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 Two Scoops: May 7, 2007 columns
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Christian J. LeBlanc
Sin city
by Nita
For the Week of May 7, 2007
Dorothy was once heard to whisper as she stared in wide-eyed wonder at the unfamiliar world a wayward wind had whirled her to: Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Dorothy was once heard to whisper as she stared in wide-eyed wonder at the unfamiliar world a wayward wind had whirled her to: Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. Well, I can certainly identify with her disbelief because, fans, I'm beginning to feel like I'm not in Genoa City anymore.

There's not a dull moment to be found in these May days of unceasing drama. Twists and turns have my head swinging so swiftly, at times I fear it might rotate right off my shoulders. Secrets pop and crackle open like Orville's hot buttered best, but the scent these secrets exude do not make me hunger for a handful. Instead I sometimes find myself strangely unmoved by the tribes ups and downs and all lay arounds.

Though this picturesque little portion of the planet looks quite lovely on the surface, planted as it is with flowers of near perfect bodies and flawless faces; in reality the beauty is only skin deep, the ugliness hidden away, much like a woman might seek to cover her facial imperfections with multiple layers of flaw-forgiving foundation.

And as the week wore on, for this fan, at least, the ugliness emerged ever clearer, black mascara carving rivulets through cracking concealer, until I began to feel the need for a cleansing cloth to wash all the dirt away. And inwardly, at first, then out loud like a woman gone mad, I began to ask, is there any honor left in anyone anywhere in this town?

So much darkness and deceit in so many people, I hardly know who to begin with.

So, out of hat filled with names, I randomly picked Michael Baldwin. I'm an officer of the court, he's been heard to bellow or bleat importantly on many occasions, waving his arms theatrically or digging his digits in his tousled 'do until tiny tufts stick up in every direction. Allegedly obligated by law to report illegal wrongdoing. Yet this court-sanctioned counselor has committed or covered up so many crimes he's become a disgrace to his profession and should hang his head in shame, not to mention be stripped of his legal right to twist the law into unrecognizable shapes. But no, instead, he has the nerve to self-righteously shake a condemning finger at the likes of Jack and Brad for their deceptions, while collaborating with convicted felon Victor to commit more crimes than those he accuses. Computer hacking, illegal video surveillance, assorted accessory after the fact criminal commissions, and much, much more, I'm sure, to come.

Then there is Mike's manipulative mommy. A woman so plastic she should squeak when you squeeze her. Her dollar sign shaped eyes ever on the monetary prize someone else has earned, her only goal in life seems to be how to get a free ticket for a lifelong ride on somebody's, anybody's, gravy train. Though she presumably is paid a more than livable wage for doing what appears to be absolutely nothing at all, it apparently isn't enough for this grimy gold-digger. For Gloria, truth not only isn't the last resort, it's not even on the list for consideration. Everything is fake with this woman. Home-cooked meals cooked on some other chef's stove. Supposed self-baked muffins from a bakery box. Pretend interests stolen from a dead woman's online bio. Self-sent flowers, tossed away cards, pretend bereavement for her dearly departed on a picked out of thin air date on the calendar, libido altering drugs, and the like. It seems our Gloria has yet to encounter a level too low for her to stoop to. With an uncanny ability to be in the exact right place at the worst possible time for her enemies, she has successfully completed countless coups. And proving there is truth in yet another adage, the one about the rotten apple never rolling far from the diseased tree, she is assisted in her unsavory endeavors by the two fruits of her loins, her law-bending boys. And recently, apparently eager to lower herself to her new family's unethical standards, daughter-in-law Lauren has added her name to this list of lawbreakers, declaring her all-consuming hatred of all things Jack for his secret ownership of Jabot and resistance to Gloria's poisonous infiltration of his family. Yet she unquestionably upholds the actions of the crime-ridden faction within her own clan. It will be interesting to see if her loyalty will waver now that she's inadvertently overheard Gloria's tainted cream confession. Of course, I won't hold my breath hoping this knowledge will cause Lauren to draw a line in the sand and position herself on the side opposite her family. Because given Gloria's perfected ability to paint herself as the perpetual victim of persecution, I'm sure she will convince Lauren that this too, can be laid squarely on Jack Abbott's front step.

