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 Two Scoops: July 23, 2007 columns
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Judith Chapman
Another abundantly applied coat of whitewash
by Nita
For the Week of July 23, 2007
A third husband has been sacrificed on the altar of Gloria Fisher Abbott Bardwell so that she might continue to enjoy the lavish lifestyle to which she schemed to make hers.
Oh, poor, poor Gloria. How our hearts should be aching atrociously on her behalf. Humph, well I would never presume to speak for the hearts that pound powerfully in the chests of any other fan, but the heart of this fan remains frozen and infuriated against Gloria and the rest of the misbehaving misfits that make up her family members.

So, yet a third husband (death of the month for July) has been sacrificed on the altar of Gloria Fisher Abbott Bardwell so that she might continue to enjoy the lavish lifestyle to which she schemed to make hers the moment she heard Gina murmur the name of the rich man she knew could make it possible.

Oh and how terrifically our tears should have trickled (some of ours, maybe, but not mine) as Michael related the heart tugging tale of a child mother at 15, forced by circumstances to stay wedded to the mean old step-papa who abused the lad from his very own loins. Oh, but she loved us so, Michael boozily insisted, as if he'd forgotten the flashback we'd witnessed during which Gloria giggled as Terrible Tom tossed her boy in the closet, more anxious to get to the bar than rescue the son who now instantly asks how high when she bids him to jump to yet another of her sketchily conceived commands. Well, I don't care how many layers of stain-hiding Latex are painstakingly painted on the carcass of this carrion crow, or how many positions in which she twists her manipulative beak in an attempt to portray a picture of penitence; she will always be a gold-digging destroyer of all men good and fairly decent.

So once again, as written by those wielding the felt tip pens, a GC woman with few discernable redeeming traits, unless deceit and treachery are counted as coveted qualities, gets to waltz away with the prize, in this case, the millions, without having to go through the trouble of keeping the wool pulled tight over the man's besotted orbs.

Am I disappointed in this outcome? Of course, I am. This feral feline is proving to have more lives than the unluckiest of cats. And I've long been sick of seeing her get away with everything. Am I surprised at this outcome? Of course not. If John, a character who has been around for eons, can be tossed away like a half-consumed container of Crimson coffee, just to ensure the Fisher/Baldwin clan's calculated plots never come to light, what chance did a poor DA have? It's been difficult to watch these poor excuses for human beings toy with the DA's life the way they have these past weeks. From Gloria's eerie insinuations and veiled threats, to Michael's exaggeratedly slanted monologue, manhandling and near-maniacal outbursts, along with Lauren's easy acceptance of all that has been done to protect a woman who in reality needs not a bit of assistance to make her dark dreams come true. And now, just like that, with the DA's convenient demise, after first making his forgiveness clear, all gets swept under the rug and the Fisher/Baldwins get to prance on down their merry, life destroying path, once again without paying so much as a pittance in penalty. I don't know about any other fan, but this fan didn't find that much fun to watch. And, as if all of that wasn't bad enough, Gloria came out of it a millionaire! What a reward for deceit and deception. I guess the only remaining question is: who will her next victim be, and which woman will he be stolen from?

Okay, bringing this particular rant to a screeching halt. Am I taking it all just a wee bit too seriously? It's just a soap, Nita, it's just a soap.

Moving on ... if anyone deserves an Emmy for all of this, I would say William Bardwell should be near the head of the line. For a man who was written unable to speak, he was excellent at portraying a wide range of emotions. At times, I was literally on the edge of my sofa, trying to will fresh breath into his ravaged body, attempting by mental telepathy to change the scripts of what was already penned and memorized. The alarm that would leap into eyes when one or another of the plotters would hiss a warning in his direction. The way that one eye glittered with an unshed tear while Michael painted a new and prettier picture on top of the ugly (no, not literally), self-absorbed witch we've known as his mother. The despair as one after the other his notes were discovered and waved triumphantly under his nose, as proof of his failure to save himself from the bloodthirsty clan members.

