Deliveries of the special variety

by Mike

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your commitment to recycling extend to your wedding ring? Did you buy an engagement ring instead of a clue? Did you play "Pin the Color on the Daddy?" These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Hallelujah, there's a better show to write about after all -- as long as I don't think about the ridiculousness that brought us to where we are now. I've been pondering it, and I've realized that I've never been invested in the romantic entanglements of our soap opera counterparts. Maybe that doesn't make me much of a soap fan, but I'd rather see a good mystery or a psychological story -- something where a coupling is a fringe benefit instead of the main event.

That's largely what's wrong with B&B anymore -- everything is about who's hooking up with who, who's having sex with who, who wants to have sex with who, what's happening because someone did or didn't have sex with someone. It just all rings hollow. It would be nice if it were balanced out with something else besides the aforementioned.

An attempt was made with Brooke looking back over her past and deciding Stephanie and Taylor were right about her all along. But it's a little bit of overkill, don't you think? I think this bears repeating: I do not consider myself Team Brooke or Team Taylor. But what I'm seeing right now is Brad Bell's attempt to please anti-Brooke fans by making her beat herself to a pulp and echo their cries of "whore" and "slut." Brooke's no angel -- she has done plenty she needs to atone for -- and I like the idea of her trying to better herself. Who among us doesn't need to do a little of that! It's just coming off more like martyrdom than anything else, and somehow I don't think that's the intention.

But it sure showed Stephanie what's what, didn't it! Brooke's sacrifices got to her, even to the point of shocking the continually smug Taylor by agreeing there was merit in Brooke setting up the Stephanie Forrester Foundation! Still, I'm not feelin' the love for La Forrester. How is she going to come back from this one? Faking a heart attack to reunite Ridge and Taylor was devious enough. But this? As I said in my last column, Stephanie's actions are just plain diabolical on the heels of the Brooke/Stephanie truce. And what's up with both Brooke and Eric yammering on about how forthright Stephanie is, what a good example Stephanie is? Brooke of all people knows what Stephanie is capable of! At least Stephanie barked, "I'm no saint" when Eric conveniently forgot Stephanie's decades of misdeeds by putting his not-wife on a pedestal.

Nick doesn't seem to be buying it, either, and double hallelujah for that. I know there are lots of "Bricky" fans out there...but that ship capsized years ago from all his jumping back and forth with Bridget -- and Brooke's jumping back and forth with Ridge. Like it or not, Scoopers, Ridge and Brooke go back to Day One and are the supercouple of this show...even Nick knows it. He'd be a fool to pursue her now. Really, I like Jack Wagner, but don't you think it's time for Nick to head for the high seas already? Maybe Nick could take Oliver with him. But we'll get to Clueless Jones in a minute.

Meanwhile, Taylor was as predictable as Old Faithful, deeming Brooke's foundation insincere, and snarking about Brooke at every opportunity. But wait -- call the Guinness Book of World Records -- did Taylor actually admit she was wrong about Brooke's motivation? Yes! And I have to agree with Taylor on this one: part of it is Brooke trying to make Stephanie proud. Brooke has always wanted Stephanie's approval. And Brooke finally had it, too -- it's a shame everything's been blown to hell because of Taboo and those stupid berries.

Not that Taylor is exactly hatin' life right now -- those stupid berries are not only putting Brooke's husband in the palm of her hand, but Brooke's wedding ring, too! Huh? I admit, it was interesting for Brooke to admit that Taylor is the only other woman who loves Ridge as much as Brooke does. I always like it when Brooke and Taylor stop playing games with each other and keep it real -- their discussion when Taylor looked to be dying of tuberculosis (in 1999) comes to mind.

But Brooke handing over Ridge like he's the keys to a car? Plunking her wedding ring in Taylor's hand? Okay, it's great drama, but seriously -- as if Taylor would wear it! And why should she? These ladies seem to think Ridge has no mind of his own and that he can just switch between them as easily as he switches brands of mousse. I suppose it's not their fault, considering that's exactly how Ridge has acted for over 20 years. Taylor's going to be in for a rude awakening when the truth comes out and Ridge commits himself to Brooke all over again. Because you know he will. So what is the point of all this in the first place?

Until then, Taylor will remain convinced that Brooke has defiled Taylor's son. Now, how much of that doesn't make sense? Try all of it! Except now even Brooke has jumped on the "poor victimized Thomas" bandwagon. It takes two to tango, and, even hopped up on berries, Thomas wouldn't have been a mere innocent if the sex had actually happened. Whatever Brooke's attraction to Thomas may have been, Thomas had been trying to go for it for months. He's an adult, and it would be nice if some of the responsibility were being placed on him as well instead of casting him as if he were some underage rape victim.

