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 Two Scoops: October 15, 2007 columns
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Michelle Stafford
Get out of jail free card?
by Nita
For the Week of October 15, 2007
It's time to wrap up the prison story. Forget about belief suspension, it has wandered way beyond that and gotten stuck solidly in stupidity.
Okay, it's time to wrap up the prison story. Not because I think Phyllis has been punished enough, but because I just can't take anymore of these utterly unrealistic prison scenes. Forget about belief suspension, it has wandered way beyond that and gotten stuck solidly in stupidity. Let's see, first there's the ridiculous-ness of special privileges for Jana, who is treated like a visiting guest. Internet access, my foot. Never happen. We're really supposed to buy that there's no room at the spacious Genoa City Inn, err, Jail, which is where she would normally languish until her trial date. Oh right! And calling cards that the inmates get to carry around? Hard plastic that is a potential weapon? No way in the hot place. In fact I'm rolling on the floor laughing hysterically at that one. Along with the outlandish premise that all these people can call and leave messages for Phyllis and Jana, like they have their own personal voice mail they can check at their convenience. Or, that each has their own private secretary, pink pads and pens held at the ready, to record their important messages then race to their cell or all over the prison if need be to deliver them. Then there's Kevin, visiting with his briefcase of paperwork. Har-de-har-har. And what about that visiting room? Apparently a cozy little private room reserved solely for Phyllis and Jana's visitors. Sometimes it has a table, and sometimes not. Sometimes a guard is nearby, other times not. I know this is all fantasy, fans, but come on, a little research for realism would go a long way toward making this one more worth watching.

But ... anyway ... I suspect most of this prison nonsense will end soon because I'm guessing Phyllis is probably mere days away from being done with her stint in the big house. She stayed longer than I ever thought she would when her six year sentence was handed down. As for Jana, in keeping with the rest of the lunacy surrounding this storyline, why not go ahead and ice the cake and release her on the strength of Kevin's online petition? Free Jana, indeed. I say, free the scribes to use their brains more efficiently. I know, I know, some might say insulting the scribes is akin to disparaging the real life ladies and gents behind the characters, but I disagree. Even though as a loyal fan, I often feel highly insulted by the storyline fare being slopped on my plate. I'm not insulting them personally, per se, but I am definitely finding fault with their lackadaisal efforts. They are performing, just as the actors and actresses in GC are, and therefore, fair game for my sarcasm. If they read what I write (which I seriously doubt), they have the right not to like it and say so. But that's just my opinion about things; I'm not saying anyone else has to feel the same. And while I'm on the subject of opinions, I see CBS is running another online survey asking us fans what ours are about Y&R. I guess you probably don't have to ask if this fan surfed on over and gave her point of view. She did. Will it do any good? Maybe not, but it felt good to have my say. See fan Jan's comment (below) for more info.

But back to the reason I'm here. Genoa City land. First up, the current, and as usual, ineptly investigated murder mystery. Question on the floor: Can we fire the entire Genoa City PD and all the legal arms attached to it that are flailing futilely and erroneously about? Maggie might look decent in a pair of snug denims, but her investigative ability could use a complete makeover. In answer to Paul's query: "What does your gut tell you?" let me be so bold as to reply. "Nothing even remotely the hell right." It's a good thing she doesn't depend on that gut for sustenance, or she'd likely die of starvation. Her gut hasn't been right since she arrived without fanfare on the Carmen Mesta mess-tery. After months of mistakenly stalking the wrong suspect, it was Kevin who finally wrapped up Maggie's Jana prey, placed her on a tarnished tin platter and thrust her in her law-enforcing hands. The same suspect presently enjoying special privileges with no court date in sight. And she was no more competent when it came to solving the face cream case though poor mute William practically provided her a dot to dot picture and a box of sharpened crayons. Now Maggie's plodding placidly down the wrong path again. This time, trailing Jack. Dog hair indeed! I watch Court TV and Forensic Files and saw an episode or two about the uncertainty of doggie hair DNA. That dog hair could belong to Zapato. But, more likely, the hair originated in a roundabout way from an entirely different mutt. Like a chowhound named David. If that man turns out to be clean rather than the dirt-bag I think he is, I'll eat one of Drucilla's donated bonnets. I guess I shouldn't be too hard on Maggie, however. After all, it's not as if she has a successful case solving predecessor's example to follow.