As for Michael, while as usual, his acting was superb, I had a tough time believing a word he uttered, because he was so obviously intent on saving his mother carcass at any cost. It was easy to believe that had William not so conveniently succumbed, Michael might have taken it upon himself to dispatch him to his afterlife destiny, were it clear William intended to force Gloria to own up to her crime. And had it been possible, I would have reached through the screen and slapped some sense of reality into Michael, for that lame excuse that Momma was only trying to help her ex-husband by tainting the cream. Does he really believe that poo poo or did he have a mini stroke of his own which altered the pictures mounted in his memory book? The only reason Gloria tainted that cream was to get back at brother and sister stepchildren and to make them look as incompetent as possible. What, pray tell, did that have to do with helping her ex-husband? Or am I missing something important that only Michael can see? By the way, how clever of Michael to let us in Mommy's age during his monologue. If he's about 45-ish, I guess that makes Mommy 60-ish.

Phyllis and Nick and Sharon and Jack. It has been rather fun watching Nick return to his life and confusedly try to fit himself back into it. For this fan, the best part about Nick's amnesia has been the fact that it allowed him to go back into time and right a few of the wrongs. The one thing I always hated about the Phyllis/Nick pairing was that neither of them seemed very much bothered about what the two of them had been up to. Heck, a giggling Phyllis even often make the whole thing a laughing matter, cracking jokes and claiming that what your significant other didn't know really wouldn't ever hurt them. And while Nick had been a wandering eye cad before, at least in the past his conflict between doing what was right and what wasn't clearly tormented him. It didn't seem true to his character that he would have so cavalierly and callously chucked his ten year marriage the way he did. And before you say it, I know, Phyllis claimed to have been sorry, but it never really rang true to me. Because whatever sorrow she did feel seemed to last just about as long as Pat was alleged to have remained in the army (an elder's saying) and that was supposedly only until he heard the very first shot (which I imagine happened almost immediately after he reported for basic training).

Anyway, you would think that I'd have been gyrating with giggling glee at the less than welcoming way Nick has greeted the news that he's now married to Phyllis instead of his high school sweetheart, but surprisingly, I'm not. Phyllis has done an excellent job portraying her dismay and heartbreak. And since Nick has already moved back in with the redhead, I presume I'm not going to get my other wish (which was that if he was going to fall back in love with her it would be told in a slow, romantic way) instead of after a couple of weeks they'd return to their patented lovemaking lunges as a prelude to their steamy, slow motion sexaerobics. But still, even though it seems obvious it will soon be monkey business as usual between Nick and his feisty feline, his pursuit of Sharon has been enjoyable to watch and mostly makes up for the sneaky way he got involved with Phyllis. By the way, it was nice to see Nick renew his acquaintance with the electric razor. With all that hair on his face, I kept waiting for someone to tell him: even a caveman can do it. Of course, his clean shaven look subtracts multiple years off his age and makes him look like he should be hanging out with Daniel instead of his mother.

As for Sharon and Jack, while I'm used to them together, they still seems more like old man father and sexy stepdaughter than loving spouses. Without returning her to Brad, I would still like to see Sharon in a relationship that at least one could pretend was a love match made in heaven. Of course, given the current crop of GC men, both free and already spoken for, such a love doesn't seem likely.

Okay, I may very well be I'm in the minority here, but there's another match that seems to need kindling, matches and a forest full of dry wood. Yes, I mean J.T. and Victoria. Funny, for people who are actually wed to each other in their real lives, the on screen chemistry is just not crackling for this fan. Maybe because neither character has proven to be very interesting. Victoria is best with her brother, Nick, and often J.T. seems like a shadow someone tossed into the scene at the last minute. For all that he contributes, he may as well be holding a placard that says, for support and lovemaking only. Just my opinion, but they are b-o-r-i-n-g, both apart and together. I did think it was pretty funny Brad telling Abby that either way, whether it was a boy or girl, she'd be a big sister. Since Abby's soon to be ex-stepmother is also her half-sister (even though great pains seem to be taken to never mention that particular relationship), he's right.

