He loves me not...
For the Week of August 17, 2020
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Ridge claims his new bride is just paperwork, but we'll tell you why the new marriage can't possibly be legal even though Carter filed Brooke and Ridge's divorce and an officiant pronounced Ridge and Shauna man and wife. Plus, Dr. Anytime makes Steffy feel no pain in his presence. Get the two scoops on how Vinny, not Liam, could be the bane of Steffy's new romance.

Here we are again, Scoopers. I hope you got your bowls ready because I've got the two scoops on Dr. Anytime and the do-si-do husband, Ridge.

Scoop one: The doctor is in anytime Steffy needs him, and he'd probably love to work nights. The problem is, he won't renew Steffy's pain pill prescription. The pill-pushing Vinny, however, just might. Vinny's crushing on Steffy and probably won't want to hear from Thomas that she's in pain. If Vinny has the cure for what ails her, will Finn's competition for Steffy's attention turn out to be Vinny and not Liam?

Scoop two: This mess with Ridge is hilarious! Quinn and Shauna channel Penny and Sally with all the humor and none of the death; however, Ridge might wish he was dead after the week he had. Ridge thinks his new bride is just paperwork. Well, his new "paperwork" is looking forward to some consummation. Will she get it, or will the sexless marriage be a key piece of evidence in their annulment case?

Ridge was so drunk at the wedding to Shauna that he wanted to buy a vowel instead of reciting vows. I'd like to buy a vowel, too. I'd like to buy a "Y" because I need to know why in the hell Shauna did this. It's as if Shauna took a turn for the "Sally," sinking to trickery to get a man who embarrassingly doesn't want her. Ridge was too drunk to even stand, let alone say the contractual vows that make a marriage valid.

In the end, Ridge didn't get a chance to buy a vowel or solve the puzzle, but we're gonna get two scoops deep into the mystery of not only what happened in Vegas, but exactly what went on in Los Angeles, too. Carter filed the papers, but is Ridge's divorce and new marriage legal? We'll discuss how Steffy feels no pain when Dr. "Anytime" is near, and we'll try to figure out who, if not Dr. Finn, will supply Steffy with stronger pills. Vinny might just be real trouble for "Sinn" City if the plot goes the way I think it might on The Bold and the Beautiful.

A lifetime of paperwork

You gotta hand it to Carter Walton. He can keep confidences a whole lot better than Katie can. Remember when he asked her to scoop on things around Forrester? As it turns out, he knew more about what was going on with folks than he'd let on. The whole time Katie spoke to him about the plight of Brooke and Ridge's relationship, Katie never once told Carter that the couple had divorced -- and Carter never told Katie that, either, not even as she questioned whether Bridge would survive.

Carter didn't mention the divorce to Katie, and he didn't mention it to Ridge, either, upon Ridge's return. You'd think a friend like Carter claims to be would have contacted Ridge to follow up. It seems that, as seriously as Carter purported to take the divorce as Ridge's lawyer, Carter failed Ridge as a friend by refusing to file without face or voice time with Ridge.

Some viewers are miffed at Carter for accepting instructions via text, but hey, that's Ridge's style. He broke up with Brooke over a text, so why not divorce her via text? Besides, how does Carter know it's not his client? Carter probably thinks, like the rest of us do, that Ridge locks his phone. Fingerprint lock, face recognition, password, or something, right? If he can commandeer a boat-tank to go after Brooke in the Middle East, surely he can put a lock code on his phone. He's a designer, and people try to steal his ideas all the time. He's a CEO, and he deals in very sensitive business information. Surely Ridge locks his phone.

No. No, he doesn't. He really doesn't. His phone is an open window for any thief, spy, or scheming love interest.

When Carter got those divorce texts from "Ridge," the first thing he should have asked in response was if Ridge was drunk-texting him from the Bikini Bar. Carter should have told Ridge that it was after court hours, and Brooke would take him back if he went home; therefore, Ridge needed to call Carter in the morning and tell him in person if he still wanted to go through with the life-changing decision.

