Men are from Mars, women are from Salem

by Tony

Twas the week before Valentines, when all through the town, not a creature was stirring ... ok, let's be honest, they were all hiding from crazy, whacked out Salemites arguing last week! Husbands and wives fought. Brothers and sisters squabbled. Bitter enemies battled. Lovers clashed. Yep, just about everyone quarreled over something. I don't even think the combined efforts of Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, and Dear Abby would've helped. So, let's pour a stiff one and talk about all the bickering, backstabbing, and bitching!

Brady vs. Brady (Bo & Hope)

Unlike some of the other "disagreements" last week, this one has me torn a bit as both contenders threw some valid verbal punches. In one corner of the ring was Hope "Eyebrow" Brady, a pretty tough scrapper with a holier than thou streak and a mean right hook. In the other was everyone's favorite nouveau psychic, Bo "Bad Liar" Brady. Let's just say, I don't even think he predicted the outcome of this battle.

Now, on one hand, I agreed with Hope. Bo keeping his vision from her was especially wrong as she's been a lot more supportive than most spouses would probably be if their mate all of the sudden became the next Dione Warwick. By Bo keeping the secret it's caused Hope some major emotional distress and a major guilt ridden conscience. Not to mention the trouble she's in at work because of his withholding.

So, yes, I would've been ticked too if I was in her shoes and a no trip to Hawaii would've soften that blow. Ok ... well ... I think a trip to Hawaii would've softened it a little ... I mean, hey, if I'm going to be mad I might as well be mad while tanning on the beach with a Mai Tai. I guess Hope and I don't share that same philosophy. She promptly said no. She's too ticked to travel. I'll support her decision (and Laurisa and I will gladly take those tickets off Bo's hand since they're already paid for).

On the other hand, I don't think I can rally behind her taking Ciara and walking out. That seemed a little harsh for the crime ... heck, even Nick got a lighter sentence for committing murder. Yes, Bo Barney Fife's his way through cases sometimes. Yes, he's a horribly obvious liar. Yes, he can be an irrational hot head. But, when it's all said and done, Bo's one of the good guys. Hope knows that, yet she acted like the semi-irrational hot head by going home to daddy. Sure, Bo should be in the dog house, but he raised a valid point by stating he was just as upset and he wanted her (and his child) there to work things out. Sounds logical to me. My only hope, well, aside from them working things out, is that Hope doesn't go to Morgan Island as we all know how much "fun" that was last time. Ugh.

Johnson vs. Johnson (Steve & Kayla)

This match was a little more docile than the others last week. Kayla just can't seem to stay mad at Steve (or Hope for that matter). She scolded him for keeping such a big secret then asked him to cuddle. Go easier on him next time, Sweetness.

Kiriakis vs. Johnson (Philip & Stephanie)

I had a little laugh about this fight. It was sort of like being in line at Target and overhearing a couple bickering about the price of something. One person says, "It's ten dollars with the coupon," while the other argues, "With the coupon, it's ten bucks." Yep, they basically disputed the same point which was they don't know each other all that well yet. Really? After only a few months of dating you don't know everything there is to know about each other? Crazy how that works out.

Basically it went like this ... Steph was all in a tizzy because she overheard Phil and Victor's plan to "bury" Mel. She didn't like Philip's hand in that cookie jar ... even though she can't stand Mel. Got it. Points to her for compassion. This caused her and Philip to have words ... she said she's never seen his ruthless side ... he said he won't change ... she said she doesn't know if she can live with that ... and so on and so forth. One question - does Steph read the Brady Family Newsletter? Because, come on, you'd think she would've heard about that entire Philip/Belle/Shawn nonsense which didn't exactly paint Dimples in the best light. But, let's move on ...

They fought, they made up, they danced, smooched then fought some more and by the end of the week Philip made the same claim to Steph as she made to him -she's not the goody two-shoes she appears to be. Sure, Steph is basically a nice gal, but she's had her moments of not-so-niceness (FYI, I have Jeremy Horton and Crawford Decker on speed dial should anyone dispute that claim). Thankfully, they both seemed to get past their differences about being different people and started again. All in all, these two were a tad maddening last week, yet I'm still on board. I like them together and I'd rather see them fight and makeup than other people's baby swapping.

DiMera, Walker & Carver vs. DiMera (E.J., Nicole, Lexie & Stefano)

Speaking of that, Sydney was rushed to the hospital! Fortunately, after a lot of tests (and a lot of Nicole dodging questions) it turned out to be practically nothing. The baby is fine and dandy. Her family? Not as much, especially after Grandpapa Stefano showed up.

The big guy immediately ripped into Nicole over her parenting skills which immediately prompted E.J. to stick up for his bride-to-be. Awe, he's such a sweet, supportive fiancée ... until you leave the house without his permission (more on that later). Stefano's heart was in the right place, but the dude needs to work on his approach.

