Oh, Donna...oh, Donna!

by Mike
For the Week of November 5, 2018
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Donna Logan in lingerie
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Delicious Donna picked quite the time to come back -- frenemy Pam is tangling with Quinn and former stock buyer Bill is locking horns with Ridge. Are we about to do another relationship tango? Olé with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? When it came to your wedding, did you get the picture? Did you suddenly put "Kumbaya" on auto-repeat? Did you turn down a date with a totally hot guy? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Spectra clan this week!

Break out the honey, Scoopers! After years of only coming home for weddings and reporting on her father's health, Donna has returned to the roost, and let's just say, Victoria's not the only one with a secret around here. Meanwhile, Bill seemed to get a personality transplant while in the hospital, and it was a Battle of the Belfries as bats Pam and Quinn flew at each other in time for Halloween! Let's Scoop about it!


In perhaps the quietest return I've ever seen on a soap, Jennifer Gareis' Donna Logan walked into sister Katie's house, asking if anyone was there. I thought Donna was supposed to be watching Will, but then that got changed to Will was on his way home. Okay, po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to. But Donna wasn't there a minute when she spotted a Forrester Creations swag bag addressed to her.

Because who doesn't send their sister slinky lingerie as a welcome home gift? And who doesn't don said slinky lingerie when their nephew could walk through the door any second? Bill may have grounds to challenge that custody agreement. Admittedly, Katie's gift was a more clever way to get Donna into a teddy, but I seem to recall a time when the middle Logan sister wasn't portrayed as a sexpot.

I remember this was the girl who hesitated about losing her virginity to her boyfriend, Mark. Turned out he was a cheating jerk; maybe it was Donna's foray into nude modeling afterwards that got the honey flowing. Of course, we've got Donna's full history for you to read up on. Her nubile nuptials with Eric are more recent, especially since Gareis played Donna through that whole story.

And you could see where the frisky fitting room scene was leading as Eric and Quinn, who have been downright docile for more than a year, clashed over Quinn's refusal to host Pam's wedding at the house. (Correction from last time: I said Lope had married there, too, when they actually got hitched at Brooke's. Oops!) Eric couldn't understand why Pam was having an issue. Frankly, neither could I.

Quinn herself said last week that she'd been fine with Ridge and Brooke marrying at the manse while Stephanie's portrait loomed over them, but with Pam, it was different. Why? Quinn didn't know. It was just different. Now there's this thing about Quinn feeling her place as Forrester matriarch usurped because Stephanie was Pam's sister. Ooh, what is that alluring odor? Methinks it's Contrivance, the new perfume by Forrester!

Quinn called Pam crazy, which both Eric and I took exception to. After all, Pam was shown to have a brain mass affecting her bear-siccing actions, and she's bipolar, to boot. What's Quinn's excuse? She just about tormented Liam out of his life, then told Wyatt by text she was in therapy, which didn't work, since she later kidnapped an amnesiac Liam and pretended to be his wife. Who needs meds now, Quinn?

Seriously, it's always been a missed beat that Quinn simply got better because of the love of a good man. Ask Sheila, who probably got locked in the refrigerator at Il Giardino, since we never see her anymore, how that worked out. If we had actually seen Quinn in therapy, I could have bought the transformation. But the lack of it has always lingered there right under the surface. At least Pam has worked on herself.


Frustrated over his wife's obstinance, Eric decided to go next door to see Thorne...and let himself in with a key. For real? Katie must have gotten the bulk rate on keys at Home Depot. At that moment, something on Donna's getup snapped (too much chicken and dumplings in Dallas? That's where Donna's dad, Stephen, has been said to live since his portrayer, Patrick Duffy, is famous for playing Bobby Ewing on Dallas!)...

...and in walked Eric. "Hello, Honey Bear," Donna purred. What's up with the flirtation there, Donna? You know Eric is married. Maybe it's true that "it's just been so long since I wore anything like this," which suggests Donna has been flying solo for a while. But Eric saying he's already had one medical event this year? Am I missing something? Or does Eric think his 2016 brain hemorrhage happened in 2018?

