Diamonds are (sort of) forever

by Mike
For the Week of October 7, 2013
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Diamonds are (sort  of) forever
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What's the hardest substance known to man? Bill's body? Liam's head? Wyatt's... ? Cue up your Marilyn Monroe records with Two Scoops' Mike because all the gentlemen prefer blondes this week on B&B!

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Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your valuable gemstone come with its own light bulb? Did your booty call get you booted out? Did you recycle your cans, your bottles, and your footage? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

What's up, Scoopers? Mike reporting for duty once again, and it seems like everyone that's bold and beautiful has matrimony on their minds. Shame none of them know the first thing about marriage! But that's another story. Sorry. Who can concentrate with that Light Bright diamond that plays a bell tree every time someone looks at it? Seriously, you would even say it glows. Why does it? And you'd think Ricardo, its steward, would stay with it like white on rice instead of just loaning it out. But let's move on.

Diamonds were Brooke's best friend as Bill presented her with another one. Donna's right - Brooke could make a charm bracelet out of her current collection. Ridge's rings alone! In a way, Bill is the strongest man Brooke's had in her life; Ridge was debonair, but always a little wimpy. But I just can't buy Bill swearing that every decision he'll make will be for Brooke and his sons. Notice how he didn't mention Hope. How Brooke could "admire and respect" Bill after what he's done to Hope is beyond me.

We all knew Brooke was going to accept...I just can't feel happy for her. It doesn't ring true to me when Brooke and Bill say they're in love. And it isn't just because of Katie, although it's funny that everyone has stopped worrying about her keeling over with a heart attack. No, that proposal dragged out over a whole episode, and something that's supposed to be the epitome of romantic shouldn't have had me ready to nod off. This pairing will never last. Too many people hate it. Sorry, Brad Bell. (Actually, I'm not.)

Carter, who actually remembered he had a job doing legal work at Forrester, invited Rick and Caroline to his wedding to Maya, saying the foursome needed to be friends. Yeah, that's going to happen. Carter's as clueless about that as he is about Maya not being into him. And Rick's really into Caroline these days, which makes me wonder just how much he was into Maya in the first place. I've always said Carter and Maya were endgame because of their GL connection; I just wish the payoff was more exciting.

Hope said she wanted to make sure she and Liam didn't have "dueling weddings" with Maya and Carter. I think that would have been interesting and different! A double ceremony, complete with dubious brides: would either wedding go off? It would actually be kind of suspenseful. Instead, Maya and Carter plan their wedding in Snoozeville, while Wyatt goes from being pushy to backing off. What happened to all his "Spencer is my birthright" posturing, anyway? He doesn't even mention it anymore.

No, I suspect Sir Wyatt is so horned up for his Hopi that he couldn't wait to get into her south-of-the-border while they were south of the border. But Hope chilled his chalupa real quick when he kept yammering about her marrying him instead. At least the story finally moved when Hope admitted she had feelings for him. She's adamant about getting to the altar with Liam, but is it because she really wants to marry him, or is it simply out of a sense of finally getting it right? That's the line she's walking these days.

Remember when Liam first arrived? He was an I.T. guy who came in to fix Steffy's laptop and accidentally recorded her blabbing about Brooke and Oliver's mask-boink. Last year, Liam chucked his iPad and inexplicably filmed him and Steffy making out after Liam's almost-wedding to Hope. So you'd think he'd think twice about putting together video tributes, or really going anywhere near a computer, ever. Not Liam, and Eye on Fashion must be in the toilet, because its editor never works on it.

Liam needs his CPU replaced, if you know what I mean, because the doofus somehow managed to send his Hope-centric tribute to Steffy, who we "saw" in footage cut in from earlier this year. I suppose the show deserves an "A" for effort, but it still seemed weird somehow. After seeing Liam's electronic Hope "luv," Steffy decided she wanted a video, too. I know there's still a lot of Leffys out there, but how come it always seems that Steffy wants what Hope has first?

Proving he really must have sucked as a computer tech, Liam, who talks out what he's texting, figured he should e-mail himself a copy of Hope's video. Who does that? First, video files are typically too large to send by e-mail. Has this guy never heard of iCloud? Or a flash drive? No, you could smell the contrivance happening a mile away. Though I have to give Liam credit: it took him two episodes to assemble Hope's tribute, but only two scenes to slap Steffy's together.

Hope love-love-loved her tribute, which she watched in front of the butt-hurt Wyatt. (!) After Hope and Wyatt presented the diamond that doubles as a night light, and the Forrester crew oohed and aahed sufficiently, Wyatt did something that most soap characters don't do -- he showed some maturity. He decided to back off from Hope unless she changed her own mind. Formerly mousy Quinn, however, wouldn't accept that and took time off from designing jewelry to stack the deck in Wyatt's favor.

