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 Two Scoops: October 8, 2007 columns
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Daniel Goddard
Forget about my two front teeth
by Nita
For the Week of October 8, 2007
Cane continues to look at Lily with longing. If Heather hopes to keep his attention, she better loosen up and soon.


All I want for Christmas is a workout buddy. Just like Cane!

And I'm guessing Cane (as in not Candy) is what Lily would most like to find reclining under her Christmas tree in a big red bow and small black boxers, I mean, a box, a box! Maybe it's just me, but I'm enjoying watching these two circle warily and more than a little awkwardly around each other. Anyone else feel like shouting, come on, Cane, hurry up and kiss her again? But at the same time, it's kind of nice to see a couple not in so much of a hurry. Obviously, he's feeling something for her. You can tell by the way he's eyeing her, kind of like she's a four course meal and he's very, very hungry. He certainly didn't look at Scam-ber that way. And clearly, she likes him back. Age gap notwithstanding, I find these two very appealing together with an innocence and chemistry missing from so many other GC couplings, and the fingers on one of my hands are crossed for a future romance for them, despite the recurring rumor that Cane may not be the good-hearted bloke he appears to be. I kind of have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I'd love to see the flip side of his niceness. And we know one exists, because we've seen a sample or two of his rage and vengeful behavior before, though thus far it's been directed only at Amber. I didn't count his promise to break certain of JiMin's bones because to me, that seemed an empty threat without a single tooth. But on the other hand, we have more than enough cads in Genoa City. So it would be nice if the scribes could hold off making Cane one, at least for a little while longer. There's still a lot more good mileage that can be coaxed out of this male engine. And after the two mouse-like losers Lily's linked up with in the past, she deserves to get to sample a real man, just for something different.

Of course, I'm not surprised Cane continues to look at Lily with longing. If Heather hopes to keep his attention, she better loosen up and soon. What ho hum conversation she bored Cane and this fan with. Her workload? And the bad coffee at the office? Please. She has to do better if she hopes to enchant Cane. I guess when it comes to picking between Lily and Heather, age might not be the best barometer.

When it comes to another person besides Cane who may not be whom he appears, I'm liking Jeffrey more every time I see him. One, because I thought his late twin was dealt a very bad hand who, like fine wine, became abundantly better with time and a decent storyline. That is, until he was dispensed with in favor of the Glo-bag. And two, because I want someone to unmask that Glo-hag so bad I can taste the sweetness of satisfaction. Just once, or so it presently appears, someone may actually be one step ahead of this waste of human space and her felonious family members. Subtlety never having been her strong suit, she hasn't improved with frequent practice, as she tricked, or so she thought, Jeffrey into giving up the tainted cream, through the nauseating use of her feminine wiles. My dear William loved me in that scent, she breathed in mock sorrow, tossing in an imitation sniff or two for good measure. If only I could have it to put on my night stand to gaze at lovingly each night before retiring and every morn upon arising, life without William just might be worth living once again. Okay, so except for the first part, most of that wasn't actually spoken, but it's what she meant to imply just the same. And as she closed her gnarled claw around that jar, I thought she might leap atop the bar and do a little jig of joy at how easily she bent Jeffrey to her will. Thankfully, Jeffrey is smarter, for now anyway, than anyone else in Genoa City has been when it comes to Glo-hag, and relinquished only a look-alike and smell-alike face cream. Looks like Gloria's gloating over her superior brain power, likening it to snatching candy from a slumbering tot, may be a wee bit premature. And hopefully she'll bask in the warming sun of her believed victory, until she bakes to a crisp while Jeffrey continues to fit one jigsaw piece after another into the puzzler of the tainted cream case. Believe me, the fingers on my remaining hand are crossed for his eventual solving success.

Bad, bad dog. I mean, Brad. Bad, bad Brad. No danger of him losing his King of the Cads crown to some less deserving mutt. I guess we don't have to ask whether he subscribes to the adage that the use of any and all weapons are fair when it comes to winning the heart of the maiden with his target on her torso. If anyone does NOT deserve to get the girl, it is Brad. Busting the girl of his dreams out to her husband via the intercom was a pretty dirty and dastardly deed. But when that fell far short of inflicting the irreparable harm he hoped it would on his rival's marriage, he went even further. Adding fuel to the fire already roaring from the discarded pages of every big and small rag in and around their town belittling the Senator and his wife, he then alleged an affair between the Newman exes that really isn't. Even without reading any rumors, I can guess he isn't likely to be the gent winding up enjoying the last and bestest laugh of all for this particular move. And, just my opinion, being left unloved and alone without a bone couldn't happen to a more deserving dog.

