The second annual Alex North Memorial awards

For the Week of December 29, 2008
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The second annual Alex North Memorial awards
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Part two of a two-part look back at the events of the past year in Salem. This week, our columnists discuss the worst that Days of our Lives had to offer in 2008.

This week, Laurisa and Tony share with their picks for the worst of 2008. Remember that this is a special, two-part season finale. Well, so to speak. Last week, they shared their picks for the best of Days of our Lives from the year gone by.

Welcome to the Second Annual Alex North Memorial Awards! For those of you who don't know how this works, Tony and I have set aside our rose-colored glasses/ beer goggles to take a harsh look at our favorite soap. We understand that not everything is perfect all of the time, but from time to time there exist some choices that are so outrageous that we have to speak up. It's a painful task, but think of it as an exfoliating process. It's time to wash away the dead, decaying storylines and leave fans with that fresh new feeling, ready for the next layer of storylines!

In doing so, we pay homage to one of the most stink-tastic storylines of all time: the Alex North debacle. It's more of a warning to characters who would like to frustrate us or waste our time. Don't do it. If you do, we'll cheer when you fall off a cliff. It's that simple.

A few programming notes: Tony and I made every effort, when ever possible, not to pick the same character for more than one category. Second, this assignment was due early, so these picks do not contain any storyline material that happened during the last two weeks of the year. (Should you want to check that out, be sure to visit my blog later this week for a quick mini recap before Tony's regular Two Scoops column next week.) Finally, this is all in good fun, so let's put on our best diva and scoundrel looks and get started!

Worst New Character

Tony: Dr. Daniel Jonas. Our beloved hero Bo Brady was gravely ill and who was brought to Salem to save the day? Dr. Dan, a brilliant yet sensitive hunk of a doctor with a tragic back story to share. I'll admit it, like Chelsea, I was smitten ... at first. So, what changed? Nearly everything! Dr. Dan quickly went from a knight on a white horse to the kind of creepy, gawking guy you'd find in a shady night club by hospital bed hopping from patient to patient to, um, patient! Sorry, Dr. Feel-Good, but there go your sympathy points - and you're off my holiday card list too!

Laurisa: Dr. Daniel Jonas. The writers really had to try to screw this one up. On paper, Daniel is a miracle-working doctor who comes into town because his godfather, Victor Kiriakis, asked him to come to Salem and save Bo Brady's life. Instead, the writers decided to involve Daniel in an intergenerational love triangle. I understand that it's virtually impossible to avoid dating members of the same family in Salem. But Daniel jumped from granddaughter and grandmother to future daughter-in-law. It all amounts to Daniel being the most disingenuous character on the show right now. I need to have at least a few characteristics (even if they're negative) that I can consistently associate with each soap character. I still don't know who Daniel is, and to be honest, I don't care.

Worst "Special Guest Star" Character

Tony: Ross "The Intern" Mathews as Chris, the Assistant. Ross's initial stint on Days was amusing enough, but they totally blew his second appearance by not paring him up with Kate. Those two could've been the most colorfully amusing employer/employee pair since Ugly Betty's Wilhelmina and Mark. I totally think they missed the guest spot with that one - big time!

Laurisa: Shirley Jones as Colleen Brady. Don't get me wrong, Shirley Jones did a wonderful job as the long-lost Brady sibling. Her scenes with Shawn, Belle, and John were very touching. But, I'm shocked that the writers didn't even bother to have Colleen meet Sami and EJ! We spent months knowing that Sami was the exact image of Colleen, and EJ was one unfortunate mustache away from being Santo. Yet, no one thinks to mention them or at least show their pictures to Aunt Colleen? Really, Days? Really?