After E.J. walked away, Lexie took her turn at scolding Stefano. He reluctantly admitted he might have been a little hard on Nicole and promised to apologize. Nice touch. Yet, one interesting thing came out of their talk - Stefano seems to be on to Nicole. He doesn't know what, but he suspects something is off. Oh, this is a ticking time bomb I can't wait to see explode! And, ironically, on the other side of Salem, Victor seems to be suspicious of Nicole too. With the presence of these two powerhouses the "Baby Swap" storyline is getting a lot more interesting!

DiMera vs. Black (E.J. & Brady)

I'll rant more about this later, but E.J. needs to cool his jets where Brady's concerned. His constant alpha male attitude towards him doesn't make a lot of sense. Jealousy? Sure, I guess, but it's still not the best excuse for his irrational outbursts. But, then again, E.J. does have a point - girlfriends shouldn't have friends aside from their boyfriends. Rrriiiggghhhtttt. Oh lord, E.J. and Nicole are an after school special on domestic abuse waiting to happen. Next time, I hope Brady just decks him as that might knock some sense into the new and unimproved E.J.

Black vs. Kiriakis (Brady & Victor, with a side of Nicole)

Like Bo, I'm not really sure that Brady is the best liar. His borrowing money from Nicole cover up was pretty lame. Victor put the kibosh on that within a minute by pointing out you couldn't pry money from Nicole's hands. Good point. However, I think some of Brady's points were semi-valid too such as Victor's distrust. I'd also be annoyed if someone gave me a job, yet second guessed everything I did or second guessed my choices in friends. That can get really irritating, really quickly.

But, then Victor retorted and played his trump card - Nicole tried to murder him and he's Brady's grandfather. Again, good points. So, I get why Victor's upset especially after finding them in his safe. Brady's retort to that? He pulled out his trump "Recovering Addict" card. Touché, Young Black. All things considered, Victor was on screen for more than a minute, so I didn't mind this awkward little tiff at all. But, my advice to Brady - when the trust fund is on a time out because of your bad behavior, don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Half Time Spectacular!

There weren't a lot of folks in Salem who didn't fight last week, yet some managed to avoid a round or two and keep us entertained. Here's the list ...

Kayla and Dr. Dan. She likes him, she really likes him. And, she's worried he might be lonely. So, Kayla suggested Dr. Dan be auctioned off during the hospital fundraiser. Thankfully, he declined her offer. That was good because I didn't hear Kayla mention the winner of that date would get a free appointment at the clinic and a dose of penicillin afterwards.

Since Dr. Dan turned down the offer, Kayla pieced it together that he must be seeing someone. Yes, God help us all, he is seeing someone ... Lucas's someone. My advice to Kayla - stop prying! Among other reasons, you're in a hospital gown and we all know Dr. Dan's libido goes into overdrive when he sees a gal that down and out and hooked up to an I.V.

In other non-fighting news, Sami and Rafe continued their vacation at the Convent Inn. Actually, little old Rafe told a little white lie to his boss in order to prolong their stay which could get him into trouble. Whoops! Sami seemed appreciative, yet she had her own troubles to worry about. She misses her kids ... all of her kids! Yes, even Will. But that's not all ...

Sami found out that Nicole had her baby on the same day as her and that E.J. and Nicole plan to marry on March 18th! She didn't like that. At all. Heck, she even fantasized that it was her and E.J.'s wedding announcement in the paper and vowed to stop the vow exchange. If nothing else, it gave me hope that soon, oh, so very soon, this storyline will blow up! After months of baby swap nonsense and secret hiding places, I'm ready to see some action and I'm sure Sami Gene has a lot of pent up anger from being caged up so long.

Last, but not least, Stefano and Kate had a little chat about their future. Stefano's approach to asking Kate out was hysterical. He was like an awkward teen - he tried to be sly, yet just didn't exactly pull it off, but managed to be endearing enough to capture the next best thing to a yes, he got a maybe. I'm still rooting for a full blown storyline for these two. Luckily, we're making progress ... it took the writers over six months to follow up with these two the first time and now that seems to be down to a mere month.

And so ends our Half Time (really not all that) Spectacular! This potion of Two Scoops was brought to you by: Baker Baby Brokerage: you got the cash, we got the kid! Convent of the Holy Cross Inn, there's nun other like it! And, the Dankie Awards, Rock the Soap Vote!

Kiriakis vs. Jonas (Victor & Dr. Dan)

Oh, Dr. Dan! Someday you'll learn not to challenge Victor. Unlike you, he has a clue. Yep, Vic called Dr. Dan to the carpet about his feelings for Chloe. His response? Shut up! He actually told Victor Kiriakis to shut up! Not the best move, Dr. D., but I'm sure they'll be alright - anyone who's related to Victor knows he can be a little testy sometimes and anyone who knows Dr. Dan knows he can be a bit of a scum ball.