Even Hope seems to have a clue in this regard. You'd think, of all people, Hope would be the one to rally against Brooke in the aftermath of the berry boink, considering just a year ago, Brooke and Oliver did the mask boink. Yet, Hope continues to defend Brooke, reminding her that even James thinks Thomas is lying. Isn't it interesting that, for all the parallels and discussions, Oliver's name never comes up? Brooke's so into self-flagellation right now that she insists she poisoned Thomas and should have died on the island, but never once falls to Hope's feet and begs forgiveness for Oliver. Hope, in all her support, never reassures Brooke that she's forgiven Brooke for Oliver. Weird.

Especially when you've got Oliver showing up on Brooke's door, asking her to put in a good word for him with Hope! Hello? What planet does he live on? Because it ain't this one! Again, you'd think the very sight of Oliver would send Brooke into hysterics right now. Beyond that, Oliver himself admitted he hadn't heard from Hope and assumed Hope had worked things out with Liam. So what makes him think he even has a ghost of a chance? I like Oliver, but he is really working off a 40-watt bulb these days. No -- not even that. One of those teeny refrigerator bulbs. Even Brooke told him it wasn't gonna happen. Was his hearing damaged from too many years as a deejay?

Undeterred, he bought an engagement ring and proudly showed it to Whip. Then popped off and said it was time for Whip to get back into the dating pool! Duh, Oliver -- Whip isn't even divorced yet, and besides, his marriage only broke up a few short weeks ago. Oliver is not a guy you'd want to take relationship advice from! Maybe Whip was just humoring him when he tried to come up with a slam-bang proposal idea. Until Pammy came in and suggested the perfect one: the Big Bear cabin. Really, Pam? Who'd give you keys to the place where you tried to get Donna eaten by a (ahem) big bear?

Oliver apparently doesn't hang out with Marcus much, either, because Marcus could have told him that proposals at that cabin never work out (paging Steffy Forrester!). And what does Hope even have to think about, anyway? She recommitted to Liam big time (although the devirginizing from two weeks ago didn't end up happening). Come to think of it, since she swore to stand by Liam despite Amber's pregnancy, why did she send Liam off to the hospital solo when Amber went into labor? You'd think Hope would be right there to remind Amber what the deal is. And if she had, we wouldn't have had to sit through Oliver's asinine proposal.

One thing I will compliment B&B on is the fact that Amber has actually had a real-time pregnancy. She was fooling around with Oliver in October -- this is June. That's eight months. They went too long without Amber showing, yes, and then suddenly made Amber huge, but it's actually pretty close by the calendar. Even Bridget couldn't do that last year, popping out Owen's kid in record time -- remember?

We knew the amniotic fluid was going to fly when Amber had the baby, so the week's events weren't really a surprise. It started out well enough, with Marcus showing up with his French teddy bear. Isn't it interesting that Marcus is the most likable when he's with Amber? But between his sudden reappearance -- and the fact that Justin suddenly wants Marcus to take his last name -- it seems obvious Marcus is going to be a daddy. Unless we're being set up, which is always possible.

Things then took a turn for the absurd. In what lifetime did Amber think Carl -- who was blackmailing her and her mother over the faked paternity test -- would turn around and run a real test? Except that he actually turned around and ran it! From there, everything seemed to become a bad Italian farce comedy, complete with carnival-style music. Hey, B&B -- none of this was funny! Perhaps the presentation was meant to offset the supposed drama of the berries, but Carl and Amber and Tawny might as well have been wearing clown costumes. Whatever legitimate suspense this delivery might have had was severely watered down. And for no good reason.

I also found it odd that B&B once again ignored their own history. Shouldn't Amber be worrying about whether she's going to have a healthy baby -- or even if the baby is going to live? She's lost two of them. And, once she realized Marcus could be the father, why no reference to the previous will-the-baby-be-black story with Raymond? Even a tongue-in-cheek mention would have been nice. All the more reason that this time we should be allowed to watch Amber give birth to a dark-skinned baby in a room full of people. It would give Marcus a story, keep Liam with Hope, and get Oliver out of the way for good.

But I guess we'll have to wait until next week to see who's going to get a Father's Day card (interesting that Amber is giving birth on Father's Day weekend, isn't it!). That is, if we can get past Carl's interruptions by suspicious co-workers and inexplicable printing errors. Remind me not to go to University Hospital, ever, even to borrow a Band-Aid!

