Getting affairs in order

by Mike

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you fully wait for your married man boyfriend to like, totally call you? Did you wear a different outfit for each of your two faces? Did you change your name to Dr. Kickbutt? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Wow! It's like a whole different B&B right now. And the timing couldn't be better. For the first time in ages, "watchable" is an adjective that can be applied to the show. Let's add "entertaining" to the list!

First up was Katie's "surprise vow renewal." (Try saying that three times fast!) Was there more to it than simply being inspired by Ridge and Brooke's "berry-be-gone" reunion? She must sense on some level that Steffy is a threat, even while she tells her family the opposite. I mean, the ceremony was sweet, but if you know your spouse doesn't like surprises, why engineer such a big one? Oh, right -- for the contrast of having it right as Bill was about to leave Katie. And for that purpose it worked.

That said, it was a perfect excuse to bring Karen Spencer out of mothballs. How much do I love this woman, and why can't she be on my screen every day? If only she'd had this much grace, warmth, and vibrancy when she was on in the '90s! For soaps' sake, Brad Bell, put Joanna Johnson back on contract and put Karen with Thorne again! Ally needs a mom, and Karen could rescue Thorne from the Forrester basement with a power position at Spencer. That would be bliss.

But I digress. Everyone made pretty speeches at the vow renewal. Great continuity, mentioning that Bill, Karen, and Liam all grew up without fathers -- like Katie, since Stephen walked out on her and her sisters. Liam's words had double meanings, since he knows about Bill and Steffy. But then Bill added to the festivities by pledging his love to Katie. Huh? He was about to dump her! All right, he was in public and had the ceremony sprung on him, but his love for his wife did seem real and not expressed for show.

Does Dollar Bill love Katie? Steffy? Both? Two short years ago, the man was a womanizer extraordinaire. Once alone with Katie, he said he was pissed about the surprise, but then that it wasn't a mistake. Katie also did some coin-flipping: hurt one minute but deciding the next to go on as if the ceremony had never happened while waiting for him in bed! Maybe she chose not to see there was more behind Bill's balking than he let on, but it was a very convoluted way to end the scene.

Meanwhile, Steffy paced with her iPhone Krazy Glued to her hand, waiting for Bill's call because she's in love. Now, y'all know I've come down on the girl for chasing after Owen, Bill, Oliver, and Liam. People with abandonment issues do seek out unavailable mates. Marcus was available, so Steffy didn't want him, and I'm sure the whole thing with Rick messed her up but good. So it's not surprising she'd get all goofy about Bill now that he's paying attention to her.

At least we're finally seeing fruit from story seeds planted 18 months ago. Hell -- maybe Bill and Steffy are better-suited to each other. Steffy enticed Bill and then stole Katie's engagement ring to blackmail Bill into returning control of Forrester -- yet he seemed turned on by it. Bill plotted to kill a woman and her unborn child -- yet Steffy yammers on about how much she "gets" him. This is the new supercouple?

Not that "Still" hasn't amassed a legion of fans -- many of whom would be quick to point out that Katie is just taking a ride on the karma train. I tend to forget because it was revisionist story that happened off-camera, but Katie, thinking she was dying, did get pregnant by Nick while he was involved with Bridget -- the out-of-character move gaining Katie a lot of enemies among the audience. She told Karen that she was the "good girl Logan sister" until she met Bill -- except that she dropped anchor with Nick before that. If Katie had taken some responsibility for what happened with Nick, it would have added an extra layer to this story, and perhaps garnered some forgiveness from her detractors.

While we're on the subject of missed beats, isn't it strange that Katie keeps talking about how much she and Bill have been through, since everybody's in the dark about that? That, and she says she and Bill faced their problems -- when? Because I saw them at an impasse over Bill's murder plot, then Bill racing off to rescue Brooke and Thomas, and Bill's had his mind on Steffy ever since. So what resolution was that again, Katie? The lack of one does rather throw a monkey wrench into the wheels of this triangle.

There's also the fact that Katie never questioned how Bill lost control of Forrester. That's always seemed odd to me. With any luck, that will also come out when the ish hits the fan.

So Steffy continued to list all the reasons Bill was true love personified -- except mama Taylor wasn't havin' any of it! Someone paid attention to my last column where I asked for a strong Taylor, because that's what we're gettin', and she's like a whole new character. Getting mixed up in the stock thing at Forrester may have been questionable (if that plot had any more holes in it, it would be a colander!), but these days she's kicking ass and taking names, and damned if I'm not liking it a whole lot!