Horton vs. Lane (Lucas & Chloe)

This match was a bit disappointing, yet played out exactly how I anticipated. I knew Chloe wouldn't cough up the truth about her and Dr. Dan just yet. Whereas, and this is hard to admit, I'm sort of disappointed that Maggie hasn't told Lucas yet, Chloe really ticked me off by not doing so. She had the perfect get out of "Slutsville Free" card. Yet, aside from yelling at her, I kept rooting for Lucas to just accept her reason for breaking off their engagement - she said she is a whore-ible person and doesn't deserve him. Sound about right to me. Wait, I think she meant horrible ... hmm ... nah, I think either spelling works in this case.

Horton vs. Roberts (Lucas & Kate)

Once Lucas was crushed, Kate rushed to comfort him. She tenderly screeched those oh-so-sweet words of compassion everyone wants to hear from their mother after they've been dumped. She said, "What did you say to her?" Really, Kate!? You're blaming your son for screwing things up? I'm surprised she didn't break out a Power Point presentation displaying how he messed things up with Carrie and all of his other past loves. Get a grip Mama Bear and leave your cub alone to lick his wounds.

Although, props to Lucas for responding, "Could you go and harass Philip for a while?" Way to play it Lucas! In the end, they talked and she sort of showed a little compassion towards him ... eventually. But, if I were Lucas, I'd have another "I'm disowning you" discussion with Kate as soon as possible.

Jonas vs. Lane (Dr. Dan & Chloe)

After cryptically ending things with Lucas, Chloe ran to Dr. Dan and begged him to run away with her. He said no - she has to stay in Salem and face the music. Good for him?

Actually, after much consideration, I've switched my opinion about these two. I want them together. In fact, I want them to live happily ever after. Why? Because happy couples seem to get the backburner under the Higley Régime and, in this case, I don't see anything wrong with that.

Black vs. Baker (Brady & Richard)

So the question remains - what exactly are Brady's feelings for Nicole? Did he have Nico find Dr. Baker just to use him as a punching bag to blow off some steam or was he sticking up for his lady love? I think Brady's starting to think about his ex in the biblical sense again. Sure, he's a good guy and likes to ride to the rescue of a damsel in distress, yet I have a feeling there's more to it especially after Victor's warning to stay away from her. Forbidden fruit is always the most tempting. If he didn't want her, why else would he challenge Victor so harshly? Sure, he claims they're "just friends," but ... as RoboJohn might have said to Nicole about Brady, "Yeeeeaaah....totally hot for you."

Walker vs. No-Last-Name (Nicole & Mia)

Oh yes, Nicole's scheme is coming back to bite her! Ms. Mia, who was dressed in a neon mismatch of square dancer and clown clothes, called Nicole - again! What on earth could she want? Hmm ... I suspect that her passport is about to get another stamp from Japan back to Salem, U.S.A. I'm glad about this as I have a new game of my own to play. Every time Nicole makes a flimsy excuse, I take a shot. Let's just say, I'm usually drunk midway through a show and, if Mia shows up at the DiMera Mansion, Nicole is sure to go into lame excuse overdrive. Party time!

Battle Royal (Titan vs. DiMera Enterprises with a side of Mel and Max)

The main event, the brawl that's certain to keep Salem in turmoil for months to come, is the brewing fight between Titan and DiMera Enterprises ... thanks to Mel. The short blow by blow version - she wants to make Philip pay for hurting her (read: for not falling in love with her) and Mel upped the ante in the bidding war. Despite the court ordered injunction Ole' Dimples got, Mel used her "photographic memory" to write down part of the Alternative Fuel blueprints for E.J. (plans she snuck a peek from after Max warned her not to). I almost feel bad for her as she's burning bridge after bridge. Yet, this storyline is still working for me. Heck, anything that's getting Victor and Stefano more airtime - hello, me likey!

But, there is a snag I need to vent about. I know Mel isn't squeaky clean by any means, but Philip just looks like a big old bully when he messes with her. Not that she doesn't deserve a few hard knocks, yet it's awkward. It's like Troy Polamalu brutally tackling a 12-year-old girl from a powder puff team. They're just in different leagues. Sure, E.J. isn't so nice to her either, but I have a solution - Mel needs a mature partner in crime who knows how to scheme and knows about business. My idea of a perfect mentor for Mel? Nicole! Here's why ...

