I'm Just Ken: The Thomas Edition

For the Week of March 25, 2024
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If Hope thought it was bad having Liam's ex in the middle of her marriage, how about Thomas' sister in the middle of her "situationship?" It would be easier if Hope got engaged and shut everybody up, but why can't Hope accept the engagement ring if Thomas is so great? Is it because Tom's Just Ken, Hope's little toy man? Plus, is Poppy being unfair or looking out for her family by keeping Luna's paternity secret? And can Liam get any more desperate? Let's scoop!

"Hello, Dial Tone? Can I speak to Steffy, please?"

It happened the week before, but pardon my flashback as I remind everyone of how Steffy, frying Liam's mind like a brain on crack, abruptly transferred him to the dial tone when his call interrupted more important things like mending the marriage he hates. Not one to take a hint, Liam sprayed himself with his new cologne, L'eau De Desperate, for a pop-up visit at Forrester, and Steffy promptly asked, "Why are you here?"

Uh, I guess these two ain't BFFs no more? Liam lost his "just-show-up" key card?

Honesty has been the best policy for Liam, who decided to drop the act about coming around because he needs to bring Kelly her beloved stuffed bear, shoe, backpack, or that gummy bear dust she left between the car seats. No, he was just there because Steffy hung up on him and his concern about her and Finn's marriage. To Liam's dismay, Steffy isn't worried about her marriage. She's worried about Thomas' nonmarriage to Liam's ex-wife. You know, the one Liam couldn't give two flips of sadness about, uttering, "Maybe I should have done things differently..."

While I love seeing Steffy diss Liam from here to Il Giardino, I also love the camaraderie that they have maintained, something glaringly missing between exes Hope and Liam. Steffy manages to keep Liam in a platonic box while giving him good advice about Hope. Steffy is right. Liam should not have done anything differently after seeing his wife kissing his worst enemy in the city of eternal love, a day she now proclaims as "Thope Day." Liam was right to stick to his divorce waffles, even if it means Steffy's dial tone is permanently on his phone's playlist, Beth's calling Thomas her "step-situationship," and he has to beg for company on his solo lunch breaks away from Daddy.

Someone needed to scoop Carter up as a lunch date. He was way too sexy in that new beard to be lunching alone. Katie is slipping to let that man outside alone looking so good. Carter enjoys Il Giardino sans Sheila, but is anyone besides me amazed that the restaurant goes on while Deacon is falling apart? Where is Deacon, anyway? Commemorating Sheila with a nine-toe pizza special?

The only thing that was more brow-raising to me than the restaurant chattering on with a new hostess at the door was Carter, of all people, reminding Liam that Steffy was a married woman. I guess being Quinn's sex toy taught him what a wedding ring looks like. According to Steffy, Carter isn't the only boy toy in town, but if you ask me, Thomas isn't your average toy. He's "Just Ken," an accessory on the arm of the HFTF Barbie, Hope.

Tom's Just Ken!

Anywhere else, he'd be a "Liam," but with Hope, Thomas can't rank as the sole best friend. Is it his destiny to live a life waiting on the edge of his fragility?

According to Thomas' sister, hell to the no. Thomas doesn't deserve to spend his life pulling apart roses, pondering, "She loves me; she marries me not. She loves me; she marries me not." He needs to keep working on himself and finding his own place in the world, perhaps in a land where men ride horses and practice patriarchy instead of one in which only the wardrobe and desires of the HFTF Barbie matter.

Thomas designed Hope a dress, y'all. As color-fugly as it was, this was the best dress he ever designed for her in years. He's been nice to that troll of an ex, Liam. He suffered Finn accusing him of "murdah" (which he did do, though). He's grinned and put up with her skeptical mama. He's let Hope ride him sore and put him away wet. He never says no, only "more please" and "thank you." He designs her line, takes care of her kids, and gets her dinner. Why in the hairy hell would she not want to marry that?

When he asks her to marry him in the mojo dojo casa house he got just to romance her in, Hope stands there like Barbie -- blank-faced, twirling her ring, and expecting him to be okay with it. He is doing his best to keep up with his Barbie's song and dance, but what about his desires? Is Steffy right that he should cut his losses and move on if Hope isn't on the same page with him?

You know how the movie ends already. There's a great war, this time of the Barbies, and in the end, Tom will still be Just Ken, living in Hope's shadow, not as her equal, no matter how much fluff Ridge blows up Thomas' butt about him and Hope being the next Bridge. Besides, if Thomas looks carefully, he'll see that Bridge isn't married, and they aren't running Forrester, so Ridge can just shut the heck up comparing Hope and Thomas to Brooke and Ridge.

Speaking of Brooke, while it was nice that Thomas finally cared what she thinks, it was a tad bit disingenuous for him to want the truth from her about what Hope thinks. He and Hope have said for a long time that Brooke doesn't get them, so why would he think Brooke could reassure him?