Worst Return

Tony: Nicole Walker.Ouch! Picking Ms. Thing for this category is like drinking cheap vodka -- it hurts! Everyone knows how much I adore Ari and normally love Nicole! And, I didn't pick the fiery Nicole who initially returned -- the one who challenged Victor, tried to manipulate RoboJohn, went rounds with Chloe, and befriended Crazy Ava. No, that Nicole was great and I'm glad she returned. However, the Nicole she's become since getting involved with E.J. is all shades of disappointing, thus spoiling her return for me a little. I could've handled the writers sanding down her claws, but they've totally de-clawed this former hellcat. In addition to losing her self-respect, NewCole has basically become an insecure, clingy, pitiful black hole of neediness that follows E.J. around like a lonely puppy. My hope for 2009 is that she gets her senses back and reignites that old spark that once made her an unstoppable, fun force to watch!

Laurisa: Nicole Walker. Her character just hasn't been the same since she came back. The writers based her main storyline (her relationship with EJ) on three huge rewrites- 1) Nicole went to college 2) Nicole was married and 3) Nicole can actually get pregnant. It's like they didn't bother to look up anything about the character's history. Never a good move, writers.

Worst Recast

Tony: Dena Higley as Head Writer Kevin Dobson as Mickey Horton. I've liked Kevin since I first saw him on Knots Landing. He's talented, he's charismatic and, having portrayed a do-gooder lawyer/family patriarch on Knots for eleven years, he has the perfect resume to play Mickey! So, the question remains, why bring on a great actor and not even give him a storyline? If a few brief appearances were all they had planned for him I would've rather seen Mickey simply remain a ghost as it would've softened the disappointment factor. Yet Dobson's casting proves one thing - the writers are equal opportunity ignorers. Not only do they disregard longstanding vets, they blow off the new ones too.

Laurisa: SOARASed Ciara. This is sort of a tongue-and-cheek pick since little Dakoda and Danica Hobbs are so cute. But the recast did make me a little sad. One, it aces out any more bets between Bo and Hope over diaper duty. Two, my mother actually called me and said, "Who is that child at Bo and Hope's house?"

Worst Veteran Character

Tony: Kate Roberts. Ms. Roberts took a turn for the worse in 2008 and I'm not talking about her health. I had a hard time swallowing the fact that Kate Roberts, a woman notorious for going to any lengths, and I do mean any lengths, to protect her family, would shack up with a man she knew her granddaughter was interested in and then continue to pine after him once he and the said granddaughter began to date. It was not only a blindsiding move by the writers, but a huge step away from what makes fierce matriarch lioness Kate ... well ... Kate!

Laurisa: Kate Roberts. Most of the time I love to hate Kate. I hate it when she meddles in her children's lives, but I love the fact that she wants to be a protective mama bear. (With so many characters leaving their kids at the eternal babysitter's house, we could use a little more Kate in everyone). But, any respect that I had for her went out the window when, in between encouraging Chelsea to go after Daniel, Kate slept with him herself! comes cancer! I buy the idea that a near-death experience caused Kate to reevaluate her life. What I don't buy is that, in her infinite insight, she decided that her granddaughter's general well-being isn't worth giving up her luvaahh. Apparently he's the best piece of action that she's gotten since she slept with E.J. in return for his efforts to break up Sami and Lucas. Good thing she turned down Stefano's proposal to stay with Daniel!

Thick as a Brick Award
(Typically smart characters acting, well, stupid)

Tony: Roman Brady. Nice guys do seem to finish last and Roman doesn't appear to be an exception to that rule. Wait. On second thought, maybe he's not so nice, maybe he's just a silly glutton for punishment. Why? Because when the guy was occasionally on he acted like a pushover whose only purpose was to appease Marlena. Memo to Roman - she doesn't love you, you'll never reconcile, and she's just using you to help get "Old John" back. Sorry to break it to you like that big guy.

Laurisa: Marlena and Roman a.k.a. Sami's Parents. Do y'all remember the scene I'm talking about? The one where Sami spoke in such "complicated" code that Marlena and Roman had no idea what Sami was trying to tell them. Let's review the facts: Sami has a secret that involves a DiMera child who isn't Johnny and keeping this secret would hurt someone that Sami loves.....Now let's examine the players: Marlena is Sami's mother and just so happens to have enough OB/GYN experience to deliver the twins on her own. Roman is Sami's father and investigates things for a living. Finally, there's Sami, who slept with EJ a few months earlier. Now, what could Sami be saying? Maybe that she's PREGNANT WITH EJ'S BABY, YOU MORONS!

