Lucy, you got some splainin' to do!

For the Week of July 6, 2009
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Lucy, you got some splainin' to do!
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Last week, Nick demanded that Owen stay away from his mother, but Owen did not listen. Instead, by some odd coincidence, Owen and Jackie ended up at the exact same hotel as Nick and Bridget, in the adjacent room.

The antics of the warring Marone family in Hawaii last week were very "Lucy-esqe." In just about any episode of "I Love Lucy", Ricky tells Lucy she can't do something, or go somewhere, and of course, she goes anyway. The episode revolves around Lucy dodging Ricky in a series of goofy disguises and accents.

Nick Marone demanded that Owen Knight stay away from his mother, but of course Owen did not listen. Instead, he booked tickets to Hawaii and by some odd Soap Coincidence, Owen and Jackie ended up at the exact same hotel and in the room directly next door to Nick and Bridget.

Owen arranged surfing lessons for his 50-something bride-to-be and he's not even in the will yet. My husband is a 50-something surfer and let's just say he isn't as nimble on the board as he was 10 years ago.

I guess when you have already married someone twice the third honeymoon is a bit of a snooze. Bridget wanted to sun and read. Nick did a lot of golfing. Not to mention a considerable amount of calling Clarke to get spy updates on his mom. On one of Nick's golfing adventures, he looked out on the water and did a double take when he thought he saw his Mom. But he quickly convinced himself he was imagining things.

Dear readers trust me when I tell you that was another cheesy Soap Moment. When my husband is surfing and I want to photograph him, even with binoculars I have a hard time picking him out of the lineup sometimes. But wait, in Soap Ocean, Jackie was out there alone and no one else was surfing.

At least Owen didn't resort to any fake moustaches or other disguises for him and Jackie. Well, she was wearing giant straw hats all week, but I think that was her chosen "look" more than a disguise. My husband mentioned that the last time he had seen someone wearing hats like that was in old Elvis movies. But as for me? I actually kind of liked her get ups. I think Leslie Ann Down is a stunning woman and I can see why Owen would go for her, money and power aside.

The beach wedding Owen planned for Jackie was really quite lovely. But when Owen added the "Now what would you pay?" bonus of a bright yellow dune buggy painted with "just married" on the bumper, I had to wonder how bad Jackie's eyes are that she didn't see a yellow dune buggy vaguely shielded behind some palm fronds.

I fear Owen and Jackie's newly wedded bliss will be short lived. Something tells me Nick will show up at their private honeymoon cove and impose himself on the consummation of their marriage.

No doubt Nick will be peeved at Bridget for not alerting him to Owen and Jackie's presence sooner, but hopefully not enough to divorce her for the third time. That will probably come later when Brooke gets lonely and goes trolling for Nick again. They will probably haul out their son Jack that Brooke hasn't visited in months to give them something to bond over.

I hope I am wrong, I think it would be much more interesting for Brooke to hook up with the deliciously bad Bill Spencer. Speaking of which, where is he? The first couple of weeks he was on, he had a bunch of great scenes to establish his character, but recently he's been relegated to the background as a wedding guest at Nick and Bridget's wedding. C'mon writers, throw him in the mix.

I am also anxiously awaiting the arrival of Rick Hearst fresh off his unceremonious dumping by General Hospital. His last scenes were a pathetic send off and unworthy of the work he did on GH for seven years. He didn't even get to say goodbye to his brother or his daughter. I hope B&B treats him better than that.

Back on the mainland, Brooke struggled to deal with the news that Ridge got hopped up on pills and slept with Taylor. I don't think Katherine Kelly Lang gets enough credit. She gave some powerhouse performances this week, and I hope when the Emmy's roll around next time that she wins one.

Oddly enough, one of the best scenes this week was the scene she had with arch-nemesis Stephanie. The two of them discussed the heartache of losing the loves of their lives late in their lives and feeling lost about the future in some very poignant moments. There was tenderness and vulnerability in those scenes that left me teary eyed.

Another powerful scene was when Brooke joined Nick and Taylor's hands and gave them permission to be together, to grieve and heal over Phoebe's loss and then walked out the door and slumped down on the sidewalk in utter despair.

Brooke's selfless act of offering Ridge up to Taylor was the sort of thing that rarely happens in real life. She understood that the death of their daughter Phoebe was something the two of them needed to work through together and officially moved out of the way.

The scenes that didn't work for me though were Steffy and Thomas hopping around because their Daddy came back home to Mommy. That would play better if the kids were 10, not adults in their 20s who should have moved out already.

Steffy has spent months trying to convince everyone she is a grown woman who is capable to making her own choices about lovers. To have her transform into a giddy child plays against the adult character they have previously presented to us. They worked so hard to get us to see her as an independent woman only to knock her back down to a little girl in one scene. Make up your minds, writers.

Thomas on the other hand is a nut job, so it's easy to believe that he's more likely to revert to being a juvenile. What happened to his counseling anyway? After you blow up someone's car and light someone's house on fire I think you need more than one quick session with James to cure you of your crazy. Just sayin'.

One more issue... If I was Taylor and knew my ex husband had only come back to me because of a fistful of pills and because the woman he really loved had given him up, I don't think I would be so delighted about it. Ridge isn't with Taylor because he chose to be or because he loves her. He's with her because Mommy and Brooke pushed him in that direction and he's weak. If Taylor is okay knowing she's with a guy who is in love with someone else, hooray for her. I, on the other hand, would tell him to get lost.

I guess I have to take Taylor's grief into account. She is also wrecked about the loss of their daughter. But she seems to be strong enough to manipulate and scheme with Stephanie, so I don't know how potent her grief actually is these days.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Bridget spot someone in Hawaii with one of Aunt Pam's crocheted bikinis? Will Thorne call Brooke for a booty call since he knows she's vulnerable after dumping Ridge? Will Felicia pick a hair length and stick to it? Will Stephanie decide she was so wrong about Brooke that she will work to break up Ridge and Taylor? Will Rick get beat up every time he goes to pick Steffy up for a date since Ridge is back home? Will Nick go see Taylor professionally again to get past his Mommy issues once and for all?

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