TWO SCOOPS TOP FIVE: B&B characters who we never need to see make the same mistakes again

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Last week, Brooke advised Douglas that New Year's Eve was in the past. If you've ever watched the Lion King, you know that even a baboon can tell you that much. You can put the past behind you, but the real trick is to learn from the past and not repeat it. Here's a top-five countdown of B&B characters who need a swift whack on the noggin, so we never have to see them make their same-old, lame-old mistakes again on the Bold and the Beautiful.

Hey, Scoopers! We're at the end of another week in which Brooke was too busy hiding her alcoholism to have time to enjoy being an alcoholic. Who has time for hooch when she's working overtime to keep Ridge from learning just how far off the wagon she fell? And she would have accomplished it, too, if it wasn't for that pesky little kid!

No, in truth, Douglas is adorable -- and impressionable, too. He's quite a talker, and he found the perfect before-dinner conversation icebreaker: Brooke's personal business. Douglas has had to grow up fast around these crazy adults who are raising him, and he actually does know what he's talking about, even if it sounds incredible. Remember, he was the one who said Phoebe was really Beth Logan. Despite Thomas and Steffy's ridicule, Douglas doesn't need glasses. He can see just fine. That's how he knows the guy in the Santa hat was Deacon.

What Douglas does need are adults who not only put things in the past, but who also learn from their mistakes, so they don't repeat them. It's what The Lion King'sRafiki, the baboon, taught us all when he whacked Simba on the head and said his famous phrase, "It doesn't matter. It's in the past!" Rafiki said you can either run from the past or learn from it; however, there's a third option. You can repeat it and repeat it again if you don't learn your lesson. Join me in my top five countdown of characters who need to leave their past in the past and learn from that whack on the noggin, so they never repeat these mistakes again.

Five: Katie, stop trying to change Dollar Bill

Until I saw Katie last week at Carter's apartment, I'd thought Bill had already whacked her head and heart so much that she was done with him. Isn't that what she said when she was grinning all up in Carter's face over Il Giardino takeout? Now, a couple of months later, she's at Carter's place, saying that time will tell about her and Bill.

If you ask me, time is telling Katie that the time is up. She and Bill have been trying to reconcile since that Brooke kiss in 2020. Brooke has moved on to yet another kissing scandal, and Katie and Bill still haven't gotten their act together.

If it's that broke, Katie needs to stop trying to fix it. In fact, I don't believe she really is trying to fix anything. Instead, she's trying to change Bill and tame Bill. Well, that ain't ever gonna happen. Bill will always be a risk-taker and adventure gambler, and Brooke will always be his kryptonite. If Katie can't accept that or work through it with him instead of making him jump through hoops to please her, the relationship is doomed to failure.

For years, Bill has been in her past, and Katie should leave him there. She needs to start fresh and not let another eligible man like Wyatt or Thorne slip through her fingers again due to Will's needs, either. She'd better not let Will hound her into staying with Bill the way Ridge's grown kids keep trying to make him go back to Taylor.

Four: Carter, stop playing Liam's role as the rescue ranger

Carter lied to us. He lied to Katie. He lied to Quinn. Worst of all, he's lying to himself. He claims he wants a relationship, but all he really wants to do is rescue women. Ever since Liam settled down with Hope, Carter took up the mantle as the rescue ranger, saving Zoe from Thomas, rescuing Quinn from her sexless marriage, keeping the lady-in-waiting Katie company. Now he's saving Paris from a marriage proposal, and if he can get her clothes off, he's also saving her from the attack of the monster jacket.

What Carter really needs to do is save us from all his bullcrap. Nobody believes he feels anything for Paris. He has known her for over a year, and he never fantasized how many positions he could get her into until Zende decided he'd put a ring on it. I don't know what's with Carter and these unavailable women, and I don't care. I just want it to stop before he commits the same-old, lame-old mistake again with Paris that he did with Quinn.

