Top ten mysteries
For the Week of October 1, 2007
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B&B Two Scoops: Top ten mysteries
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Does Rick even realize that he's twenty-eight years old? Happy Hormone Boy needs to leave the girls alone and focus on finding a woman his own age; preferably, one that has never heard of the Forresters.

As I stared at the screen today I began to wonder aloud (yes, it could be a sign that I am losing it, but that's another story) about all the multitude of oddities on this show. The questions I have always wanted to know since the beginning and the questions I have had since today at 1:30. Pull up a chair and stay awhile for my Top Ten B&B Mysteries....

10) Exactly what does it take to be a writer on this show? Do I apply online? Do I come by after school and fill out an application on my way to McDonald's? How do I throw my hat into the Xerox machine and take my turn whiting out the old names from 1990 and replacing them with today's cast members? With so much rehashing and re-writing of history, there has to be a place for a BS artist like myself to come in, collect a pay check, and swap in and out people named Forrester and Logan. Could it BE any easier?

9) How many Marone's does it take to ruin a fashion house? Nick and Jackie were way outmatched in this game and even though he is my favourite guy on this show, he needs to trade in his suit for the sailor's peacoat. Having Clarke design for them was mistake #1 but for them to bring Brooke back with no experience....well, let's just say the rats better hurry up and jump ship. Brooke may be good with thongs and teddies but I think Victoria's Secret has cornered that market. Nick, time to bail!

8) Does anyone on this show believe in security? You know, locks? Passcodes? Ridge is able to float in and out of the old building, Donna just lets herself into the mansion to see if Eric's Viagra has kicked in yet, and all of LA has let themselves into Brooke's house. Hell, I even think I was did look a little familiar! Ok, I haven't been there but come on! I'm surprised Ridge didn't help himself to a few minutes in the old steam room while he was there calming down Brooke. Is nothing sacred?

7) Do any Logan women believe in clothes that cover their body...their entire body? Judging by how quickly Donna and Brooke can strip down to 6 threads and a piece of cheap lace, I can't wait to see how little Katie is wearing when she goes to seduce Thorne (and we all know that's down the road). I guess you have to hand it to the Logan girls...make the best of what you have, right?

6) Why hasn't Brad said a proper goodbye to Sally? I think this is another example of how out of touch he is with what the long-time fans of this show want and expect. Sally was such a wonderful character and so pivotal in many stories along the way that to NOT provide viewers with a true sense of closure is just rotten. The after show tribute was thrown together and seemed rushed. Bring everyone together and let us know how Sally leaves us, not just Darlene Conley. It could be one of the best acting opportunities Stephanie has had in a while and would likely be at least a 5 tissue scene. Someone pass me the Puffs.

5) Will there EVER be an end to the 'Who's Your Momma' story (or as I put it today, the 'Who Scrambled My Eggs?' story)? Will I be filing for Medicare by the time we find out that the bun inside the Marone oven is really a little piece of Brooke? How long do we have to see Carl the Super Geek wine and dine Bridget for no other reason than to annoy us and postpone the inevitable? Something better happen soon or I'll send 3 dozen eggs to Brad's office with a note that says "Get the hint? Hatch it already and let's move on!'

4) Does Rick even know he's 28? The way he lets his 'man business' lead him around LA chasing after Ashley and Phoebe, you'd think he was 16! Happy Hormone Boy needs to leave the ladies alone and focus on finding a woman his own age and preferably one that has never heard of the Forresters. I know, good luck with that, right? And does anyone else notice that he dresses like he works at Abercrombie? Time to grow up Little Ricky.

3) Does Ridge remember a woman named Ashley? Yeah, that's right...she's the one he PROPOSED to! How is she supposed to deal with him running out the door every time Brooke sheds a tear? After all, with the pace she's on now, Ashley may see more of Ridge's back as he heads out the door than anything else. Why is he marrying her anyway if all Brooke has to do is sniffle and he runs? Don't put a great woman through this! I'd hate to think that every time he marries someone that is NOT Brooke, the relationship will suffocate under the tidal wave of Brooke's drama. It's sad, really, as I was enjoying watching him with Ashley. Ridge almost seems human with her. If Brad makes the mistake of having him go back to Brooke & Ridge Part 67, I and many others may just turn the channel for good.

2) Will we ever see Stephanie truly pay for everything she has done? It's time to pay the piper, Queenie! I know we have to wait a couple of week to see her back in action but something MAJOR has to happen for her role in Brooke's rape and everything else she has engineered against half the active cast. Getting kicked out of the family in exchange for Eric getting the company back is a good start but it has to be more than that. Why doesn't Brad make her suffer at all? She gets away with more that nearly every major soap matriarch you can list. Sure, Brad has made her a little psycho lately and that's not good for her character, but this is just BAD. A better question still...why has Eric stayed with her so many years? Why, why, why??? AHHHHHHH!!!

1) Will Brooke EVER stop crying in each and every episode she's in? My stepson was floating in and out of the living room during a break from work and noticed Brooke crying, AGAIN, and he stopped to ask me 'What's up with that chick? Is that all she does?' I responded with an emphatic 'YES' and explained that it's that 'left-eye tear' that you could set your clock to everyday. Why doe we have to see her cry everyday? Thank goodness I get a break on the weekends or I may just have to jump off a cliff! Does B&B own stock in Kleenex? Sometimes she cries and it's about something happy...but she still cries. Ugh. When will it stop? Doesn't KKL get sick of CRYING in EVERY SCENE??? Oh...wait...I hear my own little Greek chorus of Haters clicking away furiously at their keyboards to write about how I hate Brooke! News flash, people...I never said I hate Brooke. I simply point out the things that stare us all in the face everyday while watching B&B. Now, put down the torches and step away from the keyboards! Nice and slow and no one will get hurt!

In response to everyone's answers about whether or not you miss Stephanie. Most said they did because, if for no other reason, she keeps the stories around her moving and that's critical to keeping my butt anchored in front of the TV everyday. I agree with the majority...I miss her too!

This week's burning question: Do you like the Eric-Donna pairing? Lonely old horn-dog and sleazy opportunist or...handsome executive and voluptuous hottie? You decide.

The Soap Box

Lauren says: 'Yes, I have missed Stephanie! I think Flannery is an awesome actress, but also because she seems to be the only one responsible for any new happenings, although usually at Brooke's expense. Yes, I know a lot of her schemes seem silly and cruel, but when she's gone, everything just reverts back to "Ridge is my destiny", and that lost my interest oh.... 10 years ago!'

Louanne writes: 'I for one miss Stephanie. The whole rape story and the finding out of Stephanie's involvement fell flat without Stephanie there in person to account for herself. I was sorry to hear that Susan Flannery was sick and I'm glad she's better and back taping. I absolutely loved hearing Ridge tell Brooke that the engagement ring was not meant for her. I was like a dream come true. No more Ridge and Brooke! I am so sick of hearing Brooke constantly using her kids as an excuse for her actions and nearing jumped for joy when Ridge told her she wasn't thinking about her son when she dumped him and ran after Nick. Finally his eyes are open.'

Have a great week!!!

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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