First, as my brilliant partner pointed out, E.J. is ignoring a major goldmine - Nicole was Trent's wife at the time of his death. So why doesn't Elvis J use his stealth lawyer skills to fight for part of Trent's estate (AKA the fuel project)? That would make sense. And, it would add another dimension to the bidding war as Victor hates Nicole! If she had her hat in the ring more sparks would surely fly. Plus, it would put BFF's Brady and Nicole on opposite sides of the struggle. See, many dimensions!

Second, Mel could learn a lot of scheming tips from Nicole, yet, at the same time, I'm sure there would be some animosity between them. Sure, that duo probably wouldn't be as entertaining as the times when Nicole and Sami teamed up, but my bet is they would certainly have a great love/hate relationship nonetheless. And, I think Nicole is "man" enough to fight Philip head on whereas Mel isn't quite up to that level yet. So Mel could sit back, relax, and learn a few things from a full blown diva.

Finally, getting Nicole involved would get her out of "Baby Swap Land" for a while! I've accepted that it probably won't go away anytime soon, but at least a power struggle would divert her attention and give her a chance to be the scheming, money hungry hellcat we all used to love. Besides, let's face it, E.J. is far from figuring things out so it's not like she has to worry about him stumbling onto the truth. Sure, she would have to stress about other's outing her baby scheme, but at least she'll have her own money to pay them off.

Extra Scoops

Hot & Not

Hot: The best match of the week had to be DiMera vs. Kiriakis ... Stefano and Victor, that is! These two sharing any scenes together gets my "Hot of the Week" anytime! They were both on their game with sly warnings and subtle jabs and I have a feeling that round was only the beginning. More please! And, aside from their business battle, did anyone else notice they were both in the shot when Maggie announced an anonymous person donated a hefty sum to the hospital in Kate's honor? Ok, half of me really wants to see Victor and Caroline reunite, but the other half is pretty intrigued by a possible Victor/Kate/Stefano love triangle!

Not: Whatever crawled into E.J.'s knickers and twisted them into an overly hyperactive testosterone knot needs to be removed - pronto! I wanted to give Dr. Baker a high-five when he called E.J. out for acting like a proprietary baboon. Way to call it, Baby Broker. Let me just say, if someone ever snapped at me like he did to Nicole for "leaving the house" they would be met with a very sharp, "Oh no you didn't!" Seriously, the man needs to chill the freak out, especially if he honestly trusts Nicole as much as he says he does. Heck, the hypocrite stuck up to Stefano when he bashed her mothering skills then turned around and did the same thing by scolding her for leaving the baby. If I were Nicole, I'd keep my eyes open. If he starts fussing about the bathroom towels like the psycho from Sleeping with the Enemy, she needs to get on out of there!

Line of the Week:

"I'd put it off a little bit if I were you, Lucas. The week after never would be perfect." Victor to Lucas on picking a wedding date.

Ironic Statement of the Week :

"Knowing things is my specialty," E.J. to Mel. Seriously, who else laughed!?

Randomness ...

Victor said he'd pay not to hear Chloe sing - priceless! I know he's mean to her, but it's dang entertaining.

Mel's got photographic memory? Ok, sure.

On the topic of Mel ... ouch! She didn't even care that E.J.'s baby was sick and that's why he couldn't get back to her sooner!? Honey, here's a tip, don't tick off the DiMera and the Kiriakis families at the same time because Max can only help you so much and even he's a bit fed up with you these days.

Max talked to Nick! That was exciting! And makes me hopeful that once his prison sentence if over, he'll be back. Maybe.

My bet is that Roman spent Valentine's Day alone at his house with a bottle of Irish whiskey crying over a picture of Marlena. Anyone else want in?

Parting Thoughts ...

So friends and Days fans, that's "Two Scoops" for the week of February 16th! Laurisa will be back next Monday to referee the next round of battles in Salem! I've already handed her my black and white striped shirt, whistle, and bottle of vodka. She's all set to go!

In the mean time, if you haven't already, make sure to cast your Dankie votes! Members can easily log in then point and click! If you don't have a account yet, don't worry, setting one up is quick, painless, and filled with perks. Once you have one you'll receive updates, can post blogs, and can chat with other Days' fans on the message boards! "That's a fact!"

What are your thoughts on Days of our Lives? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.

Post a Comment Share on Facebook Tweet this Submit Feedback

Tony S
Two Scoops Photo

Email the Columnist

Post/Read comments


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

Related Information


Where is B&B's Flo Fulton? B&B exec Brad Bell has an answer
Kimberlin Brown's daughter, Alexes Pelzer, returning to B&B
Tamara Braun wraps up run on Days of our Lives
CONFIRMED: Marcus Coloma out as GH's Nikolas
SHAKEUP: The Young and the Restless executive producer out
Y&R alum Shemar Moore is going to be a dad for the first time
Eric Braeden recuperating following knee replacement surgery
© 1995-2023 Soap Central, LLC. Home | Contact Us | Advertising Information | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Top