Jack is the next resident's name pulled from the hat for the purpose of ridicule and reproach. Considering the secrets he's got buried, though not nearly as deep in the ground as he believes, he ought to be very selective when choosing the hapless human target at whom to hurl his bitter barbs. Like a petulant child, he whimpered and whined, yellow highlighter slashing to and fro as he angrily illuminated every incriminating passage in his new wife's manuscript of mistakes, a wife he was hell bent on wedding as quickly as possible. Liar, he now cries, bottom lip quivering, a shaking finger pointing out a secret here, a lie of omission there. But what of the book hidden beneath the false panel in the bottom drawer of his own desk? The one detailing his dishonest deeds, unscrupulous actions and untold secrets? Not to mention the secret in his heart hidden even deeper. The heart, in my opinion, that's still owned by Phyllis.

And there's no way I would ever overlook our Victoria. Poor, trodden across, cheated upon, Victoria. Unhappily wed to a man to whom cheating at least once is just part of the marital package. She was determined not to gaze goo-goo eyed at Brad without those rose-colored glasses, though even with them on his infatuation with Sharon was ridiculously clear. But, for me at least, Victoria has left herself no room to dismount from her steed of righteous wrath and injured indignation. I find it difficult to drum up much sympathy for a woman who even as she repeatedly rakes her hubby over the hot coals for his clandestine coupling, has sashayed out for a secret stroll down Avenue Adultery herself. With a man she's consoled herself with before. And while pregnant, at that. On the unofficial score card I keep, that comes close to making it a tie.

But while Victoria's extramarital meander might be considered near perfect payback for Brad, what her mother did to her comes closer to qualifying for unsportsmanlike conduct and unnecessary roughness. And for that Victoria does deserve and willingly receives my sympathy. But I did deduct some points because of her unreasonable request that Neil get up and give her Mommy his board seat. Of course that was before she found out the blade in her back carried Nikki's fingerprints.

Once the face on the poster above the words Family First, Everything else Second, the new Nikki Newman is now a woman I wouldn't advice turning an unprotected back to. Unless you have a surgeon on standby ready to extricate the blade she might bury in your back if you have crossed her. Having memorized various pages ripped from Victor's playbook, Nikki is proving she can be as ruthless as the man she's married multiple times. Son, daughter, grandkids, business partners, ex-husbands, it's clear anyone standing between her and the Senator seat she covets will be sliced to slivers and thrown to a pack of wolves to be devoured. Her campaign posters should picture her with a wickedly sharp pitchfork clutched in one expertly manicured hand and a pair of stumpy red horns sticking out of her golden crown. With what she did to her daughter last week, Nikki earns the top spot on the lengthening list of those who vindictively do unto others the very things they cry foul about when someone else does them. How hypocritical and so Genoa Citian for Nikki to use the very same coercion/blackmail/extortion weapon against Brad she reprimanded Phyllis for wielding. And even as she condemned Sharon for undermining her daughter's marriage, she pronounced her own actions in her daughter's best interest. As always, in Genoa City, who needs enemies when friends and family are available to step in and rip your life apart?

