Alley Mills
The inmates took over the asylum
For the Week of March 2, 2009
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How bad have things gotten at Forrester Creations when the only person who made logical sense last week was crazy Aunt Pam?

How bad have things gotten at Forrester Creations when the only person who made logical sense this week was crazy Aunt Pam? Pam pointed out that the members of the press were angry after the press conference because after being promised a "big announcement" all they got was a "stay tuned."

Right on, Aunt Pam. If you were a reporter, would you ever drop what you were doing to rush over to another press conference at Forrester? Eric intended to make the announcement the family had agreed upon, Rick was out and Thorne was in as President. But Brooke physically pushed Eric away from the microphone and rambled incoherently like Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman. Why didn't Eric or Ridge stop her? Couldn't they spot a meltdown 3 inches in front of them?

Mind you, Ridge is not my favorite character. When things happen that upset him, I'm okay with that in most cases. But I can understand his point of view in this circumstance. Imagine someone "accidentally" killed your child; would you want to hang out with that person for eight hours a day? Probably not, you would probably prefer to not be anywhere near them. It's not unreasonable for Ridge to want to avoid contact with Rick.

On the other hand, Ridge was a total creep after Rick saved his life. He didn't even acknowledge that Rick had done a good thing, or even thank him. That attitude is one of the reasons I don't like the character, Ridge has always been written as a selfish, arrogant guy with a serious sense of entitlement. He thought he deserved to be pulled to safety by the guy he was trying to kill when he fell off the building. Hey guys, next time you want to rumble, why not try the mailroom downstairs. There is nothing to fall off of, and the worst that could happen is you'd get goopy stage blood on some fake packages.

Ridge said he didn't have to be grateful to Rick because he hesitated to save him. Ridge was right, there was a moment as he dangled over the building that Rick thought twice about pulling him over. But he did pull him over and said "I would never let you die." And we believed him. Brooke loves Ridge and Steffy loves Ridge, and Rick loves both of them. At least for today, that is. Rick is fairly fickle and there might be some more women he is vaguely related to that he hasn't fallen in love with yet.

Stephanie was also not grateful that Rick saved Ridge's life; she used the opportunity to tell him that no one was going to change their mind about him just because he did something slightly heroic. After no one cared that Rick saved Ridge, I bet Rick wished he would have let him drop. Of course, they would have cared if their favorite son died. After Stephanie lambasted Rick, he said God forbid he was ever in the spot to have to save her life, and she said she'd rather die than let Rick be the one to save her. Wow, I think we know where Ridge got his arrogant nature. So let me get this straight Stephanie, you would rather plunge to your death that let Rick touch your arm and risk his cooties? I think Stephanie is as whack as her sister Pam sometimes.

Steffy tried to quit her job at the mailroom and the family shuddered. Oh no! Who will sort the mail now? Steffy was willing to sacrifice herself for Rick. She was willing to leave so he could stay, but the whole family said they would not let her. Umm, he Steffy, if you want to quit, they can't make you un-quit... Just do it! Get in your car and drive to Starbucks and see if they need baristas. Be the Taco girl at Jack in the Box! Help kids in and out of the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups at Disneyland! There are lots of part-time jobs for college students in L.A.

Steffy's mom Taylor and her Grandma Stephanie are happily in cahoots again. The two ladies sat down over coffee (I wonder if Taylor's was Irish coffee?) and tried to find a way to manipulate every situation and family problem into reconciliation for Ridge and Taylor. Taylor dug out her old photo albums and thumbed through them again so we could see she was nostalgic for the past. We were treated to some classic overacting on the part of Hunter Tylo. Whenever she wants us to really believe what she is saying, she doubles over from the waist and screams her lines while pumping her fists. I never believe her; it just looks like she is having cramps while she talks.

Katherine Kelly Lang, on the other hand, wrings every drop of emotion out of her scenes, and is trying to make the most of the lousy and repetitive material she has been given. Allison, the other B&B 2 Scoops writer mentioned that last week, the storylines are in a loop that endlessly repeats. I think about people like Katherine Kelly Lang, and how much it must pain her to say the same lines over day after day, week after week. If we played a drinking game and every time Brooke said "But he's my SON!" we would be hammered ten minutes into the show.

It's a trial to fill a page about this week's episodes, because in truth, the entire week's episodes could be accurately described in one sentence. "The Forrester family bickered over whether or not to fire Rick." That's really all the happened. Rick pulled Ridge up off the ledge ten minutes into Monday's show, and the rest of the week was various people in the family arguing for or against Rick getting fired.

Yesterday I attended a writing workshop and this group of writers went around the table and pitched their story ideas to the other writers. At the end of the discussion, I left thinking "I want to read all of their books," because I heard twelve pitches for twelve good stories. And these weren't people I knew, but total strangers I just met yesterday so I was not at all personally invested in them or their ideas.

I wonder what happens around the B&B writers' table sometimes. Is there a writer in the room trying to break out of the loop and the other writers shout him down? Are they out of money and can't afford to interject some new characters into the mix? I look at Owen and Marcus, both came onto the scene with great promise, but now they aren't doing anything with them. Send Owen over to Jackie M to work with Madame X/Bridget. Those two had a little chemistry together, there was potential there, explore that a little. As to Marcus, why not let him start dating someone else instead of pining away over Steffy? Give Aunt Pam a love interest. Let Donna get pregnant. Something, anything just shake it up a little.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Thorne set up his surveillance cameras in Rick's office to catch Rick and Steffy in a compromising position so he can worm his way into the presidency? Will Stephanie open her own boutique for women filled with smart pantsuits? Will Steffy get pregnant after she and Rick do the deed so Ridge will have to be Grandpa to Rick's demon offspring? Will Aunt Pam make non-poisoned lemon bars for the office? Will anyone explain to me why Owen pledged his loyalty to Thorne after Thorne framed Owen and Donna? Will Taylor ever leave her house again?

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