That's the kind of support Dionne Warwick meant when she sang, "That's what friends are for." As for professionally, you'd think it would be a lawyer's due diligence to speak in person on such a major decision, but then again, Bridge divorce and remarry more than country dancers do-si-do. Still, Carter at least needed to inform his client of when the divorce would be final and if there is a six-month waiting period ahead of them to finalize it.

Legally, California divorces require a six-month waiting period. They do it so that stupid stuff like what just happened to Bridge won't happen. The state requires a judge to rule on the divorce and set a date for dissolution of marriage. That date takes into account the waiting period, usually based upon the date one party served the other. Ridge served Brooke the papers months ago, probably at least six in storyline time, which means that the judge could make the final divorce date any date after the waiting period expired.

I would think Bridge's situation is unique because they held onto the papers for so long, but I couldn't imagine that the judge would backdate the divorce instead of just making it final at the date and time of the ruling. However, even if the waiting period expired on Bridge, that doesn't mean Carter filed the papers in time for Shauna's pitiful wedding.

If Shauna texted Carter after court hours, Ridge's marriage to Shauna, dated and time-stamped after hours could be in legal jeopardy because there is a low probability that the judge had gotten the papers before Ridge tried to buy an "A." I really doubt Carter rushed in his PJs to night court and pressed a judge to rule on the divorce that very night. After all, Carter just received the finalized decree this week, which means the divorce wasn't finalized the night of the Vegas wedding. Therefore, the wedding isn't legal even if the divorce is.

The marriage also might not be legal because the minister said Ridge recited a poem instead of reciting wedding vows. It's not a good look to start off a marriage with your groom almost toppling you at the altar, either. As drunk as he was, I wonder if Ridge even signed the marriage certificate himself.

If Brooke and Ridge question this minister or find video of the wedding, they might find out that Ridge wasn't legally sober enough to enter into a contract. They could learn that Ridge actually did not say vows but, instead, tried to win all those fabulous prizes by solving the puzzle. I wouldn't be surprised if he called Shauna "Vanna" later that night.

I think Ridge wanted to buy the letter "A" because the best way to solve this wedding puzzle is an "annulment." Ridge no more wants to be married to Shauna than Wyatt wanted to be engaged to Sally. Quinn isn't doing her friend any favors by saying that Ridge really loves Shauna. He called it a mistake. He told Shauna that it was just fun and games. When Brooke asked if he slept with Shauna, he said, "Worse. We got married."

Worse, you guys. Ridge said the marriage was worse than just sex. He called it paperwork. Ridge wants to spend the rest of his life with Brooke, not Shauna. I don't know where this plot is going, but it looks like Shauna has taken a turn for the "Sally," trying to trick a man into spending his life with her. It was pathetic then, and it's pathetic now.

At least this plot is a lot more funny than the fake terminal illness plot, and unlike Penny and Sally, Quinn and Shauna don't have to worry about possibly going to jail over it. What I don't understand is why Shauna went along with it. Shauna has always said that she doesn't want Ridge this way, and she wants him to be happy, even if it's with Brooke.

Shauna now thinks she can make Ridge happier than Brooke can. Did Shauna see the look on his face? Did he look happy? He didn't even stay with her after learning she was his wife. Instead, he left to be alone at Brooke's house while thinking Brooke had left town.

Ridge is not interested in consummating the marriage, and the fact that it is not consummated just might lend evidence in his favor for an annulment. He'd have to refuse to ever have sex with Shauna, which might be hard for him because he just falls into situations while drunk. All Shauna will need is vodka, a funnel, and Quinn livestreaming to Brooke's digital frame. Ridge's drunkenness might work in his favor, too, when it comes to an annulment, but he had better find another judge in his pocket to help him out here.

Getting an annulment is as easy as "A, E, I, O -- I'm leaving you" on this soap, but this time, they make it sound so hard. So, where could writers be headed with this plot? Shauna won't win any points with Ridge by trying to force a divorce like Steffy once did with Liam. I have no idea where they are taking it, but I'll be laughing all the way. Thorsten Kaye can be really hilarious when he wants to be, and Brooke's cynicism is cracking me up. Like the way she looked at Donna when Donna said what Ridge did happens all the time in Vegas. I don't know what Storm and Donna got up to in Vegas, but Brooke apparently never walked the wild side in that city.