Worst Dressed

Tony: Doug and Julie Williams. TIME magazine. Bill Hayes and Susan Seaforth Hayes (Doug and Julie) were on the cover of TIME magazine. They were also considered one of the first supercouples in daytime history. Whereas times change and a character's importance ebbs and flows, dressing up soap legends like Uncle Sam and Betsy Ross just pushed me over the edge! It caused new fans to see them as this kooky costumed couple who occasionally pop in for a visit and to old fans, who like and respect the couple, it was a star spangled slap in the face.

Laurisa: Steve Johnson. I know that his "rebel" garb is part of his whole image. But, the dude wears a black leather vest over a gray t-shirt. A black leather vest.... Eventually, he starts to look like a pirate dressed up as Danny Zuko.

Most Likely Scapegoat
(the character who gets blamed for ... well ... everything)

Tony: Chloe Lane. I'm creating a new support group for the residents of Salem. It's called "Accusers Anonymous." For example, Nicole should attend as she always claims Sami caused Lucas to drink. Right. However, that wasn't the biggest "Blame Game" played in '08. That big one, the super bowl of blaming, was the entire accusing Chloe of getting Brady addicted to drugs blame-fest. If I would've heard that one more time I would have screamed! Actually, I think I did scream a few times. Not only is it simply silly to blame her for someone else's substance abuse, it made the characters blaming her look downright stupid. Granted, she might not have been the best wife ever, but she hardly wanted or forced Brady to get hooked on drugs. He could've "just said no," but he didn't and that was not her fault ... at all. I get that, why can't the residents of Salem?

Laurisa: Melanie Layton. I know she's abrasively opinionated and she could certainly use a class with say, Kate or Julie about how to get what you want without such in-your-face tactics. But let's have a reality check, people: to date, the worst thing that Melanie has done was try to frame Stephanie. And, she didn't even succeed! The list of things she did NOT do is much longer: she did NOT kill her father (that was Nick), she did NOT make Nick go crazy (that was himself, the pills, and his predisposition to DID), she did NOT trick Nick into giving her his half of the project (that was all Nick). Yet, she was blamed for all of those things at one point or another. See where I'm going? Perhaps it's the way that every single other person in Salem jumps to conclusions about her that makes me actually root for her. She brings out the absolute hypocrisy and stupidity of everyone in Salem. What's next for Melanie? My hope is that she continues to develop into a love-to-hate character that the show is sorely missing. But, I have a bad feeling that Bo will decide that Melanie is a DiMera AND responsible for the hole in the ozone layer.

Swing-and-Miss Character
(the writers keep trying, but keep striking out)

Tony: Dr. Marlena Evans. I've always had a love/slightly-dislike relationship with Marlena. That's mostly because she's utterly awesome one minute and a totally lame kidnapped victim the next. Sure, abductions weren't her fault, but her sometimes hypocritical attitude towards dealing with RoboJohn was. At first I was all, "Yes! She's seeking revenge and helping her man - Sweet!" I love that tough, take-charge version of Doc. Then she decided to leave Salem and do some soul-searching. Ok, I get that; I did the same thing when my presumed dead ex returned with no memories. No complaints yet. But, then Mar Mar came back and it's been push and pull ever since. Whereas I understand her emotional turmoil and I get tough love, being indecisive with a man who's not playing with a full deck isn't the brightest idea. If she really wanted "Old John" back sooner, she needed to show more patience and understanding than what she did at times. Sure, he didn't make it easy on her, but Marlena is too great of a character and loves John way too much to have ever been that wishy-washy.

Laurisa: Chloe Lane-Black-soon-to-be Horton. She unsuccessfully tried to out Belle and Phillip's affair. Then, she unsuccessfully tried to move in on Shawn. Shortly after, she unsuccessfully tried to seduce Phillip. Next, she unsuccessfully stayed married to Brady. Now she's going to donate bone marrow to her future mother-in-law in hopes that a life-saving gesture will help to offset the sting of stealing her future-mother-in-law's boyfriend. In all fairness, Chloe has a lot of history with Days. Why can't they find something productive for her to do, like....I don't on her career as a singer. Are you telling me that Stefano doesn't own an opera house?

