Garden of Eden, West Coast style

by Mike
For the Week of February 8, 2016
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Garden of Eden, West Coast style
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Los Angeles became the Garden of Eden as serpent Sasha tempted Zende with her apple, Katie obsessed over Brooke climbing Bill's tree, and Liam and Quinn tasted the forbidden fruit thanks to a dose of amnesia! Take a bite of Mike's deliciously sinful Two Scoops!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you try to get your photographer to open your lens? Did you really want to show your fist to your sister? Did your lips not know Eve from Adam? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Well, Scoopers, it's Sweeps period, and you know what that means? I know what it used to mean: that February, May, and November hath thirty days of souped-up soap to really pull in viewers. It doesn't feel like that's as much of a thing now, not with Katie, Sasha, and Wyatt all afflicted with Broken Record Syndrome. But lo, Liam and Quinn sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g could be the genesis of a story of Biblical proportions! Let's Scoop about it!

Lately, in preparing to finally lay my dozens of VHS tapes to rest, I've been doing digital transfers of their contents -- particularly '90s episodes of B&B, which mostly revolved around Sheila. (God, I miss Sheila.) And you know what I saw during the end credits of a 1995 installment? A "waitress" listed as being played by...Nicole Avant! Looks like both our fictional Nicole and her fictional family were inspired by a real person!

And that's good, because our fictional Nicole and her current story have been less than inspiring. After being off-screen a couple of weeks, Nicole and Zende showed up mid-conversation, still talking about how Nicole did Sasha out of her modeling gig. Yes, soap fans need refreshers, but you'd think Zencole would have settled that already. We did learn that Nicole talked Rick into putting Sasha back in front of the camera and that Nicole and Zende decided to wait on sex until after she births Maya's baby.

When did that happen? Not that it much mattered, because intern Zende decided he wanted to pull a Color Me Badd and sex up Nicole right then and there, though he at least proved himself smarter than his bosses by locking the door first. But Nicole ruined the moment by reminding Zende he'd end up with the taste of vomit in his mouth because she's getting big as a house.

Nicole's used that analogy before (she got it from Julius), and it's a little amazing how resentful she sounds considering she's supposed to be giving Rick and Maya this great "gift." Well, the gift shop was closed for poor Zende, so Sasha decided to let him know that her superstore was ready for business all night, every night. "Big whoop," Sasha purred when Papa J tried to tell his secret daughter that Zende was Nicole's boyfriend.

I can't quite figure Sasha out. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a last name. She cries to Nicole that she would never step to Zende, yet cries to Zende that Nicole thinks "I can't be trusted around her boyfriend" in one breath while flashing her eyes at said boyfriend the next. Sasha seems to have inherited Julius' ability to dispense "bazinga" one-liners, though. "If Myron can do it," Sasha snarked about modeling, "so can I." Even Julius couldn't manage a comeback!

Sasha and Julius did manage to remind us what their real story is: the eventual reveal that Julius cheated on Vivienne and fathered Sasha out of it. For as lightning fast as stories can be told on this show, Julius is still trying to get Sasha to go home, and Sasha is still trying to get into Zende's pants after almost two months. Forget that -- I want to see Vivienne unleash the wrath of hell when she finds out how much she's been played for two decades. Maybe we're saving that for May Sweeps.

So, Eric decided to throw Rick, Maya, and Nicole a baby celebration three months after the fertilization took (though, in soap time, we could be up to eight months), and Zende very strangely opted out of taking part. Well, you know why, right? Because Zende needed to be home alone, rocking out to his headphones with no shirt on, so Sasha could slink in and offer the drought-afflicted boy a friends-with-bennies situation.

Did anybody get Steffy flashbacks? I recall when Hope asked Liam to wait for marriage, and Steffy offered him a similar proposition. Speaking of flashbacks, I guess the powers that be haven't heard my plea for better-utilized time yet, because this week we got no less than ten flashbacks, four of them on Monday. But I digress. Zende impressively held his own -- so to speak -- and told Sasha he wasn't going to sit under the apple tree with anyone but Nicole. That's more integrity than Liam ever showed! You go, Zende!

The only other truly interesting aspect to this is that Maya seems to know what time it is with Sasha, even if Maya isn't saying anything about it. I personally wouldn't mind watching Maya tell Sasha to back off her sister's man. Instead, Maya's setting alarms so she knows when to stuff Nicole with vitamins. If Maya applied that kind of micromanaging to Forrester, she'd know there was more to Brooke's return than met the eye.

Seriously, Rick wanted to issue a press release that Brooke was back, yet the one announcing Brooke at Spencer had barely hit the media. What exactly does Brooke do at Forrester, anyway? She's had no specific job description after being co-vice president with Ridge. Of course, Liam's now gone as vice president, and Katie wants him back to replace Brooke as editor of Eye on Fashion. I thought Liam surrendered that title after he became president of Spencer! I am royally confused.