Whew, how'd you like to be married to a vindictive ol' villain like Vic? I swear if he was green, he'd be a dead ringer for the Grinch. But instead of stealing Christmas, all Victor wants to steal is Nikki's joy. He hits her below the belt every chance he gets. And according to him, the gloves haven't even come off yet. What I want to know is why Nikki just stands there and takes everything he dishes out with barely a whispered word. Not that I applaud Victor for his cruel and cutting coldness to his wife, but I am enjoying the fact that something finally forced her Highness to lower her nose and smell the smog the rest of us mortals have to breathe in.

Moving on to another family, what the heck was that ice cream party bad behavior all about? Did Lily and Devon flunk out of college and have to return to middle school when I wasn't looking? I thought they liked Karen. Just days ago, wasn't Devon urging Neil to move on with the very woman he's now taking childish pot shots at? And when did Karen become such a klutz anyway? Good for Neil for his quick chastisement of the brats.

So, Nick has decided to put back on his co-CEO hat. Guess that forces Neil back into the right-hand man seat behind both Victoria and Nick. Thank goodness, the future Mr. Victoria Newman has no head for business or he'd likely be in line ahead of Neil as well.

Do you suppose Jeffrey Bardwell is lucky in love since he doesn't seem to have a whole lot of luck in much else? The woman he loved picked his brother over him. Or so he told Gloria. Then the mysterious, well-heeled Bardwell Uncle left his fortune to only one twin. Why? Was he estranged from Jeffrey too? Or did he just like William better? And then Gloria ended up with all the money. She sure manages to always be in the right place at the right time with her hands open doesn't she? She ought to write a book. Maybe call it: How to catch a millionaire and get him to marry you in three easy steps, or something like that. I don't know how it's all going to come out, but right now Jeffrey sees Glo-hag for exactly the criminally minded gold-digger she is and seems to be slowly making his way toward the truth about the tainted face cream. But, since he clearly doesn't have any trust or interest in Glo-hag, how many other fans figure Jill will soon be at the top of his list of ladies to woo. If he does, good luck with getting past Ma Chancellor.

Okay, what's the deal with the Leaning Tower souvenir trinket in Adrian's possession that once belonged to Heather's old roommate Macy? How could Adrian mistakenly "remember" Macy's parents giving it to him? Even though his second story, that Macy had given it to him, sounded sincere, why did he only remember it after Heather told him Macy's parents told a different tale? By the by, who else yelled c-o-n-t-r-i-v-e-d when Heather came to clumsy Colleen's rescue, making them instant best bosom buddies? I guess in the AC, the customer is NOT always right.

Well, Gloria's hand in the tainted cream case might not be about to come to light, but it certainly appears that Jack's hand guiding his father's on the will just might. Why else has the chaplain suddenly appeared? Is his memory going to improve, like Adrian's, so that he suddenly remembers John telling him something like, my son told me to give it to you. Or is Phyllis going to start adding 1's and 1's together until she comes up with just enough of the truth to bluff Jack ito giving her the right and truthful answer? I wonder what might be the price of keeping that knowledge to herself? Since Jack is the friend she is supposedly so fond and protective of, will she use it somehow to bend Sharon to her will?

Mending the final jagged hole he'd previously ripped in the father daughter tapestry, Brad fully reconciled with his daughter, offering a fat tuition check as an olive branch. It was a nice scene between the two, about the only time during the week I was able to stomach Brad.

No such reconciliation, though, happened between Heather and her deadbeat Dad, Paul. Despite Maggie's urging and Heather's true confessions about her abusive step papa, Paul continued to resist claiming Heather as his own. Just as he never mentions the son he supposedly once wanted so badly. Shame, shame, shame.

Well, how many days is it now until the big bang? Can't wait.

* * * * * * *


JULIE - Victor and Nikki, then Nikki and Victor. Blah, blah, blah. Give it a few months, perhaps a year, and "Victor and Nikki Reunite!" "Most Romantic Love Story Yet!" "Reunited and It Feels So Good!" Oh, yes, I can read the headlines now! Soulmates who found their way back to each other. We can see the future set up already, and they aren't even divorced yet. I personally think Ashley should come back to town and let Victor woo her again. I actually liked those two together, and it would show Nikki what she gave up. I am not a huge Victor fan (I want Jack to win) but I like him with Ashley. I don't think Vincent Izzary belongs on Y&R. I used to watch Guiding Light years ago, and I liked him very much on that show, but he just doesn't have any chemisty with anyone on this show. When I watch him with Nikki, I always know he is "acting". Not natural. Sorry, David fans!

