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 Two Scoops: June 29, 2009 columns
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Daniel Goddard
The good, the bad, and the crazy
by Nita
For the Week of June 29, 2009
The mystery surrounding Phillip Chancellor's empty coffin has started to heat up, and the acting has been top notch and thoroughly enjoyable.
According to several message boards, fans across cyberspace seem fed up with many of the current crop of storylines on our favorite show. Not me. Hook, line and sinker, I'm swallowing things whole, with barely a burp of indigestion. Sure, they all have their unbelievable bits, but after all, this is make believe.

The good in the week continues to be the mystery surrounding Phillip Chancellor's empty coffin. The acting in this whole scenario has been top notch and thoroughly enjoyable. Sure, it has yawning holes that have yet to be filled. Like how he could have tested possible as Delia's daddy. We now know he has a supply of Phillip/Langley's blood, but I thought he was tested by way of a mouth swab. If he wasn't and he used Langley's blood, then he would have known he couldn't possibly have been Delia's daddy. Which would make every action he did after that inexplicable. If it was via saliva and it was all his own, then that means he is indeed related to Billy somehow. If not through Jill, then who? And if he's not related to Jill or Billy, then who exactly is he, since we now know he isn't Phillip? Whoever he is, I'm enjoying him a lot more now that he's not Mr. goody two-shoes with anger management issues. Loving the scared out of his wits hairdo by the way. Anyway, I'm glued to the tube on this one, at least until the scribes start filling the holes and I see if it's digestible.

First up in the realm of the completely improbable is the case of the forged painting turned murder investigation. Of all the plot pots percolating on the stovetop, this seems to be one of the storylines fans abhor most. Unfortunately, however bad we all think this one is, obviously it's not going away anytime soon, so we may as well wipe off the muddy muck coating it and try to find something in it worth watching.

For instance, I will force myself to look beyond the stupidity of Daniel donning his painter's smock and wielding his paintbrush like some crime fighting righter of all art world wrong. Instead, I'll look forward to trying to guess whose devious mind might have concocted this. Could the culprit possibly be Deacon Sharpe, a scandalous scoundrel our own Soapcentral site tells us will soon show his handsome face in Genoa City? It's plausible because he and Amber do share a history, though, to tell you the truth, I'd have to search B&B's archives to remind me of just what that connection consisted of and whether or not Deacon was left on the unrequited side of a love-struck heart. It's hard to believe someone would go to such lengths and spend so much money just to make Amber a part of his life, but as we all know, soap opera love can be an extremely obsessive thing. But could there be much of a future for Deacon in Genoa City since, if he's the man behind the mayhem, he's already a murderer or an accessory thereto?

Aside from the Deacon/Amber connection, if there winds up being one, there are other nuggets of pure gold that could be buried beneath the dirt of this storyline. Like another chance to see the Fisher-Baldwin boys at their best. I thought some of those bright and shining moments would occur during the reign of the Chipmunk head, and we did have a few, but not the way I'd hoped. Maybe it was just me, but I wasn't particularly moved by the brotherly scene where Michael urged Kevin to batter Jeffrey into near unconsciousness. Call me crazy, but I thought healing was all about breaking the cycle of violence, not adding more to it. I'm also hoping this turn of events will give Michael a chance to be a lawyer without breaking the law for a change.

Of course, that doesn't mean no lawbreaking will be done. Because if Daniel has any say in things, and he's talking as fast as his little mealy mouth can spit out the words, he'll guilt Kevin into tarnishing his newly polished persona before he even has a chance to enjoy his new socially acceptable status. How dare he want Kevin to do his dirty work to save Jana when he was the mindless idiot who got her into this mess in the first place? If anyone should be risking his freedom to steal cell phone records, it should be Daniel. Too bad he wasn't so willing to have Kevin and Amber's help before. Those two might not be the brightest two lightbulbs in the crush-proof four pack, but I bet both of them would have seen what dim-bulb Daniel didn't and never would have fallen for such a threadbare tale.

For those still not convinced, look on the bright side. It could be worse. We could still be watching Daniel as a porn addict. Or, instead of Amber playing super sleuth, something she's proven she's pretty good at by the way, we could be suffering through day after day of her nails on the chalkboard screeching.

On a side note, the Duh Line of the Week award goes to Kevin for saying to Daniel as bass beat drama scene music pounded ominously in the background: Do you think someone is trying to set you up? Oh, Kevin, of course someone's trying to set him up. Or does Kevin really think Daniel paid himself for his own sketches, made up a ridiculous story about a stolen painting, killed a guy and stashed the loot he was trying to collect in Crimson Lights so Jana and possibly Kevin could be implicated? Hearing Kevin ask that with a straight face got me so tickled, I had to watch it three times.

As for Jana, even though she brought it partly on herself for throwing her lot in with Daniel and letting him convince her to keep secrets from her husband, Jana back in jail could be much more interesting than when she was locked up with Phyllis, chirping incessantly, like someone whose internal clock has been wound too tight and is ticking way too fast.