Rick was, too, after he sensed his mom wasn't telling him the whole story. In-the-know Eric deflected then privately told Brooke she hadn't done anything wrong when she told Bill she still loved him. Cute, isn't it, the way Eric always defends Brooke. Can we just have some Beric already? They're the best endgame we've got considering Bridge can't really work with a recast.

And I'm not buying Brooke saying Bill is "the great love of her life." My several dozen VHS tapes of '90s episodes tell a completely different story. Katie believes it, however, and has gone mega ape since overhearing Brooke confess this bit of revisionist history. I think Katie's an idiot who's overreacting about this wave of non-Brill that she brought on herself, but Heather Tom is rocking the hell out of her alter ego's woman-scorned routine. Rocking. It.

But let's face it: Katie needs to rifle through the change in her purse and buy herself more than a couple of clues. True, Brooke is no wide-eyed innocent. Though Katie herself tried to push Bill into Brooke's arms during her bout with postpartum depression, Brooke didn't have to take the bait. But it takes two to horizontal tango, and Katie isn't placing a shred of responsibility on Bill. "Thank you for not succumbing," Katie told him. Wait 'til Katie finds out Bill kissed Brooke, required a change of underpants fantasizing about Brooke, and followed by telling Brooke he returned her feelings.

Katie also needs to remember that she betrayed Bridget in the exact same way, getting pregnant by Nick, who just happened to be married to Bridget at the time. Oops. Not Katie. She can only think of how Brooke did her wrong, even though Bill rightly told her that no lines were crossed -- and there honestly weren't, not this time. Katie had one moment of clarity, admitting to Bill that she was disappointed in Brooke and angry at herself, but then it was back to anti-Brooke vitriol on auto-repeat.

Thankfully, Katie hasn't had a heart attack like she usually does when Bill strays (Steffy, anyone?), but both Bill and Brooke seem worried about the state of Katie's ticker. Let's continue staying away from the obvious and have Katie do something different and off the wall in her bitterness. She's already slugging back Bill's whiskey; please, B&B, do not make Katie an alcoholic, too. Might she have an affair with Chris McKenna's soon-to-arrive character, as rumored? I have a bad feeling he'll turn out to be Bill's brother. Because, on this show, the odds of that are rather high.

Katie took a brief break from sister-bashing to wonder, along with Bill, Wyatt, and Steffy, where Liam had gotten off to. Ordinarily, Bill would have sent the Royal Fleet to find his favorite son by now; instead, he was satisfied exchanging a few texts. Wyatt tried to satisfy other things, campaigning for Steffy's affections like he was Trump, Sanders, or Clinton. I don't know if Wyatt is just a die-hard romantic or a heartless bastard.

By his own admission, he's totally up in The Wyatt and Steffy Show; he can't get enough of the accident-prone and accident-causing Steffy Forrester, even taking her out for two more boring beach sequences before telling her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her! He was on one knee telling Ivy the exact same thing not six weeks ago -- is Wyatt the one who hit his head? It would be one thing if B&B characters clearly acted from a place of rebound, but we're always expected to believe they can turn their feelings on and off like a CFL bulb.

Okay, Wyatt did tell Quinn that Steffy hadn't found a place of closure with Liam yet. Steffy's coming across as just as heartless, giggling and batting her eyes at Wyatt when she basically came back from Paris to reclaim Liam and refused to use her stock to boot Rick unless she got Liam as a reward. So all this Weffy wonderment isn't working for me. No wonder Thomas (remember him?) was disgusted: now Steffy has swapped spit with all three Spencer men. Will's talking now; he may soon be number four!

Steffy saw Wyatt in a new light because he bought her a motorcycle (most men lead with roses), and Steffy was able to ride for the first time since her terrible accident that caused her miscarriage and temporary barrenness. That's great, but the footage of last week's ride came from the 2013 episode that featured the first same ride! There was brunette hair billowing out from under Steffy's helmet, and when she rode back to Wyatt's, her hair sported her current blonde highlights. Nice try, B&B!

No, Scoopers, the real ish on our screens right now is happening at Quinn's hideaway cabin in Topanga Canyon. To begin with, I am so enjoying watching Scott Clifton playing Liam as an amnesiac, and I'll bet Scott's having a ball getting to do something different as well. After all, justifying Liam's constant waffling and wussiness as an actor for six years is probably pretty challenging.

While Quinn made a token appearance at Forrester (how did she get back there when she drove Liam to the cabin in his car and left her own in FC's parking lot?), Liam fumbled through his rustic surroundings and passed out yet again. Now, he must have amnesia, because he wolfed down Quinn's roast beef sandwich with not even Quinn's mention of tofu causing a ping. That's fine by me; Liam was eating steaks with abandon until the show inexplicably made him vegetarian.

