As phony as one of Dollar Bill's counterfeit dollar bills

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Bill's love for Sheila is as phony as a three-dollar bill, but does he really think he can get the confession and hit the eject button before the "I dos"? Here are the two scoops on why this crazy plan to catch Sheila might land Bill with a life sentence of his own. Plus, why is it any of Steffy's business how Hope feels about Thomas? Let's scoop!

Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!

You never know how much you miss your arrogant jackasses until the barn is empty. For a while now, the show was missing two cynical donkey rears, but they both showed back up with enough sarcasm, obnoxious retorts, and seething testosterone to remind us that beneath all that repetitive dialogue, lurks an intriguing soap opera. The real Dollar Bill is back in the building, and with him, he brought Ninja Turtles' sensei Splinter, a.k.a. Ridge Forrester.

Setting aside the fact that this plot of Bill and Ridge has more holes than a golf course, "Austin Powers" teaming up with "Dr. Evil" to take down "Frau Greta Farbissina" is must-see soap TV. Now we know why Dollar Bill's been deflated -- he's been sticking his 50-cent piece into Sheila's gumball machine of doom. Bill deserves a purple heart for taking one for the team, a team that, let's be honest, won't appreciate or remember this sacrifice within one year.

Meanwhile, Ridge left his hideaway in the sewers with the mutant turtles to get his old buddy McMullen to sign off on letting Sheila walk free after her farce of a hearing. Besides recruiting Judge McMullen, what is Ridge's critical role in the takedown? Is it to monitor the cameras, crack on Bill, and eat doughnuts? Bill is grateful cameras are not in the bedroom, but I wonder if Ridge kept his doughnuts down after watching Sheila and Bill get busy on the living room floor.

Don Diamont (Bill Spencer) and Thorsten Kaye (Ridge Forrester) are an explosive combination. I'm willing to throw caution -- and salient plot points -- to the wind to witness this dynamic duo in action. Sprinkle in a little Patrick Duffy (Stephen Logan) to remind us what a lowlife Ridge is on a regular basis, and we're cooking with grease.

Stephen dropped in on Brooke at an opportune time to crack on Ridge for the lousy man he is for being MIA while Sheila is running around with Bill. Stephen even interrupted Ridge's critical moderation of Bill to blast Ridge for not protecting his family. The scene brought back what is missing in this soap: tense moments in which the audience doesn't know if the interruption will derail the entire plan. It felt like old times.

In honor of more old times, I wish the writers had let Taylor traipse in during Stephen's visit. Maybe Taylor and Stephen could have gazed at each other and flashed back to their passionate one-night stand. Does Brooke know Taylor did it to Brooke's dad? That might even be more shameful for Taylor, if it got out, than her shooting Bill in the back.

Oh, by the way, Taylor shooting Bill is officially a non-crime now that attempted murder is passť in L.A. In fact, the FBI doesn't care to put Sheila away for two attempted murders, either. Instead, they're going for murder one, a charge I don't think aligns with Dr. Garvin's or Lance's deaths.

It's a ring, Bill, not a golden lasso

I don't know if it was a Freudian slip on Bill's part or an error in Don Diamont's script, but when Bill proposed marriage to Sheila, he said that the ring would be a token of his "unabiding" love for her. If she didn't catch that turn of phrase, maybe Sheila is as dumb as Chen thinks she is for a criminal mastermind. On the other hand, how bright are Ridge, Bill, and Chen if they think proposing marriage to an unfaithful woman is the best way to get her to change her wicked ways and to confess her murderous past?

Bill isn't the first man to think he can dupe Sheila into falling in love with him for his own agenda. James did it back in the day, and he wound up falling in love with her. It culminated in Sheila jumping off a rooftop in a wedding dress, and I suspect that this time with Bill, the groom might be the one taking the dive headlong into a life sentence with Sheila as his wife if he isn't careful.

First of all, I need Bill and Ridge to tell us why they think Sheila is in love with Bill enough to open up about murders when she's cheating on him with the likes of Deacon Sharpe. They don't even think she'll wait for the wedding night to open up to Bill. They think, upon getting the ring, she'll drop truth bombs faster than a slut drops panties! I have news for them. An engagement ring doesn't make the cheater turn faithful, nor does it cause a criminal to spontaneously combust into confessions. Bill might just have to marry Sheila to get the "goods."

I bet Ridge can't wait to go back and rub Deacon's affiliation with Sheila in Brooke and Hope's faces. He knew all along that Deacon would break Hope's heart. As for Bill and Deacon, I feel slighted because Bill hasn't made any convict jokes pertaining to Deacon and Sheila's involvement. I'm even more perplexed that Bill's pride hasn't kicked in because the convict is doing his lady. I mean, the undercover Spencer really has no ego or disgust that he and the convict are putt-putting on the same green? Getting the hole-in-one? I thought Bill would grab the nearest barf bag after learning that.