Speaking of relationships, those in charge of GC seems to be ringing the death knell on yet another one of those. Many fans loved the Adrian/Colleen link up, but with the departure of Adrienne Leon, it will official end, at least with this particular actress. Since successful pairings are all a matter of chemistry, will there be some between Adrian and the new Colleen to come? Or will she seem too young for the youthful professor? Perhaps she will arrive just in time to pick up the pieces of Daniel, who may soon be tossed on the trash heap by his wearied by his lies wife, although with his propensity to tell tall tales, I don't know that he'd be much of a catch for any woman. And what about Kevin, he's also in need of a lady for his arm, although in order to fit properly into the Fisher/Baldwin clan, she'd have to possess a leaning toward liberal lawbreaking.

Now that Daniel has been caught in most of his lies, but with a few rather large ones still outstanding, only time and a bad script will tell if Lily continues in the marital harness with this bounder. Funny that Daniel constantly insists he loves his wife, yet for months now, he's shown more loyalty to bleached blonde fellow liar, Amber, than the woman he vowed to put above all others. Too bad, Lily's probably stuck with him. It's not as if there's anyone else to pick from.

Finally, Cane is beginning to learn a few crucial truths about his lady love. If there was a throne for habitual liars, Amber would be crowned Queen of them all. I can't even remember the last time this immoral manipulator actually told the truth. From sunup to sundown, on large things and small, she lies. But, when Cane has finally figured out or been told the whole truth and nothing but, will it even matter? Or will Amber, like Gloria and Phyllis before her, be given her own couple of coats of whitewash? Ah, if wishes are ever granted, I hope I get mine. Which is that Amber gets a record contract (without me ever having to hear her warble, of course) and leaves town to become the next American Idol.

In the only romance with any heat, we finally were served a diminutive dollop of Jill and Ji Min. But will Kay please get a grip? Her intense dislike of Ji Min seems way out of proportion, given the way she quickly accepts and forgives others for their faults and transgressions. Of course, if the little we've seen is any indication, she may turn out to be in the enviable position of getting to gloat I told you so to her smitten seed. Was Ji Min the watchful eyes when Amber was re-burying all that money? And if he was, is he destined to be rechristened a villain? I guess these days, nothing would surprise me. Any semblance to GC representing a real place filled with real people who contain both good and bad traits has mostly disappeared. In this new but not improved GC, most everyone is a lying manipulator, and is liable, after something as small as an argument over the weather at breakfast, to be rutting in the sweaty sheets by lunchtime with someone not their mister or miss. What the heck has happened to our town and its inhabitants?

About the only one currently without somebody to love is poor, pompous Brad. If Nick is going to go back to Phyllis and Sharon is staying with Jack, I suppose he can always pencil his name onto Logan's dance card. Outside of Phyllis, she's about the only lady left whose name hasn't been notched on his bedpost.

So finally, Nikki owns NVP. But how funny it was to hear her go on and on about how she was perfectly capable of running it all by herself; she didn't need her controlling spouse glaring at her handiwork over her shoulder and pointing out her mistakes. After all, she claimed to be a wonderful businesswoman in her own right, with her own brain, and her own ideas, etc., ad nauseum. Yet, before the ink had even dried on the official contract, there she was begging her always smirking boy toy to give her a hand.

Well, now that Nikki has enraged Oz by refusing to cave to his demand that the boy toy be summarily sent back to the Island of misfit or broken toys, Jack at last is not the lone name on Oz's hit list. In fact, not only does he have plenty of company, with the addition of names like Nikki, David and JiMin, Jack may not even be Oz's top priority. Who would ever have thunk it? Victor must be tossing and turning with sleeplessness every night. Because everywhere he turns someone is thwarting his desires and thumbing their noses at him.