Quinn and Wyatt are still a breath of fresh air, and they're still shaking things up. They're just so inconsistent! Quinn's a wuss who shakes in her boots, then she's taking pages out of Stephanie Forrester's playbook to push Hope and Wyatt together. And Wyatt? First he's a charmer, then he's a schemer who wants to dethrone Liam as the Spencer heir, now he's doing the right thing while mama does his dirty work. Can we decide who these people are before they get on the air? Please?

Oh! Quick side trip before I forget. I liked the way Donna confided to Pam about how she felt caught in the middle between her sisters. I liked their taking part in the office poll about whether Hope and Liam would actually marry this time. But would you go speed dating with someone who tried to feed you to a bear? I think not. And Liam, beware: you're letting Pam bake your wedding cake, which will likely be a cake-shaped lemon bar. At least Pam just ate one this time, instead of mentioning one. Looked good, too!

Back to the diamond. Everyone got their hands on the box at some point (B&B cued the bell tree every time; can you say "overkill"?). Rick held it while kissing Caroline. And Quinn took the diamond out of the box to cradle it in her hand! Isn't there some rule about not getting oils from skin on a museum-grade gemstone? To say nothing of putting it in a setting so someone can wear it on a runway. Yet that was the plan, and this fashion show came together as quickly as Liam's tribute videos.

I don't recall that any Forrester fashion show ever had dates to choose from before. Regardless, Rick chose the one that -- wait for it! -- conflicted with Hope's wedding date. I couldn't believe Hope was saying the show had to wait until after she got married. Didn't she already learn from Eric that business is business? I must say, Liam was incredibly understanding, considering the last time HFTF derailed his wedding plans (in 2011), he ran off and married Steffy instead. He's improving.

Quinn eagerly pushed for what Hollywood calls a "resked," and Liam's one brain cell actually deduced that the Fullers might be connected. And surprise, surprise -- Eric didn't want Brooke at the show! Brooke and Bill agreed that, with rumors flying about their relationship, it was better to stay out of the limelight. Excuse me, but wouldn't their absence from the public eye only serve to fuel those rumors? Besides, Brooke is used to being a scandal magnet, and the paparazzi will find out on their own, anyway!

It was an interesting moment when Donna showed up and campaigned for Katie, as Bill listened to Donna's recollection of Brooke's sketchy track record in regard to relationships and marriages. Brooke heard Donna, too, and responded by putting her new engagement ring in her sister's face! Yes, Donna, honey, Brooke's a mess, but stop trying to put Katie and Bill back together. Not only has that ship sailed, but it's sunk and rusted at the bottom of the ocean. Get a boyfriend of your own! Or go keep Wyatt busy!

You know, for as much as B&B's latest fashion show was rushed, as they all are anymore, this one actually came the closest to looking and feeling like those sorely missed spectacles of old. The dresses were actually elegant (even if the designs barely varied), the colors were sumptuous, and the way it all worked with that kick-ass screen really brought Forrester Creations into the 21st century. And Hope, check you out! The giggly girl looked like a woman up there, not to mention she carried herself like one.

Quinn watched on the monitor backstage, probably wondering why the diamond didn't glow in the necklace setting, and she heard a stray beep. It could have come from any one of the devices belonging to dozens of people back there, but Quinn must have bloodhound in her lineage, because she tracked the signal to Liam's tablet in no time flat. Does no one on this show password-protect their technology? Brooke adding a ringtone to Bill's smartphone was one thing, but Quinn got into Liam's sent folder with a single swipe.

Naturally, Quinn just happened to see Liam's latest offering from Video Tributes R Us, as addressed to Steffy. Maybe that diamond does have magical powers! It doesn't take a wizard, though, to predict that the Steffyfest will end up screened by Hope, just as Liam's I've-got-my-tongue-down-Steffy's-throat clip did last year. Can we get some new computer-related mayhem, please? And isn't there a better way to break Liam and Hope up without involving Steffy? Wyatt doesn't need help!