For Phyllis fans, the week must have been near sublime. Because from Monday to Friday, Phyllis was front and center before us. It seemed there was little going on in Genoa City that didn't somehow relate to her. Wedding stuff, blackmail stuff, stubborn stepchild stuff, Nikki stuff, Vicky stuff, Sharon stuff, Nick stuff, Michael stuff, Lauren stuff. Every other scene it seemed there was Phyllis. Wringing her hands, biting her lips, worrying to Lauren, whimpering to Michael, it just went on and on and on. Poor Phyllis, she was getting it coming and going. But in spite of it all, the wedding happened and I'm sure I was not the only fan who knew that it would. Sure, thanks to Nikki and Brad, she was arrested for extortion immediately after saying I do, but with Superlawyer Baldwin on round-the-clock call, we all knew release would come practically within minutes. And we also know there's so much more to come. Like the chance that a Summer daughter will be ripped from her mommy's loving embrace. Not likely. Nikki already has and Jack is likely to be the next to turn his back on poor Phyllis. And Victor's recent vow to return NVP to the N and the V leads one to believe Phyllis is also about to become momentarily unemployed. But don't fret too much for Phyllis. She's proven to be a feline who can be tossed from a ten-story building and still land easily on all four paws. I don't imagine this time will be the exception. She'll get a little of the payback many feel she is due, and it all comes out to more air time for her. Sounds pretty close to a win-win situation to me.

With what seems like 90% of the City lying, cheating and backstabbing each other, who do you root for? When the soul of every citizen seems blackened beyond redemption, how do you pick a favorite? Who is there to care about?

For instance, Victor vs. Jack. Sure Jack was devious, but I find it hard to cheer any louder for Victor because in my mind, his long-running deception is no better than what Jack's done. Forget more further lawbreaking by the Baldwin-Fishers trying to prove Jack's duplicity. Victor should just confront him, make his accusations and demand NVP back. Stick a fork in it, it's done, move on to something else.

Nikki vs. Jack and the race for Senator. I wouldn't want either one of these two to represent my City. Despite the high horse she sits on to look down on the rest of the world, Nikki is right up there with Victor when it comes to lying and deceiving. Her vindictive streak runs wide and deep, and despite the brief lip service she gave about the issues that allegedly make up her platform, it's seems more about beating Jack and taking Clear Springs away from him than any concern she might have for her future constituents.

Gloria vs. Will. With all her manipulation, my wish for Gloria is for her to be alone and lonely. With Kevin as her constant companion, cracking sarcastic jokes at her expense.

Then there's the blindingly blonde Ambrosia, whose name should be spelled out in garish Las Vegas-like lights. When it comes to her, whether she lists her home address in Los Angeles or Wisconsin, once a gold-digger, apparently always one. There's no end to her tricks to figure out a way to reach the top of the money tree. Oh well, the whole porn thing with Daniel was distasteful, but when it comes to pulling the wool over the Chancellor family's eyes, it's hard to hate her too much. After all, it's not as if Kay and Jill will ever be able to spend all the gold coins at the end of their rainbows even if they were to live forever. Even Amber, living as lavishly as she is able, wouldn't make so much as a shallow dent in that massive fortune.

Ahhh, Cane. Obviously not just a pretty face with an empty head attached to it. His recent phone call to Langley sure makes it appear he's not the Chancellor heir after all. The signs are posted: Heartbreak ahead for Jill and Kay. As for Amber, guess it will probably be easy come, easier gone. She'd best be about the business of enjoying the affluent life until she's kicked out of it.

And lastly in the pile of Genoa City dirt and disorder, Jill and JiMin sparkle like a bright and shiny diamond. The two of them are like a pocket of clean, fresh air found unexpectedly in the middle of a mass of smelly smog. Finally, a romance I can root for. And also on my wish list for JiMin is a piece of the Jabot pie. With the upcoming ambush from Victor and Michael and Jack constantly nipping at his heels, the man has certainly paid his dues and should be rewarded.

That's it. That's all. The rest is up to you.