Everyone, except poor Neil, or course, who knows very well on which side his bread is buttered. Obviously co-CEO in name only, Victor seemed to take great pleasure in overriding his decision in front of newly-hired Karen. By the way, how funny to see these campaign managers turned business executives overnight. But I don't know why I should be surprised. Neil may be the only executive with the education and hands on experience to actually deserve the title of executive. Everybody else on payroll is there due to the flourishing network of nepotism.

So, if the GC monthly death toll continues as it has in the recent past, I can't help wondering who might be destined to meet their maker in August? Jana? From her brain tumor? I guess only time will tell.

That's what I had to say about some of the doings in GC. What follows are how some of you saw things. Since I was unable to post a column last week, I've included comments about the past two weeks. Enjoy!

* * * * * * *


JUNE - Please, please can we just end this Gloria face cream storyline! I am so sick of Gloria dragging Will out of the room every time Maggie or Paul want to ask him a question. She is making it so obvious she has something to hide. Please just end it all. Put her in jail and move on. Why is it that now that Dru is out of the picture we no longer see any of the Winters family? Devon and Neil are still a family unit. They should be focusing on how they are managing since Dru has died. Instead they don't even address them. I just can't pull for Phyllis and Nick to get back together, even with the video game session (which by the way was lame. It was so obviously Pac Man sound effects.) Even if he remembers his marriage to Phyllis, he still didn't like the way the whole relationship came about. I say throw Jack to the curb, work out your issues with Sharon and support Summer. But do not go back to Phyllis, she doesn't deserve Nick. Even if he does go back to her, he should no longer put up with her shenanigans. She makes so many bad choices, and when she was with Jack at least she tried to be good. When she was with Nick he was such a yes boy he never saw past her bad side. Oh, and one last comment, get rid of Amber!

MARIANNE - I think it is a shame that they are letting Adrienne go because of a weight problem! That is very shallow of them. I didn't really like her one way or the other except for lately since they have given her a bigger part in the Kevin story. The story is stupid but she is showing some previously undisclosed talent! Also I agree that she looks more like her mom with a little weight on her and she isn't obese! Actually she is normal like a lot of us viewers who aren't the perfect weight like Sharon and Phyllis! It is nice to see some one who is normal weight for a change! I also think the storyline with Jana is so stupid! It is getting ridiculous and I am getting bored with her and Kevin. If he passes out one more time please spare us and take him to the hospital! I can't understand how they can insult us with such boring writing. What idiot would do what Kevin is doing, putting his life in jeopardy for such a stupid reason! Oh I forgot, Kevin is a little dense! With this storyline, I don't mind missing most of the week of Y&R!

GAYLE - I absolutely hate Nick and Phyllis together! They look gross together - Phyllis just looks too old. Not to mention Phyllis is a cruel, vicious person when she wants to be, which is often. Nick shouldn't be with someone like her because that old leopard can't change her spots. She's all giggly and coy one minute, then the next she's hatching her next scheme. Sharon and Nick are such a better pairing and I for one never found them boring together. I guess for some raunchy sex is the only thing that makes for excitement, but I disagree. Sharon and Nick not only had passion, but genuine true romance. That's what I want to see when I watch a soap -not raunchy, lust-created sex which is the definition of Nick and Phyllis. I'm so glad he doesn't remember her. Those two years of his life were a waste and a huge mistake, so while I know the writers are going to let Phyllis get back with him because they favor Michelle Stafford, I hope I'm wrong and soon Nick will be back with Sharon without the amnesia! Aaaah, to wish for some normalcy again on this soap almost seems futile at this point, but I'm still hoping! Let Phyllis be with Jack and their daughter Summer (hoping beyond hope that she is Jack's daughter - how exciting!).

