Like squeezing blood from a turnip
For the Week of August 7, 2017
Vertical Y&R Soap Banner Y&R Two Scoops: Like squeezing blood from a turnip
Other Two Scoops for the week of August 7, 2017
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Cane finally had to spill his guts, but it was almost like pulling teeth. Now that the holier-than-thou Billy has destroyed him, can the character of Cane ever be redeemed? Or will Mr. Ashby be forever doomed to the Sharon Syndrome? It's a yea or a nay for the head writing regime switcheroo in Two Scoops.

Boy, did Jesse pick the wrong person to blackmail. With no job and no future prospects anywhere in sight, Cane didn't even have a healthy nest egg to borrow from, especially since he was eyeballing the twins' school fund. Actually, Cane would be the last person to try to get money out of, since he isn't from a wealthy family like the Newmans or the Abbotts. Getting the big bucks from Cane would be like trying to squeeze money out of a turnip. Or a rock. Or any other inanimate object. It just ain't gonna happen. And it didn't take Jesse long to realize that he would have a much better chance of getting an endless supply of cash from the younger Abbott, Billy, who was anxious for answers.

It's just so sad that Cane would even consider taking money from his kids' school fund. That rather defeats the purpose of why the money was there. It's not like his children are still in elementary school and it will be years before they will need to use it to further their education. No, the twins actually skipped right over the elementary and junior high schools to find themselves smack dab in the middle of high school. I mean, I have heard of skipping a grade before, but this is crazy. But then again, Charlie and Mattie zipped right by those growing up, formative years too. But, anyway, they are getting rather near to needing the money, and there didn't seem to be much hope of Cane paying it back anytime soon. Actually, Cane's future looked pretty dim in every way imaginable.

And it only went from bad to worse for Cane when he submitted the transfer of funds out of the school money account. How on earth did he ever think he would pay that back? He's taking a page right out of dear old dad's handbook, only I'm not sure that even Colin would do something like that to his own grandkids. Or maybe I'm giving Colin too much credit. Since Cane is so desperate, anyway, maybe he should have turned to his father for suggestions. Honestly, how much worse could any advice Colin gives Cane be compared to what Cane has been doing on his own? Well, unless Colin proposed that Cane kill Jesse or something like that. But no, even Colin wouldn't go that far. Right? Right?!

But a convincing Billy twisted Jesse's arm to reveal the truth about the cut footage then went running with the knowledge -- and with Jesse -- straight to Victoria, who had checkbook in hand, ready to pay double for proof. Only Victoria lied, and there was no further payment for something Jesse had already been paid to keep quiet about. It must be okay to lie, as long as it's with "a blackmailing scumbag." You know, Cane should get a refund from Jesse, since the double dealer reneged on their deal. There really is no honor among thieves and blackmailers, is there? Cane should have known that Jesse would be singing like a canary with just the tiniest incentive. He's sure been tweeting loud and clear to Cane.

Cane had a drunken one-night stand, and his whole life is now in shambles. It's not like he set out to betray Lily in the most intimate way, like most cheaters do. But now Cane has lost everything, including Lily and his kids, and I don't see how he will ever be redeemed. He has been completely ostracized by the ones he loves the most. Oh, my gosh, Cane may have been forever doomed with "the Sharon Syndrome." It's a fate worse than death on soaps. At least a soap character can always come back from the dead, but once one has been plagued with "the Sharon Syndrome," horrible and stale storylines can remain in the future indefinitely. This is such a tragedy.

Before Sharon was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was then medicated, she had absolutely no friends in the world and was shut out from having any interaction with her loved ones during her wacko days. Why, no one would even give her the time of day, and this went on for a quite a while. Actually, it went on for way too long. Her fans were frustrated because they felt it would never end. The sad thing was that many characters had done far worse than she ever had, but they still had their ever-faithful sidekick by their side. But Sharon had no one, and now that looks to be Cane's future lot in life. However, looking on the bright side for Juliet, Cane should be easy pickings now.