* * * * * * *


KAMAL - Death to Gloria! That has been my motto for the better part of a year. And she can take her smarmy son, Kevin with her. All this drugging and bugging of board rooms is just too much. The woman has no scruples and no remorse. Because of the events she set in motion, a woman lost her life, a family company was near run into the ground, her "beloved" husband died in prison and yet she is still walking around a free woman? And she isn't reviled by anyone outside of Jack. John wasn't even cold in the grave before she was scheming on her next rich man, William (crashing bereavement support groups and all). She's pure scum and needs to pay. BIG TIME. Phyllis looks to get off unscathed again. I do love Nick and Phyllis together, but damn, come on! Can't she pay for any of her misdeeds? I'm so with you on the Newman's lack of concern that Drucilla Winters, an executive at their company AND wife of their COO, is dead because (if only partly) of Phyllis' actions! Now these photos (which I knew would exonerate Phyllis) put all the blame on Sharon who is not one of my favorites at all. But even I wouldn't wish all the backlash she's received and will receive on her for this caper. When will Phyllis receive payback for what she's done? I can hardly feel sorry that Nick is mad at her. Nick doesn't know the half of what she's done. Nick best call up Christine or Danny for the real scoop. Brad is a dirtbag and is messing with Korbeen to boot. He needs to let it go. She is a grown woman, let her make her own decisions. Victoria usedto be so much smarter than this. Why would she sleep with J.T. and then try to work it out with Brad for the baby's sake? She seems to be acting out of desperation. Sack the sleazeball of a husband and move on.

AMY - Just wanted to let you know that one of the biggest pleasures of the week in my work place is printing your Two Scoops Commentary and laughing our heads off! What a great writer you are!

ROLONDA - I think some people only love Phyllis because they hate Sharon. I don't know how far Phyllis fans thought this miserable, trouble making, cradle stealing woman would go before her perfect house of cards would shatter all over the place and fall apart. It was ok for her to step all over Sharon, try to force her to change her name from Newman, ask Nick if they could live on the Ranch just to hurt Sharon. As if that wasn't enough, she blackmailed her and Sharon still didn't make a big deal of it when her best friend died because of Phyllis's miserable jealousy and hatred of her. She wanted so badly to be a part of the Newman family and enjoyed the fact that they hated Sharon. She didn't realize they didn't have respect for a woman sleeping around with a married man in the first place. But she learned she herself never was really liked; she was considered the lesser of two evils. Well Sharon couldn't have put it better when she told Nikki and Vikki the best revenge against Phyllis was the two of them. "Haaaaaaaa" I loved it.

CABC - Thank you Nita for breaking it all down for us, and hitting everything right on the head! I noticed most of the Phlick fans tend to be newer viewers; Phyllis has done just as much and more than any female on this show, even if the writers want us to believe otherwise. Let's call Nikki, and Victoria Dumb and Dumber! So I wonder if all those people who thought Sharon was a slut, if they feel the same way about Pregnant Vicky? I don't think the writers really know what to do with the other characters unless their names are Phyllis, Victor, and Brad!

E KING - I am reading all the comments bemoaning what people view as the ruin of Nick and Phyllis. They're the hottest couple in daytime, some have said. Well, I disagree wholeheartedly. I have hated them together from the beginning. I will never forget how their disgusting lust was forged on the grave of a child. It happened because Nick turned his back on his grieving wife who needed him more than she had ever needed him. Sharon didn't turn away from Nick. Nick abandoned her. I'm glad they're bringing Phyllis back to her bad-girl roots. As fine an actress as Michelle Stafford is, there was absolutely nothing convincing about her born again virgin routine and demurely lowered lashes as she admitted that she had "fallen". Phyllis is a mercenary witch who just wanted an excuse to be ugly to and lord it over Sharon. Never mind that Phyllis had no right to even WANT to be hateful to Sharon to begin with, lest the viewers have forgotten that Nick and Phyllis ruined Nick and Sharon's marriage. You just had to love Phyllis' lying mouth as she tried to explain that she didn't think Nick would want to know that his ex-wife cheated while they were still legally married. What the heck was Nick gonna say to her? How dare you cheat on me! I don't think so! I also don't get the hatred towards Sharon. I find it utterly hypocritical that the viewers can hold Sharon's sins as wife, mother, and fellow woman against her until the second coming of Christ, but at the same time, conveniently forget that Phyllis is a liar, fraud, kidnapper, stalker, blackmailer, and attempted murderess!