Which brings me to THE KISS. My, my, my, such affronted and wounded indignation from Jack. After all the underhand, behind closed doors deeds he's done. I get that his little manly pride and honor has been left with a big old disfiguring dent, but perhaps he should examine his own pockets before pointing out so nastily the lint that fills Sharon's. Were all those snide and snippy, sneering remarks really necessary? He better be glad he wasn't an ant on the wall in that vault or he would have much more to be indignant about. Because a kiss was just the least of the party favors Nick was begging Sharon to share with him. And while Jack berated Sharon for her failure to adhere to their vow of no more secrets, I guess we're supposed to forget about the off-white lie he told. You know the one shielding the real reason JiMin would have been a no-show at his own confess-all conference, had he not been dispatched to the afterlife by a person or persons unknown. Which was Jack's threat to toss JiMin's elderly parents out on their ... ears. The same threatening card he practically swore on a stack of Bibles to Sharon that he hadn't dealt, nor really ever intended to. I guess it's true it takes one to recognize another. Liar, I mean.

And I felt no more sympathy for the fourth person in this quadrangle. Our own No. 708527 Inmate Phyllis Newman. After all the grubby paw prints she left on Nick while he was still matrimonially-linked to Sharon, she had the unmitigated gall to demand Sharon trot down to the Big House and give an accounting of the kiss. How was my husband's kiss, she wanted to know? Weeell, I might have retorted, had I been Sharon and free to hand pick the sarcastic sentences with which to answer that query. His kiss was exactly the way it was when he was MY husband and YOU were the wanton women attempting to suck the color from his lips. I tell you, I about killed myself laughing when Phyllis reminded Sharon she and Nick were married. We share a child she spat out huffily, in a how dare you tone. How funny that whole conversation was. Were Nick and Sharon not married when Phyllis set her cap for the man? And didn't they share not just one, but two children? Sure, Sharon and Nick were having problems, some would argue, but at the time of the kiss, in a way I guess you could say Nick and Phyllis' union had hit a rough patch in the road considering that he couldn't remember loving her and didn't even want to. I know, I know, that's all old dialogue not worth debating anymore. I just brought it up to show that even as some things change, others remain quite similar. And I couldn't help but think about how those high heels must have been squishing the hell out of Phyllis' tootsies, now that she was the one hobbling around in them instead of Sharon. I only wish Phyllis had more to sulk and simmer about than a single smooch. I agree with Sharon. Pshaw on all Phyllis' concern for poor Jack's delicate feelings. Phyllis hurt him far worse than Sharon, and it warn't no simple kiss she blindsided him with. And one last joke at Phyllis' expense. Exactly when did Cupid turn in his/ her bow and arrow and appoint Phyllis Queen of Love-Struck Hearts? After what Phyllis did to Jack and anyone else she emotionally shattered, she needs to sit her judgmental behind in a corner somewhere and settle her manic, surgically altered sidekick/cellmate/new best friend right beside her.

But all jokes aside, the bottom line is, despite the still vacant drawers in his memory vault, Nick now loves Phyllis. So talk about making a tempest in a tiny teapot. It was a kiss, for goodness sake. And after it happened, not only don't I recall either of them rushing off to separate lawyers in search of a divorce from their respective partners, Nick seemed to 'forget' how much he loved Sharon almost immediately. And I'm glad Jack finally clambered off his high horse and decided to stop punishing his wife.

Oh by the way, speaking of Jana. Judging from her erratic behavior, it may not have been the tumor after all that made her commit her irrational and murderous acts. If you ask me, that girl is as crazy as a damn bedbug. With her talk of helping Phyllis to 'take down' Sharon, it appears she was insane when she whacked Carmen upside the head and she's very possibly thoroughly insane now. They need to lock her up and drop the key down a drain.

Okay, I don't know which I find more strange. Victor boomping while hitting the bag or Karen kicking everything in sight. Wouldn't the AC have a separate room for kickboxing workouts? I thought it was hilarious and very strange to see Karen kicking at Neil in the middle of the room amidst the weight benches and treadmills. Watched by those who had quit their own workouts to stare in amazement, seemingly as perplexed by it all as I was. Although the pairing seems a little bit forced upon us, due to a lack of any other partners for either, I'm beginning to warm to Neil and Karen. I can easily, however, do completely without the kickboxing part and wish they'd find another way to relate. Can't they just lift dumb bells together or trot on side-by-side treadmills, and leave the sparring and kicking to ... oh I don't know ... no one?

Our Adrian is more than just a tad pretentious, don't you think? How rude of him to continue to address his unwelcome guest in a language he clearly did not comprehend. Aside from that, however, I quite enjoyed his sarcastic quips at Brad's expense. Simple judgments, simple minds, indeed. And how like Brad to hide in plain sight behind the glass walls of his own house of disrepute to toss derogatory rocks at Jack. He is everything he called Jack and then some. One thing you can say about Adrian. He isn't afraid to use his extensive vocabulary to neatly unnerve and out-insult his less learned opponents. Since J.T. has moved on to more moneyed pastures, depriving Adrian of a target, Brad has become the speechless man on the hot seat.