Broken Record Award
(Repeat and Pete were sitting on a fence, Pete fell off and who was left? Repeated lines we had way too much of!)

Tony: Flashbacks! I know I'm bending the rules by not picking an actual character, but 2008 seemed to be the year of the long, detailed, painful, never-ending and, mostly, unnecessary flashbacks. Heck, they even took up an entire episode recapping Nicole's entertaining Film Noir fantasy! An entire episode! Whereas I do see the need for the occasional reminder and most of the time I enjoy vintage clips filled with feathered hair and vets with baby faces, I kept experiencing déjà vu and forgetting which day I was actually watching. New year, new dialogue that's all I'm saying.

Laurisa: Stefano DiMera. He's a villain and he's a great one. But if I have to hear about how hurt he is that his children have wronged him and how he's going to get revenge on (insert nemesis-of-the-week here) one more time I'll throw my glass of champagne right at the Phoenix. I'll probably hit a thrice-disowned family member.

Most Regressed Character

Tony: E.J. DiMera. Oh where, oh where has our Little Elvis gone? Oh where, oh where could he be? Remember when E.J. was an intelligent, charismatic, yet cocky bastard you loved to hate? Yep, me too. Unfortunately, it seems he's been reduced to a wimpy daddy's boy. And not a very bright wimpy daddy's boy! E.J., the guy who has a master's degree in manipulation, is falling for the old pregnancy pad scheme! Yep, it's that time - extend arm and slap that palm to your forehead. I liked the slightly redeemed E.J., yet this less filling E.J. hardly tastes great.

Laurisa: Kayla Johnson. Before you start, I blame this one on the writers. She seems to me like she's been assigned to background extra, no real storyline, and when she is on-screen, she's pretty much a blubbering mess. She had that brief moment of greatness when she found the drugs from Crazy Ava, but other than that, she's been boring. There are a lot of fans who watch Days strictly for Kayla Brady Johnson and I'm concerned for those fans!

Most Underutilized Character

Tony: Maggie Horton. This was by far the hardest category to pick. Actually, my initial list was nearly half the cast, but I'll move on ... Maggie Horton. Ah, Big Red - love the gal! Suzanne Rogers is great. Heck, she even has an Emmy to back up that claim. For the first time in years her on-screen husband was played by an actual person, yet she barely got any screen time. Huh? Except for lending the occasional helping hand, spreading the "Go Green" gospel and her interactions with Nick, she was definatly another vet scorched from simmering on the back burner too long.

Laurisa: Anna DiMera. Leanne Hunley has loads of talent, spunk, and comedic timing. So why is Anna on so sporadically? It's probably because she has no job, isn't part of a major family, and isn't in an important relationship. Wait.....yes she does, yes she is, and yes huh!

Most Over-Utilized Character

Tony: Dr. Daniel Jonas. I'm all for giving the new guy a chance, but after the writers buzz-killed the character by turning him into a patient lovin' sleazeball we still had to put up with him around every turn. Sadly, they didn't even try to turn him into a likeable sleazeball as some can be downright enjoyable - Michael on Melrose Place, Barney on How I Met Your Mother, Charlie Sheen ... oh, I meant his character on Two and a Half Men. Those are the type of sleazeballs who are fun to watch and ones you don't mind seeing all the time because they're entertaining, you love to hate them, but Dr. Dan's not funny or witty or even likeable, yet he always seems to be around. He's like an irritating ex who won't go away! I mean, not only does he seem to be the busiest doctor in Salem, he seems to be the only one of late. Call me selfish, but I'd rather see vets like Kayla and Lexie get to be the heroes and get the screen time.