If you ask me, Bill and Ridge overestimate the power of the jewelry. It's a ring, not a golden lasso. It won't force Sheila to instantly tell the truth. It might have made more sense to enlist Finn if they wanted to give Sheila something to gain from truth-telling. On a side note, I wonder if Sheila noticed that Bill never made good on his plan to get her closer to Finn. Bill's ineptness in that area should have made Sheila leery.

Ridge and Bill are underestimating the power of the con artist. Deacon and Sheila are both cons who don't mind attempting a little murder when pushed. Bill probably thinks forgoing a prenuptial agreement makes his proposal seem legit, but if I were Deacon and Sheila, I'd see it as a chance to take Bill for everything he's got. All Sheila has to do is accept the proposal and call in her own wedding officiant to perform a pop-up wedding. Bill would either bail out of the plan or sign himself up for a life sentence with Sheila. Ridge should advise Bill not to take any drunken trips to Vegas with Sheila.

Sheila ain't dumb. She already thinks Bill is playing her for a fool. Plus, how do you get someone to confess to murder when they don't think they committed that crime? To my knowledge, Dr. Garvin fell off the balcony while assaulting Sheila. She wasn't even facing him when he went backwards over the balcony after she jerked herself out of his grasp. As for Lance and the bees, that's probably manslaughter, not first-degree murder. A more stinging question for me is how the FBI found out about the instances.

Ultimately, the problem with keeping Sheila in jail is not the types of convictions she receives. The problem is the constant escaping she does. Maybe if they put more work into preventing her escape, they wouldn't have to worry about catching her for bigger crimes. In fact, wasn't Sheila in jail for the first-degree murder of Taylor Forrester when Sheila escaped and wound up in South America?

If you like my "bodice" and you think I'm sexy, come on, honey, let me know

No high-pressure choice goes unquestioned, and that includes Hope's decision to allow Thomas to return to design for HFTF. In a classic brain-farting moment, Steffy went from convincing Hope that working with Thomas was the only way to questioning if Hope actually could stand to work with him due to her attraction to him.

Since when does thinking someone is hot translate to an unbridled attraction? I hope no one tells Steffy that Paris and Hope also think Finn is hot. They both might get fired if that gets out. Steffy asserted that it was her job as co-CEO to check the temperature of the relationships around Forrester. She should have been doing it before they lost the entire jewelry department to Carter and Quinn's sexy shenanigans or before Donna got terrorized by a chair for licking Eric's finger.

If it's Steffy's business to gauge when hot is too hot between employees, she should do something about that hot-to-trot Petra, who was dating Zende and is now trying to hit up Thomas. Not that office romances ever hurt Forrester. Employee romances have almost always been a lucrative marketing shtick for them, and I can't see a single downside for Forrester or Steffy's family if Hope and Thomas hooked up. Douglas will get what he always wanted, and HFTF sales would probably skyrocket.

And if Hope confessed to being insanely attracted to Thomas, what would Steffy have done with that information? Halted the line? Or called Liam over for a couch session?

As for Hope and Thomas' chemistry, I didn't see anything passing between them but another day at work. Thomas cranked out a design that looked like Big Bird's pink cousin and showed off another dress that seemed to belong in November's collection. None of it looked like anything Zende or Eric couldn't replicate, but hey, Zende, thanks for dragging yourself off Couture to design some killer shoes while Ridge is away!

Steffy remarked that Hope should have been more reserved with Thomas. Tell me what you think in the comments section below. Should Hope have been reticent with Thomas? Steffy was leery of him before, but she doesn't act suspicious of him now that she believes he has changed. Hope believes the same thing, so why should she treat Thomas as if he's done something wrong when she's just given him a new chance?

In a look ahead: Deceptions continue

The deceptions continue as Bill persists in convincing Sheila to marry him, Sheila sideswipes Deacon with her newest scheme, and deception might lead to justice. Maybe, in a new scheme, Sheila does as I suggested and goes for Bill's money. Finn's name is mentioned in Soap Central's B&B spoilers this week. Could it be possible that Finn's deception of Sheila leads to justice? Or are we in for more sex with Steffy and family platitudes?

Also coming up, Brooke gives Katie advice. Perhaps Brooke warns Katie not to let Steffy find out that Katie has the hots for Carter. Or maybe, in a bid to support Katie and Bill, Brooke hints to her sister that young is fun, but mature endures?

Thanks for reading my Two Scoops on The Bold and the Beautiful. Visit our Comments section below, and let us know what you think of the self-appointed spies, Bill and Ridge. You can also share your thoughts on other topics and this week's column -- your comments might appear in a future column. If you want to check out past columns, you can check those out here.

Until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!
Chanel

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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