ROCQUELLE - Hey Nita! I have to say I'm a little shocked that you either missed this little tidbit or didn't have enough time to mention, but that's okay. I'm here to offer my piece of the pie. Let me just say that if anyone should ever be considered to roll with me and mine, the one and only requirement that person must possess is common sense. With that said, I've never liked Amber and think she's pretty annoying. But I just about died when she asked if there was a blackout when she and Cane returned home to darkness. There was light, plain as day, in the hallway. I'm sorry, but someone needs to stick a fork in Ambrosia, cuz she's done. How DUMB can you be?! I also just wanted to say that Vicky sleeping with J.T. cracked my up (after I threw up a little in my mouth seeing as she's currently preggers). I just wish she had thrown that tidbit in Brad the Walking Slut's face. Why keep it a secret? I would LOVE to see his blood boil.

HELENE - Good job, Nita! Gotta say, tho, some of your fans writing in are pretty different in their ideas. Sharon is not some poor little thing that everybody is picking on! Yes, Nick cheated but for as many times as he did, she did as many times, if not more. She's got this self-righteous, poor me attitude and nobody should be buying it! PLEASE let Gloria be found out! William needs to start thinking with the right head now and get back to work on Jabot's case. Gloria almost ruined the company her husband built from the ground up, the whole time screwing John for his money, pretending to love him and ended up murdering that poor woman in the process. She and Kevin both need to be found out and have to spend the rest of their lives in jail! If it weren't for Gloria's lies, John wouldn't have spent his last days in jail. She belongs there. PLEASE!

KIM - I cannot understand how anyone can be on Phyllis' side she stole someone's husband from them at the most crucial time in her life. Cassie died! Brad is a slime and always has been. Victoria is too stupid to leave him. After all look at what her example of relationships have been Victor/Nikki/Ashley/Hope Nikki/Victor/Jack/Brad/Cole plus God knows who. Gloria needs to be found out before this poor unsuspecting William gets in too deep but if the file disappears and he has only been talking to her about it then it should be obvious to him who took it! Michael needs to keep his nose clean for Lauren's sake; she is a wonderful lady why screw it up for the likes of his mother and brother. I am a Sharon and Nick fan; they belong together and have great respect for one another. Too be honest I liked Phyllis best with Jack even though I think the woman should just rot in jail for her crimes.

JM - Do Nikki and Jack have any real ideas for their voters on any issues? It seems that all they are concerned about are their back and forth scandals. And where is the press? Shouldn't these two leave GC and be out on the campaign trail - too unreal.

EVE - So Nikki found out about Phyllis' extortion with Brad and decided to do the same thing herself, only this time force Brad to have Phyllis arrested? And the cops actually arrested her? Without any proof, tapes, memos, emails, just this Mr. Greasyhair's say-so? And Phyllis is dumb enough to worry about it? There is no proof. It's he said/she said, and Phyllis can usually talk her way out of a casket. On the other hand, way to go, Nikki. Nothing like copy-catting Phyllis to maintain your high standard of morals. Not to mention telling your pregnant daughter it's just good business to air all of her dirty laundry in public. Obviously, Nikki's going for the family values vote. Not. In the meantime, I may be wishful-thinking here, but I would love it if it turned out that Cane is working for Billy Abbott, who has finally gone to the Dark Side and figured out how to do serious payback for everything that happened back in the days when Billy was played by someone I cared about. I would like it even better, and here's a hint, writers, if, some time around the end of May sweeps, Sharon walks in the bathroom to tidy or something, and finds Nick in the shower. Yes, the whole entire show since (name your event - mine would be some time BEFORE Gloria put the deadly substance in the cream, because I loved watching Jack trying to deal with Glo-ho as his step-mommy dearest), yes ever since then has been a dream, folks! An extremely badly written nightmare! Rewind, start over, and do it better.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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