Laurisa: E.J. DiMera. Man, this one hurts. I should point out that I DO NOT mind seeing James Scott. Ever. The thing I do mind was that at one point this summer, the son of the Phoenix was involved simultaneously in:
1. Two court cases of his own- Johnny's custody and the injunction over the DiMera empire
2. Representing three clients- John Black's drug case, Nicole's divorce from Victor, and Ava's kidnapping case
3. Assisting Nicole in not getting blackmailed
4. Trying to be a dad for the first time
5. Forging a relationship with his siblings, who are all but strangers to him
6. Attempting to win Sami's full attention
7. And oh yeah, deciding which part of his family heritage he's going to continue- side with Stefano, Tony, or John
There're enough storylines there to last YEARS. When you have that much important and interesting storyline potential not to mention of daytime's most captivating leading men, why rush through it all and cram it all in one year?

Worst Shocking "What the &%$#?" Moment

Tony: Tony and Anna DiMera Get Married - Off Screen! This one still ticks me off twelve months later! After being separated for over twenty years Tony and Anna finally got back together -awesome! This was a huge hit with longtime fans as well as newer viewers who got to experience the great, playful chemistry between Thaao Penghlis and Leann Hunley for the first time. Then they got engaged! Again, awesome! Then they went on a vacation and came back ... already married! Are you kidding me!? Not only did that rob fans of getting to celebrate with the couple (fans like Laurisa and I who already had outfits picked out), but, in general, Days needed a happy event or two in 2008! And, who doesn't love a wedding? Well, besides Sami....

Laurisa: Kate and Daniel's Super Secret Off Screen Affair. I'll never understand why the writers ruined two potentially interesting storylines at once by throwing Kate into the Dansea triangle. Either Daniel/Chelsea or Daniel/Kate could have been a very interesting May-December storyline. But, that's not even what I'm most mad about. I'm flat-out shocked that the writers didn't even show us Kate and Daniel's "relationship!" Their whole deep, meaningful connection was basically a footnote, shown in flashback from to a scene that we SAW completely play out a different way! Those writers rewrote a flashback!!! What the &%$#? If I had a martini and a writer's face, they would surely meet.

Worst Couple

Tony: Nicole Walker and E.J. DiMera. Take two of the most talented, most attractive cast members, pair their normally awesome characters up and what do you get? An absolutely nauseating couple! Their entire relationship seemed like a convenient excuse to rehash the bad blood between Sami and Nicole rather than a fresh start for either character. Nicole basically lost all of her self-respect by, among other things, still sleeping with E.J. after he called out another woman's name during foreplay. Also add in the facts that E.J.'s personality has done a 180, their lack of any real romantic encounters, and that he basically said they were together because she was pregnant, and everything equals one big, mixed-up couple. I won't even get into the hours of screen time wasted on them basically having the same conversation about their "relationship" over and over and over again.

Laurisa: Daniel Jonas and Chloe Lane. Please let the record state that I passed up a chance to bash Max and Stephanie to select a pair that isn't even technically a couple. "Technically" Chloe is engaged to Lucas, and Daniel is knockin' boots with Chloe's future mother-in-law. AHHH! It's horrible on so many levels that I don't even know where to start. They have absolutely no history together. Their first romantic moment was an in appropriate hospital exam. Then there was that horrid sex dream where Daniel and Chloe got busy on a hospital cot. The only good thing about this storyline is that I'm pretty sure Ashton Kutcher is going to be showing up in my living room any moment. I just know I'm being punk'd.

Worst Send-Off
(They either died or departed, but their farewells were less then stellar)

Tony: Morgan Hollingsworth. I'd like to say that I'm shocked Days' execs fired a talented actress who played a character with tons of potential, but, after the casting bloodbath of 2008, I'm not surprised ... at all. Poor Morgan! She was abruptly and unceremoniously shipped to Chicago while in the middle of juicy storylines which were cut short by her ousting. Bad move, bad, bad move.