I did think that having the Deric flashbacks brought about by Donna's relationship quiz was one of the more unique ways of broadcasting past clips. I have to say, though, I was never a fan of Eric and Donna as a couple. And they're awfully friendly now considering how they broke up: Donna's Alzheimer's-afflicted mother, Beth, drowned after arguing with Stephanie, and Eric took Stephanie's side.

Yeah, I don't think they make Hallmark cards for that. Donna's also pretty forgiving toward Pam, who tried to feed Donna to a bear. "Quinn thinks Pam is crazy," Eric reported. "Hello! She is!" Donna replied. Yet Donna expressed genuine joy at the news Pam was getting married. Hey, anything's better than those two going on The Price is Right together or doing that awful Catwalk show. Meow!


After realizing she wasn't going to move Eric with her arguments against Pam's wedding being held at the house, Quinn gave in and deemed it proper. Going forward, Quinn tried on her Halloween witch costume and was interrupted by Pam, who made no end of evil witch comparisons regarding Quinn. Hey, watch the anti-witch talk, Pammy; you're talking to a guy who writes books about Bewitched.

Quinn rolled her eyes and told Pam she could have her "damn wedding" in Quinn's living room. That should have been the end of it. But Pam was on it, as Jeff Foxworthy would say, "like a pack o' dogs on a three-legged cat." Pam might have had a point when she declared that Quinn hated her "because you can't snow me like you can everyone else," but Pam's rationale did seem a little unhinged as she continued her rant.

Pam was outraged that she'd had to get Quinn's permission to use the venue as if it were Quinn's place to grant such permission. I seem to recall Blake's ex-wife Alexis being in that exact position when she wanted to commandeer the Carrington mansion for events on the original Dynasty; maybe Pam needs the DVD box set. But Pam really lost it when Quinn wouldn't let her take Stephanie's portrait to be repaired.

Man, I am so over this portrait thing. First, it fell down whenever Eric kissed someone new; then, Rick enraged the family by putting Maya's up. Then, Quinn's very contradictory all-in-white version claimed the spot. Nicole even got one for her wedding, and Sheila had one commissioned! Can you imagine the holy hell that would have rolled if there had been portraits before Stephanie's death?

And dare I say it -- that's never been the most flattering pose to immortalize La Forrester. I would have preferred something from the more elegant earlier days than having Gangsta Granny glaring at me. But Pam considered it sacred and promptly took Quinn's portrait down, maybe or maybe not getting ready to punch a hole in it as retribution. We'll never know, because Eric walked in mid-mêlée.

Poor guy -- he always seems to be interrupting fights between other women and his wife. At least nobody was lying in a pool of blood this time, like when Quinn battled Sheila. Pam cried that everything was ruined, and she couldn't have her wedding at the house now!...as hints of comical music played. Hey, my ex is a composer, and he taught me that is called "unempathetic film scoring." It was really out of place.


One thing coming out of Pam and Quinn's wedding whining is that we finally are getting to see Pam and Charlie functioning as an actual couple and not just comic relief with baking goods. Charlie is well aware of Pam's mental health issues and loves her, anyway; he's been so supportive of Pam through the wedding fracas, and Dick Christie is knocking it out of the park, showing the sensitive side of the security guard.

Charlie even made the interesting comment that, while Pam has often lamented the loss of Stephanie, she hadn't mentioned much about the death of her mother, Ann. Pam had little to say here, too -- instead, we saw it for ourselves via the 2009 scene where the matriarch to beat all matriarchs, Ann Douglas, left us, on the beach, with daughters Pam and Stephanie at her side. Ah, Paradise Cove. And Stephanie. Stephanie!

It's true -- we don't get too many Stephanie flashbacks. This week's judicious use of flashbacks, actually covering the past and not something we just saw in the previous episode, was ace. FYI, Pam's "we did it" comment, out of context, may have been confusing; what they "did" was bust Ann out of the hospital and take her to Paradise Cove, where Ann wanted to die. It was a great scene nine years ago -- and today.