What could Brooke have said to him? "Yes, Hope loves you, which she told you herself. She doesn't want to get married, which she told you herself. She hasn't gotten over her divorce and previous marriage, which she told you herself..." Seeing a pattern here? Or Brooke could have said, "Hope thought you got the message when she said no twice already."

What do you think? If Thomas wants to be married and Hope does not, should he wait another decade? I say decade because he first proposed in Cabo. Or should he leave Hope and try to find a woman who will treat him like Tom, not Just Ken?

The Stephanie Forrester Barbie is not having it

As long as we're going with this Barbie theme, the Stephanie Forrester Barbie, a.k.a. Weird Barbie Steffy, ain't having none of the HFTF Barbie using Just Ken as a sex toy! Or a designer toy, or father toy, or back-rubbing toy, or dinner-cooking toy, either. She'll put a stop to it before Just Ken turns into Psycho Ken all over again. But...Weird Barbie's methods do leave a little something to be desired, even if Liam thinks she's got the power moves like Jagger Ken.

First of all, Steffy is making all the sense in the world about her brother, even if she's missing all the bases about the Logans and Brooke. Steffy is right because, even if it doesn't drive Thomas back to his old ways, he still deserves better than being Hope's love slave, sex slave, family slave, and "one" of her best friends. Thomas needs a life in which he doesn't eat, breathe, and drink Hope all day long. It's just not healthy. Even if we don't count Cabo, Beth is supposedly seven or eight. Isn't that long enough to wait on Hope?

Hope wants Thomas. She loves him. She just doesn't want marriage right now. She's still trying to figure herself out, get over her divorce, care for her kids, grow her career, and have a relationship with Thomas. Can't Thomas just keep having sex with her and waiting till she straightens herself out? In my view, if she really did love Thomas, she'd let him go, figure herself out on her own, and then return to him if she's ever ready. But that won't happen because Hope is all about Hope.

Hope is indignant about Steffy standing up for Thomas and claimed Steffy doesn't care about Thomas because she's not blowing Hope smoke up his butt. Let me just say that if I heard from the woman of my brother's waking obsession that she "cares for him" and he's "one of her best friends" and there for her, I'm advising my brother to move on. It was a bit much for Steffy to tell Hope that Thomas wouldn't be there for her anymore and that the relationship was over, but Hope deserves it for what she did with Deacon and Sheila the other week.

Besides, you know what the best Stephanie Forrester Barbie disinfectant is? Marrying the man she doesn't want you to marry. So why doesn't Hope just put the damn engagement ring on and settle in for a nice, long engagement? You know, like her mom and Ridge? All Hope has to do is pull out her loom and say she's making her own wedding gown, too! Problem solved!

Except I don't think it's going to stop there because the women's rivalry runs Liam-deep. Hope had better watch it because if she's feeling froggy, Steffy might get stabby. Liam is right when he says no one wants to make an enemy out of Steffy, who already has two killings and an electrocution under her belt.

Should Hope accept the proposal to spite Steffy? Better yet, will Thomas let her accept it? He seems to be giving Steffy's words about moving on some serious thought.

Poppy asks Finn to be there for Luna, but is it as a cousin, father, or brother?

When Poppy went to talk to Finn about Luna wanting to know who her father was, I anticipated that we'd get a few hints about whether it was Finn or Jack. I'm almost certain it's not Bill because Poppy could have secretly given Luna her real father by simply asking Bill to step in as the father figure he so desperately wants to be just as easily as she's asking Finn to do it. It could be that she's asking Finn to do it because he is the father -- or brother.

I think Finn is Luna's brother. I doubt the soap will do another drugged sex story to make Finn the unsuspecting father. Plus, Finn put on his shirt fast when Aunt Poppy arrived at his house, as if he'd never be unclothed in front of her. Therefore, I guess that Jack is Luna's father. Whoever it is, Finn encouraged Poppy to be open about it.

I wish the writers had used Poppy and Finn's conversation to further Finn's storyline about his feelings for Sheila. Finn could have revealed to Poppy what it had meant for him to know his birth mother, even if for a short time, and he could help Luna cope with not knowing her birth father.

Finn might even agree with Bill, who'd said Poppy could be protecting Luna by not telling her about her conception. I wonder if Finn would rather that he never knew who Sheila and Jack actually were to him. Would it have been safer and better for his family? Perhaps Finn sharing thoughts like that with Luna could help her come to terms with not knowing her father.

I think Luna is wrong to use the mints issue to guilt Poppy into revealing her paternity, but do you agree with Luna that Poppy is being selfish with the secret? Could Poppy be protecting Luna from someone the likes of Sheila or protecting the family if the father is Jack?

In a look ahead: Where's a sharp knife when you need one?

Spoilers indicate that the war is on between Hope and Steffy. Steffy slap-blocks Hope's incoming hand, and Hope better be glad Steffy doesn't have a knife, gun, electrical wire grid, or set of stairs handy. Oh, come on, now. Hope lurched! It's self-defense!

That's it, folks. That's all the scoops. Let me know what you think in the comments section below, and until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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