Laurisa: Lucas Horton. OOk, ok, I know he came back a few months later. And, I was more than happy to have a break from Lucas for a while. But, to have Lucas just up and confess to shooting E.J. was a head-scratching move by the writers. Are we really supposed to believe that Lucas was so outraged with the idea of loosing Sami that he tried to kill E.J., yet Lucas is ok with going off to jail? There's no trial? No flashy defense starring Frankie Brady or Mickey Horton? None of our favorite Salemites on the witness stand? No subplot involving a Will cover-up? He's just going to confess and leave? Really? If he genuinely wanted keep Sami away from E.J., how is Lucas supposed to do that from jail? At least let the guy go down with a fight! This is Lucas Roberts Horton that we're talking about here. The guy lives for drama!
Side note- I totally second Tony's pick for Morgan Hollingsworth! She was a very close second for me. As far as I know this "two-year internship" thing is a figment of the writer's hallucinations and does not exist anywhere in real life. To make it worse, a few months later we learned that Chicago is within driving distance from Salem (EJ drove there and back before breakfast). At least have Morgan move back to the south to be closer to her mother or something. Sheesh!

I Didn't Get It Award
(Umm right. What just happened and where did it come from - not sure)

Tony: Shawn Douglas, Belle and Claire Brady's Exit. Let's look at the timeline right before they left: Belle's father had recently returned from the dead. She just found out she's part Brady and DiMera. She and Shawn D. had very recently reconciled. She was in nursing school. He was entering the police academy. His father barely survived a rare pancreatic transplant. He was actually maturing into a cool character. Now, why were the written off they show again? Didn't get that - at all.

Laurisa: The Reprieve of Philip and Chloe. I know I'm in the minority on this one because there are a lot of Phloe fans drooling over this pair giving it another go-round. After all, they're both incredibly good-looking and they have a tender "Ugly Duckling" history. But, for some reason, this time around they didn't work for me. Chloe was still legally married to Philip's nephew when she threw herself at Philip. Then, after she took care of that little technicality, they decided that friends with benefits would be a good solution; that is, until Philip started spending time with Morgan, at which time Chloe thought it would be a good idea to move on to Philip's brother. Tell me why the writers tried to pair these two again?

Worst Storyline Resolution

Tony: Colleen's Death Minus Sami and E.J. Most of 2007 was wrapped up in the Colleen and Santo saga. We sat through nearly an entire year watching James Scott and Alison Sweeney pull double duty. Then came the winter of 2008 and the big revelation was made that Colleen was alive! Whereas Shirley Jones did a great job, whereas the secrets she confessed rocked Salem to its core and whereas her death was touching, I can't believe they didn't have doppelgangers Sami and E.J. present to meet her. It was a huge letdown considering all the mirror image hype (and bad accents) we had to sit through.

Laurisa: Salem Finding Out that Marlena Drugged Stefano. It's bad enough that two incredibly popular veteran characters held a secret for months and when it came out it all amounted to everyone shrugging their shoulders and saying "Oh well! I guess he had it coming!" But what's worse is that a pill-popping, dissociative identify disorder Nick Fallon gets sent away for murdering a child molester; but a completely healthy Marlena Evans attempts to torture a man for the rest of his life and she's still walking around free. All together now...HUH?

Worst Waste of a Storyline

Tony: Stefano Proposes to Kate! Yes, whatever did happen to that? My bet, it's aboard the same spaceship that's carrying Rex and Cassie back to the Land of Forgotten Storylines. And what a complete waste that is! Aside from the fact Dr. Dan and Kate would've never happened had this storyline played out, can you imagine the chaos that would've ensued had she been crowned the new lady of DiMera Manor? Sami was still living there at the time, for goodness sakes! Plus, Kate could've been in the ring with John (a former lover), E.J. (a former lover), and Tony vying for control of the empire, all the while dealing with Sami and Nicole freeloading! Not to mention that blessed union would've turned the DiMera, Roberts, and Kiriakis families into one big ole screwed-up Brady Bunch scenario. Stefano as Lucas' stepfather! Lucas and E.J. stepbrothers! E.J. calling his former lover stepmother! And they wasted all that potential for Dr. Dan and Kate? I repeat - What. A. Waste.