Now, Scoopers, it's your turn:

    • "Thank you for saying exactly what I have been feeling about B&B as of late. I have not watched the show in well over two weeks now because I cannot fathom the crap that Brad Bell is serving us...I did indeed write a letter [to him] and I did not mince words...once the truth comes out and Ridge goes crawling back to Brooke, I hope she gives him one swift kick in the family jewels [and] tells the entire Forrester family to suck it!" -- Michael

    • "Your Two Scoops was right on! This whole berry business is stupid and no one wants to see Thomas sleep with Brooke. What is wrong with Taylor & Ridge's kids? Thomas tried to kill Rick twice (that's not penny ante stuff) & lied about sleeping with Brooke. Steffy is after any unavailable male she can get her body after & going after a married man. You sure these are goody two shoes Taylor's kids? Brooke's kids are better than that." -- Vickie

    • "Taylor is being used to prop Ridge and Brooke angst and as [a] Taylor fan I hate to watch Taylor being thrown under the bus every time. I honestly feel Taylor should let go of Ridge...Bill and Taylor [would] look HAWT together only if the SL is done right...Bill is a man of guts, integrity and sensibility and Taylor needs just that!" -- Prerna

    • "...I think he [Thomas] is stupid and selfish to treat Brooke this way after all she has done for him. And Stephanie...what about her cancer, shouldn't she be better than that..." -- Suzette

    • "I think the writers need to go back and take a good look at what was written before. Brooke has been condemned for a lot of things that other people did to her. Also Taylor is no saint. She is worse than Brooke. What about her thing with Brooke's son and the fallout it created. Taylor and the Forresters need a good wake-up call and Brooke needs to tell Ridge to get lost for good." -- Chanetta

    • "...Brooke is looking worse in this story because all it's doing is trying to say she wants to change now because she believed she did it with Ridge's son. Too bad this is coming too late, she should have realized it when she was getting it on with [Deacon]...let's see if Brooke means it this time... -- Sharon

    • "...I am actually pissed off with Thomas for going along with his grandma on this...he definitely inherited his scheming from Queen Stephanie. As for Brooke, she has done some things that she definitely regretted, but she has paid dearly for it, however she does not deserve this. I am rooting for Hope [to] get down to the truth and expose Thomas and Stephanie for it..." -- Kandi

    • "I noticed that everything Brooke or Rick does is criticized, yet Taylor, Steffy, and Thomas can do what they want...the storylines are totally unreal and disgusting...get it in gear, Writers, we deserve better writing than this!" -- Katherine

Sounds like if it's up to you guys, Ridge will end up alone one way or another! Once the truth is revealed, how about Taylor and Brooke become friends and team up against Stephanie? Now that would be different. As it would be if Taylor turned against Thomas for what he did. Just a thought. Got your own thoughts about what should be happening? Click here to fire 'em off!

Now, there are Points to Ponder a'plenty:

Anyone notice Eric talking to "Ernesto" about fabric samples? Good to know Forrester still actually conducts business...and who knew that Forrester had an elevator? I've been watching since 1988 and don't recall ever seeing one in that hall before... Now Liam goes to a lawyer about custody and visitation? You'd think he or Bill would have done that right off the top... How about Oliver's claim that he doesn't have baggage like Liam does? You've got a cargo hold full of it, Ollie, and it's called Brooke Logan Forrester. Speaking of whom, how come she didn't raise an eyebrow when Oliver said that Amber was trouble? As far as Brooke knows, Oliver has never met Amber...

At least Ridge and Brooke being separated instead of instantly divorced is different... Brooke's leaving Forrester again? How many times did she leave the place in 2010 alone? And Brooke, Stephanie never said you were a predator -- that's Taylor's word for you... Shouldn't it have been awkward for Taylor and Nick to run into each other given how their marriage imploded?... No, Bill and Justin, your wives aren't being tight-lipped about Brooke -- they have no clue what's going on with their sister... Most fathers throw their sons the keys to the car -- Bill throws his the keys to the plane...and shouldn't Hope have asked if she needed a passport for where Liam was taking her?

I don't know if it was funny or scary to discover that listening to Justin Bieber calms Carl down... Tawny bragged to the customer service rep that her grandchild is William Spencer IV -- that'll be quite a trick if the kid turns out to be a girl... Is it possible to have Pam in a room or even peripherally mentioned without bringing up those freakin' lemon bars?... Oh -- is there still a Hope For The Future line? And yes, Stephanie, you should have stopped Taboo when it started -- then we wouldn't have to sit through this horrible storyline now!

I'll be filling in for Allison next week so I'll see you then...keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

Days of our Lives | General Hospital | The Young and the Restless

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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