Oh yes, the holier-than-thou Billy and Victoria ran as fast as their tootsies would carry them, straight to Cane's place, to make the grand announcement. And they made sure that Lily got to hear all the juicy little details of Cane's most recent "stupid and reckless move." I wonder if it dawned on them that they were ruining Lily's family also. Okay, now that he has done everything possible to demolish Cane's life, can Billy finally be happy? I mean, Billy's whole purpose has been to take Cane down, but Cane now has nothing left.

Whatever will Billy do to bring joy into his life without Cane to knock down anymore? Billy Boy may need to find a new target to throw darts at. This story has not been enjoyable at all. Cane is not a bad guy; he just did some terribly bad things. The soap earth seems to be tipping off his axis, and it cannot be straightened until sanity is restored, where Cane is reinstated as good, and Billy is back to being the bad boy. Only then will everything be right with the world again.

I miss the screwup Billy. He was more fun to watch. This Billy is just so unsympathetic, especially when he delights in kicking someone who is already down. Billy's soul is becoming pretty hard to find these days. He really does deserve the "jackass of the week award." Or of the year. Cane had already lost almost everything, but Billy had to make sure his former coworker/brother had nothing left at the end of the day.

But Cane was already self-destructing all on his own. Billy didn't even need to lift a finger to help that along. Oh, sure, Billy thought that he was done wrong because some of the backstage footage had been deleted. Blah, blah, blah. But Billy shouldn't have joked about a bet in the first place. Yet he wanted to whitewash the whole incident on his end, even if he was partially to blame for it. And where will that get him? In the same place he's already in -- with a job at Brash & Sassy and the eternal devotion of Victoria. I am ready for Billy to fall flat on his face again sometime soon. Perhaps then, I will like him again.

Truly, Victoria and Billy have some nerve. When Cane asked them to leave his home, they refused to go without Lily's say-so. At that moment, it was still Cane's home. They just wanted to stay around and watch the final destruction of what had once been a happy and loving family. It reminded me of motorists who slow way down to glare at the remains of a tragic accident, especially if there is an ambulance nearby. The blood and gore attracts them like flies. Maybe Billy can get that out of a turnip, since he seems to get his kicks from Cane's misery. Is nothing sacred or private anymore?

I am sure Billy would mind it if someone, say Jack, were to make it a habit of interfering in Billy's love life with Phyllis. Man, she sure seems needy and insecure these days. But with Victoria still buzzing around Phyllis' honey, I can't be too surprised. Phyllis' desperation was showing when she camouflaged her matchmaking the "handsome, charming, and sleazy" Benjamin with Victoria as a request for Benjamin's aid in helping out Brash & Sassy. The former "Red" seems to have lost her spunk. Will the fire dim between Phyllis and Billy if Victoria becomes close to another man? After all, Billy is awfully fond of "the chase."

I couldn't help but notice that any attempt Cane made to get sympathy or compassion from Victoria was pretty bloodless also. Seriously, has she totally lost her heart? I can remember when Billy used to make her laugh. Billy and Victoria used to have fun together, but now, they are all business. Victoria has become quite robotic these days. Has it become so important to her to be like her father and to have complete control over her own company that she can no longer have fun? Has it really been worth it to her to sacrifice all of the pleasure she had once received from her loved ones, including her children? When was the last time Victoria spent any quality time with her kids? We saw Billy playing with Johnny, but has Victoria played any goofy and amusing games with Johnny and Katie lately? Victor never really took the time to enjoy his children, and he has paid the price, even if he never chooses to admit it. But shouldn't that price be too high for Victoria to pay?

When Victoria suggested that they should have told Lily alone, with no Cane in sight, Billy quickly stated that Cane had needed to get "called out" in front of his wife. I thought there still might be some hope for Victoria yet. Later, Victoria seemed to feel bad about what had happened, and she even burst into tears in front of Abby. I thought, wow, maybe there's some kind of compassion still inside her, after all. But she was only crying about her business and sobbing that she was afraid that she might not be able to save it. Never mind.

It would be easier getting water out of a stone than to find a conscience in Hilary. Really, does she have no shame at all? Hilary apologized to Lily for any contribution she had made to add to the Ashby family problems in one breath and then immediately created, on the sly, her own sensual version of Lily's commercial -- the same commercial that Lily had hoped would help ease the family's financial difficulties. Lily should have been more gracious when Hilary apologized, and maybe that might have stopped Hilary in her tracks. But more than likely, Hilary, who was still not above pulling a dirty trick or two on Lily, would have done everything in her power to steal Lily's golden opportunity from her, anyway. That's just Hilary. If nothing else, she is consistent.