Charlie comforted Pam as she admitted that the quagmire with Quinn was "bringing up some old voices in my head." Pam spoke of how she'd always been anxious and on edge because of how she'd been raised, and she always got hurt when she opened herself up. Charlie assured her that wouldn't be the case with him, but he gently accepted his ring back as Pam called off their wedding.

Now, this is some soap opera! Not only digging into some real psychological reasons behind a character's rationale, but letting some of the older folks take the spotlight for a change. So As the World Turns. I thought I was in Oakdale! This also ramps up the rooting value for a Pharlie (Cham?) ceremony. I've waited for this for five years; with this story, I'm fine waiting a little longer.

Meanwhile, the young'uns were downstairs, parading around in the unmentionables Stephanie used to blast as classless but which now adorn the display case in Forrester Creations' foyer. Zoe and Xander wordlessly slinked around while Emma wordlessly fumed, which is about all of that story we need to see, though it was a good reminder. And Sally pranced in a skimpy creation, which the original Sally would have loved. Not!

Then this buyer Leo walked in. What is it Carly Rae Jepsen once sang? "It's hard to look right atcha, baby!" I usually don't go for model types, but Leo, Leo, Leo. Steffy was entranced, too -- so much so that Wally gave each other knowing looks as a love connection was being made right in front of them. But then the klaxons sounded! Steffy aborted the connection in progress! Mayday! Mayday!

Let me get this right. Steffy turned down a dinner invitation from a guy who makes every other guy on the show look dumpy because SHE'S NOT OVER LIAM?!? Steffy, you fool! Have you seen this guy? Haven't you heard of "living well is the best revenge"? Steffy could even have screamed out Liam's name in bed and had a convincing cover story, with this hunk having a similar-sounding name. Steffy, you fool!

Okay, it's not just that the guy literally melts any surface he walks on. It's that it would be nice to see Steffy actually move on with someone that's not Liam or related to Liam. And didn't Steffy and Leo have chemistry for days? She lit up like the L.A. skyline when he walked into the room! Look, Hope has Liam now; let's call it over. Steffy deserves to be happy, too. Bring on Steo!


Another hottie was Dr. Chester, who was keeping watch over the comatose Bill. Too bad he wasn't around the last time Bill lay in a hospital bed. Can you believe that was just eight months ago? Not helping is the fact that Bill fell from his second-story balcony. That was only where Caroline fell from while arguing with Bill in 2013. If Bill had to be hospitalized again, couldn't we have had a more original injury?

Well, wouldn't you know, Bill came to at the sight of Brooke's boobs -- I mean the sound of Brooke's voice. Actually, no, I don't. Bill's entire fascination with Brooke started after he fantasized about her bosom during a double date with Ridge and Katie. I also don't believe word one about how Bill never stopped loving Brooke. That's the same claim he was making about Steffy not half a year ago. Please and double please.

Bill was conscious about thirty-seven seconds when he told Brooke he'd had a lot of time to think about how he'd been living his life, and he was a changed man. Honey, I wouldn't even buy that with the Benjamin that Brooke waved under Bill's nose. Oh, I agree with Bill's contention that he'd "still be a warrior, but there's a better way to fight." It's just that he also made this better man claim after he got shot this very spring!

Seriously! With the hole in his lung still healing up, this guy went to a meditation retreat, said a few "namastes," and promptly came back to blackmail Steffy into marrying him by threatening to throw shooter Taylor in jail. So, I am not here for Bill and his instant rehabilitation. Sure, he skipped pressing charges against Ridge and Thorne, but only because Brooke was there, and because no one on B&B ever pays for their misdeeds.

At least when Bill exhorted Brooke to come back to him, the once and former Slut from the Valley announced, "I am married to Ridge, and that hasn't and won't change." But Brooke is in some kind of denial. She believes Bill's vow to reform, based on...what? A few tears and some pretty words? Even Eric, whom Brooke labeled "the one who taught me the value of giving second chances," wasn't jumping on the Bill train.

