Enough! Paris isn't the second coming and Deacon ain't the antichrist, either

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Viewers have had enough of the Paris praise. If she's all that, why is she homeless again? Where is her raise? If she's how the Forresters treat their best, Deacon and Sheila don't stand a chance. Why are Bill and Thomas worthy of acceptance, but Deacon and Sheila are forever banned? Does one have to walk on water to finally fit in with the Los Angeles hypocrites?

Deacon needs to scoot over and order me a double tequila, because if there's anything worth watching him fall off the wagon for, it's one, to celebrate us sliding Quarter/Queric to the back burner where all the disastrous soap dishes belong, and two, to thankfully pass out before we choke on the noxious Paris praise and indignation against Deacon and Sheila.

Anyone anticipating the second coming should investigate Forrester Creations, where the holier-than-everyone, angelic-singing, perfect-advice-giving, philanthropic but homeless Paris Buckingham works miracles for the rich and poor. According to everyone at Forrester, she actually is "destiny's child." But for all the Paris praise, there's no Paris raise. If she's so indispensable, how about the Forresters give her a house-owning wage? By the way, has anyone bothered to ask her if she has a place or if she's back to living in her car?

Across town, the antichrist arrived on Brooke's doorstep. Deacon Sharpe came in, exclaiming, "Daddy's home!" Welcome home, but just where did Hope and Deacon think Daddy was gonna sleep? Maybe that's why he fell off the wagon and got that drink -- to forget he's homeless, too. Surely, Hope didn't think that, after the way Ridge and Brooke went off on Quinn and Sheila, they'd let Deacon stay on their property. Brooke did take in Thomas once, but that was her riffraff limit.

What I can't figure out is why everyone is so mad at Deacon. It's understandable Liam would be enraged that Deacon let Quinn hold Liam hostage. However, I'd think that Bridge would thank Deacon for shooting at Quinn. Maybe they're pissed at him because he missed, and she stayed with Eric? Plus, the last I heard, Hope and Deacon got along, and he even visited her in Europe. What changed?

When folks with histories as bad as Quinn's can live it up in the mansion with a human dildo on standby, it's hard to accept that neither Sheila nor Deacon can get an ounce of redemption around town. Speaking of the "redeemed," does anyone think Thomas is falling for Paris, or is he exchanging one stalkerish obsession for another?

Take your arrangement and shove it!

I'm over Eric and his Sex Club. If he is too stupid to figure out he's alone more now that he gave Quinn a human blow-up doll, then let him cry me a lonely river at his piano. If he can't figure out that Donna hasn't left him and isn't making him photo albums just because she likes to huff paste fumes, then may he never get another taste of that sizzling honey again. If he can't figure out he isn't alone because Zende lives there, too, then screw his deaf and blind behind.

I'm over Carter, too. Carter can't figure out that Eric used Carter's wife-coveting lust against him! Eric doesn't care about you, Carter, or whether you have a family or your own wife. He just wants to use you to tickle his sex-fiend wife's insides while he pretends not to be alone.

And "Darling Quinnie," about whom Prince writes scandalous songs, did you hear your husband just say that if he had working parts or someone to pay him an ounce of attention, he would have divorced your dirty, cheating behind? Because that's basically what Eric said when he confessed that loneliness had driven him to such a degrading arrangement. How can you even stand there smiling while knowing you are the last option before utter loneliness, Quinn? Or do you care about anything but your jewelry, your portrait, and your orgasms?

If you guys want to hear John McCook's take on Eric and his storylines, check out his Bold Live interview with producer Casey Kasprzyk.

Brooke and Ridge need to shut up already

I thought that last Monday's episode was the end of Bridge's griping and condemnation. From Quinn, to Sheila, to Bill, Ridge and Brooke have been holding court and handing out convictions for months. I'm not saying they're wrong. I agree with them a lot of the time, but at this point, I've heard way more Bridge criticisms and diatribes than I ever need to hear in one lifetime.

I realize that Stephanie died and made Bridge judge and jury, but I thought that, with the waning of Eric's storyline, they'd get off family patrol and lose themselves in some kinky hair brushing. But no. Deacon rolled into town just in time to give them someone else to crucify, but compared to Sheila and Quinn, Deacon isn't all that bad. Why is Bridge so mad at him?

If you take a look at Deacon's criminal profile, you'll see he really hasn't even gotten up to that much. Some blackmail, a bit of cheating, and a little kidnapping. He tried to kill Quinn, but hell, that's a public service, if you ask me. So, what are Ridge and Brooke's problems with Deacon, really?

For Brooke, it's that Deacon is part of the most humiliating period of her life. As much as you love Hope, Brooke, you know she's your worst shame, too. Be honest.

As for Ridge, he has a problem with any man in Brooke's life that she had real feelings for her. Deacon is Brooke's "Shauna," and I think Ridge doesn't want Deacon reminding Brooke of the good old drinking days. She was already talking about Deacon drinking as soon as he walked in the door. You sure you weren't the one wanting a drink, Brooke? Griping and seething all day sure can make a woman thirsty.

I love Bridge, but I think it's time for them to shut up and let people be. It's time to let Eric figure out on his own that he's alone in that house because his family hates his wife. Bridge needs to let Hope, Finn, and Steffy make their own Sheila and Deacon mistakes, too. All Ridge and Brooke need to do is have plenty of "I told you so"s to go around when the time comes.