Alas, it seems another sad chapter of the saga of Romeo and Juliet is about to come to an end. Nikki's initial anger at discovering Victor owned the mining and drilling rights of her Clear Springs town soon gave way to nostalgia as both remembered portions of their long and colorful history. Victor was at his theatrical best, when after all his bluster and bravado, those single tears tracked down each side of his face, proving there is a living, feeling human being crouched behind the iron man facade he presents to the world. This is the Eric Braeden that is always worth watching.

And finally, we'll call the week a wrap with the heiress and her reformed bad boy. Mirroring their real life status, the duo have decided to legalize their union. They were cotton candy sweet and nice filler between everything else.

By now, I'm sure all have seen the promos, either on their show's station, or on Youtube. For once, the scribes mean it literally when they say the story ahead will be explosive. I don't know about any of you, but the promos have me counting the days until detonation.

All in all, the week was pretty good (with almost no Amber and a like amount of Daniel) and the weeks ahead promise to be even better. Since my fingers are all crossed for other things, I'm crossing my toes that it will be as good as we're being led to hope.

* * * * * * *


JUANITA - Hmmmm. I agree with fan Diana who questioned if William is really dead. I just cannot imagine or justify why William would send his brother all that evidence about the face cream. Why not send it to someone in the DA's office? (Hey, maybe his brother also worked there!) Anyway, the fans are being teased quite a bit at the possibility of Gloria finally being exposed - but it will come out in due time. I can't wait.

TANYA - I would like to nominate Nita and FEMBLEU for LML's job. She can't hold a pen to these two! :) - (Nita says: Thanks, Tanya, don't I wish!)

ROLONDA - Phyllis, if hypocrisy was a crime "You would do a life sentence! I say you go Sharon! Glad you spoke your mind! The nerve! Did Red realize all the mumbo jumbo she was spewing to Sharon was exactly what she did to her when Sharon and Nick were together? It's called expecting/demanding something from someone that you yourself are not willing to give in that same exact situation. Her arrogance is just mind boggling, she actually believes she deserves and can ask for something better. This is the same woman who spent months running around behind Sharon's back with her husband doing a hell of a lot more than kissing. How does she figure she deserves the respect or acknowledgment of a wife, when she herself didn't give that during her affair with Nick? This is why so many despise this character, she's like a playground bully, always willing to pass the first lick, but the moment someone knocks her on her butt, she wants to run crying, look what mean Sharon did to meeeeeeee. Girlfriend needs a reality check, you're no one's victim Phyllis, you've turned a lot people into your victim, but being a victim, that's something you're not capable of being especially in this case.

JM - I am just so disgusted that Jack refuses to forgive Sharon after all her "stand by her man" stuff she's had to endure. Not to mention that Phyllis camped out on their sofa with her faux injury for way too many weeks. Although it might not have been right to kiss Nick, he was pursuing her and was still screwed up from his plane wreck. This storyline of the kiss heard 'round the world is too unbelievable.

TONIA - Down with Glo! I am with you all the way! I never could have put it like you just did!

JEAN - As Victor wrote in your last column - the show could change its name to The Young and Lawless - sure rings a bell as most of the citizens of GC could all be in prison for one reason or another! I would like to see a guilty person in this show actually pay for something illegal they have done. Never happen though.

STEPHANIE - Well! Just when we thought it couldn't get much worse, we were propelled this week back to junior high school! (That's how old I am! Middle School hadn't been invented yet.) All we needed were the notes passed in study hall. Jack pouted for days about a KISS, no less, between Sharon and Nick. Lily and Colleen plotted, like 7th graders to accidentally drop their books in front of Cane's hall locker before 3rd period English. Then Brad made an "Is your refrigerator running" call to the GC Times. Oh My!

DON - I have watched Y&R since the beginning and have never been so bored to death; I don't even mind missing a few. Cane is much too old for Lily, Nikki and Chow makes me sick and I hate Nikki's new hairdo. I was hoping for an end to Phyllis and Nick - they make me puke. She as her domineering soul is better with Jack. Time to go Noah. Oh well, I feel better now that I got it off my chest. The show has become totally boring.

PAULA - I took Y&R off my TIVO in January because it became unbearable to watch (after watching since I was in high school). Gloria, Phyllis storylines ... just unbearable. I only know what's happening via clips whenever I may be watching another CBS show, and if something seems of interest I only go to this column to see what the clip is about, and usually find that it's still not worth my time to watch Y&R again.

WANDA - My scenario for the face cream debacle. Jeffrey wants William's money. He will let Gloworm off the hook AGAIN for a BIG slice of the pie. This s/l is really reaching in trying to make us think Globag will get hers. I can't believe William would trust his bro with a confidence of this magnitude. No one even knew he had twin, much less that they communicated in any way. Has everyone heard about the big "blow-up" slated to happen later this month? Some more deaths for Y&R? My picks: Amber, David Chow, Heather, NuColleen, Devon, Noah, Glo, and Kevin. I know this is all wishful thinking though because I'll bet it happens at Clear Springs.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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