What would we do, baby, without us?

For the Week of March 28, 2016
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What would we do, baby, without us?
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Welcome Laurisa back from maternity leave this week with a discussion about family in Salem -- the good, the bad, and the Hernandez -- in this week's Two Scoops.

Hi everyone! I'm so happy to be back. Thank you so much to all of you who reached out to congratulate me on Twitter. And a special martini raise to my sister and Tony for pulling double-duty while I spent some time with my new baby girl. She's an absolute dreamboat. And, yes, I am teaching her appropriate things in life such as to watch DAYS!

DAYS is, after all, at its best when it's about family. And right now, I'm loving me some Hernandez family! I like them together, individually, in a box, and with a fox! My heart smiled watching Rafe go into protective mode over his mom. I appreciate Dario's skepticism, since it does come from a good place. I find Gabi's trusting-to-a-fault nature an endearing fit here. And I chuckle that that not-a-one of 'em look at porcelain-skin, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Arianna and wonders how in the heck that kid was cast as part of this family.

While I haven't been a fan of Eduardo too much, darn it if A Martinez isn't squeezing out little drops of humanity from this character whenever possible. To be fair, that excuse about Eddie needing a family as part of his assassin cover was way harsh. I don't blame Dario for hitting the roof when he heard that he and his siblings were basically props in the Call of Duty: Salem Edition game. And I'm not quite sure how the excuse of "I left you to protect you" makes any sense when Fast Eddie continued to knock up at least two more women. Perhaps all that assassin brainwashing renders one ignorant to proper condom use.

But I digress. Something about seeing the lot of these Hernandi together just feels right.

In other happy family news, John and Paul made it out of Yo Ling's House of Horrors alive! John and Paul are easily one of my favorite pairs right now. And while all of the hair on Paul's head is intact, it's clear that what's underneath it is not. Yo Ling borrowed Andre's brainwashing chamber, so either Paul's about to be a complete butthead to Abigail or he's going to start Jason Bourne-ing the bad guys in Salem.

Is this storyline a little exactly ripped-right-from-Scandal? Sure. But I like the John/Eduardo parts. And if there's any actor on DAYS built to be an action hero, it's Christopher Sean. Marlena's mad doc skills are surely going to be put to good use to unscramble Paul's brain. And if there's an outsider's chance that Sonny would make an appearance to help pull Paul back from the depths of darkness, well, that wouldn't be so bad. Everyone loves a Sonny day.

And a return from some of the 20-somethings could be a good thing because the current teen scene -- you know, the ones who spent a few semesters studying abroad at Quentin Tarantino High -- is in some serious need of some Danny Tanner moments. And right now, their parents are a bit lacking.

Look, I get that Ava was crazy as a bowl of Fruit Loops, but Joey still killed her with his bare hands. He should at least have his cell phone privileges revoked or something. But nope, he was free to help his other two besties -- Theo and Claire -- kidnap another kid and tie him to a chair in an abandoned warehouse where they left him with Ciara to preside over him with a rod iron staff. When Hope found out what was going down, the logical thing for her to do was to let her teen daughter have a party in a nightclub under the control of the most incompetent adult in the history of ever.

I get it. Parenting is not an easy gig. But there's room for improvement here. Like, a lot of room. This is the land of Tom and Alice Horton, folks. Let's step up our game before it's too late.

Specifically, I'm worried about what this means for the future of the kiddos. Make no mistake, Ava and Chase are both rapists and deserved to be punished. However, my concern is that the writers turned the other kids too dark in order to make it work. Just where, dear writers, are these young-uns to go from here? Growing up to be involved in a baby swap or blackmail storyline seems like JV team after what these kids have been through in the last few months!

Besides Marie Wilson's amazing mane (which is reaching Connie Britton levels of awesome), there's not a lot to love about this Summer storyline. Why whip up a mystery daughter when Maggie already has two daughters we never hear from? All so that we can keep talking about Daniel? Well, I hate to be mean, but I'm kinda done with that dude. We've effectively poured one out for that homie. We can move on. I shan't mention him again.

I don't hate the idea of Nicole and Dario. Not one little bit. One, Nicole desperately needs to be a fun schemer again, and Dario's a little dirty. Two, see previous paragraph about Dr. he-who-shall-not-be-named and tell me it wouldn't be great to see Nicole be pursued and caught by a new fella. Three, Nicole does have a teeny, tiny bit of experience when it comes to trying to scheme ol' Vic. If Dario's looking for a partner in this crime, they don't get much more qualified than Nicky Dubs.