However, Jordan was outraged that Hilary would stoop to such sneaky tactics. Really? Jordan, have you even met Hilary? He must not know her at all, or he would be very well aware that when her mouth moves, lies come out. Hilary just can't help herself. And it's not like she ever had any really good intentions either. Hilary says the words everyone wants to hear, but she has a problem with sticking to the meaning of them. Jordan is a decent guy who has blinded himself to the indecency in Hilary. He even arranged for an exclusive contract with Chelsea that would benefit both Chelsea 2.0 and The Hilary Hour, but that was small potatoes compared to the huge helping of the dish Hilary wanted. And if Lily had wanted to feast on the very same delicacy, it became that much more scrumptious to the former Mrs. Devon Hamilton.

Yet, all Hilary could see was that she was losing her grip on Jordan, and she reminded him of what her luscious arms and lips could do for him. Shoot, since Hilary already has her retaliating sights aimed dead center on Lily, it can't help that Hilary's boyfriend is somewhat smitten with Cane's wife also. While it's true that Jordan may see Lily as a damsel in distress, he also sees that she's genuinely a nice person. Hilary just tends to bring out the worst in Lily, which is no understatement. Jordan's probably growing weary of being snared into an eternally complex web of tricks, schemes, and lies. Hilary may be familiar with the truth, but she tends to choose to ignore it. I doubt if even a proper introduction would have Hilary and honesty ever becoming close acquaintances.

Sharon was clutching at straws, attempting to grasp information from a frightened Crystal's lips. It's great that Sharon wants to help the girl; however, she should be wary and cautious, since Crystal is a total stranger. Sharon does not know the caller's situation at all. It could be a scam or it could all be totally on the up and up, and Crystal may truly need help. And with Paul's guidance, Sharon hoped to be her savior.

Shoot, now Sharon reminds me of Nick. She must be taking lessons from him. Nick's been leading by example around her for years. And what a coinkydink that Nick, of all people, found the young lady in the garbage area of the Underground. Hopefully, her story won't belong in those same Dumpsters. It will be interesting to see how much Nick becomes involved in this. A story between Nick and Sharon that wasn't about their love for each other or about their children would be rather refreshing to watch. After it's all said and done, Nick and Sharon are still close, even if it's just as friends.

In fact, Nick, Sharon, and Chelsea have become Crystal's new champions, and they were willing to keep her safe, no matter what the cost. Well, you know that sometimes it takes a village. Okay, here's her story. Crystal left home, and some woman promised to find her a place to live. But instead, she invited a lot of men to visit the girl. And I mean a lot of men. Since Crystal valued virtue over money, she ran. Well, that and she didn't want to be forced into a life of prostitution. I guess that would be a good reason to make any fair maiden do an Olympic award-winning dash right out the door.

Jack may have his own share of attempting to get liquid from a veggie by keeping the faith that his relationship with Nikki will all work out -- without any interference from "the elephant in the room." You know -- the one with the mustache. Ha, good one, Jack! Come on, when was the last time Victor was willing to sit back and be handed a loss? Never -- not that I can remember, anyway. If Jack really thinks that he and Nikki will be able to move forward into another romance, he may have another thing coming. Victor would never let Jack win, even if dear Vic no longer had any interest in Nikki. It's just a fact of Newman life. Jack is Victor's enemy, so therefore, Jack must always lose. And somehow, he always does. It's just the Mustache's solution to any Abbot equation. Jack is less than or equal to any bum on the street in Victor's eyes. Vic makes certain that there are always enough variables that will work against Jack to show the world what a loser he is.

In the meantime, still feeling the peace and serenity from her time in the cabin (and without Victor), Nikki used the right bait to lure Jack into some more time away in the great outdoors by giving him a fancy-dancy fishing rod. It's just a shame that neither of them can fish. But that didn't matter because it's spending time with nature that can bring a calmness to one's very soul -- until Victor decides to blow them out of the water, that is. Hmmm…someone followed them to the cabin with a camera, and you can almost bet that he's on Victor's payroll. "The Black Knight" will surely squish Jack like the worm he believes him to be if he catches Jack smooching on his woman.

