Brittany's gratitude lasted until exactly one second after her real baby doll was cradled in her arms. I agree with fan Maud's comment below that Jill's wasn't the most thought out of plans, so Brittany's anger was perfectly understandable, even if in the end it turned out to be the right thing to have done. By the way, how old is that child again? Two months? Yet he still looks barely larger than a days' old newborn. I know, he was born two months early, I guess that's supposed to account for his very small size. But how many mothers do any of you know who keep their infant constantly swaddled in a restricting blanket, complete with knit hat, even while in the house?

But, all that aside, what is really going on with Mr. Marsino? In all these weeks, he's been forbidden from making so much as a single phone call. Yet, he can suddenly convince his keepers to do something even more unlikely, like allowing him to stop in for a face to face visit? What was the purpose of the visit anyway? Solely to let everyone know that whatever was going on was, say it with me, fans: "Complicated?!" Has Bobby gone on escape from the Witness Protection Program and was actually accompanied to the Mansion by the mob? (I'm with you on that one, fan Wanda). When Brittany does depart, will she be going with or without her baby? If it's the latter, would she really leave him in the care of "I'm a Changed Mother" Jill?

And finally, snarling shepherds, water turning to blood, a plate full of squirming worms and a rat-bodied cell phone. And all Lauren could say was "I will not let this ruin my evening." As for me, I hit the OK button on my cable control. Just to make sure I was watching Y&R and not Fear Factor. Once I had ascertained I was still in Genoa City, what I said was: "What the heck kind of poison did Sybil, I mean, Sheila use?" Let's see, so far it has induced dizziness, nausea, blurred vision and fever, all believable symptoms of poison, but what kind of poison makes words echo repeatedly in your skull two, three, even four times? And then there were those hallucinations. All this by dipping a sterling silver chain in some poisonous concoction? Sigh. I don't know about you, but I'm having a very hard time keeping my belief balloon suspended in the air on this one.

It's also a little difficult to believe that anyone with half a brain suffering through the symptoms Lauren's experiencing wouldn't totter as fast as her little high heeled legs could take her to one of GC's medical quacks. Now I might have tried to pass off some of it as too much pre-wedding stress and caffeine coupled with too little food, but the snarling shepherd would have sent me stumbling straight to the ER. And I would never even have reached the point of pouring out bloody water, gazing in openmouthed disbelief at squirming worms, nor ever tried to answer a wiggling rat phone.

That's the end for me. It's your turn, fans.



* * * * * * *


WANDA - Please, please, please tell me it ain't so. Brittany IS gonna leave with Bobby, right? I can't stand that character any longer. She is such a whiner. Do you think maybe those were mafia guys who had Bobby instead of the FBI? Maybe they let him tell them good-bye in exchange for not ratting them out. Are they maybe gonna kill him? Do you think maybe Tom will end up saving Lauren when he realizes that Sheila has her and has poisoned her? That would get him back in everyone's good graces.

SANDI - Oh Ya - someone arrested would NOT be put in jail all night, but kept handcuffed to sit in the outer reception area for all to see and talk to! Where did that come from? Tom still had street clothes on in the morning and was sitting by a desk waiting for his attorney. Gotta love the writers! And GC'S newest office is the AC where business is conducted on the roof top and downstairs in the gym. Give me a break.

MAUD - So Michael and Ashley conspired, planting incriminating evidence on Tom's motorcycle?! How lame is that. Of COURSE Tom would figure out who had set him up - he may be evil, but he is not slow. What a hare-brained idea - Michael is risking his entire future and Ashley is going to look like an idiot - well, more of an idiot than she already is. Kevin can't keep his mouth shut and now he is questioning why Ashley was going out with Tom that night - he's going to get a lot of people asking questions. I really like Kevin - which, like many others, I would have never ever thought possible! But he has become a sweet, kind young man. Sometimes he needs to hush and watch rather than rush headlong into situations. Mac would be great with him. I'm tired of her being with J.T. - he's so full of himself. And I really do like the 'new' Mac - much more warmth than the 'old' stodgy one. It's interesting to note the changing hairstyles, isn't it? Nick looks so much cuter with his hair longer with a little wave going for him and not severely buzzed off. And going the opposite direction, Daniel is much much better looking having cut off his scraggly long locks. And what it is with the clothes folks wear around the AC pool? Abby is in her bathing-beauty suit, Kevin is wearing a sweater. Lauren is an intelligent woman, and an intelligent woman would not be dismissing her symptoms so cavalierly, saying she just needed to lie down. And speaking of intelligent women, why is Victoria being so dumbed down? She is simply not believable as the head of Newman - she acts so silly, and is over her head with Bradley. I did enjoy the look on his face when she asked him about still being married - would have it enjoyed it more if she had planned it a little better and done it with a little more style. I'm tired of Jack's carrying on, and it looks like most of GC is too! He keeps trying to get people to listen to him and nobody's hearing him anymore. Everyone seems sick to death of his chicken-little-the-sky-is-falling-doomsday act. He's brought himself so much grief, with his big plans that seem to always backfire, it's getting easy to tune him out, but I predict one of these days soon someone is going to wish (s)he had listened. I love to watch Jack - but I would suggest that some new facial expressions are in order, too - he's either just yakking along or biting his lip. He was once (back in the days he was with Nikki) really fun and great to watch. Now he is starting to be a little boring along with being a bit of a boor. Is Jill losing her mind?! She replaced The Baby with a doll - what a scary, nutty thing for her to do. And then she says she would have gotten The Baby back to Mama - in the witness protection program?!? Not terribly easily I would be sure. And can you just imagine if Brittany had gotten on the plane with the doll - only to discover into the flight that her Joshua was not with her! She would have gone (understandably) completely bananas. The FBI or whoever the guns were sure looked stupid for not staying closer to the baby. I'll miss little Miss Brittney - she is as self-centered as J.T.. They would really be a pair. Not that I would wish anything bad for Bobby - he's a cutie and a sweetie and I love to watch him and I'm sad he's been written out. Sure wish he had held out for a grown woman rather than silly Brittany. It's really the greatest show, isn't it!?



* * * * * * *


Well, fans, I sure hope your fingernails are neatly trimmed, because with Lauren on the rooftop hallucinating snarling, crawling, scampering things, all while being taunted by a Sheila creature who, although unbelievably unreal and considerably less than human, is not going to magically disappear after a quick opening and closing of Lauren's terrified eyes, I think it will be cling to the edge of the sofa seat time for those of us who don't bite their nails. Will Michael be Lauren's knight in dented armor and come face to face with Sheila? Ha! I'm not even going to bother letting my hopes climb up in that direction. Because I'm sure Sheila's paranormal powers will alert her to Michael's presence three seconds before he arrives, causing the duo to conclude Sheila was just another figment of Lauren's overworked hallucination. If I had my druthers, Sheila would be the one tumbling from the rooftop. Of course, perhaps I shouldn't say that too loudly. Because I could easily see Sheila leaping off the rooftop and disappearing, by way of some special rapid landing parachuting device or some other such outlandish invention we've never before known of.

Keep those comments coming, fans! As Tony the Tiger would say, "they're greeeaaat!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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