It's already started. Even the dialogue is the same as Carter's last mistake with Quinn. "Oh, I want you, but I can't because of the Forresters..." Yes, he's messing around with another woman involved with a Forrester man. He's once again betraying a member of the Forrester family, a family he claims to adore. And at the office, too? Behind an unlocked door? Really? Zende could have walked in there -- or Quinn. I wonder how she'll take him making out with the woman that exposed them to Brooke.

I need to borrow baboon Rafiki's stick. With it, I will gladly beat it into Carter's hard head until he's convinced to leave his bad judgment about women in the past and to lay off dating for a while. Frankly, Carter doesn't need to think about another romance until 2024. Doesn't he have briefs to file instead of briefs to slip off, anyway?

Three: Liam, stop the half-ass parenting

I admonished Liam's parenting skills once before when Liam was too lazy to go to the main house and get Peanut Butter the bunny. That's what started this whole mess for Douglas in the first place. Douglas never would be in the middle of Brooke's latest scandal had Liam done his job as a stepparent and taken his "sexy-time-craving" butt up there to retrieve the stuffed animal.

Last week, it got worse. In fact, Liam didn't even know Douglas left the premises. According to Liam, the boy was playing in a treehouse. In reality, Douglas had walked himself to the main gate and gotten picked up for the dinner party at his aunt's house.

How does Liam lose a whole kid? He said Beth was with Amelia, but I have to wonder if that's even true. Maybe, unbeknownst to Liam, Beth crawled to the main gate and took an Uber to go shopping for a diaper change, since Liam can't be bothered to parent. Lord knows Liam ain't handling his daddy business around there, but he'd better start because I don't want to ever see him stammering and not knowing where one of these kids is ever again.

I guess I should be glad that Liam isn't "watching" kids at the cliff house, right? Liam has to do much better than this, or he'll be the reason Hope will lose Douglas in family court after this bunny-New-Year's-Eve-kiss fiasco scars poor Douglas for life.

Two: Taylor, stop using your kids to get Ridge

I wonder if Taylor would shudder if anyone said "man and horse" to her. Would the words "Berry Island" ring a bell? One would think by now that two strikeout weddings to Ridge would be enough to cause Taylor to tell her children to stop trying to set her up with their dad. She can do the work herself if that's what she wants.

And we know it's what Taylor wants. She swipes her chest like a giddy girl every time Ridge is near. She grins knowingly whenever Steffy tries to set her parents up to spend time together. It's the same routine Taylor had with Stephanie. All Taylor had to do was sit back and play the innocent pinch-hitter, just waiting for Stephanie to strike Brooke out, so that Taylor would walk the bases and effortlessly score with Ridge.

Taylor needs to just stop it and rein in her Taytots before she's standing around in yet another wedding ensemble while Ridge drops rose petals down Brooke's fountain. Steffy and Thomas will cry foul about the Logans winning, and they'll once again feel their father walked out on them, even though they are in their freaking thirties, and the man sees them daily.

Nobody needs to see the designer-trash-bag-wearing Steffy throw another hissy all over her dad because she can't accept that Brooke is his number one, hot, sexy wife. I don't want to see Tayor barbequing herself on the beach, all alone because Ridge is chasing Brooke. I don't want to see Taylor alone at a wedding rehearsal because Ridge left to chase Brooke down on a Harley motorcycle. I don't need to see Steffy and Taylor pouting as the Eiffel Tower lights up with another Bridge heart for the world to see.

Maybe I'll take that last one, but seriously, Taylor, check your kids before they wreck your life again. Why don't you tell them the stories above while you're busy talking about 30-year-old treasure hunts? Even if you get Ridge, you won't hold on to him. Find your own damn man. This one is a Brooke boomerang. Better yet, don't you have a prison cell to move into?

One: Brooke, stop hiding things! Why are you always hiding things?