Taylor called Steffy out for implying Katie deserved to be left by Bill "after the way [Katie] treated him," and likewise noted that the family "pulling together doesn't mean ganging up on Hope." Citing her own status as Ridge's number two choice was an excellent example to present to her blinded-by-love daughter. Not that Steffy heeded Taylor's warnings, even after Bill waltzed in wearing his wedding ring.

One thing I'll say -- the writing for Steffy is consistent. Fresh from throwing little R.J. under the bus in an attempt to have their father to herself, Steffy went off on Bill when he explained about the vow renewal, telling him to forget about his company and just be with her! Suddenly their age gap was as visible as the Great Wall of China from space. ("I'm not a child," Steffy boasted to Taylor. Ha!)

But didn't Steffy look like one when Taylor snatched her away from Bill like she was gonna spank her ass! Whoo-hoo! Taylor was all up in it, giving Hunter Tylo the best material she's had in forever. She bitched Bill out for hitting on Steffy while Katie was planning the ceremony, insisting "I won't let Katie go through with this because of my daughter!" Why couldn't Taylor have been as forceful during Ridge's recent waffling? (Never mind -- I just answered my own question.)

Steffy scoffed that her relationship wasn't Taylor's business. When that didn't work, Steffy tried to distract her mother by likening Bill and Katie's marriage to Taylor and Whip's. Taylor then said what I'd been thinking all along: she'd happily condone the relationship if Bill were single. I know it's a soap, but I can't get behind "Still" knowing it came about from infidelity. Bill should have left Katie before letting things go this far with Steffy. "Don't even pull up in my driveway if you have that ring on your finger!" Taylor barked at Bill, and Steffy's sheepish look told me she knew mama was right.

Of course, that didn't stop Steffy from pulling off the fastest real estate deal in history when she bought Jackie and Owen's loft. "I didn't even know it was on the market," Nick said, scratching his head. Neither did we! Okay, so business isn't booming at Jackie M and the Marone-Knights want to scale back. (Maybe they'd be flush if they'd let Clarke design!) But what the hell was up with suddenly telling Nick they wanted to move in with him? Isn't that a request they should have made as soon as the loft was for sale? At least Nick told them they'd have to look for their own place right away, but I can't imagine this cohabitation happening unless it's meant to set up future story, whatever that is.

Then Jackie took a moment to think over good times shared there with Owen. How come all of her flashbacks involved them getting it on? How come they always make out in front of Nick? How come they can't have a real story? And why did Jackie and Owen claim they didn't know who bought the place when Steffy said her Realtor made them an offer they couldn't refuse? How did Steffy even know them or that they had a loft to sell? Does the right hand not know what the left hand is writing?

Steffy had a loft and was aloft when Bill gave her a sword necklace like his, only with bling. Interesting considering Bill once lost his own necklace after meeting Steffy at Big Bear. But when did he have time to get this one made? Steffy loved it until Bill said she couldn't wear it in public. She strangely vacillated between sticking her tongue down his throat and pouting that she didn't want to wait for him. You know who's waiting? Karen and the stockholders at that much-mentioned board meeting!

Back at Spencer, Taylor stormed in, ready to out Bill when she was intercepted by an unusually mouthy Liam. Don't get me wrong -- I liked it! These two characters usually mind their P's and Q's, but for some reason they decided to go all Celebrity Death Match. "Haven't you been burned enough butting into other people's marriages?" Liam sassed. Taylor got in her digs, too; it was quite amusing, and Liam might want to consider a career as a bouncer the way he ushered Taylor out of the office to keep her from disturbing Katie's lunch with Brooke.

"I hope you're okay, Taylor," Brooke offered. "Why would that matter to you?" Taylor seethed. I guess no one's spared Taylor's tongue-lashing this week. Cool! But did you happen to see what Katie and Brooke were lunching on? Fruit salad...with berries. Would Brooke even go near a berry after everything that happened? Girls, forget the figures next time and snag some McDonald's!

Finally, Taylor sat down with Katie and apologized for her abruptness, while Katie apologized for her own snarkiness (she'd told Taylor her concern about Steffy was overdue! Amen, sister.) They then settled in for a mature talk reminiscent of when Katie sought therapy with Taylor, even visiting the issue that necessitated it -- Bill's plot to off Amber. Until Taylor jumped in and informed her former patient that Bill was stepping out with Steffy, causing Katie to clutch her missing heart scar!