JADA - I am so glad that there are a lot more Nick/Phyllis fans. They have the best chemistry in the world together. For whatever Phyllis has done in the past it is absolutely horrible they have written the dreadful animosity that Nikki and Victoria have had for her. I hope everything comes back in a rush for Nick and he remembers the good about Phyllis and the horrible way his mother & sister were when he left.

CAROLYN - I haven't emailed in quite a while, but I just had to comment on a few goings-on on Y&R. First, I wish Gloria would go to prison. I'm sick of her conniving ways! She needs to pay for what she did. For Michael to risk being disbarred trying to protect his criminal mama shows his lack of regard for Lauren and Fen. Lauren is just as guilty and was the voice of reason for about a minute, now she's a co-conspirator! Second, I'm glad Kevin caught Jana! Now, he may be in more trouble than he bargained for! She sure is demented, isn't she? And they say opposites attract? Third, I so dislike Noah. I know he's a kid and is going through a lot, but he is so disrespectful and rude. I hope he changes soon! Fourth, I may be in the minority here, but I'm hoping Nick gets his memory back for Summer's sake, because she will need her daddy when Phyllis is hauled off to prison. Fifth, I will be glad when Cane realizes what a true conniving gold digger Amber really is! She's got him looking really stupid, hope he figures out they aren't really married and dumps her! When Katherine and Jill find out what a conniving wench Amber is, all heck will break loose! Lastly, I can't believe Adrienne Leon was fired due to weight problems. Please say it isn't so! Not all women are meant to look paper thin! I thought the head honchos at Y&R were bigger than that (no pun intended), what with all of the social issues they write about on the show. Why couldn't they have a story about weight issues instead of telling young people that thin is in and nothing else will do? That's the wrong message to send to our young people! There's enough pressure on our young women without them feeling that looking anorexic is the only way to make it in Hollywood. As another poster stated, the woman who portrays Colleen's mother is not thin, so why would we expect Colleen to be thin? I think it's horrible for her to get fired for that reason (if that was the reason). I think AL is beautiful and Y&R needs to show that not all women come in one size. What a travesty. I'm really disappointed in Y&R! I hope AL can fight this!

GAYLA - I have been an avid viewer of Y & R for more years than I can count but if Nick dumps Phyllis and hooks up with the depressed doc or Sharon, I'll dump the show. And don't even start with the Summer is really Jack's child thing. Maybe it's time CBS fired the producers and writers - the storylines have been truly awful for the last year, what with the Brad and his Mom business; the fact that Brad does not get punished for his killing sprees; the Adrian and Colleen nonsense that never seems to go anywhere; the Daniel as a porno junkie thing; the Phyllis gets charged with extortion but Nikki does not. Need I go on? Please get some intelligent writers. The character of Phyllis is fabulous and she and the ponderous Nick make an electric combination - let them last (and grow) for the next 25 years or so. And ditch Sharon.

JEANETTE - Ok, so Noah goes missing, and when the police come, Jack just leaves the room and all of a sudden, he has generated a list of all of Noah's friends' phone numbers and parents names. I didn't even hear the printer running! I've got to get me a printer just like the one he has. And when did the kids begin to make the rules? I am glad Nick moved back in with Phyllis and is beginning to see why he married her. And I think he is disgusted by the thought of Jack, his once step-daddy, banging his ex-wife and being a step-daddy to Noah. Maybe if things had been written differently, Jack would be Noah's step- Granddaddy! Damn, glad that never happened; Noah would have needed therapy. And poor Abby: her half-sister is divorcing her adopted daddy. She and Noah can have group therapy sessions together.