Brooke is too old for this, and she's gone through this too many times. Yet and still, throughout history, she constantly keeps things from Ridge. She hid his letter to Caroline. She didn't tell him that her mother was the other woman in Eric's life. She kept Taylor's secret about Thomas' paternity. Brooke also didn't tell Ridge she'd been with Bill during Ridge's hiatus from the show or that Deacon was Hope's father. Then there was the kiss with Bill that she hid. I can probably go on and on, but one thing is evident. Brooke is the whack-a-mole for dishonesty, and she still doesn't learn her lesson and come clean.

I don't know why Hope and Liam got in on the secrets game. They should be the ones urging Brooke to just tell the man the truth and deal with it like a married couple. Instead, Liam and Hope whipped out their brooms and started sweeping the mess right under the rug and trying to get Douglas and Deacon to keep quiet.

And isn't it ironic that the more they try to keep folks quiet, the more people seem to find out? Sheila dang-near broke her eardrums, trying to hear those snippets of conversation she got from Deacon and Hope at the Il Giardino bar. As much as I appreciate Hope's confrontational approach to problems, she needs to stop running her mouth. The more she talks, the more suspicious people get. So, on a side note, Hope, you need to take several seats and stop giving your mama's enemies all the ammunition to get her.

Really, the situation is salvageable if Brooke would stop hiding things. All she needs to do is tell Ridge that her drunk behind was out of it, and it was all Deacon. Yes, she got out the vodka, but Deacon did the rest. She doesn't even know how he got in her bed or if anything happened. Ridge should understand that because Caroline Jr. told him the same story about Thomas.

On second thought, scratch that. Deacon would kung-fu Ridge into next year if Ridge came at Deacon the way Ridge usually goes for Bill or Nick or any other man interested in Ridge's hot, sexy wife. I don't want to see Ridge's cheek under Deacon's boot, but I also don't want to see Brooke and Ridge go through another breakup-to-makeup over some stupid lie, secret, and/or manipulation again, either. So, Brooke, tell the man what you did already. Look at it this way, if he leaves you now, there's a good chance he'll be back by the holidays.

What do you guys think? What other characters would you like to order to stop making the same asinine mistakes over and over again? Let me know in the comments below.

As a bonus, there is one more mistake I'd to address with the wardrobe department, and that mistake is dressing Paris in that ugly, white "Skeletor" jacket. It looked like Paris' spine was on the outside of her clothes. Steffy donned a black trash bag like the trash she is, which is fine with me, but Paris looked like a skull crawler from Skull Island, which is not fine with me.

In a look ahead: Brooke's walls come tumbling down

Steffy and Thomas enlist Charlie in their plan to prove Douglas' story about Santa. Apparently, Charlie retrieves video footage from Brooke's house. It's hard to believe that the footage's existence never occurred to Brooke or that it would still be on her cloud. But hey, Aaron Hernandez's incriminating footage was on his, too, and it was front and center when he was on trial for murder. I wonder if, in a shocking twist, we learn that Brooke and Deacon did have sex, recorded on Brooke's bedcam. You know she's got one. Come on. She's a hot, sexy wife.

My question for the writers is why does Brooke have to be busted on video again? Didn't Quinn use video the last time Brooke was busted over a kiss? What a way to get outed, though. It will be hard for Ridge to see his significant other getting it on with someone else on video, especially when his daughter is grinning while watching him watch. Ugh, nasty.

Additionally, some boring stuff happens with Grace, Carter, Paris, and Zende. Sorry, y'all. I'm just not into them. Grace is one parent-with-something-to-prove too many for me. After Li, Jack, Sheila, Deacon, and Taylor, I'm on parent overload. In fact, B&B, please never make the mistake of bringing in half a dozen parents to the show around the same time again.

Well, that's it for me. I'm all scooped out, but maybe you have a couple of nuggets from the week you'd like to talk about. If so, drop them in the comments section below, and until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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