And sorry, Dollah, but the big show of taking off your famed sword necklace didn't convince me, either. You gave it to Brooke last year, too, remember? And what are these things made of, tin foil? Liam crushed his in his hand after Bill sexed Steffy, and now, Ridge snapped Bill's with a little hammer tap. Considering Quinn made the original one for Bill, Forrester might want to exert more quality control over her product!


With Bill returned to the land of the living, Wyatt was sure Detective Sanchez would get to the bottom of how Bill fell. Sorry to break it to you, Wyatt, but Sanchez wouldn't even be able to figure out why Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Eight months in, and Sanchez let the case of Bill's shooting go colder than Antarctica was pre-global warming. When is Taylor going to be found guilty?

Hey, it wouldn't matter; as I said, no one goes to jail on this show. Well, except Deacon, but he was written off. And it turns out Ridge actually did push Bill off the balcony, not merely that Bill fell in the scuffle. Ridge showed amazing compassion when, at Bill's bedside, he told Bill he didn't want him to die, but it didn't last long. Ridge was so anti-Bill at a family dinner that everyone's expression read "AWKwarrrrrrd!"

Is the Forrester dining room closed for repairs? Because the entire group was crammed around the coffee table like they were heating up TV dinners...the ones in the metal trays! And why was alcoholic Katie drinking wine while fellow alcoholic Brooke was knocking back water? But I guess, rightly, the menu was the last thing on these people's minds. Especially with Bill on the case across town.

Bill was so Zen about Ridge's latest confrontation, he even made Ridge laugh by saying, "it's the little dogs that make the most noise." But Ridge better go out and buy himself a bigger pooper scooper. When Bill told Justin that the Dressmaker was on edge and that "Bill Spencer always gets what he wants," I knew that all that kumbaya stuff really was a ruse!

I also got more evidence that it's probably Bill and Justin who should be together. Justin told Bill he should be at home resting, and Bill balked, retorting, "unless you wanna give me a sponge bath." What did I tell you! But this jocularity soon ceased and desisted. Justin very abruptly popped off that he had been looking into Judge McMullen, I guess in the time he doesn't spend with his niece Emma. Will she get her own custody case?

And check it -- Justin got the lowdown that the judge was repeatedly visited by someone who looks an awful lot like Ridge! Wow, that was easy. I admit I'd already forgotten about Ridge influencing Will's custody case, but that deduction came so fast, Justin might as well have asked Alexa for it! Ridge may have to trade in his refreshing burgundy shirt (why is he always in blacks and grays and blues?) for prison orange!

But there was a definite whiff of something else this week. I'm sensing flip-flopping in the air. Quinn and Eric are fighting, and Donna's back in town. How long before Eric and Donna are back together? And Quinn might be alone for a microsecond, because I feel the stage is also being set for Brooke to leave Ridge for Bill, which would make Ridge available for Quinn!

Am I the only one who sees this switcheroo coming? Brooke even had flashbacks of Quidge's kiss in Australia out of the clear freaking blue, a year after that was resolved. Has B&B decided to shake things up by playing relationship roulette again? Might as well, since we're already swapping out portraits. Too bad we can't just have couples in conflict without sending them to third parties. Pam and Charlie, show 'em how!

How about it, Scoopers? Who do you think is overreacting more, Pam or Quinn? Should Donna find her way back to Eric or find someone new? Is it time for Steffy to move on? And do you get the feeling B&B's couples are about to do-si-do their partners? 'Fess up in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Quinn is overreacting. [Pam's wedding is just] one day. Bill has not changed. He wants to get revenge on Ridge. Bill gets revenge by going after the wife of the man. Case in point -- Steffy. I can do without another Logan." -- RAS

"Pam is off the hook. Bill wants Brooke back. No, not interested in Donna playing embarrassing games with Eric." -- Sadie

"Do we really need to see another Logan sister in lingerie?" -- Debbie

If we do, maybe former Face of Forrester Donna needs to swoop into the Intimates showing and teach the kiddies how it's done! Looks like a bunch of stuff is going to unravel just in time for November sweeps, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, voting is beautiful.

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