In the end, Bridge's love will conquer all. Quinn is as dumb as Shauna to think one can play musical wives with people's lives and think Shauna will be the one to wind up with the seat. Cutting and pasting Shauna in as Mrs. Ridge Forrester doesn't mean it will last forever. Like my mama always says, you can lead a Forrester to marriage, but you can't make him consummate.

While Quinn sets up romantic interludes for the newlyweds, Donna is hovering over Eric like a sweet honeybee. I hope Brooke sics her sister on Quinn's marriage. It will serve Quinn right if Eric text-divorced her during a wild trip to Vegas with Donna and buys an "E" for elopement.

I doubt Eric will be understanding of Quinn's advisory role in Shauna's scam. And there is no mistaking it. This is Shauna's scam, just like it was Shauna's idea to record Bill and Brooke. Shauna is not as innocent as she claims, and, as usual, Quinn is just the devil showing her the apple. Shauna bit into it and took it a step further by getting all sentimental with Ridge and gushing about wanting to get married. Just like Brooke said, Shauna got him drunk and took him to a chapel. Shauna did it while knowing she set his divorce in motion and after Quinn had warned her that Brooke was looking for her husband.

That's as sick as Sally in my book. I wonder if Flo will agree or if, because it's her mother, suddenly tricking a man away from his true love will be okay. I want to know how many different ways Ridge has to try to politely tell his bugaboo wifey that he's just not that into her before Brooke finds herself tied by her garter belt to Shauna's radiator in Vegas.

Dr. Anytime needs to Rx himself to Steffy STAT

Oh, my Liberty-biberty. Who needs insurance when Dr. Finn makes free house calls? Finn told Steffy that he wanted to be like the old-fashioned doctors who made house calls. True to form, Finn brings something old-fashioned and sweet to the budding romance between Steffy and Dr. John Finnegan. Though they could be the side effects of social distancing on set, I really like the bashful phone calls between the two, the enthralled smiles from afar, and the friendly visits filled with chemistry.

Finn keeps his distance from Steffy, but it's pretty clear that he'd have her in his arms if he wasn't the professional he pledges to be. Steffy seems to forget all about her pain in Finn's presence, making me think that instead of refilling her pain pills, all he really needs to do is write her a prescription for a little tender loving Finn.

Thomas has been around a lot, offering his love and support to his sister. Since he's been spending time with Vinny, it's my guess that Thomas told Vinny about Steffy's persistent pain. Vinny must have broken up with his girlfriend. That might be why he is spending so much time with Thomas and crushing on Steffy. That, or Thomas joined Vinny's pill business. Don't knock it. Thomas has been helping Vinny a lot while on leave from work, and he even gets mysterious packages. Maybe that beard helps with his new side hustle.

Seriously, though, I predict that Vinny will hear from Thomas that Finn won't refill Steffy's pills, and Vinny might just show up at the cliff house with an assortment of drugs to get Steffy by. Thomas used to indulge in pills once upon a time, but if Vinny gets Steffy strung out, that could be it for his friendship with Thomas. If my theory is correct, Vinny, not Liam, is poised to be the "poisoned pill" in the Sinn romance, allowing Liam to remain the dutiful father to Kelly in this storyline.

Let us know what you think might be in store for Steffy. Will Vinny supply her with black market pills, or will Finn go against his better judgment as he watches Steffy reel in pain? Could Vinny's involvement in it lead to Liam learning why he slept with Steffy that one time?

In a look ahead: It's all a sham!

Next week's promo video features Shauna exclaiming that she is Mrs. Ridge Forrester, but it's all a sham. Quinn states that no one will ever know. Shauna gazes at her marriage certificate, and Brooke goes on the offensive, also calling the marriage a sham. Quinn attempts to lure Bill into her plan, but doesn't she know that Bill floating around Brooke is like shark bait to Ridge?

Thanks for joining me for another round of scoops. Before I sign off, remember: if you play stupid game-show games, you win stupid brides. The stupidest bride of all just became Mrs. Ridge Forrester. And Ridge is no prize, either. Waking up married to a completely different person is in no way bold and beautiful, baby.
Chanel

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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