SHANNON - This week was a little dry but the last two episodes have had me on the edge of my seat. I'm not too fond of Logan following Nick around like some lost puppy… she's starting to remind me of J.T.. And for goodness sakes, how many times is this lump sum of cash going to re-buried? Is there no such thing as a locker with a lock in GC? Not to mention the Chancellor Estate should have plenty of rooms with ample hiding places. I was glad that the S/L of Noah running away wasn't a three day run; I'm starting not to care for the little boy. He's one moody ten-year old. When was there ever a time that Sharon yelled at him? Is it just me or was everybody under the impression that Jana was a least a country away and not just an hour. That was just silly on the writers' part. I can't believe they gave Dru's position to Karen, where is her eye for fashion? She expressed one marketing concept and now she's hired. GMAB…if it's that easy to get a job at Newman where do I apply. I thought her having so much work on the first day was a bit much and to have an already decorated office with Dru's old things was a little creepy to me too. I am glad that Neil and Karen's relationship is innocent with slight flirtation…I expected them to fall hopelessly in love in the garage that day he helped her break into her car. We all know how GC folk get down! I nearly spilt my afternoon tea when Nick agreed to move back in with Phyllis. I love the chemistry between these two and wouldn't mind watching the magic unfold all over again! I wish Victor would sell NVP to Nikki so she can shut up. I'm tired of seeing her snooty nose in the air while she whines about partnerships and how Victor won't play fair!

JOANNE - I cannot believe they killed off Will and Gloria gets away with everything again, plus she inherits his money! How much will the writers let her get away with?! It was disgusting how Michael and Lauren helped her keep him a prisoner and Michael's reaction to Will's note was ridiculous! Of course, he felt he was being held a prisoner - he didn't want to be with them and he knew they were protecting Gloria. What a farce! The whole Lily/Daniel, Cane/Amber, Kevin/Jana storylines - who cares! Let them all kill each other. I could care less what happens to any one of them. And what is up with Nick? Is he falling back in love with Phyllis? Does he still want Sharon? Is he having feelings for Logan? Again, I am starting to lose interest there as well. I see he has learned a few tricks from Phyllis in the matters of deceit in getting what he wants by using the dates Jack is away to run the Cassie Memorial again. Phyllis has figured it out and so has Neil so I'm sure Jack will too and make sure he stays put in old GC. These writers are all over the map and nothing is making sense anymore! Why is Ji Min watching Amber and why does he have to steal the money? Isn't he a wealthy CEO? Why would Katherine react so violently against Jill marrying Ji Min? What does she know that we don't know? I'm confused and quite frankly, I don't think I care anymore. So very sad.

SELMA - So, it looks like another villainess is going to get away with an evil deed. Phyllis got away with running Paul down with her car and now Gloria with the tainted cream and her hand in the death of someone as she buries yet another husband.

ANNE - I cannot speak highly enough of two pieces of outstanding writing in recent Y&R episodes. Number 1, the conversation between Nick and Noah about how Nick's loss of memory affects the boy. Number 2, the monologue from Michael to William about Gloria and her motives just before William's seizure that landed him in hospital. What a fine piece of acting from William without speaking a word ... and how we shall miss this very fine actor. Unfortunate the character should have to die to save the ass of the inglorious Gloria. And, worse, that he should be replaced by the milk-and-water insipidity of "Heather". Another actress to replace her, please.

LYNETTE - I think it is past time for Gloria, Michael, Kevin and Lauren to get jail time for knowing Gloria killed that person and for holding William hostage.

ANONYMOUS - I just want to commend Y&R's new head writer, Lynn Marie Latham on a job well done with the Nick amnesia storyline. I think it was brilliant the way that things have come full circle for Nick and Sharon. Nick went from not dealing with the guilt he had about Cassie's death, in turn shutting Sharon out, then turning to another women (Phyllis). Now, due to the plane crash, Nick has no memory of his life with Phyllis. He only has the memories of his life with Sharon. He was able to finally grieve with Sharon and now wants her back. Brilliant! I really hope LML reunites Nick and Sharon. After all, Cassie said that Nick/Sharon would one day have another little girl. Nick and Sharon reunited! I love it!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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