Katie didn't look like she was having a heart attack to me, at least not now. But with all the mentions of Katie's heart transplant and copious references to "heart" during the vow renewal...well, if that were being telegraphed any more, Thomas Edison would come back and put a patent on it! Let's see what y'all had to say via another form of electronic communication:

    "...I love, love, love your Two Scoops and I usually agree with you 100%. I just need to bring one thing to your attention. You mentioned that Ridge adopted Hope. While she does call Ridge "Dad" I am pretty sure he never adopted her. If he had wouldn't she be Hope Forrester and not Hope Logan?" -- Paula

Could it be I'm misinformed? I admit to being a little sketchy on this period of B&B so I put it to you, Scoopers -- and thanks, Paula, for holding me to accuracy! Of course, if you guys have other thoughts about the show, zap 'em over and they may end up here. Like these!

    • "Relieved that the ridiculous Ridge/Taylor wedding didn't happen. According to California law, there's no way both Taylor and Whip, and then Ridge and Brooke could have divorced so quickly -- it takes 6 months! And what about all the settlement stuff? None of that was addressed. Absurd! " -- Lissa

    • "I have not watched in weeks. I tuned in last week and saw Bill cheating on his wife...he tried to kill someone. He had intimate conversations with another woman. He confessed a crime he was contemplating [to] a woman who has blackmailed him before. And he has the nerve and gall to be mad at Katie. So she walked out, sounds like a completely normal reaction to me. Now he thinks he is free to cheat. Seeing Bill and his stalker in bed is my signal to tune out again." -- mom

    • "Ridge is not a Forrester but the son of Massimo Marone and [I] don't remember hearing that Eric adopted him as a Forrester although he did raise him. But that would mean Steffy and Thomas are actually Marones but the two of them seem to forget their lineage -- Thorne, Felicia, and Kristen are the true Forresters and deserve their share of the company. And couldn't believe that the wretched 'Doc' said that she didn't want her beloved son to be relegated to the basement with Thorne. What nerve!" -- Dana

    • "It drives me crazy that Taylor keeps acting as though Thomas and Steffy are 14 years old. She [said] Brooke [abused] Thomas. Thomas is an adult. What about her and Rick -- that was okay I guess because it was her. He was about the same age as Thomas is now...they all act as if Brooke has Ridge in a trance -- Ridge is responsible for his own actions, not Brooke. They want him to love who they want, not who he wants. And Steffy acts like she is 12 wanting her daddy to come home! Ridiculous!" -- Wanda

    • "When is someone (I mean you Taylor) going to point out the obvious irony of the Steffy and Bill situation to Steffy? Steffy is acting EXACTLY like Brooke did when she decided she and Ridge 'were meant to be' and, therefore, didn't care who she hurt or whose marriage she broke up." -- Ellen

    • "...I actually look forward to this Bill/Steffy pairing to blow up big time. Hopefully Katie will file for divorce, sue Bill for Eye on Fashion, 25% of Spencer Publications, the new house, the jet, a couple of cars, [an] outrageous amount of monthly alimony and his 12.5% of Forrester AND name Steffy as co-respondent in the divorce, sue her for around 2 million AND her 25% of Forrester and the loft just for the hell of it. THAT would be interesting." -- DrGirlfriend421

It would be! Now for some parting shots in Points to Ponder:

There are some nice new movie-quality music cues underscoring scenes these days (probably in preparation for B&B's move to HD), but too many unrelated establishing shots of L.A. And what was up with that bad process shot of Bill driving?... "I was on the surf team in high school," Hope bragged. Um, thanks to SORAS, when were you in high school? "What if your Dad walks in?" she said, smooching Liam. Like they cared the million other times Bill walked in on their tonsil hockey?

What exactly does Katie do at Spencer? And how did their stock go up once Bill was married? Wasn't his rep as a bad-ass enough of a draw? Where has Steffy been living? At home! No, the Forrester guest house! No, home! Now the loft! The postman must be getting whiplash... "You wear it well," Bill said of the necklace he gave her. She must, because he said it twice in two episodes...

"That's not who my father is," Liam defended as Taylor called Bill a cheater. How would Liam know? By his own admission he's only known Bill since he's been married to Katie... Why didn't Liam leave a real message for Bill instead of the cryptic "By the time you get this, it will be too late"? Steffy noted that she, Thomas, and Bill will control Forrester -- but everyone forgets Thomas won't get that 25% until Stephanie dies. And Stephanie will probably live into her 80s!

Speaking of 80s -- as in 1980s -- while I was "away," I finished a music video called "Generation X (In Full Effect)" that's an homage to the trippy sounds and styles of that era, and I've graciously been given permission to mention it here. It has nothing to do with soaps...unless you count that B&B started in the '80s! Click here to check it out and feel free to share it anywhere!

In the meantime, B&B is berry-free, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

Mike (Adam-Michael James)
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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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