But something decidedly different is happening to Quinn Fuller: she's gettin' da feels. For Liam! Yes! The guy she tried to cook in a sauna and turn into a shish kebab. We know this because we got a second go-round of flashbacks recapping Quinn's crimes against him. After Liam brushed her cheek with his beard in last Friday's cliffhanger, Liam added that he felt safe with Quinn and grabbed her hand, asking if he could stay with her until he got better. Quinn didn't know where to look!

Yes, this is getting good, kids. It's like a cross between Misery and when Blake lost his memory and thought Alexis was his wife on Dynasty. Did I say wife? Quinn initially stopped Liam from browsing the Internet but realized that her "captive" deserved some answers. Looking as if she was about to tell him the truth, Quinn instead caught a glimpse of her New Year's Eve hat and told Liam that her name was Eve -- and that his was Adam! Not only that -- they were married!

The one thing I've noticed from dubbing the '90s episodes in my archives is that B&B really knew how to tell a story then. Taylor turning up alive while James, Brooke, and Stephanie found out before Ridge did, Sheila keeping James prisoner then holding the Forresters at gunpoint -- that was edge-of-your-seat stuff. I haven't felt that exquisite, soapy rush much in recent years. But this new chapter for Liam and's giving me da feels, too.

It's just far more compelling than Katie's whining, Sasha's come-ons, or Wyatt trolling for Liam's leftovers. Quinn and Liam have hated each other practically from Day One, plus Quinn has literally drawn blood from Liam and would have drawn a lot more had Wyatt not rushed in when he did. Now Liam can't remember any of that, and Quinn has been strangely good to him, even before he started expressing his gratitude. Something's happening between them, and it's damn good soap.

I mean, the potential repercussions are staggering. Can Quinn ever really look at Liam the same way again after this? Can Liam really continue to hate Quinn after making this connection with her, even if he's making it in his amnesiac state? As "Adam" took in the "fact" that "Eve" was his wife, he confessed it could be fun falling in love with her all over again. That was not lost on Quinn, who revealed she'd always thought of kindness as a weakness -- until now.

Then, we got what may be the cleverest bit of continuity I've seen on the show in years. Liam listened to the radio and caught a spot for "Cha-cha-cha Chimichanga Tuesdays!" If there's one thing B&B knows how to do, it's run a catch phrase into the ground, and "cha-cha-cha" was certainly one of them. But this reference was epic. And it rang a bell for Liam, even if Quinn convinced him he just wanted Mexican food.

Before "Adam" and "Eve" could bring takeout to their Garden of Eden (there's an image for you), Liam mooned at Quinn and told her he saw goodness in her -- which led to Quinn seeing the goodness of Liam's lips! Whoo doggies the show actually went for it! I couldn't help thinking that Quinn, who has always dissed Liam and his pull over women, is finally getting an idea why all the girls bring their milkshakes to his yard. Holy Patty Hearst, wait 'til Wyatt finds out his half-brother got some of his mama!

Is February sweeping you? Talk to us in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "Mike, you are so right on about all the goofy and unrealistic happenings on this show. I have had the same thoughts...Quinn may be devious but she's not stupid. If Liam suffers a chronic condition because Quinn 'kidnapped' him and didn't get him immediate medical help, he could sue her ass out of LA...I just shake my head on how silly this show is sometimes and does not portray what most people would do..." -- "belfrey78"

• "I hope and pray Liam spills his seed inside Quinn and makes beautiful babies together, preferably quadruplets!" -- "SoapBoy69"

That would be juicy! Um, let me rephrase that. Or at least offer up some quick distraction with these Points to Ponder!

Katie complained that Brooke has repeatedly broken her trust over the years. When was trust ever an issue for them until Bill? And Katie said she keeps replaying Brooke's "great love" confession "over and over in my head" -- no, Katie, that's the flashbacks... "You never know where his head is at," Wyatt commented about Liam, after reinforcing how predictable Liam is not that long before...

Does Quinn ever wear anything but black? And how did she feel safe enough to leave Liam at the cabin alone when he could get his memory back at any time? Although it was pretty funny when "Eve" told "Adam" he's the kind of guy who would jump off a bridge for a woman, literally...

"That woman is everything to me!" Julius insisted to Sasha about Vivienne. Then why did you cheat on her, Papa J? And Sasha proudly boasted that she'd stolen a couple of boyfriends from Nicole -- it makes you wonder why Nicole stayed "besties" with Sasha after that... "You know how it's always been with Sasha," Nicole reminded Maya. No, she doesn't! Maya was away getting her gender reassignment surgery and serving jail time while Nicole was competing with Sasha... LOL how Zende put on a tank top for Nicole, but didn't cover up when Sasha waltzed in...

If spoilers are correct, we're soon going to delve into Quinn's childhood and find out how it makes her tick. That's a soapy valentine I can't wait for! Next week, Chanel provides the Two Scoops temptation; I'll be back February 22. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on The Bold and the Beautiful? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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