Three engaged couples. Diamonds floating around all over the place. What do you think of it all? Tell us on the Soap Central message boards or the comments section. Send email or leave a voicemail. Or post via Facebook below. Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "Men come and go [but] sisters are forever...Bell Jr is writing this story of women of the 50s. Brooke could be so much more. We know she was the slut from the valley but she should not be a grandma slut. How long can [these] same [rehash] actions continue. I have had to stop [watching] B&B I cannot take this woman put down." -- Lenora

• "I don't get why people think Liam is getting what he deserves because of how he treated Hope with Steffy. He doesn't deserve it any more than Hope did. Hope made the choice to put up with it. She could've hopped off the snooze-go-round at any time, but she didn't. She chose to forgive Liam, and her throwing it in his face now is ridiculous and immature. The 'you did it first' attitude was something I used in kindergarten, and Hope needs to get over herself. I hope Liam asserts himself with this. Just because Hope let herself be treated like a yo-yo doesn't mean Liam has to." -- Katelyn

• "I have one question. What happened to Brooke's son [RJ]? What would he think of his mother taking his aunt's husband. It's one thing to have an uncle one day then a stepfather the next. Nasty..." -- Sonya

• "Love the Brooke-Bill pairing...great chemistry! PLEASE do away with Hope and Liam. Hope is sooooo boring and no personality...can't understand the fuss about her! Please do more with Caroline as she is adorable and very entertaining! Pair her up with Wyatt instead of the insipid Hope!!!! Much better duo!" -- Susan (AUTHOR'S NOTE: That might be a little tricky, since Caroline and Wyatt are cousins. Not that that's ever stopped anybody on B&B! LOL)

• "Brooke is the worst! She pretends to care. She has fooled herself that she cares for other people. The truth is Brooke's number one concern is Brooke...once her sex life if secured, she can halfway notice her children, grandchildren, sisters, dad and job. When Katie starts to date, what will Bill do? Brooke will be after that guy. Brooke must be top dog." -- Moe

• "I do not approve of Brooke with Bill, however why does no one ever bring up to Katie that she slept with and got pregnant by Nick, who was engaged to Bridget at the time." -- Gigi

I need to amend the rant I went on in my last column about B&B's decision to recast Joanna Johnson as Karen Spencer. Pretty much as soon as I hit "send," I found out that Ms. Johnson's current work has her under contract with Disney, and the Mouse House wasn't too amenable to the idea of letting her appear on B&B while under that contract. I made it sound like B&B decided to recast Karen on a lark, which obviously isn't the case, so consider that retracted. However, I stand by my opinion that Joanna Johnson isn't recastable (Karen's hardly on; why bother now?). Just like Ridge isn't recastable.

But there's more SORAS in the water, because the otherwise nine-year-old Alexandria Forrester will be "all growed up" when she starts as a young adult in November. Will she be damaged goods from having lost her mother to Taylor's car? Or will she end up as another vapid entrant in the ever-growing Kiddie Patrol? And does Aly's presence mean that Thorne will get a real story? Get your head around that, and the many other Points to Ponder:

Did anyone notice that Liam was using Ubuntu to put his tribute together?... It was kind of fitting that Rick did the big backstage "go get 'em" speech Eric used to do, yet it was also a slap in the face, considering all Thorne got to do was stand there... Why did Hope and Wyatt come back from Mexico the next day wearing the same clothes? True, they didn't know they'd end up spending the night, but surely Hope would have sprung for some fresh duds... Steffy also ended up wearing the same outfit two days in a row, as there was only so much recycled footage to choose from...

Why were there so many flashbacks? Brooke and Bill had a joint one, Liam recalled both his wives, and even Wyatt and Quinn assumed we were too stupid to remember what happened in the previous episode. Can you say "filler," boys and girls?... Why did Liam snap a pic of the diamond with his tablet? The day before he was totally unwilling to even look at the gem... What was the security guard smoking when he denied Liam access to Hope and "Mr. Spencer"? Last I checked, Wyatt's still a Fuller... Hope preached to the crowd about fashion being as universal as art and music. Okay, Hope, if you say so...

I loved Rick's continuity mentioning all the embarrassing moments on Forrester runways! Now that would have been a cool flashback montage... Why did Steffy need to add an electronic signature to an annulment that was already in process? Oh, of course, so Liam could send his video tribute to her by accident and she could ask for her own version... Who was banging on something while Quinn and Wyatt talked on the Forrester Sky Lounge? And is that all the Fullers do, sit up there and eat?

Hope thought marrying Liam at "our house" would be cool. Doesn't it bother her that she's in the same abode where Liam and Steffy lived and conceived a child? You'd think Hope would ask for a new place as a wedding present... Liam is the editor of a big-time fashion magazine, yet he referred to the HFTF presentation as a "fashion show thing"... Would Hope really miss meetings by staying home boinking Liam with HFTF and the diamond going public the next day?... "For Liam, it's all about Liam," Quinn snarked to Wyatt. Where did she get that? She doesn't even know her son's half-brother!

Next week, the role of your Soap Central columnist will again be played by Tracy. As for me, my next "airdate" will be October 21. Thanks for reading, and, as always, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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