She's back, and still cranky!

For the Week of September 13, 2004
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She's back, and still cranky!
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One person after another falls into the apparently endless supply of ravines. If they got out of them as quickly, it might be interesting.

You know, I had such hopes for our Salemites and Melaswen-ians ... a couple of weeks relaxing on the beach while we ordinary folk followed the Olympics should have had our gang coming out of the gate like greyhounds after a rabbit. But alas, it was not to be.

Instead we have a supposedly dying Roman asking Marlena to give it up for him one last time - an odd request all things considering. But as Roman takes his sweet time dying, and Marlena leaves to get him some water, a lurker/stalker comes along with a syringe. Startled by Roman's hysterics and Marlena's return, the stalker drops the syringe. Now, does Dr. Marlena consider the source of the syringes contents, or worry about the needle's tip perhaps landing in some jungle goo? Nope, the good Doc figures 'what the hey' and shoots Roman up with the unknown liquid. Naturally, he recovers immediately. Because this is a soap, that's why!

One person after another falls into the apparently endless supply of ravines. If they got out of them as quickly, it might be interesting. The lovely Jennifer delivers her new baby son, the red TeleTubby, apparently with Patrick's help, and a very large knife. (Hey, without anaesthetic, that episiotomy would be a tad painful!) There's a problem, however. Jennifer is hemorrhaging. But never fear, because newly recovered Roman just happens to know of a native plant conveniently located nearby. This girl is bleeding internally, hallucinating, on the brink of death. But with one dose of this miracle herb she's on her feet! Now Roman will never have to worry about a cop's hours again, since he's apparently discovered a miracle cure to replace the famous Salem tea!

Back in the 'real world' of Salem, the other half of our couples have discovered that all the coffins of their loved ones are empty. Bo finally deciphers Roman's coded message and realizes that Roman is alive, and John and Bo realize that there is a place called "MelaSweN" on an old map, AND figure out that that spells New Salem backwards! But not before John and Kate almost become one on top of a desk, eerily reminiscent of John and Marlena's ill fated bounce on another desk in another time that resulted in Belle being born. And of course, when John and Bo try to depart for New Salem, there is an inexplicable delay that results in John having to fly his private plane against the wishes of Salem Air Space Security.

Now that part sounds like we're moving along fast. However, considering that just about every thing that's happened has happened before, there are no new situations to marvel at, or wonder about. Seems that it's true that there are only seven plots in writing. Or perhaps there are only seven soap writers, and that's why every soap is just recycling their past glories.

I'm not the only one noticing these 'coincidences'. Viewer Maggie Nickolas writes: I just wanted to note an observation. On a map, I guess of the Caribbean, we have, MELASWEN, which happens to be New Salem backwards. Didn't they do this before in AREMID, which of course is DiMera backwards. This show seems to be going backwards or at least re-doing these storylines with triangles, always, all over the place, if you have a couple, you have a triangle and now another disfigurement with Chloe. I remember Julie when she was burned years ago and also another was cut in the face. Why can't all of these writers come up with different storylines. It makes you feel stupid for being loyal and if it wasn't for all the older cast members returning to this show, I would be watching something else."

So, that leaves us the teens' problems. Rex's money troubles may be at an end, since he's been offered a job at Salem University from Professor Sanji Ballo (sp). I wondered when that penny would drop. Rex graduated from Salem U in about 14 days, didn't he? I guess his insta-degree didn't come with any instructions on how to actually LOOK for a job beyond bartending. But wait! Mimi's not dying from cervical cancer, she's pregnant! Wanna bet Sexy Rexy doesn't like the idea at all? Although Rex and Mimi have non-stop, unprotected sex, it seems neither one has ever considered what comes after all that nookie. Even Mimi's first concern upon learning she was pregnant was if she could still have sex! (Sure, says Lexie, just keep right on through all that vaginal bleeding, take two aspirins, and call me in the morning.)

What else, what else? How about Shawn's ridiculous attempt to flee Jan, only to be recaptured by that demonically clever girl. Sucker! Or how about Belle's sudden announcement that she and Shawn have a 'connection' like Hope and Bo, when she's been oblivious to his problem all summer? Guess she didn't sign on for the 'roaming' feature, just a local connection! And although Chloe is alive, she's told mother Nancy to tell the world she's dead, because she has a few cuts on her face. What is with all these people being so sure that their loved one will reject them if they are not perfect, or lose a special talent? Surely someone must realize that this paranoia about perfection is not a healthy message to be sending teen viewers.

Well, on the bright side, at least Belle (and we viewers!) got a good peek at the naked Philip at Green Mountain Lodge. Were the writers trying to throw we dirty old ladies a bone, or are they just giving Philip a chance to show us what he looks like OUT of those Navy blues?

Enquiring minds want to know ....

See you next week,

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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