The grandparents are into their terrible twos

Someone better tell creepy Keith to get his hands off Sheila's shoulder and bring in a cot and an extra pillow because Sheila's real partner in grandparenting has finally entered the storyline. It wasn't a moment too soon because I was about to fall off my barstool into a stupor while waiting for Sheila to punch back against the lightweight Steffy. Please let the real battle begin.

Deacon and Sheila's banter at the bar was refreshing. Kimberlin Brown and Sean Kanan played so smoothly together in their first encounter that you'd think they'd been sniping at each other for years. Sheila and Deacon are perfectly unwilling teammates flung together for a believable and rootable reason, the desire to be parents. I look forward to seeing them spar as much as I'm cheering for them to score some goals against their hypocritical detractors.

As for Deacon's arrival in town, viewers are scratching their heads, wondering how Hope managed to keep her prison pen pal a secret. Who checks the mail at Brooke's? Liam, Brooke, or Ridge never saw a letter from Deacon come to the house, postmarked from the penitentiary? And what did Liam think Hope was doing with her stationery? Handwriting novels?

I wonder what Hope wrote to Deacon about. Losing Beth? Almost killing Thomas in a vat of acid/water? Maybe she told him about Liam cheating on her when Thomas kissed Manne-Hope and how relieved she'd felt when they learned Hayes wasn't Liam's. Perhaps Hope even asked if Deacon had run into her husband and father-in-law while they'd been in the big house. See, Liam, you and your father-in-law have something in common. Maybe you can trade stories.

Pairing Sheila and Deacon together is a clever way for the writers to pull Lope and Sinn back into each other's orbits and create a rift big enough to fit a triangle into. Watch out, Steffy and Liam. Something tells me that the doting grandparents will probably conclude that it's better for them if Hope and Finn are together than with their current, disapproving spouses.

New love interest or stalker obsession?

Sheila and Deacon can forget about redemption. Thomas, however, is all washed clean, and by the grace of Paris, he's ready for a new romance. It's too bad this new love affair already has three strikes against it.

Strike one, Thomas isn't getting his own girl. Instead, he's hitching himself to yet another triangle. This time, it's with Paris and Zende. When Thomas said he'd never met anyone like Paris before, I got an icy feeling inside because, in no time flat, Paris surpassed Hope and Caroline in his eyes. That's an instant stalker infatuation, and that's strike two. Strike three is that Thomas' competition for Paris is a family member, Zende.

If Paris winds up leaving Zende for Thomas, Zende has no one to blame for himself. Since his divorce, he's hesitated more than a slipping clutch when it comes to starting relationships. It's the reason he lost his chance with Zoe, who probably would have been better off with him than Carter, and it might be why Thomas is able to slip right into a triangle with Zende and Paris.

Who knows where the writers will go with this, but so far, I see it as bad news. Paris is crushing on her boss's husband and dating her boss's cousin, yet her boss's brother has the hots for her. This doesn't scream job security for the world's most perfect employee. Maybe Zende and Thomas will take a page out of their grandfather's book and learn to share, but how will a love competition between Thomas and Zende affect the HFTF line?

Here's how some of the members on our B&B message board feel about the week:

"Brooke had nerve to say Deacon is good at leaving. She's the one who made him leave Hope's life. Wasn't his call. Liam can also have a seat. He's not exactly husband & father of the year." -- Jadey

"I'll have to seriously consider ditching the show if they have Thomas obsessing over Paris. So unbelievable." -- Abeth

"First there's trouble with Steffy and Finn because he wants to bond with his biological mother. Now Hope and Liam will have problems because Hope wants a relationship with her father. Is this Bell's way of putting Steffy and Liam in each other's orbit because they have the same problem with their spouses?" -- Scandal

"Ridge wants Sheila to get out, then Quinn, and now Deacon. He just needs to shut up! No one listens to him anyway." -- Link

I agree, Jadey, Brooke pushed Deacon to stay out of Hope's life, and no one can put it on him that he wasn't there early on. But he has been there in her adulthood, and I don't get everyone acting like this is the first time Deacon and Hope have bonded. I also agree that Liam really can have a seat, especially regarding telling Hope that Deacon had done nothing but let her down. Really, Liam? You really want to go there, given your history with Hope? And what about your dad, Liam? Should he really be around the grandkids, either?

In a look ahead: Romance and heartache

Coming up on The Bold and the Beautiful, Zende and Paris make love, Ridge still hasn't shut up, and Carter experiences heartache after Eric takes a stand. I wonder what Eric does -- insist Sex Club only meets three nights a week? Yeah, that's gotta sting.

Liam continues to reject the idea of Deacon being around Beth. I'm doing mental gymnastics, trying to figure out why Liam was okay with Taylor, the gun-slinging granny, being around Kelly and Beth, but Deacon can't be. And why would Hope be okay with Deacon being around Douglas and Beth if Hope was against Taylor being around Beth?

On a side note, is anyone waiting for the look on Hope's face when Douglas asks Grandpa Deacon where he's been all this time? Deacon should reply, "With Liam and Uncle Bill."

Speaking of Douglas, did anyone catch Henry Joseph Samiri on American Horror Story the other week? I didn't know he'd be on there, but I could recognize his cute, kissable face anywhere, even if he did have lights for eyes. Those aliens had to be scarier than any projector ghost Thomas can conjure. Congratulations, Henry, on branching out!

Thanks for getting two scoops deep with me this week. Let us know what you think about Deacon upping the grandparent stakes in Beverly Hills, and what's your opinion about the Paris praise? Is it too much, or should the Forresters plan her a parade and let her ride down Rodeo Drive on a donkey next time? Until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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