Laurisa: Baby Joey Has a Flippin' Chip in Him! When I think about what could have been with this storyline, my Days loving heart aches. Steve and Kayla could have tried to out-sleuth Stefano to find out what happened to Joey. Rolf could come out of hiding to talk with Stefano about the "new pawn." And, Lexie could have an interesting spot being involved with both sides. She's a doctor, Kayla's friend, and she has easy access to the DiMera mansion, not to mention intimate knowledge of the caverns and tunnels underneath! When I think about what did happen, my Days loving heart flat-out stops. Stefano is forced to play in the sandbox with E.J. and Nicole, Rolf is off canvas, Lexie is blaming herself for something that is utterly not her fault, and Steve and Kayla are forced to....wait....remind me, what are they doing instead? I guess we'll have to wait until Baby Joey starts stabbing people every time a bell rings for people to realize that maybe, maybe it would have been prudent for Dr. Kayla Johnson and Steve Johnson, P.I., to look a bit further into Baby Joe's little trip with Stefano.

Worst storyline

Tony: Dr. Dan and Kate, the Spontaneous Couple/Kate's Cancer. Pretend you don't know anything about Days for a second. Ok, ready? Now, what is your first reaction upon hearing a grandmother slept with the man her granddaughter is dating? Survey says - gross! I know, I know Dr. Dan and Chelsea weren't a couple at the time, but Kate knew she had feelings for him ... heck, she actually encouraged Chelsea to go after him! This awful twist had no back story (except a faux flashback after the fact), no buildup and it simply didn't make much sense that Kate, fierce family protector, would do something so potentially destructive to a loved one. Not to mention her getting cancer has seemed like a combination of making Chelsea feel guilty and giving Dr. Dan the opportunity to play footsy with yet another patient (Chloe, not Kate) rather than about the struggle of a beloved veteran character to overcome a potentially deadly disease. Those two conjoined storylines were like getting a bad perm one day then going to get it corrected the next, only to have the beautician chop it into a frizzy, bad perm-mullet hybrid. A.k.a., not good.

Laurisa: Nicole/EJ/Sami Triangle, with a Side of Rafe. My mother is a very smart lady. She always told me to finish chewing the bite I had in my mouth before I took another. It's a shame that the writers didn't have as wise a mother as I did. While fans are still chewing on a two-year Ejami bite, the writers decided to shove a spoonful of Ejole down our throats with a Rafe chaser. A situational separation and a half-baked attempt at a breakup over the phone is just not adequate for the huge storyline that E.J. and Sami have. I'm sorry. That's like treating a sunburn by just standing in the shade. As long as Ejami still have unfinished business....say....I don't the child that Sami is carrying, any other outside relationship that these two have automatically come with expiration dates. Nicole and E.J. had potential in theory, but since Sami is still in the picture, their whole courtship/relationship consists of Nicole yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!" while trying to shove Sami's head out of the way. I don't think Sami and Rafe will ever work, but they don't even have a fighting chance when there is a HUGE (as in, seven-month) visual reminder of E.J. in every Sami/Rafe scene. When it's all said and done, I worry that this storyline will mark the beginning of the end for all characters involved. Dueling pregnancies, two secret-keeping storylines, phone breakups, black market babies, a one-dimensional new character (those writers fooled me with Dr. Dan and I'm not falling for it with Rafe), character turns- YIKES! The bottom line is that Ejami either needs to be together for real, or end it officially. Until then, send all four of them to the Virtual Garden of Eden for all I care. Yep, I went there, writers!

Parting thoughts....

And with that, Tony and I have officially reached our limit. Granted, we could go on forever. We could invent categories to bitch about all the other things that make us throw socks at the TV and drink that extra glass of wine. But that would be indulgent and if anything, Tony and I are not ones to dwell on the negative, especially when it comes to Days; nor do we technically need excuses to drink that extra glass of wine. The good news is that any of these titles are only held for one year. There's no rule that says characters have to defend their title. In fact, head over to Tony's blog to see what characters from 2007 cleaned up their acts! Tony will be back next week to dive into Salem: 2009. Until then, we hope that the new year finds you with good health, good spirits, and if we're lucky, good storylines! Thanks again for letting us share our thoughts each week with all of you!

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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