The musical Newman mates miniseries continues with more déjà vu moments. What a difference it makes when Phyllis is the one with the sharp muddy end of the short stick in her manicured hand. Every time she opens her mouth these days, I start giggling. Because I know she's about to make some hypocritical comment that's sure to make my stomach heave with helpless hilarity. I swear watching her and Sharon play musical chairs with Nick as the single seat is both funny and pathetic. Sure, Phyl, compare the man with the cowardly lion now. I guess love blinded her to those cowardly tendencies when, tail tucked between his hindquarters, he was bounding toward her with a weeping Sharon receding in the distance. And now Summer, as once did Cassie, lies comatose in GC Memorial, while Nick and Phyllis presumably will cling fearfully to one another. Will one of these four please move on once and for all so the endless switching back and forth can finally cease? I would say, scribes, please don't tell me Sharon will move on to Jack for the 99th time just so she won't interfere with Nick and his family with Phyllis, but unfortunately, as soon as I heard Sharon rejoicing alone over the results naming Nick as proud papa, I sensed a supreme sacrifice coming.

The bright side: Whether you're a Phyllis-Nick fan or partial to a Sharon-Nick pairing, it could be worse. We could still be watching the unfunny antics of the ineffective foursome as they bickered over Restless Style magazine content.

When will Genoa City people learn to leave well enough alone? Never, it seems. Mary Jane Benson is the latest resident to meddle in somebody else's matters and manage to change the course of history. So intent on diminishing Phyllis' dependence on Jack, Mary Jane has only made matters worse. It must be her craziness that prevents her from seeing that Sharon is a much bigger threat to her future with Jack than Phyllis. If her actions reunite Nick and Phyllis, Sharon will make an immediate about face right back into Jack's arms. Has Mary Jane forgotten how quickly Jack sent her packing when he thought he was reconciling with Sharon before? Even though he's gotten entangled with a nut, most of the time it's tough to feel any sorrow for Jack. Because both Phyllis and Sharon have warned him Mary Jane wants more from him than he thinks, but he's too busy enjoying snacking on her free cookies to pay them any real heed. One thing about Jack, though, just when I get totally fed up with his antics, he goes and does something sweet like try to convince Noah to give his flip-flopping parents a chance to prove they do have more than one working brain cell in their heads.

Of course, even without a reconciliation, there's no way Jack would end up with a woman whose permanent address belongs squarely in the middle of Lala land. And after what she did to Summer, she needs to be locked up with the key to her cell tossed away. She could have killed the little girl and for what? There's no way Jack will ever choose to be with her; he's made it clear as glass he's only in it for the no strings booty call, and if she wasn't so crazy she could see that.

Mary Jane isn't the only one who is certifiably insane. A padded cell for Adam, his name written in Braille should be right next to hers. I do understand all Adam thinks he suffered at Victor's hands, but nothing excuses what he has done. He is one sick puppy and deserves whatever he eventually gets when he gets himself ensnared in his own trap. He's already proven he's his own worst enemy since in his determination to make Victor pay he hurt himself more with those eyeball injections that ensure he will never have a chance to regain his sight. And before it's all over, he will lose everything else too, including Heather and the father and family he so hates. By the way, his little explanatory narrative directed to his dead mother's picture left me completely unmoved. Had he chosen to attack Victor directly, however devious his actions, I probably wouldn't have been overly bothered. And while my liking for Ashley only rises to the level of tolerable, what he's done to her is undeserved, especially given her total support of him. It seems there's no limit when it comes to Adam's total selfishness and complete disregard for his fellow humans. Maybe he isn't Hope and Victor's son at all, but an imposter, the real Adam having been switched at birth and spirited away. Hey, maybe Victor's real son is Cane Ashby. Wouldn't that be an out of the blue twist?

What's not to like in the gaslighting of Ashley? Among other things, the part I like least is the way she becomes this poor, helpless, fragile flower who has to lean heavily on Victor's brawny arm. I hate that Ashley always goes all little-girlish with only part of her brain functioning whenever she's paired with Victor. As one fan mentioned, the woman suffered a miscarriage. Hysterical pregnancy or not, I would think she would require some internal umm, medical attention to make things all better inside. And just how far does the body go to go along with Ashley's belief that she's still with child? Will the body go so far as to supply a hearty baby kick that others can feel? Will she actually go into false labor before someone realizes there's no baby in that enlarged belly? And what happens when Ashley learns she lost the baby? Will she then in turn lose her mind, if Adam's mental torture has left her any?

Ugh! Heather, a know it all who doesn't know nothin'. It's hard to imagine how she could be more of a heartless hag isn't it? When it comes to prosecuting criminals, she takes no prisoners! Unfortunately for her budding career, she never manages to pin down the proper perpetrator. Her attitude makes it hard to give a heck what happens to her and prevents me from feeling one whit of sympathy for her at the way Adam's pulling the wool over her infatuated eyes.

Before I go, I'll put on my hard hat to tackle the most volatile of subjects last. Yes, I'm referring to the gay-flavored storyline, which, according to the angry e-mails flooding into the Scoops mailboxes, seems to be causing a stampede toward the exits for many long term and some short-term viewers. Homosexuality is the hot potato that always gets people's dander up in the real world, and apparently, it is the case in the make believe version as well. True, up to now, Y&R has chosen to keep their heads down and stay out of the fray, but that thinking has apparently changed. Maybe they're only testing the waters to see how many ripples are generated and how far they will spread. Or maybe it's a sign of things to come. Whatever it is, I'm not about to get up on any soapboxes and spell out any pros and cons and rights and wrongs. Regardless of my personal beliefs, every one of us has to live with the consequences of our choices and I'm not standing in judgment on any real person that doesn't answer to my name. Soap people, of course, are a completely different story and I consider them fair game. But if I really can't stand what I see, well, there's always the fast-forward button until I reach a part of the show I find more palatable.

That's all I've got, or at least all I'm saying. See you in two weeks.

* * * * * * *


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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