I want Claire to stay around. So, I'm going to need the writers to pretty please fix something for me. One, her uncle Philip thought she was his own child for several years. So, the particular Phelle storyline could have so much more impact if Philip was still looking to be Claire's father, or at least honoring that part of Philip and Claire's history together. Two, Hope is Claire's grandmother. Yet, I never hear Claire refer to her as such, let alone act like Hope is any relative at all! That's totally weird considering how we saw Hope visit and speak to Claire many times since the Fancy Face IV sailed out of Salem.

Speaking of family, it's beyond time to give Nicole a kid. And since her own life taught her that blood doesn't necessarily make a good family, I want to see her adopt.

Now that Philip is out at Titan, he's going to restart his career as a music agent. I'm pretty sleep-deprived at the moment, but I thought Brady was the one who was the music agent, not Philip. Can someone call Chloe to confirm? Thanks.

Deimos is a weasel, but I'm not so sure that his gripe with Victor isn't warranted. The big fella did put him in jail for thirty years for a crime he didn't commit.

Laughing at someone who tells you their only talent is murder should work out well for you, Jade. Keep me posted.

Extra Scoops: Daytime Emmy Edition!
Oh, yes, it's ladies night...at the Daytime Emmys! Raise your glasses to Kassie DePaiva, Mary Beth Evans, Peggy McCay, Melissa Reeves, and True O'Brien for snagging Daytime Emmy nominations for their roles last year in Salem. Keep the party going for the sound, makeup, hair, lighting, directing, stunts, and music teams behind the scenes! Give a cyber high-five to Adam Leadbeater for his role as Dr. Malcolm in the new "Guest Performer" category. And let's bring it home with a happy dance for "Best Drama Series!"

There seems to be this weird rule for Emmys that you have to "pay your dues" before you can get a lead actor nod. I'm here to tell you that such a rule has no place whatsoever near the masterful Billy Flynn. I'm taking up a collection to send the dude a fruit basket or something. Let me know if you want in.

Really? They're not even going to air this thing? If a venue is the problem, I'll offer up my house! I can even make dip for everyone!

Extra Scoops: Original Recipe
Tony called it last week. Abigail has completely snapped, and I am here. for. that. My favorite Abigail storyline to date was the one where she went crazy for professor Austin. Whitewashing Abigail's sins has been a complete misuse of Kate Mani's impressive talent for playing that type of character with a simmering pot of cuckoo just below the unassuming surface. So if this storyline is going where I hope it does, I will be thuh-rilled to watch Ms. Mansi tear it up!

DAYS has a massive problem with pacing right now between storylines. John's had time to discover and disown both parents, one of whom died, yet Nicole's still mourning something that happened three months ago. Theresa's still scribbling fashion sketches in her living room instead of a powerful office, yet Maggie sat down with Victor and in about eight minutes recounted a tale of a teenage fling which produced a first-born child she thought was stillborn who's actually -- poof! -- here in Salem.

I'm fine with soaps messing with timelines. But they have to do it across all current storylines. Weeks can't pass for some characters while others stay in the very same spot.

G'head. Throw shade at the Spice Girls again, Philip. I dare you.

John (about Yo Ling): "This guy just drank a big cup of crazy, and you're just along for the ride."
I'm using this line in my real life. Immediately.

Steve (handing Marlena a spare gun): "Please don't shoot me."
Marlena (with a proper diva head tilt): "Please don't tempt me."
Snarky Marlena just wins at life.

Oh, hell no, did Fast Eddie say, "That's a fact."?! He can't do that!

"Yo Ling and the Phantom Alliance" is my new garage band name. I call dibs.

Maggie's gray and white sweater dress with matching coat looked super comfortable.

It cracks me up a bit that both Tate and Thomas hang out in their car seats. I guess they always need to be prepared for a quick escape?

I do appreciate that they put Paul in a tank top before brainwashing him.

Theresa mentioned Shane, Kim, and Eve! I desperately want Thrady wedding for the sheer possibility that these three will show up in Salem again!

Maybe they should have left Mama H in the safe house. She said she woke up with no pain. That might be the first time ever.

For those of you tracking these things, we have Adrienne, Arianna, and Adriana as characters, none of which are played by Arianne the actress. That'll keep our Two Scoops editor Lisa on her toes!

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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