PATRICE - Hi Nita. I wanted to comment on last week's Two Scoops Commentary. I loved the part about Cane and Lily, and I couldn't agree more. I love Cane and Lily! And I'm really enjoying their scenes together. I think these two have amazing chemistry. I love how Cane looks at Lily as if she is the only woman in the world. And Lily just loves herself some Cane! I think these two are falling for each other in a big way, and I look forward to more of their scenes together. I really hope Y&R makes Cane and Lily a couple; they could have a very beautiful and romantic love story. I have created a message board for Cane and Lily fans. Here is the link http://z11.invisionfree.com/A_Sweet_Temptation/index.php?

TANYA - Can you believe George's nerve ('scuse me, Brad) at insisting that "No amount of Newman money will keep me from raising my son." WHAAAAAT! I can't wait for Victoria to go running to Daddy and just let him handle the pool boy. Y&R hasn't had a good fight since Nick and Brad I think. Although I don't see a lot of chemistry between J.T. and Vicky, I hope the baby is J.T.s, because I want to see Brad left totally alone. No Sharon Doll to play with, no baby, just nothing.

CABC - OK! I've truly grown tired! I don't care what the writers want us to believe, but we still remember the adulterous affair Red had, so how does she fix her lips to complain? Heifer; take your payback like the no-good tramp that you are. And of course it's still the "lets beat up on Sharon routine". Even though Red is in prison, she's still highly favored. This show is so one sided! Nita if you were writing this show, it would be the BOMB! Get a clue writers!

CAROLYN - Loved Nita's comments concerning Cane and Lily on the Young & the Restless! I love the romance building between Cane and Lily and hope they will be a couple soon! I agree it is time for Cane and Lily to kiss again and get this romance moving. Cane and Lily need to be on screen more often. Thanks Nita for your comments concerning this amazing couple!

JM - I'm not a big Nikki fan, but everytime I hear Vic start telling her she's flaunting Chow-Hound, I want to scream what about Ashley, Hope and any other female he messed with during their marriage?! Victor is no saint and he seems to have memory loss about his own past. And why isn't Nikki throwing all that in his face? On a positive note, I LOVE the chemistry between Lily and Cane. Finally some romance on Y&R, how refreshing!

SANDY - It seems to me that the writing has been very skippy lately. Nick one minute kissing Sharon and professing his love and the next he and Phyllis on the couch making out and Nick declaring his love for her. Now yesterday Lauren being all chummy with Gloria and inviting her and Kevin to stay and celebrate Nick's birthday and also having her watch Fen while she is gone. Knowing what she knows about Gloria why would she leave her in charge of her son? What a bunch of crap. How much more can they dump on Jack? I would like him to come out on top in this one with Victor.

FEMMEBLEU - Well it was yet another hum-drum week in GC or should I say, Phyllis Ville? I mean, can another actor please get a little bit of screen action? This nonsense with the whole "Worker Release Program" and the denial of her appeal is just far too contrived to take remotely serious. Yes, we know this is only soap-land and thus the jail only exists in the land of make believe, but could the scribes with the power to make things happen, give the viewers just a wee bit more credit? We happen to be quite astute and far from being the nitwits they seem to think us to be by consistently presenting us with storylines that do not have even the slightest bit of intelligence in the equation. Whoa, I truly do not know what horse that little tirade rode in on but apparently, it had to come to town eventually because I for one feel like I am standing at the end of a ledge about to fall off, head first! I think it is best I change the topic and focus on what did work well last week among the citizenry of GC. First, how adorable a pair are "Sugar-Cane" and his precocious little co-ed Lily Winters? Yes, I realize these two are not officially a pair right now and that they are presently playing the "too young" for me song. Yet as Nita earlier hinted, just how perfect would it be if the writers would catch a clue and make the "Aussie with the mostest", give little Lily the second sampling she has been hankering for since that first kiss at her divorce shin-ding? Finally, a couple we can all believe in and want to stay together forever! After all, with two of the ickiest exes Genoa City has ever seen to claim, Amber the "Skangaroo" and Daniel the Dimwit, Lily and Cane have more than earned the right for a second chance at romance. I mean what is a decade between two people who are madly besotted with each other anyway besides age is only a number, right, as long at the two involved are legal adults. Now I have no idea exactly how old Mister Chancellor is but I reckon that he isn't exactly ready for social security. I must admit I liked Jill and Ji Min, God rest his poor soul, and I despise those scribblers for penning his demise but if they keep up this nonsense with that Heather the Horrible and "Sugar-Cane", I do not think I can stand it one bit! I think those writers are falling asleep at their laptops or perhaps borderline insane to come up with this convoluted coupling. Speaking of deranged, what is with this D.A. dame? Is she desperate to find friends or something, I mean, "we must have been twins separated at birth?" What was Colleen thinking to agree with this loon, who she should have shown the door the second she went there! Ooh, what a blockhead! Nita, I think that Heather the Horrible may just be in the running to replace Sharon's reign on that throne, you placed her on so long ago. Ooh, did I really just write that? Well, that's all I have to say about GC's latest incidents of a critical nature but before I wrap it up, I'd just like to close by thanking Tanya for thinking that I could actually be an ideal writer for Y&R. I was truly flattered. One thing is clear, if I did have the power to pen for this soap I love to dish about from time to time, "Illyis" would remain locked up behind bars for actual and not soap time six years. "Ick" would find his way back to Sharon and Brad the Cad, would get the good beating he so richly deserves, from anyone man enough to give him one. I vote for Neil. Happy viewing my fellow Y&R fans!