Victor must miss having Adam as his own personal punching bag, since he had to resort to keeping the blows pounding onto Nick's life. Of course, Victor was the one who bought the property Nick sought for the new franchise of Undergrounds. And, of course, Victor doesn't care that he is hurting his own grandson even more, since this is Noah's dream. That's Vic for you -- always thinking of his family.

Oh, no! I really thought Devon and Mariah made such a cute couple, and I loved having her shove their relationship in Hilary's face. Hilary shouldn't get to win at everything. But now Mariah thinks that she may have the hots for Tessa? That's what Tessa gets for trying to comfort her that one time, unless she feels the same way about Mariah. Ooh, that could be awkward. Somehow, I doubt if Noah would be too crazy about having to compete with his sister for his girl. That guy just doesn't have any luck with the ladies, does he? But that would explain why Mariah didn't feel any sexual chemistry with Kevin during their one fling together. Wouldn't it be ironic, though, if Mariah were to come out of the closet when that's what Greg Rikaart had been wanting for Kevin? Since Kevin appears to be on his way back to Genoa City, that still could be a possibility. Stranger things have happened.

It's crazy. Kevin wasn't even gone long enough for me to miss him yet, but I'm fine with that. And I would also be just fine and dandy with Kevin busting out of the closet to announce he's gay. Greg Rikaart could put genuine feeling and heart into a story he desires to tell. I would prefer that Kevin be in a gay relationship than Mariah, because I adore Mariah and Devon together. However, I seem to be in the minority about that, since so many fans would prefer that Devon reunite with Hilary. I just hope that Mariah isn't being sacrificed because of these eager fans' wishes.

Gay couples tend to vanish on soaps, almost as soon as they declare their love for each other. Even though Tessa claimed she and Mariah had just gotten "a little carried away," this newfound love could still happen, and Mariah's love for Tessa could still flourish. And then Mariah may totally disappear from our TV screens, never to be seen again -- all in the name of Hilary. In this contemporary time, I'm unclear as to why some viewers still would prefer not to watch a gay couple in love on soaps, even to the point of turning off their televisions. Nobody should have to hide their true feelings, and love should really be able to conquer all. Live and let live. That's always been my motto. Spread peace, love, and joy all throughout the land. Oh, that's hippie-speak. Seriously, I loved Sonny and Chandler Massey's Will together on Days of our Lives, and I would be ready for a nice love story between two gay men or women on Y&R. I just wish Mariah could remain with Devon, but it's probably not in the cards.

Other notable (or humorous) items that happened during the week

Apparently, Abby had a hard time squeezing -- suntan lotion. Since it was so uneven, Zach had to straighten and smooth it out. She must have had a tough day at the office in her bikini at the pool. It's no wonder she couldn't get her lotion on correctly.

You have to wonder how much interest Juliet would even have in Charlie if he wasn't Cane's son. She claimed to have not known who he was, but I have my doubts. She has already proven that she cannot be trusted.

Depression affects so many people in this hectic day and age that it would be terrific for Y&R to educate the viewers more on this subject. I didn't realize that depression could cause confusion. We may end up learning a lot from Dina.

It's rather funny that I already had the title picked out for this before I watched any of this week's episodes, and then I heard Billy say, "Can't get blood out of a turnip, can you?" I would like to say great minds think alike; however, I really don't want to be clumped together in any category of Billy's right now. Enough said.

Upon learning there will be a head writing regime switcheroo, I can't say that I am terribly surprised or disappointed. While I appreciated that Sally Sussman and Kay Alden restored Sharon's sanity and cured her from "the Sharon Syndrome," the writing for other characters has made them practically unrecognizable. The actions and emotions of Victoria, Billy, and Cane have become so uncharacteristic lately that they seem like complete strangers. Even if Mal Young doesn't have prior U.S. soap-writing experience, he could be just the ticket to bringing new, fresh, and innovative stories to Y&R. And isn't that what we, the viewers, crave. Plus, who knows? On his watch, maybe Adam can finally return from the dead.

Until next time, please stay tuned.

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