DSCANLON - I loved, loved reading that people hate Phyllis and Nick together as much as I do. What a snore fest when they are on the screen! I truly want to puke after watching these two grope for each other like two dogs in heat. There is no passion, chemistry or romance in any of their couplings! Thanks for the laughs!

BLPSGAL - Everyone says this is the Phyllis Show. Lately it has been the Jack and Sharon show! They are on every day! I like Jack and Sharon together although sometimes I dislike the Sharon character but do we need to see them everyday? It is so boring when it is them and then Nikki/David/Victor. I sure hope David Chow is involved somehow with the upcoming Clear Springs disaster and/or JiMin's death. He is so smarmy. Yuck!

JINNIE - Today's episode (Mon, Oct. 15) was almost entirely filled with useless chatter between Jana & Phyllis. The few moments that were not were filled with useless chatter between Nick, Sharon & Jack. For this the writer's are paid big bucks? I've watched Y&R for 20+ years but won't be for much longer. Boring!

LONDA - Oh, Nita, when will the madness end? What is up with this Jack killed JiMin storyline. These GC law enforcers are idiots. Please, I hope they don't take this thing as far as they did with Devon's indictment for Carmen's murder. Jack did NOT kill JiMin, and further more, give the man a break. Victor, Jill, and especially Gloria need to really get a life; Glo just needs to get life, what a criminal! She should be stuck with Phyllis. Speaking of which, I guess those few short weeks in the pen is supposed to be just desserts for all the crap she's pulled. She'll be out soon on work release and up to her old scandalous ways. I'll never forgive Phyllis for her treatment of Dru and the way she consistently butted into their family situations. I can't stand her and feel absolutely no sympathy for her plight. In fact, the more people try to help red, my best friend, the best mom, 'my wife', the more I'm disgusted. Poor Sharon, what a dingbat, she can be so naive. I guess some arguably say that stupidity is a worse sin than selfishness. Cane and Silly Lily. Chemistry is good, twittering nervous girlishness is NOT! Girl, grow up. Take some cues from Colleen why dontcha? She's never been married and yet can handle her own opposite a much older, more sophisticated boyfriend, why the hell is Lily so immature and juvenile? It's painful. Writers, give the spoiled little brat a clue and please finally grow her up some, she is quite annoying like she has no experience what so ever. I don't think I can stand Cane being with someone so chaste. He's hot, he needs a hot lady (not a skank - re: Amber). The chemistry fizzled with Daniel and Lily when this actress came back, can she be passionate with anyone? Can she act like more than an impressionable girl in any situation because so far, the answer seems NO! I'm sick of her. I'm really getting into J.T. and Victoria, hope they can make it, and Jack and Sharon too for that matter. Brad blew it a long time ago. Still wishing for a visit from Ashley. Even though Victor's being a boor, I'd still love to see Nikki's reaction to her arch enemy's presence on the brink of her divorce. Can you say fireworks? Well, it seems were going to get those regardless, I wonder if anyone will be killed off or go missing for months only to return unexpectedly a la Nick Newman. Oh, somebody write Devon a good storyline, please, and don't make him so damn dour, I liked the light-hearted Devon that dated the old Ashley Banks of the Fresh Prince.

JAN - Hi Nita, just thought I'd let you know the CBS website is offering a chance to log your opinion of Y&R with Neilsen. They ask some pretty specific questions, and in my humble opinion they were very limiting. But, at least there's a chance to provide feedback. Just thought I'd pass it along.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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